


A Favor Accepted

by SamJoinedtheReconCorps



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Feelings Realization, GOT ME FUCKED UP, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Self-Harm, Soft wizards being soft, TravelerCon 3000, fic rating subject to change, more tags to come, post ep 98, post ep 99, spellwork as flirting, spoilers for wildemount fireside chat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:13:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 140,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23872966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamJoinedtheReconCorps/pseuds/SamJoinedtheReconCorps
Summary: Essek had never cared about anyone in his over a century of life - at least that's what he thought until he realized just how much he cared about the new friends he'd found in the Mighty Nein, right as he was losing them.But Caleb offers him a second chance. If only Essek would take it.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 323
Kudos: 317





	1. A Delicate Dance

**Author's Note:**

> and here this is!! the first chapter!! because i'm a slut with no impulse control!!! Alrighty, so this fic builds off of everything in my [A Flame in the Shadows](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648909) Shadowgast series, but essentially diverges from canon starting ep 97, because well...I really liked the idea of Jester just driving Essek crazy at the party, and then that kinda turned into this!!
> 
> but, but, but, that being said, for those who are reading this after reading my series, while it does diverge starting now, there are scenes and such that are almost identical to the ones in part 24 of my A Flame in the Shadows series, so just wanted to let you know that before you start - but don't worry, like I said this is gonna diverge and go beyond canon as it is now (so ep 99)
> 
> I really hope you guys like it!!

“So, it would seem that you have, ah, come requesting something from me, yes?” Yussa greets as he descends from the upper floors of the Tidepeak, coming to join Jester, Fjord, and Caleb in the sitting room of the tower.

Caleb nods. “Ah - this seems, like, a bit of a stretch, um, I-I was hoping to find, ah, somewhere in town to do a bit of, ah, shopping.” He shifts from foot to foot, looking to the ground. “But I am used to Rexxentrum which is very thick with, ah, you know -”

“Magic,” Jester supplies.

Malice. Murderers. Monsters.

“Rare, rare magic,” Caleb says instead, sticking to the subject at hand. He can’t allow his mind to stray, not now, when all the thoughts in the back of his head hum like an angry wasp’s nest. He would be sleeping poorly tonight, if he even got any sleep at all. “But, um, I - you know, in all my noodling about, I have heard of, um, a way of shielding yourself specifically from, from fairly powerful magic creating a bit of a, ah, a - not really a shield.” He motions vaguely in front of himself, tripping over himself to find the right words. “But like a, ah, a sphere of protection - a globe, if you will. Um…” He looks up at Yussa. “I don’t know if that rings any bells for you, but I do have coin, or I could trade in favor -”

_“That would be a favor accepted,” he’d said, their fingers brushing as Caleb handed him the vial, the wine making Caleb braver that night, letting Caleb seek his touch in just that small movement. His hand was soft, and all Caleb wanted to do was to hold it with no pretext, with no spell that required it, no accidental brush. Caleb wanted to hold his hand on purpose, with no reason in between._

“I do have a few things,” Caleb rushed out, willing the memory away. “Um, and maybe it is presumptuous of me to ask, but,” he looked down, taking a breath before meeting Yussa’s gaze. “Here I am.”

After some quiet contemplation on Yussa’s end - and a quick reminder for Jester as to why specifically Caleb wanted a spell that would help shield him from powerful magic given that they were dealing with extremely lethal arcane practitioners - Yussa spoke up. “I do have such a spell. But, powerful magics are guarded intentionally.” He gave Caleb a searching look. “I will trade you.”

Caleb didn’t trust his voice. Favors, favors all around.

When Caleb said nothing, Yussa continued, “I will allow you to copy this spell.” He gave a noncommittal shrug. “I will supply the materials. But I keep the golem.”

Yussa begins to explain why he wants to keep Willi, something about his utility around the tower, but Caleb doesn’t hear it. He breathes a sigh of relief. He can do this - he can do this and not remain indebted to him.

“Ah, you have yourself a deal,” Caleb finally says.

“Then, follow me,” Yussa instructed, heading back upstairs with Caleb trailing behind a few steps along with Fjord and Jester.

_“Come, come to my, ah, laboratory. It would be easier,” he had invited, motioning up the stairs of his tower. Shy yet eager, hopeful to be of some help._

Just as quickly as it’d come, Caleb shakes out of the memory as he continues to follow Yussa. Now wasn’t the time when he had so much that could keep his mind blissfully occupied.

Transferring Willi over to Yussa would take perhaps an hour at most, but, once Yussa presented him with the spell that met Caleb’s specifications, well...copying the spell would certainly take much longer to do.

“I-I think I’m going to be here for the day,” Caleb told the pair. “And I don’t want to stop you, y’know, you maybe - you want to spend more time with your mother or, or, or -”

“Yeah,” Jester nodded. “I - yeah, totally.” She turned to Fjord. “Fjord, do you want to go to the fish market or?”

He furrowed his brow. “I mean, are-are you hungry?”

She shrugged, glancing at Caleb uncertainly. “I - I dunno. Maybe?” She paused for a second, holding up a finger in a _wait a second_ motion. They had seen her do that enough times to know she was receiving a message. Jester’s eyes widened as she gasped. “ _We need dresses! Oh my God, Caduceus!_ ” She turned immediately to Caleb. “ _Caleb, you’re occupied, I will get you something very nice to wear, don’t worry.”_

“Why don’t you choose something for me?” Caleb asked her. And even though he was only slightly worried about putting Jester in charge of dressing him, from the sound of it Caduceus was going to be going with her and he trusted him to not let Jester choose something too ostentatious in his presentation. He felt a slight smile tug on his lips as he thought of their old friend, of his bright laughter and even brighter personality, and when he dug through his various pockets and found his coin, he knew that Mollymauk would’ve approved of spending five platinum on something nice to wear to a party. He handed her the money. “Tasteful,” he suggested. “Tasteful, dig-dignified.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Jester grinned, nodding along to what he was saying, looking at the platinum in her hands, and by the gods Caleb hoped he’d made the right decision.

“Because we are, you know, we are hobknobbing with some - some, with the elite people,” he continued. “So not flashy, but, you know,” he drew an arbitrary line in the air. “Understated but -” He redrew the line before pointing at her. “You know what to do.”

“I fully know exactly what you’re talking about,” Jester assured him, but that mischievous glint was in her eye and Caleb was sure this might be the best decision he could have made about this or the worst. He’d only truly know when he got his clothes and saw what Jester had wrought upon him.

And with that, the pair set off, leaving Caleb and Yussa alone to their work.

After the hour’s amount of time that was spent transferring Willi over to Yussa, Yussa began to gather his things, the intent clear in his movements that he was leaving the research area. “Are you not going to…?” Caleb trailed off, looking down at the spell and the components Yussa had provided.

Yussa gave everything a nonchalant once over. “I believe in your ability,” he shrugged. “You’re a quick learner, and an attentive reader - the spell should give you no trouble.”

Caleb nodded at that, feeling the back of his neck burn. He turned back to the spell wordlessly, bringing out his own spellbook and flipping it open to a clean page as Yussa quietly left the room - leaving Caleb alone with his thoughts and memories, memories of a guiding hand and an encouraging smile shared over a new spell, memories of a soft touch and a hushed voice that haunted him in the suffocating silence of Yussa’s tower.

* * *

Essek sat down heavily on his bed, his mantle discarded and forgotten on his bedroom floor. He was still shaken from his encounter with the Mighty Nein on the _Wind of Aeons_ , but more than anything he was shaken from seeing Caleb afterwards, when he’d left the ship and had walked past them on the docks.

_“Pleasure meeting you,” Caleb had gritted out, the tears clear on his face as they ran down his cheeks._

How sickening must it have felt to exchange such pleasantries with someone who counted on friends within the Cerberus Assembly? Caleb had been so viscerally affected from that small time on the ship, from the brief exchange with Da’elth, that he had been reduced to tears.

It made Essek’s heart ache just as much as it almost made him blow his whole cover on the docks when he’d almost reached out to him, the desire to comfort him almost overwhelming Essek as soon as he’d seen Caleb’s tears.

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. All he had to do was get through tomorrow - get through tomorrow and then the rest of the diplomatic journey would be nothing more than impatient waiting in some hidden corner of the _Wind of Aeons_ , and then all of this would be over.

With a sigh, he fell back against his pillows. Gods, he hated parties.

* * *

Even on a good night, sleep was hard to come by for Caleb. And, well, tonight was certainly not going to be a good night.

\- _everything was dark and cold, the coppery smell of blood flooding his senses. He looked down in front of him, at the faceless woman chained to the chair._

_“I’m sure he’ll find you,” she said, the words spoken with unwavering confidence that made Caleb’s hands shake. “He’ll be happy to finish what he couldn’t.” She leaned forward in her chair, the chains pulling taut against her arms, a bloody smile spreading across her face. Black ichor poured out of her mouth with every word. “He doesn’t like it when people don’t do as he says.”_

_Caleb took a shaky step back, away from the monster in front of him. He felt his back hit the wall, and he pressed himself against it, unable to look away._

_“What do you want?” the woman asked. “Why did you come here?” Her smile grew impossibly wider. “None of this is surprising.” The darkness that fell out of her began to slither along the floor, crawling towards him. “We’re all damned!”_

_He turned around, ready to pound on the walls of the cell, ready to be let out,_ begging _to be let out - but instead of the door, he found a mirror._

_Essek stood on the other side._

_Ever so slowly, Essek put a hand out, reaching for Caleb, and Caleb mirrored the movement, bringing himself mere inches of touching him before the mirror fractured and shattered. The pieces pelted Caleb’s arms, the shards digging deeply into his skin until they were buried beneath the flesh, and they hurt so much, they hurt_ so _much -_

_Bren pushed his hands out in front of him, wanting them out, wanting them to_ get out _, but only more fire billowed forth, consuming his childhood home as if it were made of old parchment. He could hear them screaming, could hear his mother and his father shouting for help as he fell to his knees -_

_There’s a hard slap to his face._

_“Hey! Back in the game - time for that later.”_

_Caleb looks up, looks at Mollymauk, ringed in moonlight._

_“You alright?”_

_“_ Ja _,” Caleb chokes out._

_Molly gives him a sad smile, taking Caleb’s face in his hands and giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead. “Leave it better than you found it,” Molly whispers._

With a gasp, Caleb sits up, looking around the room wildly. He’s in the Lavish Chateau, having been given a room all to himself. He heaves a shaky breath, wrapping his arms around himself as he curls up into a little ball.

He won’t be sleeping any more tonight, can’t bear to risk having more nightmares, so he just lays there, counting the seconds until sunrise - and wondering how Essek can sleep when he’s been so brazenly lying to them, to him, all this time.

* * *

As to be expected of a party of this caliber, the Marquis Demesne was beautifully decorated with lanterns dotting the courtyard and surrounding the numerous fountains that led to the entryway of the palace, where many of the guests were gathered, already mingling and partaking in the food and drink that the servers kept readily available.

It wasn’t hard for Caleb to find Dezran Thain, carefully sipping on a glass of wine not far from where the Martinet stood. Thain met Caleb’s gaze, his eyes widening before he looked away - and if it weren’t for everything, Caleb might have laughed. For the Shadowhand of the Dynasty, Essek was terribly obvious.

Their arrival isn’t just noticed by him, however - the attention of many is drawn by Jester’s mother, parting from Jester’s side once they are inside as she goes to get ready for her performance. Yasha also draws an - albeit unwanted - admirer, Lord Robert Sharpe, which Jester and Veth quickly dispose of by locking him outside on one of the numerous balconies.

Throughout all of this, Caleb keeps his eye on Essek and the Martinet, as well as subtly looking around for any _Vollstrecker_ that might also be attending, and carefully keeping an eye out for Ikithon. Just the thought of running into him here has his stomach in painful knots. He notices the way that “Thain” mirrors the movements of the Mighty Nein, always making sure to stay directly across from them at the party, keeping as much distance as he possibly can between them.

“Lord Thain!” Jester calls out, waving enthusiastically.

“That’s one way to do it,” Caduceus sighs from behind her, glancing at Thain over the top of her head.

“Hi!” Jester exclaims when Thain gives her a small wave. “Hi! Good to see you again!” She waves him over. “Come here!”

He gives an apologetic shake of his head, lifting his glass of wine slightly. It only has a sliver of wine left.

She points at Caleb not so subtly. “Come on, come on, come on!” she coaxes.

Essek’s eyes dart to Caleb before he whips his head away, picking up another wine glass from one of the platters of a passing server and taking a drink before looking down at it as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.

After that, the group begins to scatter. Caduceus and Beau go out onto one of the balconies for some fresh air, and Jester and Veth disappear completely as Fjord heads over to have a chat with Captain Deremi. Yasha floats by silently, seeming much more at ease than Caleb would have assumed at a party with so many people.

Caleb also floats around for a bit, using some of his unassuming charm to breeze by conversations. He catches Essek watching him a few times, can feel his gaze whenever it lands on him, but Caleb pays him no mind. He keeps him in his peripheral vision, but other than that, Lord Dezran Thain is as much a stranger as almost everyone else in the party.

A handful of unimportant conversations later brings Caleb into Ludinus Da’leth’s circle. “Ah, Mr. Widogast,” the Martinet greets, giving a small incline of his head. “Good to see you.”

“ _Ja_ , good evening,” Caleb answered, returning the formality. “Good evening. Um -”

“The performance should be beginning shortly,” Ludinus told him as he glanced around the palace, taking in what seemed to be last minute preparations. It was his way of dismissing him before Caleb had even gotten more than a couple of words in.

“Well, I’ll be brief,” Caleb started. He wasn’t going to be brushed aside. “Ah, we are about to embark on, ah, quite an historic undertaking.”

“Right,” the Martinet nodded.

“I am wondering,” Caleb continued, choosing his words carefully. He couldn’t risk revealing what they already knew. “We are within, ah, reach of a possible end to this conflict.” He glanced down at his own glass of wine, something he had picked up throughout his handful of previous conversations. “Cheers,” he abruptly said, extending the glass to the Martinet.

“Cheers to that,” he answered, raising his glass.

“Yeah,” Caleb nodded. He didn’t drink. “It will be good to finish this war.” He kept his gaze on the Martinet, unflinching.

“Indeed it will be,” Ludinus agreed.

Caleb glanced away, trying to appear casual in his demeanor. “I commend you, ah, on seeing the, ah, reason in cooperation.” His eyes pass over Lord Thain, where he was watching the pair, holding his drink with a vice like grip. “And negotiation,” Caleb finishes, looking at the Martinet again.

“I believe it is important to stem the tide of lives lost,” Da’leth says, and Caleb has to hand it to him, he was a particularly good actor. He had just the right tinge of apologeticness in his tone that could be construed as the Martinet reigning in his emotions to remain professional. “And to instead focus on the livelihood of those within the Empire, and for us to pursue more important things -”

The image of the beacon in the Vergesson Sanitorium burned brightly in Caleb’s mind.

“- than base conflict and disagreements,” he frowned.

“ _Ja_ ,” Caleb nodded, plastering a self deprecating smile on his face. “I couldn’t agree more. The Empire - we all love the Empire.”

Da’leth gave him a sideways glance. “To an extent.”

It is a knowing look that makes Caleb nervous, and so he drops his gaze. He’s afraid he’ll give away what they know. “How much have you spoken to my,” the word catches in his throat as the familiar itch begins to crawl across the jagged skin of his arms. “Master?” He forces himself to look up again. “About me, I wonder.”

“I assume you’re referring to, ah, Mister Ikithon?” The Martinet asks, using his name on purpose despite how much Caleb wanted to avoid it - especially after his nightmares.

“Of course,” Caleb answered, devoid of emotion.

“Only a little bit,” Da’leth shrugs, casual as ever, as if they were merely commenting on party gossip and not about the man that had ruined Caleb’s life. “He briefed me on your history and, ah, I must say, it is rather impressive to see someone who has gone through - escaped and shucked the chains of the _Vollstrucker_ and returned, ah, as you have with your friends.”

“Well, I am a dis - disappointment to my teacher, I am sure,” Caleb gets out. He looks around, not finding anywhere to settle his gaze as his breaths begin to come at a quicker pace that he hopes isn’t noticeable. “As well as many of my peers.”

“Your teacher’s a disappointment to many others,” Ludinus deadpans, and hearing that makes Caleb turn to him in surprise. “He has his uses but, ah,” an expression of distaste passes over the Martinet’s face. “People are complicated, are they not?”

“That they are,” Caleb agrees, his voice coming out much steadier than he would have expected. He takes a deep breath, before asking against his better judgement, “How much do you know about his teaching methods, I wonder?”

“Quite a bit,” the Martinet admits. “He, ah - he put forth his designs, and they were approved by the Assembly when they first began developing the program for the _Vollstrucker_.” If Caleb didn’t know who he was talking to, he might even believe that he heard a hint of regret in his voice. “Though the extent of these things were not entirely part of the initial presentation, I understand that sometimes desperate requirements might call for unsavory methods.”

“And you are fully aware of these methods now, is that what you are telling me?” Caleb presses.

“I believe so,” the Martinet tells him. A minor deflection, not fully admitting but not denying either.

Caleb holds his gaze for a handful of beats. “The program goes on.”

“The program has changed many times,” Ludinus says.

Forcing out a breath and feeling the way his jaw clenches, Caleb glances away. “Ah, are you, ah, alone, on the ship, ah - Trent is not accompanying and neither are his proteges?”

“No,” Ludinus answers, giving him a humorless laugh. “He thankfully has no interest in, in such political endeavors. And he would be,” he pauses, taking a quick glance around the party. “Let’s just say, a terrible guest in a social environment.”

He looks up at the Martinet again. “I don’t think he would agree with me, but I am a patriot, sir, for this country.” Not his home anymore - but does he really have a place to call home now, after everything they’ve found out? “And I dearly hope for a true end to this conflict.” His words are pointed, his meaning obvious.

“Well, you’re on the right path,” Ludinus nods.

“Do you think we could say goodbye to this hardship in the next weeks?” Caleb asks, letting his voice soften to something more hopeful, something less accusatory.

Da’leth gives him a hard stare. “I think we can.” The words are carefully picked, making him sound sincere and professionally distant all at the same time. But Caleb knows better than to believe him at mere word alone.

A knot forms in his throat, thinking about everyone who has paid the price for the avarice of the few. Thinking about how many people mindlessly follow their banner like how he once did and are at their beck and call, hoping that their work will better their country when in reality all it does is better the people who give them orders. “My father and mother died for this country,” Caleb gets out. “Ours. Many have - many more will.” He takes a shaky breath, swallowing the memories down. This is not the time for that. “I hope your intentions are true. It's very much why my friends and I are here.”

“Well then,” the Martinet says, his eyes still watching Caleb intently. “Best of luck on the travel ahead.” He could be genuine in his well wishes or he could be giving him a thinly veiled threat - Caleb doesn’t know. The Martinet raises his glass in Caleb’s direction.

Caleb copies the movement. “I am looking forward to the journey together,” he emphasizes. The Martinet nods, taking a sip from his drink. Caleb’s glass moves nowhere near his lips. “Enjoy the party,” he whispers.

“You as well,” Ludinus returns, and Caleb takes his leave, quietly floating off to join another conversation, feeling Essek’s eyes follow him as he goes.

* * *

He shouldn’t be at all surprised that wherever the Mighty Nein go, they will certainly draw everyone’s attention. Tonight’s party is no different, it seems, because as soon as they set foot onto the grounds of the palace, a ripple of whispers spreads out amongst the guests, with some pointing out Jester’s mother - the infamous Ruby of the Sea - and others taking note of the adventurers themselves.

Essek, though - Essek feels his heart slam into his throat as soon as he sees them.

They’re dressed for the occasion, with Jester, Veth, and Yasha in beautiful dresses, and Veth even looking like her halfling self for the event, and Beauregard in an immaculately tailored suit. Fjord wears a rather impressive ensemble that is reminiscent of a sea captain, with an enormous captain’s hat that somehow pulls it all together quite nicely. Caduceus sticks to his pastel hues, with the mint green frock coat instantly making him look ready for the party while still retaining his signature easy going air. And Caleb -

Caleb walks in almost shyly at the back of the group, like he usually does, but Essek knows he would never miss whenever this man walked into the room.

He wore a long black fitted coat, the silver embroidery that lined it catching the lantern light and shimmering like starlight. There were hints of red and gold when he moved, small peeks of it at the edges of the fabric. It kept drawing Essek’s eyes to Caleb’s hands, to the slope of his shoulders and the soft lines of his neck. His hair was down, but was kept from falling into his face by a small braid that pulled the fiery hair back. The few strands that framed his face contrasted with his beautiful blue eyes -

Swallowing hard, Essek abruptly looked away as soon as he realized Caleb was looking right at him. He took a sip of his wine. He needed to keep it together - and stay away from them.

It wasn’t hard to keep track of them and stay on the opposite side of the room, but it was a close call when Jester had tried to bring him over to the group, something he had avoided with a polite wave before picking up another wine glass.

However, things certainly got a little more difficult when the group splits up. Veth and Jester disappear altogether while Fjord drifts off to talk to a Dwendalian sea captain while Yasha merely observes the party goers. Caduceus and Beauregard break away and go outside before returning, with Caduceus sticking close to Beauregard as she takes everything in with eyes as wide as saucers, a dreamlike expression on her face. It makes Essek nervous that whenever her eyes fall on him she unflinchingly stares, head tilted to the side, making Essek all the more self conscious and worried.

He tries to keep track of the group subtly, moving his gaze languidly over everyone and calculating his position to continue moving away from them, but then he sees Caleb and the Martinet, and a hot prick of anger begins to boil in his stomach. The Martinet looks down on Caleb, his words perfunctory and short from the looks of it, while Caleb is stiff in his movements, his own words coming out through a clenched jaw. The hand not holding his glass of wine shakes at Caleb’s side, and Essek is reminded of his tears on the docks the day before.

The image of Caleb covered in blood in the Dungeon of Penance rushes to the front of his mind, how small he’d looked when he’d stumbled into Essek’s arms. He shakes his head, shoving that to the back of his mind. Ludinus wouldn’t hurt him here - it's too public, too risky. Caleb was safe here.

Their exchange doesn’t last long, but it lasts long enough that Essek can see Caleb struggling to keep himself together by the time he walks away from Ludinus - and, to make his own matters worse, he’s been so focused watching Caleb that he’s dropped his guard.

Essek glances to the side, catching sight of Jester smiling up at him eagerly.

It's a miracle that Essek doesn’t jump out of his skin. “Ah, ah, - ha, ah, you are, you are one of the, ah -”

“Mighty Nein, I met you yesterday,” Jester reminds him.

He nods. “Mighty Nein, yes. Introduced yesterday.”

“Yeah,” Jester grins. She looks at him curiously. “You’re a lord here?”

“What, what - what?” Essek gets out, buying himself time to get himself together.

“You’re a lord here in town?” Jester repeats.

“Y-yes, yes, I am,” he answers, already severely regretting his cover.

“Where do you live?” she asks, smoothing out nonexistent wrinkles on her dress. 

“Around,” Essek shrugs, making a vague gesture with his hand.

Jester holds his gaze, blinking owlishly. “Around here?”

“Yes,” Essek says quickly.

“The Marquis?” Jester clarifies.

“Well, not here, specifically,” he stumbles over himself to explain. “But I’m,” he makes an even more vague gesture. “I move after I travel, it gets boring.” He looks down at his drink, cursing himself for his nervousness, before he looks up at her again, remembering how Fjord tried to excuse himself from the ship. “I’m so sorry, I’m not feeling well - I should probably get going.”

“Oh, do you have stomach issues?” Jester says quietly, giving him a worried look.

He latches onto her excuse quickly. “Oh, terribly, yes.”

Jester frowns, “Oh noo, but you can’t leave.”

“Ah, but I must,” he shrugs, already trying to surreptitiously move away. “But -”

“But my mama’s about to perform,” she tells him, pointing to where the Ruby of the Sea had disappeared earlier to get ready. “Have you ever been to the Lavish Chateau?”

“N-no,” he answered honestly.

“She is one of the most famous performers ever,” she informs him. “You know, I can help heal you if you have stomach issues, I’m a cleric,” she offers. “That way you don’t have to go anywhere, y’know?”

He’s not exactly sure how healing magic works - he doesn’t know if the magic might somehow reveal to her that he’s not who he seems, so he just nods, saying, “I will happily stay for the performance. Um -”

Jester smiles, her whole expression brightening. “Oh, wonderful.” She links her arm in his, and he stiffens immediately, but she doesn’t seem to notice as she points out a spot he doesn’t find because of his nervousness. “I think she’s performing over here - oh my gosh, I can’t believe you live here and you’ve never come to see her! She’s amazing.”

“I am - I am, ah, what you would refer to as an introvert,” he admits, and Luxon’s light if that wasn’t painfully obvious right now.

She gasps. “She is too! It’s surprising, I know, because she’s like, so outgoing, and everything, but she likes to stay at home. Do you?”

“Ah, uh…yes,” he answers, beginning to drink some of his wine to keep from having to elaborate - and thankfully, that is when the Ruby of the Sea is announced and her performance begins.

* * *

Marion Lavorre has certainly earned her reputation as one of the most famous performers in the Menagerie Coast. Her voice carries beautifully - in Zemnian, Caleb quickly realizes - entrancing everyone around her.

It’s a ballad about lovers, something soft and sweet, detailing harrowing trails and a tumultuous quest to reunite with their beloved. Caleb has heard it only a handful of times, never having been one to stay long and partake in the merriment of the taverns the Mighty Nein had frequented on their travels, but hearing it now makes Caleb’s chest ache.

He glances over to Lord Thain, to Essek, and catches him taking a sip of his drink. Jester is hanging off his arm and he’s tense and nervous where he stands, watching Marion’s performance but his eyes are glassy and unseeing.

Caleb stays where he is, reminding himself to turn back to the Ruby of the Sea as she moves through a few more songs even as his attention keeps drifting back to Lord Thain. His glass of wine is nearly empty again, and Jester is quietly talking to him, just being her usual bubbly self. Thain’s eyes widen, and he whispers something to Jester in return, before he turns and meets Caleb’s gaze - and Caleb finds himself heading over to join the pair.

* * *

Jester watches her mother’s performance with rapt attention, the Zemnian song winding to an end before she continues into a song in Common.

“Lord Thain, do you speak Zemnian?” Jester asks, looking up at him.

“I-I, I do not, ah, myself, um, as I have not visited the Empire,” he answers, giving her a nervous laugh.

“Oh,” Jester nods, before she frowns. “Wait, what? Oh - you’ve never been to the Empire?” 

“No, ha,” he gets out, shrugging.

“But we always travel to the Empire,” Jester tells him. “I mean, it's so common.”

“Not - I don’t go out very often,” he deflected - not a lie, exactly, but this conversation was getting harder and harder with each passing sentence.

She gives him a reassuring smile. “Oh, right.” She falls quiet for a few beats, listening to the song again. “You know, one of my friends knows Zemnian.” She looks up at him. “You know, the human guy? You met him yesterday too, his name is Caleb, and he’s also here at the party! Do you want to go say hi?”

“Ah, n-no, it’s okay,” Essek says, looking away. “He seems like a nice man.”

“He is _super_ nice,” Jester agrees. “And super smart, too. He knows magic, did you know?”

“That is certainly impressive,” he gets out.

“Caleb also knows,” she lowers her voice, looking around to make sure everyone else was still paying attention to her mother’s performance. “Secret magic.”

“Secret magic?” Essek repeats. He’s not sure what exactly she’s talking about but finds himself leaning in conspiratorially nonetheless.

“Mhm,” she nodded. “He knows this fancy stuff called _dune-amancy_ , it's like time and gravity stuff, I don’t know how to explain it.” She shrugs. “But Caleb is learning because our friend, Essek - he’s like, this super cool guy, he’s actually from the Dynasty! And he’s the bestest - has been teaching him.”

Essek nods stiffly. “Oh?” He doesn’t know what else to say, feeling himself go rigid all over. He’s trying to keep his breathing under control - it's so absolutely jarring to hear her talking about him, and it makes him feel absolutely vile to hear her say such nice things when here he was, lying through his teeth.

“Yeah, and he’s really smart, too, like Caleb - they even finished this super old spell to help our friend Nott be Veth again,” she tells him. Essek just nods, feeling worse by the second. “I just wish Veth would tell us what happened in Essek’s tower when they went up to work on the spell.” She frowns. “Like, I can totally tell that Essek likes Caleb, and I’ve _seen_ their lessons - do you think they finally kissed when they figured it out together?”

He feels as if he’s been shoved down a flight of stairs. She knew, and if she knew then that meant the Mighty Nein knew, and if the Mighty Nein knew, that meant -

“It's a good thing that Essek is such a cool guy though,” Jester continues, filling Essek’s silence with words. “Because, man, Caleb really likes him too.”

And maybe this is how it feels like when they’ve walked through the Dungeon of Penance - as if everything has simultaneously slowed down and sped up, leaving him dizzy and lightheaded. “R-really?” Essek choked out.

Jester looks up at him, her smile softening. “Yes, really.”

Before Essek can stop himself, he looks up, over at where he’d last seen Caleb, and meets his gaze - and suddenly Caleb is walking forward, weaving through the crowd as the Ruby of the Sea’s singing fades and the band begins to play.

“Uh, _hallo,”_ Caleb greets, coming to stand right in front of the two. He turns to Jester. “Jester, ah, I was just wondering if I could borrow your friend for a dance?”

“C-caleb, are you sure?” Jester asks, slowly dropping Essek’s hand.

“ _Ja_ ,” Caleb nods, turning to Essek now. “Only if you would accept my invitation -”

“Yes,” Essek breathes out, not hesitating even as his heart jumps to his throat.

“- Lord Thain?” Caleb finished.

And, right - that’s right, he was _Lord Thain_ , he wasn’t _Essek_ , Caleb was being polite and charming, trying to mingle with the “locals”, not, this - this didn’t mean anything -

When Caleb held out his hand, Lord Thain took it carefully.

“I-I will see you back on the ship,” Caleb told Jester. “Later.”

She nodded mutely as Caleb began to lead Essek away, into the center of the room that had begun to turn into a dance floor, where people were elegantly leading each other through the steps.

“Ah, I - I don’t know how to dance,” he blurted out, still reeling from Jester’s words and trying to get his heart to stop trying to beat out of his chest.

Caleb looked at him, surprise crossing his face followed by fondness that instantly disappeared as he gave him a polite nod. “I can lead, if you don’t mind.”

“That sounds - I don’t mind at all,” he told him.

“I will go slowly,” Caleb assured him, coming to stand in front of him and putting a gentle hand on Thain’s hip while holding up the hand in his grip. “Your hand on my shoulder, Lord Thain.”

He followed Caleb’s instructions hesitantly, afraid that Caleb would see through the illusion but unable to walk away from this - not now, even if he wanted to. And gods, he didn’t want to.

“When I move forward, you take a step back,” Caleb says, and then he moves forward, and Essek moves back, and Caleb introduces a few more steps that Essek focuses entirely on to keep from messing up.

“It is not dunamancy, there is no need for so much concentration,” Caleb told him, voice light, a small smile on his face.

“Dunamancy is -” he starts, realizing he had slipped up, that he was about to say _much easier than this_ , but he caught himself, saying instead, “something your friend mentioned to me. She said you knew of that kind of magic?”

“ _Ja_ ,” Caleb nodded. He looked away, leading Essek in a slow circle. “A - a dear friend of mine has taken me in as his student and has been showing me the, ah, ropes as one would say.”

“She also mentioned him to me, very briefly,” Essek got out. “She seemed very fond of him, and she, ah,” Essek swallowed hard. “She mentioned that you two were very close.” He was treading dangerous, dangerous territory, but he couldn’t help himself as Jester’s words still bounced around his head, insistent and loud, throwing off his thoughts just like feeling Caleb’s touch was making his heart beat double.

Caleb stiffened imperceptibly, but Essek could feel the way he went rigid beneath his hands. “Ah, _ja_ ,” Caleb answered. “We are...close.”

Essek nodded at his words, unsure what to say next. Caleb seemed uncomfortable, but - but that was normal, with Caleb talking to a stranger, Essek reminded himself. He was someone else, someone that Caleb would be wary of naturally, especially with the unsavory company he first found him with.

“Pardon my forgetfulness,” Caleb apologized, skirting past the brief silence that had befallen them. “My name is Caleb Widogast.”

“Caleb Widogast,” Essek repeated, as if it were something novel and new even as the shape and taste was already so, so familiar. “It seems you already know my name.”

“You were properly introduced, but I was introduced as part of the group,” Caleb explained. “So I wanted to make a more,” he picked up the pace of their dance, holding onto Essek tightly as he guided him. “Personal introduction.”

“That is v-very considerate of you,” Essek got out.

“It is only polite,” Caleb shrugged. “So, ah,” Caleb continued as the music changed, turning into something a little quicker. “Have you known the Martinet long?”

“Just for, ah - I’ve only known him for a year or two,” Essek answered, a vague truth. No use in outright lying.

“Would it be presumptuous to assume that you and the Martinet are close friends?” he asked casually.

And this - this was what Caleb had been after with this dance all along, wasn’t it? The chance at information?

A look of distaste must cross his face, because Caleb raises a brow as he begins to adjust their pace to the beat of the music, bringing them closer together.

“Friend is too generous a term,” he says airily. Begrudging co-worker and regrettable ally both seem like more apt terms. “Acquaintance would be a better word for him.”

“So you paid your acquaintance a friendly visit while he was in town?” Caleb asked.

“It's only polite,” he shrugged.

“Well, I would hope that now that we are acquaintances,” Caleb said, before telling him, “I’m going to spin you now, just follow my lead.” The hand at Essek’s hip loosened, and before Essek had a chance to react Caleb had twirled him away.

Essek held tightly onto Caleb’s hand, seeing as the room spun around him. He caught sight of Ludinus, his expression unreadable before he was lost in the sea of faces.

Caleb tugged on his hand, twirling Essek back in, breathless and wide eyed. Essek was pulled in flush against Caleb as Caleb’s hand came back to Essek’s hip while Essek’s free hand came to rest on Caleb’s chest. “That you would grant me the same kind of friendly visit whenever I next return to Nicodranas,” Caleb finished, looking down at Essek.

“I-I -” Essek stumbled, completely drawn in by this man. “It-it would be my pleasure.”

The hand on Essek’s hip tightened. “Then I will make sure I come around to Nicodranas more often to enjoy your company, Lord Thain,” Caleb smiled.

Hearing that name was like a slap to the face. He felt himself go pale, looking away before he realized he was actually standing on solid ground. He feigned picking himself up to his “full height” as he recast his levitation spell. A coil of jealousy began to bubble in the pit of his stomach - but that was absolutely ridiculous, Caleb was not only just saying these things to get information, but Essek was being jealous of _himself_.

He lapsed into silence, stewing in his feelings as Caleb continued to lead him around the dance floor. They made idle chit-chat, just light conversation that went nowhere. That was easier for Essek - he was already in such a dangerous situation, that anything that moved away from the Martinet and himself was much better.

Some time later - at least thirty minutes later, because he still wasn’t nearing the end of his _disguise_ , Caleb slowly brought them to a stop at the edge of the couples still gliding around together.

“I think that I have fulfilled my social duties for the night,” Caleb said, gently dropping Essek’s hand and letting go of his hip. “I think I shall be excusing myself from the party - this isn’t exactly my favorite environment.”

“That, ah - I can relate,” Essek told him, giving him a wry smile.

Caleb gave him a searching look, looking away before glancing back and nodding towards the courtyard. “If you wish to excuse yourself as well, you could, ah, perhaps walk me back to my quarters?”

Essek could easily decline - he could easily say that he should stay, that his social duties still required his presence. But Caleb was standing there uncertainly, shy and bashful, looking up at him through his lashes. So instead, he nodded. “Of course.”

“Shall we get going then?” Caleb asked, offering his arm.

He remembered how easily Jester had linked her arm with his, how normal she made it seem. He linked his arm with Caleb’s. “Lead the way, Mr. Widogast.”

The small smile that Caleb gave him made it all worthwhile even as it punched a hole in Essek chest, because that was the smile that he thought was only reserved for _him,_ but here he was, looking and Thain like that, and it made Essek ridiculously jealous all over again even as he pressed close to the man as he led the way out.

Cool, crisp air greeted them as they stepped out of the assembled guests, crossing the courtyard and going past the gate before they were out on the streets of Nicodranas. They walked at a leisurely pace in companionable silence, reaching the Restless Wharf and the docks much sooner than Essek would have liked. From there, it was only a handful of minutes to reach the eastern end of the docks where the _Balleater_ swayed gently in the calm waves.

“Thank you for accompanying me,” Caleb told him, coming to a stop at the edge of the gangplank.

He reluctantly began to let go of Caleb. “It was my pleasure. I hope you rest well, Caleb,” Essek said, taking one last look at him, letting himself memorize the way he looked in the moonlight - in this moonlight, with the sea breeze ruffling his hair, and his eyes such a bright, bright blue.

Caleb didn’t let go. “I would like it if you stayed,” Caleb whispered, squeezing his arm. “Essek.”

Essek felt himself freeze, eyes wide as he met Caleb’s unwavering gaze.

“Please?” Caleb asked, his eyes now betraying an unbearable sadness that Essek knew was all his fault.

And, gods, when would Essek learn?

He nodded stiffly, letting Caleb guide him onto the ship as everything fell apart, everything he had ever worked for coming undone with his name on Caleb’s lips.

* * *

Thain doesn’t put up a fight as Caleb leads him below deck, heading to the room that Veth had told him everyone was waiting in in the short _message_ she sent when he’d gotten within range. He walks silently beside Caleb, gaze firmly on the ground.

As soon as they walk inside, they see everyone already waiting. Thain turns around to face them, the _disguise_ dropping. The pale complexion of Lord Dezran Thain disappears, leaving dark skin in its wake. It had always reminded Caleb of the sky after midnight but before dawn, that ethereal in between of soft darkness.

It’s Essek, in a simple dark cloak, much less elaborate than his usual mantle, making him look a little smaller where he floats. His white hair, almost always in it's elegant coif, looks messier now. A few strands fall across his forehead, probably knocked out of place during their brief dance. He still doesn’t meet their gaze.

“Yasha, please guard the door,” Caleb instructs her, his eyes never leaving Essek.

“I already am,” Yasha nods, as Jester gasps.

“Oh my gosh - it’s Essek! What, what!” she exclaims, feigning surprise.

Essek glances over at her before he drops his gaze again.

“ _Hallo_ ,” Caleb starts, because he has no idea where else to start, but then Yasha lets out a sigh.

“It’s like I said,” she shrugs, only continuing when Essek looks at her. “Never trust floaty hot bois.”

He drops his head, letting out a short breath.

“What are you doing?” Jester asks him.

“Yes, friend, what are you doing?” Caleb echoes, forcing himself to keep his voice steady even as he feels the way his hands shake. The ghost of Essek’s hand held in his own lingers against his skin.

Essek closes his eyes, looking as if he’d just received a physical blow.

“I’m sorry,” he gets out quietly. “You all weren’t part of the plan.” He looks up at Caleb, his eyes then moving around to the group before he looks down again.

Tears prick the back of Caleb’s eyes. “Well, you know, we have a limited amount of time,” he looked up, blinking them away.

* * *

“And I would love for you to see the sunrise, so,” Caleb says, and Essek can’t help but look over at him, hearing the bittersweet promise and the heartbreaking threat in Caleb’s words. “If there is a reasonable explanation, we would love to hear it.”

Essek takes a deep breath. He would be dead by daybreak - he would be dead by Caleb’s hand, and even that felt like too merciful an end for him, to be able to have Caleb be the last face he sees as Caleb lives on with another betrayal and more blood on his hands to haunt him.

“It's complicated to express,” Essek starts, accurate yet an understatement with how things had gone down. He turns to Jester, to Caduceus, because he can’t bear to look at Caleb.

“We figured that much,” Jester shrugs. She gestures to one of the crates along the wall. “Do you want to sit down?”

He thinks for a second before nodding. “For this, yes.” He’s afraid he’ll crumple beneath the weight of all his mistakes once they’re laid bare before them.

“We have all night,” Caleb grits out and it was always so hard for Essek to keep his eyes off of Caleb, wasn’t it? He looks away again when he sees the blue of Caleb’s eyes are colder than they’ve ever been - colder than they were when he first met Essek, colder even than when he met Dezran Thain the day before, and nothing like the way he had looked at him as they danced, keeping close together as Caleb slowly spun him around.

“It may take as much,” Essek admits. He waves a hand, using a burst of dunamancy to pull one of the crates over before he sits down.

“Still cool,” Jester sighs, shaking her head. “Still fucking cool.”

Hearing her bolsters him at the same time that it breaks him. These were his _friends_ , and he betrayed them from the start.

He takes a deep breath. “I -” he says, looking up. He figures he might as well show them just how terribly selfish he truly was. “I have a lot I want to accomplish. And only one person who understood and believed in that idea.” He looks down at his hands, then up at them. “And that’s me.”

They all silently waited for him to continue, and a part of Essek wished they would just strike him down already.

“I’ve done,” he shrugged, shaking his head. There was no nice way of saying it. “Terrible things, in my life.” He looks around at all of them, his eyes landing on Caleb. “As I know many of you have as well.” Essek swallowed, dropping his gaze. “Things you regret,” he said - and what a new emotion that was. “Things you think you’re doing for the right reasons.” He looked down at his hands, the hands of a traitor, a coward. “I cannot say I regret what I’ve done,” because he knows himself enough, knows deep down that if the opportunity presented itself again, he would probably make the same decisions. “I just regret how things have changed since I made that decision.” All those lives lost, all those innocents paying the price for progress they’ll never know - all of it, because of him.

Essek bowed his head, wanting to hide, to disappear, but he swallowed that down. “You,” he says, looking up at Caleb, desperate, so, so desperate for Caleb to believe him. Desperate to show him that he’s changed beyond recognition, and it was all because of them, because of Caleb. “Weren’t part of the plan.”

* * *

“Well, number one,” Jester starts, but Caleb can’t take his eyes off Essek, he can’t stop looking at him, he can’t shake his words, can’t shake his feelings. “What did you want to accomplish? Number two, just fucking explain the plan, ‘cause we’ve been guessing and it's, I don’t know if we’re right, it’s -”

“He doesn’t want to say it out loud,” Caduceus says, and Caleb knows exactly what he means.

“You want to write it down? You want to draw it?” Jester offers. “Do you want -”

“No,” Caduceus answers for him.

“You want to play charades?” Jester tries.

“No, he -” Caduceus says again.

“First word - world domination?” she guesses.

“If he says it out loud then he’s gonna have to hear what it is,” Caduceus explains. He gives Essek a long look. “And he’s not going to like who he is when he hears it.”

And gods, isn’t that Caleb too? Isn’t his whole life a secret to hide the monster that he is?

“I know you’re a good - you’re a good man,” Caduceus assures Essek, and Caleb wants to agree out loud, but he can’t find the words that will make it past the lump in his throat.

“You are, we know you, Essek,” Jester echoes.

Caduceus continues, “And -”

“I am,” Essek interrupts, speaking up again, “but a humble, selfish creature.” He’s unwavering in the conviction in his words even as they seem to break him to admit.

“But avarice and fear can often disguise themselves in a good man as strength and righteousness,” Caduceus softly counters. “Until he’s forced to unveil them in front of people that he trusts. Just say it. We’re here,” Caduceus promises.

Essek takes a shaky breath, dropping his gaze. “I am sorry. Sorry that you’ve all been pulled into this web of lies.” He looks up, eyes settling on Caleb. “When I first saw you arrive, with the beacon,” he pauses, closing his eyes for a second as he forces out the next words, “one of the two that I gave, I knew I had to be near you to protect what we had done.” He meets Caleb’s gaze, and he looks exhausted, defeated - hopeless. “I had to make sure that you did not get too close to the truth.”

“Backfired,” Jester stage-whispered.

“If I could control,” Essek says, moving past Jester’s comment. “The direction of your meanderings near this -” he searches for the right word, struggling to find it but settling on, “endeavor, perhaps it would have been safer. What I didn’t account for was -” He swallows hard, and Caleb sees that he’s blinking back tears, he sees the way his hands tremble in his lap. “Liking you all,” he admits, his voice tortured, heartbroken. “And there’s nothing worse than betraying those you come to care about before you even came to care about them.”

And now Caleb looks away briefly, pressing the palm of his hand into his eyes.

“At least not in my experience,” Essek continues. “And regret is a very new sensation.” He gives a self deprecating, humorless ghost of a laugh. “The pain is somewhat comforting ‘cause I am my own punishment.”

Caleb feels the scars on his skin and hears the screams in his head, sees the fire in his memories. He knows what it's like to be your own punishment.

“Do you still want what you started out wanting?” Jester asks quietly.

“I’ve spent my life working towards it,” Essek answers. He sighs shakily. “But I think things got a little out of hand.”

“What do you want?” Jester presses, returning to her earlier question.

Essek looks at her. “I’ve already told you. There are so many mysteries around these beacons, around dunamis - what it's capable of. My entire life I’ve been propped up to be,” he rushes out. “Perhaps worthy of being one to break those boundaries.” He meets Caleb’s gaze again before looking back at Jester. “To find applications for it that could - change everything. And if I don’t do it,” and there’s that humorless laugh again, painful and aching. “The first person who does -” He frowns, his expression severe. “I don’t trust them.”

And this - Caleb’s heard enough. He closes the distance between the two of them, dropping down to his knees in front of him, putting a hand on his cheek and turning Essek’s face to his. “You listen to me.”

* * *

“I know what you are talking about,” Caleb starts, his breath ghosting over Essek’s face. Essek won’t meet his eyes. “I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor.” He’s looking down, can see the way Caleb’s chest is heaving beneath his black coat. “I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes.” His hand moves across Essek’s cheek, his thumb coming to rest there as his fingers splay against his neck, right beneath his ear, leaving trails of fire in their wake. “And I was like you. Was,” Caleb emphasizes. His other hand comes to Essek’s lap, finding Essek’s hand and holding it tightly. “I know what a fool I have been for years,” and now Essek finally works up the nerve to meet Caleb’s gaze, he can see the determination that lies in that familiar blue - not cold, not anymore. “And I’m looking at him as if I am looking in a mirror. You didn’t account for us. Good.” He squeezes Essek’s hand. “That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life and no one is prepared, no one is ready.” He picks up their joined hands, motions around them. “These people changed me.” He squeezes his hand again, voice raw with emotion. “These people can change you.”

Caleb runs his thumb along Essek’s cheek, and Essek realizes that there are tears running down his face. He tries to look away. He’s already changed so much, ever since they waltzed into his life. Ever since Caleb walked into the Bright Queen’s throne room with his head bowed before he brought Essek to his knees in one fell swoop.

“You were not born with venom in your veins,” Caleb continues, turning his face again until he looks at him. “You learned it.” He squeezed his hand, and Essek tightened his grip in return as if Caleb were a lifeline. “You learned it.” His eyes searched Essek’s face. “You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself. And we are offering it.” He lets go of Essek’s hand, and Essek is afraid that Caleb didn’t find what he was looking for, or that maybe he saw too much, but then Caleb places his hand softly on Essek’s shoulder. “And I am pleading with you, to find your better self.” His hand slips down, coming to rest on Essek’s chest, over Essek’s heart. “He is still there,” Caleb breathes.

He knows Caleb can feel his frenzied heartbeat beneath his palm, the beat erratic and out of rhythm to match the mess he’s in, as if he were trying to bring two heart beats into sync in his chest while having both threaten to stop entirely.

“There is,” Essek whispers. “No path to redemption for me. If - if what has been done comes to light - if what you are seemingly looking to correct is known -” He shakes his head, closing his eyes. He’s always been such a fucking coward. “Then I am a dead man.”

Silence greets his words for a beat, before he feels soft lips press ever so gently against his forehead. Caleb’s thumb caresses his cheek again as his other hand presses firm over his heart, and Caleb’s touch is devastation on Essek’s skin, a kindness that a man like him doesn’t deserve.

“Maybe you and I are both damned,” Caleb says against his skin, voice completely wrecked as he presses another kiss to Essek’s forehead, and he feels his heart knit itself back together as it beats with purpose beneath Caleb’s hand. “But we can choose to do something, and leave it better than it was before.”

And, gods, wasn’t it so cruel, wasn’t it so unbearably ironic that this was the moment where Essek realized that he was absolutely, irreversibly in love with this man?

Essek reaches up, holding onto Caleb’s coat tightly. “You weren’t part of the plan,” he repeats in a breath, his voice breaking. “And now you’re all in terrible danger for the things that you know.”

“So be it,” Caleb whispers, pulling away and retaking his place right in front of Essek, on his knees, sharing the same breath.

“I have not cared for anyone but myself for the century I’ve been alive,” Essek admits - letting the thrill of these feelings, of this terror, crash over him without restraint.

Jester steps closer, gently reaching out and taking Essek’s free hand in hers.

“Who are you today?” Caduceus asks him. “Not then, right now - it's all that matters.”

“It can be disorienting having friends get under your skin,” Caleb tells him.

Essek lets out a heavy sigh, leaning into Caleb’s touch for comfort. He only allows himself the luxury for a second. “I cannot be here.”

Caduceus shakes his head. “We have to know what’s coming, we have to - we need to know what you paid, what you’ve set in motion, we-we - we’re gonna have to take care of it.”

He can’t look at Caleb as he says his next words. “If I tell you, will you let me go?” He’s already risking too much by being here for so long - he’s risking them too much. And yet, he can’t bring himself to let go of Caleb, his fingers still holding onto the front of his coat. He can’t bring himself to pull away from the hand that holds his face like his skin is made of glass.

“I don’t know,” Caduceus answers. “But -”

“Well, I-I won’t let you leave until you do,” Yasha quietly adds, speaking up after having been silent for almost the entirety of the conversation. “You can certainly try.”

Essek closed his eyes again. They already knew the information that would get them killed - hiding anything wouldn’t be doing them any favors. He looks up at Caleb. “We are returning the right beacon, the one that I gave.” He swallows hard. “And they are keeping the one that they found. Their research is to continue - and we are to correspond as the research progresses. There is intent to end this war,” Essek rushes out. “It has run its purpose. They have what they want, I’ll have what I want -” but he knows that isn’t true, he knows that’s not true. He’s always held the losing hand in this deal, and now the stakes are higher than ever. “And everyone out there will have what they want, an end to this conflict.”

“So what’s the bad stuff?” Jester asks.

He turns to her. “The bad stuff is if you tell anyone, or try to stop it.” They would all be hunted and slaughtered like animals.

“This beacon - it goes back to the Bright Queen?” Fjord presses.

“And it's totally fine, it's unchanged?” Jester follows up.

Essek shakes his head against Caleb’s palm. “There is no great plan - there is no espionage, there is no anything. We’re just putting all the pieces back and hope that nobody notices.”

Jester frowns. “Then, why’s it bad? Why would we tell anyone? You’re stopping the war, you’re getting what you want.”

She puts it so simply, so easily, that Essek can’t say anything but, “Then you won’t?”

“Well, I can’t say I have a lot of faith in the Empire’s intentions in this situation,” Caleb tells him, his fingers curling against the spot on Essek’s chest, right over his heart.

“I mean this, this doesn’t really change our plans, this doesn’t change what we, really, what we knew, before,” Caduceus says.

“We just, you know, want to make sure that the beacon that’s going back isn’t going to try to explode everyone,” Jester shrugs.

Her worry brings a small smile out of Essek. “You do not need to worry about that. We were coming along to ensure that outside interests that may wish to see the war continue are kept at bay.” And with groups like the Angel of Irons lurking on the fringes of civilization, it was a very real threat.

“Who all knows of your plans?” Fjord asks.

“Oh, myself and a few select members of the Assembly,” Essek answers, being purposefully vague.

“The Martinet,” Caleb says. It isn’t a question.

Essek nods. “The Martinet.”

“What about Icky?” Jester’s eyes narrow.

He swallows down the bile that rises in his throat, holding onto Caleb tighter. “I believe Trent is also aware.” Right now - it's not the time. He can’t risk whatever is happening here, whatever mercy is keeping him alive and is keeping them at his side.

“That guy’s a fuckhole,” Jester groans.

“You’re not wrong,” he agrees. He thinks of Caleb’s arms, of the jagged skin, of the haunted look in his eyes. Essek was working with monsters.

“And what do you want with the prisoners?” Beauregard brings up. “What’s with the prisoner exchange?”

“Who are all the prisoners?” Jester asks. “Is it the ones we know of or are there secret prisoners?”

“There are only two prisoners as part of this agreement that will be passed over,” Essek tells them. He shakes off memories of the Dungeon of Penance, of the Taskhand’s sobs as he slammed his head against his cell.

“You didn’t kill them, did you?” Caduceus says, raising a brow.

“No - part of the agreement was to not have our prisoner killed and not theirs, so.” He sighs. “Vence is being passed over to us, and the prisoner of we have already spoken to is to be passed over to the Empire.”

“You said we were in danger because of what we know - who knows what we know?” Fjord looks at him sharply, and he remembers dinner at the Xhorhaus, what feels like a lifetime away, how Fjord had said he wanted to see the group safe and protected. “Just you, right?”

Essek thinks for a second. “Just myself,” he tells them. “The Martinet and Trent - well, there was one more, though I have not met her.”

“Met her?” Fjord repeats.

“Astrid?” Jester guesses. “Was her name Astrid?”

“No,” Essek shakes his head. “She’s another member of the Assembly.”

“DeRogna,” Caleb says quietly.

He nods. “DeRogna - that’s the name. She was commanding a period of experimentation with it. As far as I know, those are the only ones.” He shrugs. “But we hold a tense mutually assured self-destruction.”

“So you lot started this war, and now you’re going to finish it,” Veth began slowly.

“Yes,” Essek agreed.

“And we’re just s’pposed to turn the other way and pretend like you’re not all a bunch of traitors?” she finished.

“Yes?” Essek repeated, sounding unsure.

Veth let out a huff of breath. “I mean, I like you, but the other ones.” She looked around at the group. “We’re just going to let them get away with it?”

“They always have,” Essek got out. And that had been part of the appeal, hadn’t it? They always got away with everything - Essek was supposed to be untouchable.

He feels Caleb’s fingers against his skin, his hand still on his chest, his own fingers tangled in the fabric of Caleb’s coat, and Essek knows he’s never been more touchable, more vulnerable, but he finds that he doesn’t mind when he’s beneath Caleb’s hands.

“Thousands have died, Essek,” Beauregard reminds him. “Thousands of innocents.”

Caleb looks down, his fingers pressing into Essek’s skin gently. “And I know for a fact that one of the people you have been negotiating with would throw you, me, any one of us, any member of the country he helps govern, into the fire.” He meets Essek’s gaze. “Anyone. I think your intentions are good, but I think, perhaps, your vision has been clouded.”

“My intentions were never good,” Essek corrected quietly. “They were _important_.” He spits out the last word like it was something vile.

“You’re gonna have to make a lot of babies,” Jester gets out, her brow furrowed worriedly.

Both Essek and Caleb slowly turned to look at her.

“I’m not sure that’s how,” Caduceus started.

“Just so many, it's just,” Jester trailed off.

“So,” Caleb continued, drawing Essek’s attention back to him. “Let’s talk about what we are going to do next. Obviously this plan needs to move forward.”

“Optimally, yes,” Essek agreed.

“ _Ja_ ,” Caleb nodded.

“You’re not going to betray us again, Essek, you’re not going to, like, leave here and tell everyone that we know and then get us killed?” Jester asks, looking absolutely heartbroken by the thought of that.

The shame and regret that cascades over him has him retreating into himself. “Well, that depends - you show me a kindness -”

“We’ve done nothing but show you kindness,” Jester softly reminds him.

He nods, feeling tears burn in his eyes again. “You’re not wrong,” he gets out, looking down.

“We’re gonna need a certain amount of honesty going forward,” Caduceus tells him. “Rebuild some trust. Otherwise, well, I,” he gestures to Yasha. “Yasha, I mean, she’s better at that part, I’m not gonna - I’m not gonna.”

“Well, you have been spilling secrets to people on the Assembly,” Caleb says. “Now you can spill secrets to us. And we will move forward, with this plan.” He runs his thumb over Essek’s cheek one last time, before dropping his hand to instead cover the hand Essek has holding onto Caleb’s coat. “And I am telling you there is a very high likelihood that the people that you are dancing with mean to cut your throat and leave you in the dust. With many others.”

“Then perhaps it is best that I surround myself with friends?” Essek suggests, referring to all of them even though his eyes remain on Caleb. “To protect me?” He glances around at them now. “For the enemy of my friend, is my enemy indeed, yes?”

“Is this charade at sea what it really appears to be?” Fjord responds with a question of his own instead. “No tricks, no double-crosses, no twists or turns?”

“No tampering with the artifact?” Caleb adds.

“Not from us,” Essek assures. “We have nothing to gain by it going awry.”

Caleb looks down. “Well, you have a plan in place and you think that will end this conflict. I don’t know that we agree - however, we move forward.” And when Caleb meets his gaze, it feels like a physical blow to Essek. “Can we count on you? When the deal sours?”

“I have far more allegiance to you than I do any Empire or Dynasty,” Essek answers without a hint of hesitation. Not for the Kryn, or for the Empire, or for the Assembly - but for the Mighty Nein, Essek would put it all on the line, _was_ putting it all on the line. “For I have not had any for either.”

“You are a broken person,” Veth starts, shaking her head, and it makes Essek’s shoulders pinch at her words. “Who had ill intentions and wandered aimlessly into a path that you had no intention - or no idea how to complete.” She looks between him and Caleb, shrugging. “And yet somehow along the way you found a heart.” She looked around at the group. “You sound like all of us.” She smiled softly at him. “Welcome to the Mighty Nein.”

* * *

Essek gives Veth a watery smile, the pain in his eyes ever present as it's been throughout their whole conversation.

“Oh, also, I-I’m the goblin,” Veth clarifies, gesturing to herself. “From before.”

“Right,” Essek nodded, brows raising in slight surprise. “No, I - then I assume that it worked, then, yes?” he asks, looking at Caleb.

“ _Ja,_ we, ah, removed the, the impediment,” Caleb tells him, and he gives Essek a small smile. “That we had discussed with you, yeah.”

“I gathered,” Essek got out, looking back to Veth.

“Yeah, we broke my mom’s tub doing -” Jester started, before her eyes widened. “Mama - I gotta go, I gotta go!” She let go of Essek’s hand, quickly moving towards the door. “I gotta go!”

“Very well,” Essek says, watching as Jester darted out of the room before Fjord sighed and followed after her. “That was -”

“Is this the thing we’re doing?” Caduceus asks, watching the pair leave too.

“No, no, no, no - this is important, we should stay here,” Veth replied.

Essek took a shaky breath, looking back at Veth. “I, ah, I appreciate what you’re saying.” He looks down, his shame dragging over him like a shroud. “I am thankful that you have a modicum of faith in me. Undeserving as that may it be.” He let go of Caleb’s coat, turning his palm against Caleb’s and twining their fingers together. “Um, it is in that interest that I just want to warn you about getting too close. I am tied to a lot of dangerous individuals and teeter in the shadows at the crux of all of this conflict, intentional as it may not have been.” He looks down at their joined hands. “I would never want to put you in a situation - or put myself in a situation where I would have to choose between myself and the rest of you.”

“Why don’t you talk us through the next few days and weeks?” Caleb suggested. He sincerely hoped it never came to a situation where they’d have to choose between Essek and each other either - he didn’t want to consider what that might turn into.

“Well, ah,” Essek started. “I currently exist in a delicate balance with the Cerberus Assembly, for either could reveal the charade to the detriment of the other - and there is respect,” Essek rushed out, but he didn’t seem so sure. “At least I believe, on an intellectual level. But,” he shrugged. “I am but one working across from many. I think my utility with the Assembly, continuing to cover up this endeavor from the inside of the Dynasty as well as my insights into the dunamantic interests make me too valuable at the moment to be...” He sighed. “Buried. But that doesn’t mean that I can stop being paranoid.” He squeezed Caleb’s hand between both of his. “Nor can I assume that my presence to you doesn’t put you in continuous danger either. So, um, in time I hope this will pass, but for now - we will, _I_ will continue to escort the handful of Assembly members to this negotiation and if you are indeed coming with your ship as well.” He looked around, at the ship, at all of them, before looking back at Caleb. “You will be nearby, we will oversee the transference of the beacon to the Dynasty as well as the trade of the prisoners. Some discussions and agreements will hopefully come to bear and to bring the outer conflict, the public conflict to an end.” He dropped his gaze. “After which, we stay quiet, I go back to the Dynasty, the Assembly returns to their research, and we continue as if none of this,” he nods his head in the vague direction of the Assembly’s ship. “Had happened.”

Veth glanced around at the group, wringing her hands. “Well, I, ah - it's hard to f - hard to forecast out past the next few days. But, I mean, let’s not kid ourselves that at some point someone is going to have to pay for some of the damage that has been done.”

Essek gives her a pained smile. “I admire your sense of heroism, but history is full of people who have not paid for their sins.”

“Full with a lot of people who have,” Beau countered.

“Some,” Essek agreed.

Caduceus crossed his arms, giving Beau a pointed look. “Full of people who have paid for others.”

“A-and while we feel a kinship towards you,” Veth continued, addressing Essek. “And, ah, apparently you towards us, unless you’re lying about that.”

He sighs, looking down.

“There’s nothing necessarily stopping us from enacting justice on other folks who have been involved in this scheme,” Veth tells him.

“I am not going to get in the way of any perceived vengeances,” Essek assured. He looked around at all of them. “Just do know that it is safest that I not involve myself in particular with such endeavors.”

“Of course,” Veth nodded. “It might help us though if we knew if there were any members of the Cerberus Assembly or anyone that you are particularly beholden to or allied with that we should steer clear of? Or be especially mindful of?”

“The Martinet is extremely intelligent,” Essek said after thinking for a second. “And very resourceful, so the less that can be revealed to him, the safest we all are.” He frowns. “Ah, Lady Vess DeRogna is clever in her own way. And I am curious to what her involvement is to the biting North in particular - that may or may not be involved in this, but I trust her less than most I think.”

“Are you prepared for all of this to go sideways on you?” Caleb asks.

“Always,” Essek answers, giving him a sad smile. Before Caleb can say anything else, Essek continues, “I have been for the three years since we began this plot.”

“I, ah, feel conflicted about this,” Caleb admits. “But would like to see even a temporary end to conflict.”

“Well,” Essek shrugs, giving a nervous laugh. “Outwardly.”

“Why do you keep saying that?” Beau grounds out. “What does that mean?”

He turned to her. “I would hope that in your studies within the Cobalt Soul you understand that conflict is perpetual.”

Beau nodded. “I do. I’m just curious what your brand is.”

Caleb could feel the tension beginning to rise, could hear the bite in Beau’s voice. “Well, he has acknowledged that they are keeping, ah, one of these artifacts in the Empire. And they are not doing it for posterity’s sake.”

Essek glanced between the two. “I mean, there has been a shadow war between the Dynasty and the Empire for decades. This is just the first time that it's brimmed out of the control of those that waged it.”

“When the Dynasty finds out that there’s another,” Caduceus sighed. “Artifact -”

“They cannot,” Essek pressed.

“ _When_ they find out,” Caduceus repeated, and Essek’s shoulders slumped, unable to counter Caduceus’ words.

“Then let's hope we are far away,” Essek got out. “And well protected, when it happens.”

“Let’s hope it takes a very long time,” Caduceus says. “Or that it make its way home without anyone ever having to admit it was gone in the first place.”

Caleb watched Essek’s face carefully, recognized the downward tilt of his lips and the furrow of his brow. “Doesn’t seem like you have a choice here. You seem fairly well painted into a corner.”

“So it would seem,” Essek agreed, meeting Caleb’s gaze. There was something new in his eyes, something aside the regret and fear. It was almost like - relief. “But,” Essek began, his mouth twisting into a frown as he struggled to put his words together. “I have gotten this far by leaning into my resources.” He frowned, and suddenly fear was the only thing in his eyes. “I know I can protect myself. I don’t think I can protect all of you.” He gave Caleb a desperate, pleading look. “And that is why I’m worried.”

He dropped his hand from Essek’s chest, letting it fall and clasp both of Essek’s hands between his. “Well, I would just hope that if things go pear shaped on us, counted on how you hope and believe things will go, if your life is in danger and our lives as well -” Caleb held Essek’s gaze. “That you are willing to work with your friends to survive it.”

“To survive it,” Essek nodded once, stiff but sure. “Yes.”

“But make no mistake,” Caleb continued, and it broke his heart to let go of Essek, to climb to his feet and look down on him from where he stood. He looked so small, so fragile, sitting on that crate, his hands falling apart from where they had been held together between Caleb’s own. Essek’s hands looked empty, palms open in his lap. “We do not trust you.”

“Good,” Essek got out, his hands turning into shaking fists that he hid amongst the folds of his cloak. “That’ll help you survive.”

Caleb reached out, thumb running along Essek’s cheek again for a beat. His skin was soft beneath his touch, the tear tracks still not dry where they had fallen. “It doesn’t mean we don’t hope for you,” he whispered. Essek closed his eyes at the touch. “It’s a tricky balance, Essek.”

“Isn’t everything,” Essek said, opening his eyes and meeting Caleb’s gaze. He sighed when Caleb dropped his hand. “Even if this is successful and the war is declared over - that doesn’t mean everything goes back to normal. The tangled espionage between both sides of this has gone on for long and will continue to go. The Augen Trust is deeply ingrained, as is the Lens. And we just have to be careful who we tell anything to.” He looked around at all of them. “My recommendation is nothing to anyone.”

“Well, if there’s anything we are adept at it's being careful and keeping information close to the vest,” Veth grinned confidently.

Essek nodded, giving her a small smile as some of the tension bled out of the room over the sound of Caduceus quiet laughter. “We are in so much trouble,” Essek sighed.

“And there’s no one else - no one else has your ear in this way?” Caleb asked him.

“No,” Essek answered, his eyes never straying from Caleb.

“At least try and keep us informed,” Caduceus requested.

“Of course,” Essek agreed. “To the best of my ability.”

Caduceus nodded. “Of course.”

Essek looked around at all of them, mournful and pained, and looking so, so small. “Once again, for whatever it's worth, I am sorry.”

“Apology accepted, at least from here,” Caduceus assured him - and gods, wasn’t Caduceus and best and the bravest of them, able to voice something like that at a time like this when the words were all but caught in Caleb’s throat?

“He doesn’t speak for all of us,” Beau snapped.

“I definitely do not,” Caduceus shrugged.

Beau kicked off of the wall she was leaning against. She nodded to the door. “Why don’t you get some rest, Essek.”

“You do the same,” Essek replied. “The night is still young, I would hate for you to waste,” he gestured at Caleb, looking away as a dark blush crawled up his neck. “Such a polished presentation.” He slowly stands, and it strikes Caleb again how Essek is shorter than him, it strikes something in his chest that drives the feelings he’d refused to acknowledge on the docks deep into his heart. Then Essek brings himself to his usual height, the levitation magic bringing him an inch or two off the ground. He looks around at all of them, at Caleb. “Good night,” he says quietly, his form shimmering before he is once again Lord Dezran Thain.

“If you truly hope for a second chance, truly,” Caleb advises. “Step very carefully with us.”

“Glide,” Veth corrects, prompting an amused snort out of Beau.

Lord Dezran Thain gives him a long look, but it's still Essek’s eyes, pained and regretful as he sighs before he makes his way quietly out of the room, heading for the stairs that will let him leave the ship.

* * *

The silence of his tower was absolutely stifling as he walked up the winding staircase, heading to his chambers. He didn’t even bother to levitate. He didn’t have the strength to keep up appearances when he didn’t have to.

Essek hadn’t even left the Mighty Nein’s ship after they let him go, opting to just _teleport_ from the slightly obscured deck of the _Balleater_. He would explain his disappearance from the party to Ludinus tomorrow, telling him that he left to avoid interacting with the Mighty Nein further after his close call with Jester and his brush with Caleb. It was a half-truth, after all.

Walking past a mirror, he realized he was still in his Thain _disguise_. He instantly dispelled it, regretting it just as quickly. He couldn’t stand the sight of himself.

His eyes were puffy, his hair disheveled, and when he looked down at his hands he found them shaking. He wasn’t surprised. He was shaken to his core.

Turning away, he kept going until he was shutting the door to his room behind himself, leaning heavily against the wood.

This wasn’t part of the plan - they weren’t part of the plan.

And now they were in so much danger, because they knew, because they let him live, because they let him go, because he cared about them, and because they, against their better judgement, seemed to care about him too. 

He isn’t sure how long he stayed there, staring at nothing while he stewed in his regrets and worries and fears, when suddenly he heard a familiar voice at the back of his head.

_“Um, hi, how’re you feeling?_ ” Jester asked, and just receiving that much almost brought him to tears again. _“D’you feel guilty or are you happy? Are you just crying in your room right now? We’re thinking about you.”_

Swallowing thickly, he answered, _“I am just contemplating what is to come._ ” He closed his eyes, tipping his head back to lean against the door. _“I appreciate what sliver of trust allowed me to leave. It’s not forgotten.”_

Essek waited for a second, hoping for another message to come through, but he was only met with silence. He sighed, pulling himself up and heading towards his bed. He stripped off his clothes as he went, letting them fall to the ground unceremoniously. He’d clean it up tomorrow. Right now, all he wanted was a few hours respite from his mistakes - he just wanted to trance and not have to think about anything anymore.

He crawled beneath his covers, burying his face into his pillow. It was soft, instantly reminding Essek of Caleb’s lips against his skin, of the gentle brush of comfort. Caleb, warm, soft, kind, Caleb. He felt tears prick his eyes. He had ruined everything, and Caleb had still offered him another chance, had extended that kindness, that trust.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, to no one in particular, to Caleb, to himself. “I’m so, so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there it is!!! having that dream sequence has just been something stewing in my brain for a while and man am I SO GLAD to finally be able to write it!! and fuck, having Essek and Caleb dance T.T that shit hurt but in the best way because God all the TOUCHING IT KILLED ME
> 
> anyway, expect more like this from this fic because gang, i'm in this bitch and i got 3 pages worth of notes so far for where I want to take this!!!
> 
> so far, I don't have a steady update schedule what with everything going on, but hopefully i can figure that out soon in between homework and quarantine!!
> 
> i really hope you guys liked this first chapter, and I hope you all stay safe and sound!
> 
> this fic was inspired by:  
> The Fancy and the Fooled | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 97 - Live from Chicago! - 2:28:00 - 2:32:50, 3:04:35, 3:17:05 - 3:36:00, 3:48:30 - 4:12:40  
> Dark Waters | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 98 - 10:40 - 22:40, 44:10


	2. Danger on Two Fronts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mighty Nein sets sail alongside the Empire's armada, heading towards the peace talks - and they get visited by Fjord's old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty gang, I'm back with another chapter!!! this one was a little tricky to write, but i hit the thematic notes and settled on the right mood for it, and man guys, what happened in the end of 98 and the beginning of 99 was so fucking crazy, like we really be wildin' out here with the Mighty Nein huh
> 
> there's a bit more divergence from canon here, gearing up to a complete break once we finish up with ep 99, and man am I excited for that
> 
> anyway, i've kept you all waiting long enough, so imma keep these intro notes short so you can get to the chapter already!! I really hope you guys like it!!

After another restless night at the Lavish Chateau, Caleb found himself once again at the base of Yussa’s tower. He hesitated to knock only for a second before he remembered that everyone had already dispersed after breakfast - with Veth going with her family and Jester with her mother, and Fjord, Caduceus, Yasha, and Beau all taking off to different parts of the city. The Empire ships wouldn’t be leaving port until the day after tomorrow, and with that spare time it was only natural that everyone would go tend to their own business.

But, that didn’t mean that Caleb didn’t feel any lonelier now that they were all busy.

The door creaked open, revealing Yussa’s assistant, Wensforth.

“Mr. Widogast,” he greeted, stepping aside and ushering him in. “I did not know you had an appointment with Master Errenis.”

“Ah, no, I - I actually don’t have an appointment,” Caleb told him, shuffling from foot to foot as he grabbed the strap of his bag tightly. “I was just wondering if Yussa would, ah, allow me to use his research chamber for a bit of my own work while I am here in Nicodranas.”

“Only if I am privy to what that work may entail,” Yussa called out, coming downstairs and into view. “Caleb.”

“Yussa,” Caleb nodded, inclining his head only slightly. He forced himself to relax his movements, to act normal, act natural. Yussa was their ally.

_And Essek was their friend_ , he painfully reminded himself before he shook the thought away.

“Of course - if I am allowed to use your space, you will know what it is I am, ah, using it for,” he finished, looking up at the mage.

He eyed Caleb curiously, but merely turned around the way he came. “You know where it is. If you need anything, just call for Wensforth.”

So with Yussa’s invitation, Caleb climbed up the stairs, heading to the room where he’d copied down the spell Yussa had provided two days prior. He settled down at the worktable, setting his bag down and pulling out the collar from Halas’ Folding Halls and his notes on what he’d figured out on it so far. He gave them a thorough read through, noting special attention to the pieces he was missing, and connecting parts of information he had figured out since he last fiddled around with it. With such ancient technology, he needed to be extremely careful that he didn’t ruin the artifact, so the more that he could figure out on paper before getting to it, the better.

Without even realizing, Caleb found himself pulling out a pearl from his pocket, rolling it around between his fingers as he began to run through the incantation mentally. He froze, looking down at it.

Did he really want to use the spell? It felt so much like accepting his help, and Caleb felt himself ache at the thought. He didn’t want his help because he couldn’t rely on his help after what they’d found out.

“Is that one of those cursed silencers that the golems had?” Yussa asked, interrupting Caleb’s thoughts and almost making him jump out of his chair. He hadn’t even heard the door open to announce that Yussa had come into the room.

“ _Ja_ ,” Caleb nodded jerkily, looking over at Yussa. He gestured to his work. “I want to, ah, figure out how to make it work. You never know when it might come in handy.”

Yussa wrinkled his nose in distaste. “I do see it's utility, but pardon me for finding it rather -” He shook his head. “Being bested by a few pieces of metal really does a good job at humbling you.”

“I understand,” Caleb agreed, putting his hand to his own neck as he remembered how cold it’d felt when the collar had clamped around his throat, how powerless he’d felt when he found that he couldn’t make a sound.

“Well, whatever you do with that, be careful not to break it. I doubt you’d want to make another run through the Mage’s Bane to gather another one of those from Halas’ golems,” he told him, already taking his leave.

“That may be something easy to acquire but hard to leave with,” Caleb sighed, giving Yussa a wry smile.

He shrugged. “That’s one way of putting it.” And then he left.

Caleb stared down at the collar, knowing he was going to start taking it apart now that he’d gone over all of his notes. The pearl was still held in his grasp, warm now between his fingers where it had been cold when he’d first pulled it out.

A little extra help could only make things go smoother...and besides, it was just a spell. He may have taught it to him, but now it was a part of his repertoire like all the rest of them.

Putting the pearl to his forehead, he closed his eyes and quietly said the incantation. He felt the phantom heartbeat thud to life in his chest, a comforting safety net to guide him to the better outcome. The pearl dissolved into glittering dust, coating his fingertips.

It always reminded him of stardust, and thinking of that inevitably made him think of -

_Nein_ , he ground out. He was here to work this out, and to keep his mind busy, to keep his thoughts from circling back to him.

He tapped his fingers against the tabletop, taking a deep breath before he began to disassemble the collar and got to work.

* * *

And if Caleb worked on figuring it out for the rest of the day and through the night and past sunrise - well that was no one’s business but his own. He wasn’t going to be getting any sleep anyway.

* * *

Essek didn’t like sailing very much. It was so boring, to just be confined to this tiny stretch of wood with nothing to see for miles and miles outside of the other ships crawling along beside them. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out how people might do this for a living.

With a sigh, Essek sat down in his chair, rubbing at his temples. Maybe he was so frustrated because of the company he was keeping during this venture. Being on the _Wind of Aeons_ was somehow lonelier than his tower had become.

Ever since they’d set sail the day prior, Essek had “kept” to the quarters he’d been allotted. As if he had much of a choice. He was only allowed out of his room with an escort, and always wearing his Lord Dezran Thain _disguise_. This was a prison of his own making, however, and it was definitely much nicer than anything that would await him in the Dungeon of Penance if anyone found out about what he’d done.

And even though it was all an empty gesture, the Assembly provided the essentials. It was a sparsely furnished room, with a bed, a desk, and a chair - just in case Essek wanted to “do a bit of work” during the journey. Essek huffed out a humorless laugh. He would never work on anything related to his Shadowhand duties on this ship - he knew the Martinet would easily gather that information if Essek so carelessly brought it on board. The bed was also useless to him. He wouldn’t be caught dead trying to trance here. They would carve into him at the slightest opportunity.

So, every night, he _teleported_ back to his tower to get at least an hour’s worth of work in and to trance before he _teleported_ right back. It was tedious, but it was the safest this travel was going to get for him.

At least they respected his wish to have his room on the quarter deck. He feels marginally safer than if he were to be further below deck. His room is right beneath the captain’s quarters, so it even had the added benefit of a tiny little window set into the back of the room. Glancing outside, all he could see was more ocean, and a couple more Empire ships - and the _Balleater_ , slowly coming along as well.

His heart gave a painful lurch.

_“But make no mistake,” Caleb had said, pulling away from Essek, coming to stand in front of him. His expression was hard set but hurting, an expression of sadness that even the beautiful clothes he’d worn for the evening could do nothing to mask. “We do not trust you.”_

He’d thought about _sending_ them a message, to see how they were doing during the trip - but every single time the words vanished from his mind as the spell fizzled out at his fingertips. What was he supposed to say? Hello, Jester, how’s the trip? Is the sea treating you better than it treats me? Good evening, Beauregard, are you all well on your ship? Hello, Veth, is it a different experience to be out at sea in your old body rather than as a goblin? Yasha, has everyone been sleeping well? Caduceus, did you pack any tea that could help with anxiety? Do you regret forgiving me so early? Fjord, are you taking better care of them than I ever could? Caleb, I -

I’m sorry for what I did. I’m sorry that has brought us out into the middle of nowhere with deadly mages. I’m sorry I’ve put you in danger for caring about you. I’m sorry I’ve ruined everything.

The softness of Caleb’s touch on his cheek rises to his mind, the tactile memory making him touch the same spot almost reverently.

_“It doesn’t mean we don’t hope for you,” he whispered. “It’s a tricky balance, Essek.”_

A tricky, tricky balance indeed. But he was a gravaturgist after all - and that had to come in handy when trying to keep things from falling apart. Or else even all of his magic, even that would have been for naught.

Jester’s words run through his head, a loop that makes Essek’s heart beat faster as much as it breaks it all at the same time.

_It's a good thing that Essek is such a cool guy though, because, man, Caleb really likes him too._

That couldn’t have been more than Jester feeding into his wishful thinking, and, if it wasn’t, then with everything that had happened he had certainly ruined that completely too. He closes his eyes, running a hand down his face. I’m sorry I’ve ruined everything.

* * *

The first couple days at sea were uneventful. The weather was comfortable, Fjord kept everyone and everything under control, Caduceus gifted him scrolls with _telekinesis_ and _flaming sphere_ \- the latter of which he then gave to Veth because he already had it in his spellbook - and Jester, Beau, and Yasha all worked hard on Jester’s party favors for TravelerCon. There was also plenty to be done on the ship, keeping his mind busy enough that they wouldn’t stray to thoughts of - of Essek.

Things were good - things were so good in fact that Caleb had even pulled Fjord aside, finally fulfilling the promise he had made to him in Zadash all those months ago when he’d asked him why his past was so checkered with flame.

And despite everything he told him, Fjord had taken it well. He’d been kind, reassuring.

_“You are a good friend. I know you’ve done terrible things, but I see a good man.”_

Caleb rubbed at his eyes tiredly. His words were a kindness that Caleb knew he didn’t deserve, but he was - he was getting better at not fighting it. He was getting better at letting the words wash over him.

With a sigh, he rolled over on the bed he’d taken as his while they travelled on the _Balleater_. Maybe...maybe over time he would believe in their words the way they seemed to believe in him.

The storm rumbled overhead, the roll of thunder now a comfort after being around Yasha for so long. He glanced over at the door to his room, catching sight of the silver string he’d set up there. He wondered if he’d ever feel safe enough to not set up an _alarm_ every night - and he hoped he’d live long enough to see the day that came to pass.

* * *

Trancing never took as long as what seems to be a regular sleep cycle for most humanoids. After only spending a couple of hours in his tower, Essek had already _teleported_ back to the _Wind of Aeons_ , settling into his quarters as best as he could. That just meant pacing back and forth like a caged animal, nervous and jumpy as he waited for anything to go wrong.

He had considered picking up whatever novel he had on hand in his tower before he came back to the ship, but he had forgotten it at the last second. With so many things on his mind, it was only natural that things would start to slip from his attention. He just hoped that that wouldn’t happen with anything important.

A flash of lightning illuminated his quarter briefly as it struck out over the sea. The storm was thundering with a ferocity that Essek had never experienced before, which only added to his nervousness. But it would be fine, he reasoned. He was on the Cerberus Assembly ship. It wouldn’t get sunk by something like a sea storm. The world wouldn’t be so lucky to be rid of some of the Assembly members by such a natural cause.

Shaking his head, he was just about to turn around and start to pace across his room again when he heard a high pitched shriek, far off and mostly muffled by the sound of the ocean and the clap of thunder, but still loud enough for him to hear. He felt his muscles seize up, locking in place, sending his mind into a panicked frenzy. It felt so similar to how he’d felt when he’d been paralyzed at the party -

But just as quickly as it came, it was gone. He could move freely, and while that should have made him feel much better, all he could feel was how his heart filled with dread as he reached his window and looked out, hoping to make out the familiar ship through the storm.

Just as he got to the window, there was another shriek that froze his muscles in place as anxiety lashed around his chest, looking out at the turbulent waters, unable to make out anything. There was another snap of lightning, burning bright and fast, and it gave Essek the chance to make out their ship, still holding up the rear of the armada.

Then there was a bolt of green, and another burst of light - but not lightning, light, _divine_ light, and that green was _arcane_ , because even at this distance Essek could recognize magic. And as his muscles respond once more, he finds himself muttering the words and focusing on the ship, letting the magic wrap around him as he _dimension door_ s to the _Balleater_.

He appears on the rain slicked surface, looking around frantically at the chaos on the deck. The first thing he sees is a towering fish creature surrounded by multicolored glowing bugs, it's jaw bisected down the middle and releasing a haunting chatter with each breath. It holds a blood covered falchion in its grip, and as it looks down Essek can see that it's towering over _Fjord_ , Fjord, who’s bleeding out from a gaping wound in his chest.

Beauregard pulls back from the creature, the gloves at her hands crackling with electricity as she heaves out a sob, getting ready to lunge again as the creature barks something out in a language he doesn’t recognize - and that’s when Essek notices two other fish creatures, one identical to the first and one smaller but just as threatening.

The creature ducks beneath one of Beauregard’s hits as it bends down, digging it's clawed hand into the wound in Fjord’s chest - and Fjord doesn’t even react, his head lolling back as the creature lifts him up like a ragdoll, and _that’s_ when Essek realizes what’s happened to him as he feels tears rise up the back of his throat.

It hisses something under its breath - and gods, Essek knows what’s going to happen as a swell of purple like an ocean wave begins to rise around the creature and Fjord but Essek won’t let it happen as he lifts up his hands, starting the incantation for _temporal shunt_ before the wave crests - but then a net of blue runes shoots out, shattering the creature’s spell, and both the creature and Essek immediately look up to see Caleb flying above the ship, his hair whipping in the rain and wind as his hands remain extended in front of himself, the arcane energy still glowing at his fingertips.

Hissing loudly, the creature begins to drag Fjord’s body across the deck, but then Yasha rushes forward, catching it as it gets to the edge of the ship, and slamming it once with her sword, bringing it to its knees and forcing it to drop Fjord before she climbs up the creatures back, wrapping an arm around its neck and pulling with all her might, her muscles bulging from the force of it before there’s a loud snap and the creature goes limp in her grasp.

She grabs its body, throwing it overboard but wrapping it's arm around a belaying pin all in one move before she turns around, zeroing in on one of the remaining two creatures on deck. Yasha crosses the deck quickly as the creature begins to flee, the glowing bugs biting into it as Jester swings her axe, impaling it in the back before Yasha completely eviscerates it with her sword.

Then there’s only one. It chitters sickeningly, backing away towards the edge of the ship, before it glances up. Essek knows exactly who it's looking at.

He catches sight of Caleb as Caleb pulls his left arm back, leaving a trail of green energy that wraps around his right arm before he releases it, the spell slicing across the distance in a blink like an arrow before it impales the creature through the skull and acid begins to eat it away down the middle until it sloughs to a boiling mess on the ground.

Caleb drops down onto the deck beside Fjord, looking over him frantically as he stumbles to his knees, gently sitting Fjord up as best as he can. Beauregard is beside him in an instant, kneeling down as well, her chest heaving to fight off a sob as she grabs Fjord’s unmoving hand.

“Caduceus - Caduceus!” Jester shouts, looking back as she runs across the deck towards Fjord. “Come on, Caduceus! Caduceus!” She drops to the ground beside him, looking up at Caleb then back at Caduceus as she takes Fjord’s other hand in her own.

In a few quick strides Caduceus is bent over Fjord’s body, digging out something from the pouch at his side and placing it over Fjord’s eyes, a gentle green glow slowly moving to encase him. Just as quickly as he went he stood up, crossing the deck to another body - the tortle that had waved at Essek on the docks, Essek realized with a start - and performed the same spell on him, letting that soft green envelop the body.

Standing up again, Caduceus looks around the deck, eyes sharp and tense, and when they land on Essek Essek almost thinks that Caduceus might attack him as a reflex after what they’d just been through, but all Caduceus did was give him a grim nod before he returned to Jester’s side, his eyes turning an evergreen hue as he went, his hands performing the somatic elements of _detect magic_ that Essek easily recognized.

Dropping to his knees beside Fjord, Caduceus pulled out a diamond, and then pushed it into the wound in Fjord’s chest. Essek watches as the diamond begins to crumble beneath Caduceus’ hands, turning into dust that falls deeper into the mess of blood - then suddenly green vines sprout out of the wound, growing and wrapping around Fjord’s chest, creating a tightly knit ball right over the blood and exposed tissue before flashing a bright green that withers to brown and grey in a heartbeat, falling apart to show the wound now mostly healed over.

The rain continues to fall, a constant downpour that threatens to drown out everything around them.

Then Fjord’s chest rises weakly.

Essek feels his own chest give, a sob in his throat as he realizes what this means.

Caleb releases a shaky breath, his head falling to rest on top of Fjord’s softly, his shoulders shaking from where Essek can see. Beauregard sags against Caleb, not letting go of Fjord’s hand, and she barks out a laugh bordering on hysterical.

Caduceus presses his palms against Fjord’s chest, and a layer of lichen sprouts beneath his hands racing across the remains of the wound, bright pink to contrast with the dark green of Fjord’s skin and the scarlet of his blood. The lichen then withers away, falling apart to show the wound that’s now been reduced to a thin scar, looking like something that may have happened weeks or even months ago and not like something that had just killed him.

Jester breathes out a choked laugh, pecking a kiss on Fjord’s cheek before she reluctantly pulls away, rushing over to the tortle. There’s a crying half-elf beside him, his mess of dirty blonde hair coated to his forehead as he brokenly rubs at his eyes. She pulls out a diamond of her own, and she presses this one into a wound that the tortle has beneath his arm, at the exposed skin there that doesn’t benefit from his protective shell. There’s a flash of green that drapes over Jester like a cloak, and the diamond turns to liquid beneath her fingers that she brushes across the torn skin and flesh like paint, and then the tortle lets out a low groan that sounds like a deflated bagpipe, and these - these are _miracles_ Essek is witnessing, their gods answering their prayers, their gods helping and accepting and _being_ with them.

The tears well in Essek’s eyes and he blinks them away, tears of relief that Fjord and their other crew member are alive again, tears of shame as he remembers the Luxon’s rejection, tears of regret and pain and so many other things that seem to be coming more often than he’d like.

He must make some kind of noise because Caleb’s head whips up, one of his hands instantly rising, a green glow starting to curl around his fingers as he recognizes him.

“E-essek?” he whispers, the spell dissipating like smoke in the wind. “What are you doing here?”

“I just,” Essek starts, taking a hesitant step forward. Beauregard looks over at him, eyes bloodshot as Caduceus glances back as well. He points vaguely in the direction of the Assembly ship. “I saw -”

Fjord gave a pained groan, shifting as he tried to sit up further.

“Ah, ah - um, just breathe,” Caleb instructed, his attention back on Fjord as he gently propped Fjord up further, letting him lean heavily against him. “Breathe slow - slow.”

“Are you alright?” Beauregard asked thickly. “I mean, aside from no.”

“Y-yeah, no, I’m fine,” Fjord got out, his voice low and mangled, a struggle just to form words. “Thank you.” He cleared his throat, looking around slowly. “Are they all gone?” His eyes land on Essek, and his eyes narrow as if he’s trying to concentrate on him, his expression lost and surprised.

Beauregard gives a gruff, “Yeah,” her voice still fighting with her tears.

“I think so,” Jester answers, stepping away from the tortle and leaving the half-elf to pull him to his feet as she returns to Fjord’s side. “They were really - really hacking you up.” And, gods, Jester sounds so heartbroken and distraught and she doesn’t even deign Essek with a look of greeting as she focuses on Fjord.

Fjord gives a pained nod at Jester’s words, looking away from Essek. A part of Essek relaxes at that - his arrival seems to have garnered no animosity from the group, and so he slowly gets closer, quietly casting his own gravitational spell at a slightly larger radius, just to keep the rain from falling on them. 

“Yeah, it feels pretty shitty inside of my chest right now,” Fjord grimaces, closing his eyes. “Not gonna lie.”

Wiping at her face to get the tears and rain out of her eyes, Beauregard says, “I think your lung is still punctured.”

“Really?” Fjord groans.

“Yeah,” Beauregard frowns, watching his face as it contorts in discomfort as he tries to move again. Caleb is right there, easing Fjord up a bit more.

“Oh, god, re - like, you can see it?” Fjord asks, looking down at the now closed wound - and then he moves his arm, and there’s an odd protrusion straining against his skin, looking sickeningly out of place.

Beauregard gestures at it. “It's just, you can see a little bit of a puncture wound.”

“Just push it back in,” Fjord grits out. “Just push it.”

“Okay,” she shrugs. “Ready, one, two, three -” she puts her hand over the area, then presses in, and there’s a loud popping sound as Fjord shouts.

“Ah - don’t touch it, don’t touch it, don’t tou -” he sags against Caleb, his face going pale and his breathing labored, but he looks like he’s in much less pain now.

“Did you feel the stone?” Caleb asks, looking over at Beauregard.

“The what?” Fjord breathes out, leaning his head onto Caleb’s shoulder and looking up at him.

Jester’s brows pinch in confusion. “The what?”

Caduceus sighs. “The stone.” He sounds so small, his shoulders sagging from exhaustion or devastation, Essek isn’t sure. He looks up at the sky, swallowing hard. “I can’t talk right now.”

Realization flits across Fjord’s face. “Oh, the - the orb?”

Veth steps up quietly, and Essek almost jumps at how silently she moved, apparently having come up from below deck and having witnessed it all from a distance the way Essek had. “The ball,” she echoes.

“What else were they here for?” Caleb presses.

“I -” Fjord shakes his head, moving to slowly sit up again with Caleb’s help. “It has to be that.” He puts a hand to his chest, smearing the blood that the rain is no longer washing away. “I didn’t know I still had it, I can’t feel it now.” He looks around at all of them, worried and scared. “I-I don’t, I don’t know where it is, I thought it was _in_ the sword. I thought it was -”

There’s a muffled pop followed by a quiet incantation that Essek doesn’t quite catch, and as he tries to turn towards the sound he finds that he can’t move - _again_. Jester and Beauregard are still as statues, with Yasha off to the side, a towering sentinel, completely unmoving. Veth is completely still as well where she stands beside Essek, but Caduceus and Fjord and Caleb can still move, Caleb who shakily gets to his feet while still letting Fjord use his legs as support to stay sitting up.

“ _Ja, hallo_ \- identify yourself, please,” Caleb calls out, raising a wary hand.

“I would like you to identify yourself first,” a voice barks out in response - and Essek recognizes the voice, feels the way his heart sinks in his chest as soon as he hears her. “Get away from the wounded one,” she commands.

“This - we are the Mighty Nein, he is one of us,” Caleb shoots back, standing firm beside Fjord but shifting ever slightly to put himself between Fjord and the intruder.

“We just had a lot happen here in a very short amount of time,” Caduceus starts, his voice low, a warning tone that Essek feels he may have never heard before.

“Very -” she pauses, and suddenly her voice is a dagger, all sharp edges and ready for blood. “Is this a Kryn trap? Are we being attacked?”

If Essek could close his eyes, he would. Instead, he stares in horror as Vess DeRogna comes into his field of vision, expression hard, but there’s an underlying glee there that Essek has come to recognize in Assembly members when things are about to go their way. Finding him here has given DeRogna the _perfect_ excuse to get rid of him, to take him off the board and take care of him, the Assembly’s loose end. There’s a twitch to her lips that almost looks like a smile, and Essek knows she’s going to enjoy it as his heart struggles to beat a panicked rhythm against the spell that holds him still.

“No, we are not being attacked,” Caleb cuts in, and suddenly he’s stepping in between Essek and DeRogna. “He’s our friend, and I _messaged_ him when we started to get attacked to ask for help.” He holds his ground against her, his shoulders tense, drops of water slipping from his hair to then race down his skin. Essek can only see a sliver of Caleb’s face, but he can see the determined set to his jaw. “This negotiation hinges on a ceasefire between nations. If you hurt him, you will be throwing away what we’ve all worked for, incurring the wrath of the Dynasty.” Sparks flicker along Caleb’s fingertips where his hands are at his sides. “And ours.”

Essek can see the way her eyes narrow before she gives a stiff nod. “Very well,” she quips, and Essek feels himself settle into his skin again as she releases her spell, his heart threatening to burst out of his chest from his fear. Her sharp eyes meet his. “Is this true?”

All he can manage is a mute nod, not trusting his voice. Caleb moves, cutting off her line of sight from Essek.

Off in the distance there are faint bells, and Fjord huffs out a sigh. “Oh, I was wondering if anyone noticed.”

Glancing over at him, Essek sees that he’s now leaning heavily against Caduceus with the cleric wrapping an arm around him protectively, scanning the ocean around them. Essek follows his gaze, noticing the lights that seem to slowly move closer - the other ships, most likely also noticing part of what was going on.

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” Fjord groans, burying his face into Caduceus’ chest.

“My apologies,” DeRogna starts, looking around at all of them. “I am just taking the necessary precautions.” She clasps her hands in front of her. “Well, ah, I assume, then, based on your, ah,” she glances at Essek, but Caleb stubbornly stays between them. “Confusion at my arrival that you are not responsible for the wounded on this deck. Please tell me immediately what has transpired in the past minute.”

Caleb looks over at the group, and Essek knows he’s looking over at someone else, maybe Beauregard or even Fjord, before he says, “Uh, the boat came under attack.”

“Yes, please keep telling the story, I’m going to,” Fjord gets out, and Essek looks over in time to see a soft green glow vanish from his hands as the wound across his chest almost vanishes entirely. He sags against Caduceus. “If you don’t mind,” he finishes in a mumble.

“Some, some sort of creatures out of the sea swarmed the ship,” Caleb explains. Jester makes a hissing sound, putting her hands in front of her face to mimic the split jaw of the attackers.

Beside Essek, Veth gets out a quiet incantation, going through a few somatic motions with fleece in her hands. In the space beside Caleb, the _image_ of the towering creature blinks into existence, his jaw cracking open and chattering silently as it's clawed hands flex menacingly at its sides.

Yasha heads to the edge of the deck, reaching over and pulling up the body she had hung there. It's head hung at a gory angle, eyes staring unseeing into space.

Jester pointed over at it. “Oh, well, there it - that’s what they look like, right there.”

DeRogna’s nose scrunches up. “So these creatures you point out are responsible for this attack - ah, could you please tell me if you have any inclination as to why.”

“Seemed random,” Veth shrugs, the _image_ of the creature copying her movements. “Random attack - this is a f-fear, fearsome vessel that we command.”

“We did - yeah, that’s true,” Jester agrees. “I mean, we were, you know -”

“Pirates,” Veth nods as the _image_ fades now.

Jester continues, “Pretty famous pirates on the seas, so that’s - they just recognized our flag and our -”

“I have a feeling it has something to do with our location that we’re at currently in the ocean as well,” Beauregard interrupts. “We might be over their domain.”

A careful expression comes across DeRogna’s face as she looks around at the group - keeping care not to glance in Essek’s direction. “Very well,” she says finally. “These are dangerous waters - the closer we get to the reef itself, we will prepare for such a thing.” She turns to Fjord, giving him a reptilian smile. “Well, I am glad that you apparently are safe - um, the Mighty Nein, correct?” she asks, turning to Caleb.

“Yes,” Veth answers her at the same time Jester says, “Yeah - _oui_.”

Caleb holds her gaze, but says nothing.

DeRogna looks away, turning towards where Essek knows the _Wind of Aeons_ is. “I have - I have been made aware of who you are. The Martinet speaks highly of the aid that you provided back in Rexxentrum.” Her words are delicately measured, but the threat rings loud in Essek’s ears.

“Are you travelling with the Martinet or are you on your own ship here?” Caleb asks.

“I am travelling where I please,” DeRogna smiles. “But I’m here on the same mission. But nevertheless.” She leans over, glancing past Caleb and looking right at Essek. “Ah, we appreciate your contribution as to ending this conflict -” she straightens, getting blocked by Caleb again, but her words carve into Essek, the double-meaninged mockery sending needles into his chest. “This is unfortunate that you have been pulled into whatever entities wish to see it not come to fruition,” she continues, talking to the Mighty Nein again even as Essek knows she’s aiming the words at him. “But, I’m glad you’re all safe.”

There’s the slow and steady sounds of heavy footsteps as the tortle joins the group, the half-elf hovering worriedly at his side. “We appreciate yer, ah, appreciation,” he tells her.

She looks down at him, giving a forced nod. “Anyway,” she says, “I, ah, will leave you to your recovery. If you require anything, ah, if any of you have the means of reaching out, I am not far. And when all of this is over -” She glances around at all of them, sizing them up. Essek knows that look - the Martinet had given him the same look when they’d first met, taking in his value as an asset rather than as a person. “If you’re looking for work, there may be some possibilities in the north, should we work together.”

Caleb speaks up again - this time in Zemnian, his voice low and quiet, and Essek knows he’s carefully picking out his words too.

DeRogna leans in and Essek feels a sharp flare in his chest, feels his fingers twitch with the want to pull Caleb back, away from her, but all she does is respond in kind. Caleb says something else to her, and she answers easily before saying in Common, “Well, anyway, hopefully there is still time to get some sleep. I, myself, am a bit frustrated. The storm made it difficult enough to bed down, now I’m a bit winded.”

“Hopefully we can talk about the north on a different day,” Caleb tells her.

“There is plenty a’time on the sea,” she shrugs. “You’ll know how to find me, I’m sure.”

“Very much so,” Caleb nodded.

“Sleep well,” she said, looking around at all of them. “ _Gute nacht._ ”

And then she disappeared in an arcane flash of purple.

“Fucking bitch,” Beauregard mumbles.

Essek feels himself shakily take a full breath. She saw him here, she _followed_ him here, and she’d been about to get rid of him like it was the easiest thing in the world. He didn’t know what would happen when he got back to the _Wind of Aeons_ when the Martinet found out. “I-I should go,” he stuttered out. He looked around at everyone, taking in their various injuries and their exhausted expressions, seeing Fjord still on the ground up against Caduceus’ side. “You should all get some rest.”

He lifted his hand, about to _dimension door_ back to the ship or _teleport_ back home, he wasn’t sure, but a gentle touch on his arm stills his movements - not forcefully, like whatever the creatures that attacked were doing, or what DeRogna did with her spell. No, this was soft, hesitant, something Essek could shake off easily if he wanted to.

“Stay?” Caleb asks, his face framed by his bright hair now turned copper from the rain - rain that’s begun to fall over all of them again as Essek realizes he’s lost his grip on his gravitational spell sometime after DeRogna appeared.

Caleb’s eyes are so sad, and Essek can feel the way his hand shakes where he holds it softly against Essek’s arm. “Of course,” Essek whispers. “I’ll stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so firstly - when i was watching the episode, i about DIED when Caleb said he was going to see Yussa after everything that happened, I was like ...Caleb...you just got into a fight with your wizard...,,,,and you're going to ANOTHER WIZARD'S TOWER....so scandalous - but then he didn't go, and I was like well, that's going into the ol' Shadowgast file folder, and now here it is!!!
> 
> and also, as I already said in the notes for [part 25](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24071341) of my Shadowgast series (for those of you who've been reading that too), when those scions were screeching, I was like please dear God, I want Essek to have HEARD IT, and then my mind went crazy with the idea of /Essek!!!/ going to the Balleater rather than DeRogna, and that's what led to that scene!!
> 
> i've found that i'm a slut for having Caleb ask Essek to stay, and an even bigger slut for Essek to agree with little to no hesitation, because man...those gentle touches are really doing me in guys
> 
> anyway, I really hope you guys liked this chapter!! I can't wait to see you all again in the next one!! I hope you're all safe and sound and doing well!!
> 
> this fic was inspired by:  
> Dark Waters | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 98 - 55:20, 2:41:00 - 5:06:15  
> High Seas, High Stakes | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 99 - 13:30 - 28:40


	3. Calm Amongst the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two resurrections wasn't enough - no, with the Mighty Nein, there's always more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okaaay guys, i'm super sorry about the super long break in between this chapter and the last one, but I just had a couple bad days where I was just feeling super melancholic and out of it, and then once I got outta that I had to hit the ground running on midterms for school - and while I still have one more left to do, I finally managed to find the time to finish this fic!!! It was super slow going as I worked on it in between assignments, but I'm so happy I finally got to write it!!
> 
> this is still relatively close to canon, but y'know, we're already starting to diverge and will only continue to split off from canon from here!!!
> 
> I really hope you guys like it, I was highkey looking forward to a few moments in this so I'm thrilled I was able to get to them

“Did you - were you, were you hitting on her?” Jester asks, the question startling Caleb into tearing his eyes away from Essek as he turns to Jester. “Were you hitting on her?”

His shaking hand is still on Essek’s arm, his fingers curling around the damp fabric of his cloak. He drops his hand, digging it instead into one of his various coat pockets. “Do you think that would have been useful?”

“It could have been, I’m not sure,” Jester shrugs. “But like, you were talking to her, and all of the sudden she starts talking about bedding down, y’know?”

“I would not advise that sort of familiarity with Vess DeRogna,” Essek got in.

Jester frowned. “Are you sure?” She feigns a gasp, putting a hand to her cheek. “Oh my gosh, Essek - have you tried it?”

“That is definitely not something I have tried, nor do I care to try,” Essek tells her. He lifts a hand, waving it once through the air, the silver dunamantic energy drifting behind his fingers. The rain stops - at least above them. “Like I said before - I do not trust her.”

“What do I do with this?” Yasha calls out, drawing their attention to the dead sea creature she’s still lifting up - the one that had killed Fjord.

Caleb shoves his other hand into his pockets, clenching them into fists to keep them from shaking.

“Just bring it on deck,” Caduceus nods, motioning vaguely as he continues to help Fjord sit upright. “Let’s take a look at this.”

Yasha tosses the body down unceremoniously where it slops against the wood on its back, it's neck bent from where Yasha had snapped it, it's bisected jaw open as if it were mid screech. Caleb can see a smaller mouth inside it's gaping maw, this one ringed with razor sharp teeth. He doesn’t want to think of what might make up it's diet and his stomach turns at the memory of the creature’s  _ dimension door _ starting to rise up as it had its claws deep in Fjord’s chest.

He’s about to look away, just to shake the image from his mind, but suddenly the creature starts to curl in on itself - and for one panicked moment Caleb thinks it's not dead, that’s it's still alive, and he has his hand out in an instant, a  _ fire bolt  _ dancing along his palm, but to his horror the creature  _ shrinks _ , the rubbery tentacles at the back of it's head retracting with a wet slurp as it's jaw knits back together. The claws on its hands retract as the fins that run along its arms and legs melt into the skin. The piecemeal armor it wears crumbles until only old rags remain. It loses the tint of it's skin as it grows even paler and the blue bleeds out of it, and suddenly it's not a creature at all, but an older man, a human, his balding head and scruffy beard now taking the place of the tentacles and split jaw.

Bile rises up Caleb’s throat.

“What the heck,” Jester whispers, a summation and an understatement all at once.

“Do you recognize that - that dude?” Veth asks, pointing the man out to Fjord.

“Fjord, do you know this guy?” Jester repeats, turning to Fjord too.

“I don’t think so,” Fjord answers slowly. His eyes are wide - but they’re wide in alarm, not recognition.

“Oh my gosh, if you would have kept doing -” Jester starts.

“- yeah, would you look like that?” Beau finishes, pointing at the man as well. “Yeah?”

“If you had kept -” Veth rushed on.

“ - you turn into -” Jester continued.

“ - to tentacle man?” Beau asked, her voice rising at the end into a shout.

“I - I don’t, I don’t know, I can’t imagine that’s a reward,” Fjord gets out. He stares down at his hands. “But it might be.”

“Do you think he has one of those things in his chest?” Yasha asks, drawing a circle against her chest.

Even though he doesn’t want to get any closer, Caleb forces himself to move, getting onto his knees beside the body and feeling it's jaw - feeling for any seam where the jaw used to split open, feeling the back of his head for tentacles, feeling for  _ anything _ that would show that this man had been one of the creatures that had attacked them. He finds nothing at all.

“This one has, ah, reverted as well,” Essek called out.

Glancing over, Caleb can see Essek looking down at the body - or whatever remains of the body - of the creature Caleb had killed with an  _ acid arrow _ . Essek moves his hand slowly up and the body rises partially. Half its face - half its body, is gone, the acid having eaten most of it away.

“Elven woman,” Essek informed them, letting the body slump against the railing as he made his way back over to them.

Veth looked between one body and the other before she took off in a run, rushing below deck. “ _ There’s a goliath down here _ ,” Caleb heard at the back of his head 11 seconds later.

“And there is, apparently, one more that has reverted below deck,” Caleb said. He looked to Fjord and Caduceus. “A goliath.”

“Ah, Beau, do you wanna,” Caduceus started, slowly standing up and helping Fjord to his feet. “Beau, d-do you wanna, search - search through the pockets, see if there’s -”

“Yeah, you have a knife?” Beau asked, moving over to Caleb and crouching down beside him. She looked around. “Who’s got a knife?”

“I got a knife,” Veth answered as she rejoined the group.

Hefting the axe she had at her side, Jester offered, “I got a axe.”

Beau holds her hand out to Veth who quickly gives her one of her daggers.

“Do you want - do we open them up and see if there’s like orbs inside -” Jester starts to ask right as Beau takes the dagger and stabs it into the hollow of the man’s throat. “In the bo -”

Caleb moves back slightly as Jester draws closer to Beau. “I was just - oh, we’re all on the same page.”

“Keep, keep the - the heads,” Caduceus tells them. “Just in case.”

“Okay, I’m gonna help, I’m really good at this stuff,” Jester says, kneeling down beside Beau.

“Alright,” Beau nods, the dagger slick with gore in her hands as she starts to saw through the collarbone, the scrape of metal on bone sounding uncomfortably loud to Caleb before there’s a loud crack as she moves to the sternum and it breaks beneath the pressure, letting Beau drag the dagger down. She pauses to rip off the man’s shirt, only to come face to face with the symbol of Uk’otoa - the yellow eye inked into the man’s chest.

She shares a look with Jester before she resumes carving through the man, cutting down the middle of the tattoo and continuing to slice the man open until she gets to the bottom of his abdomen.

Mimicking opening the body, Caleb suggests, “Do you want to open the book?”

A sickening, briney smell begins to waft from the corpse - a smell that only get stronger once Beau puts the dagger down and digs her fingers into the body, grabbing a hold of both sides of the ribcage and pulling them apart with a cacophony of snapping sounds and tearing skin.

The sounds make Caleb’s skin crawl.

Jester covers her mouth with her hand as she begins to gag. “I’m gonna vomit.”

“I thought you said you were really good at this,” Fjord teases as he and Caduceus limp closer to them.

Removing her hand and taking a deep breath she instantly regrets, Jester coughs out, “I mean, I am.” She rolls up the sleeves of her sleeping gown, gagging again. “But it's just really gross this time.”

They all start talking over each other briefly as Jester hesitates, covering her mouth again.

“What exactly is she looking for?” Essek asks, and Caleb finds him standing right behind him, glancing over his shoulder down at the mess of exposed unnaturally colored blue and grey organs of the creature-reverted-man. He’s so close Caleb knows that if he focuses on him, he could probably feel his breaths on his shoulder.

“An orb,” Caleb answers, willing himself to get back to the monster on the deck, but immediately finds that explanation lacking. “It is a long story, but, ah, one that we have clearly not reached the end of.”

Essek wrinkles his nose, his brows knit in worry. “It seems like a dangerous one.”

“It is,” Caleb agreed, right as Caduceus counted down, “Just go, one, two -”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Jester rushed out. “I’m just gonna - I’m just gonna reach in and look for a hard orb or something.”

“One, two, three,” Caduceus finished.

Jester shoved a hand into the body, bracing her other hand on Beau’s shoulder for balance. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” Jester repeated, going in up to her forearm. She closed her eyes tightly, turning to face up as her chest shuddered with the way she was trying to suppress herself from gagging.

“Mhm, there you go, yeah,” Beau told her, looking down into the body. “Whaddya got? Anything?”

Caleb was looking down too, watching as Jester’s hand vanished beneath organs and viscera.

Caduceus pressed a gentle hand to Jester’s shoulder, where a soft spark of light flared before vanishing. Caleb had had Jester cast  _ guidance _ on him enough times to recognize the spell.

The look of revulsion on Jester’s face diminished slightly as she finally looked down at the body, concentrating on the task at hand. She still, however, made it very clear that she was completely disgusted by it. “This is really fucked up,” she got out.

They fell into silence as Jester worked for another three minutes and fifty-seven seconds before she pulled her hand out of the body with a wet sucking sound. She held her hand out in front of her, covered in blood and clear slime and whatever other bodily fluids she got into as she searched around - but still empty handed.

“Maybe you should check the other two just in case?” Veth suggested.

“No,” Jester shook her head, carefully standing up again and making sure her gore covered arm didn’t brush against her clothes.

Caduceus turned to glance at the body of the elven woman. “No, I don’t think -”

“It's just organs,” Jester continued. “I have a feeling Fjord would not have turned into one of these things. I feel like they were, like, a servant in a different way, do you know what I mean?”

Beau let go of the ribs, letting them collapse into the body. “Maybe - maybe Fjord could’ve controlled them,” she shrugged, wiping her hands on her trousers as she stood. “If he would’ve kept going.”

Looking down at the body again, Caduceus added, “Maybe he could make these.”

“But the thing is, if - I -” Yasha starts, looking to Fjord. “They were probably trying to get it out of you, so maybe they - none of them have one.”

Nodding, Beau nudged the body at her feet. “But it was the big guy.”

“What do I do with this stuff?” Jester whispered to Veth as Veth began to hesitantly wipe at Jester’s arm, only for the blood and slime to stick to her hands now too, connecting them in sticky threads that were proving much harder to remove than they thought.

“They were like the bigger guys who definitely seemed to be calling the shots and running the show,” Beau continued.

“Yeah,” Yasha agreed.

“It may be - it might be a little, ah, presumptuous of us to try to understand the hierarchy of, ah, Uk’otoa’s minions,” Caleb frowned.

Veth and Beau both echoed Uk’otoa’s name, their game still ongoing even after so long - and gods, did it feel like so long since they’d said that name aloud.

Fjord looked out across the deck. “They had falchions.” He turned back to the group. “They had, um, the same sort of curved blade that I did. I didn’t see, ah, I didn’t see an eye or an orb in the sword though.”

Jester shakes her hand once, meaning to get as much slop off herself as possible - and ends up getting some on Veth’s face and even on Caleb’s cheek in the process.

Caleb glances at her as he moves to wipe the stuff off himself when Essek mumbles something under his breath, his hand rising from beneath his cloak. The gore slides off Caleb’s face with the ghost of a caress.

“I can take care of that,” Essek says quietly, putting a soft hand on Caleb’s back as he steps behind him, moving to stand closer to Jester and Veth as he casts  _ prestidigitation  _ again and cleans them both up. Jester flashes him a brilliant grin and Veth gives him a silent nod of thanks. Caleb almost wishes he hadn’t removed his hand from Caleb’s back, wanting the touch to ground him, to keep him from the panic he could feel after everything that’d just happened. He banishes the thought from his mind - now wasn’t the time for that.

Sighing, Fjord says, “I spent enough time with it, I’d - it was the same sword.”

“Even the swords have reverted back,” Beau observes, pointing at a rusty blade not far from them - the sword the creature had dropped when it’d gone down against Yasha.

“That was so, so gross - should we search for an orb in you, Fjord?” Jester asked, turning away from Essek and back to Fjord. She gestured at the body on the ground. “I mean, not like that, but -” She gave him a careful once over. “Should we - do you have one inside of you still?”

“All evidence seems to suggest,” he touched his chest gently, “Yes.”

Jester nervously picked at one of her horns. “How do we get it out?”

“I don’t - I don’t know. I didn’t - I -” Fjord started.

“How did you get it in?” Veth frowned.

Fjord looked away, his hand still at his chest.

_ It was cold and dark in the merrow cave, the stone the next thing on Caleb’s list to  _ identify _ \- but he looked away for one second and suddenly it was gone, in Fjord’s hands, in Fjord’s  _ chest _ as he pressed it into himself, the glassy eyed look on his face chilling to see before his hand dropped and the orb was gone and Fjord told them what he’d seen. _

“Do we have to go back to that temple? Do you have to give it back?” Beau asks, snapping Caleb out of the memory. It had happened so long ago, a lifetime ago, before they lost Mollymauk, before Caduceus, before Veth, before Xhorhas, before - before Essek.

“Oh my gosh,” Jester sighs, sounding equal parts exhausted and worried.

Caduceus looks down at Fjord, still tucked into his side. “I don’t know if you can.”

“What if -” Jester gets out, before she frowns. “Mmm, no.”

“I mean, it, ah - it,” Fjord tried, cutting himself off as he struggled with finding the right words.

Gasping, Jester spoke up again. “What if - what if we  _ blink _ into the Ethereal Plane, do you think we would see it in the Ethereal Plane?”

“Like?” Veth asked, hoping for an elaboration.

“What do you mean, like, in me or outside of me?” Fjord followed up, brow furrowing.

Looking towards Beau, Caduceus gestures to Fjord. “I mean, you would’ve probably - well, I don’t know.”

“That’s true, I would have seen something if - with  _ true sight _ ,” Beau nods. She squints at Fjord as if trying to remember something. She shrugs.

“I, ah - I had a dream where I -” Fjord starts, and he motions putting something in his mouth. “Injested a sword. I could try and throw up?” He puts his hand to his chest again. “There was another one where I just, I pushed it into my chest.”

“So you have  _ two _ orbs in you still?” Jester shouted.

“No, no!” Fjord exclaimed, shaking his head. “I’m just saying, I’m - I, I consumed two -”

“Do you have two orbs in - ?” Jester repeated as Veth demanded, “Do you have two orbs in you?”

Fjord shook his head vehemently. “No, no - I only have -”

“How do you know?” Jester pressed.

“Because I pu-” He makes a motion and Caleb recognizes it - he recognizes it, can hear Fjord’s voice, “ _ Let’s see what this does,”  _ before he thrust the pommel of his falchion into the recession of stone in the temple of the Gravid Archipelago. “I opened the key to one of the locks to - of, of Uk’otoa -”

“Uk’otoa,” Veth echoes.

“- with, with the sword,” Fjord finished.

Raising a brow and without missing a beat after remembering their game with Uk’otoa’s name, Veth continues, “How did you get it open? Did you pull it out?”

“I placed - there were two eyes,” Fjord explains, letting go of Caduceus as he makes two circles with his hands, placing one on top of the other to show their placement on the falchion. “In the sword, and I placed it down into the ground, but I had to use the pommel of the sword.”

“So you have  _ two  _ orbs inside of you!” Jester shouted again. “You have two orbs inside of you!”

“You had two orbs,” Veth clarified, looking a little confused. “Does your sword, falchion, whatever right now have an, an eye on it?”

“It did when I threw it in the pool of magma,” Fjord got out, throwing his hands in the air. His knees buckled, but Caduceus was quick to support him again as Fjord sagged against him.

“Wait - where, where’s your sword -” Beau began as Veth pointed at him, saying, “But the pommel on your current sword does not -”

“Can you - can you,” Beau mimics the way Fjord summons his sword.

Still leaning against Caduceus, Fjord summons the  _ Star Razor _ in his hand. “No, no s - no eye,” Fjord confirms, showing them the blade of the blue tinged longsword and turning the hilt over in his palm so that they could see that there was no eye there nor on the pommel.

Beau crossed her arms, nodding at the sword. “Can you try and make it a thing? Can you try and make it have an eyeball?”

“Why would you do that? That’s the Wildmother’s sword,” Jester frowned.

“I don’t think that’s how that works,” Caduceus said slowly.

Fjord looked down at the sword, deep in thought. “Well, I mean if it - if-if, if we, if we get it then we just toss that bitch into the ocean and keep going, it’ll be fine.” His eyes narrowed as he whispered under his breath, “Make me an eye.”

“No, Fjord,” Jester whined.

He sighed after nothing happened. “No, it doesn’t work.”

“But how do you get this orb out of you?” Veth asked, getting back to the problem at hand.

“It seems like -” Beau started.

“We - should we, should we slice him open?” Veth suggested.

There’s an uncomfortable beat of silence as Jester looks Fjord over intently as if considering it briefly before Caleb decides to step in and volunteer something perhaps not so dangerous. “Jester, you have been able to find things, would you be able to l-”

“Like  _ locate _ an object?” Jester finished, nodding along.

“L-locate it?” Caleb got out.

“I mean I could if I -” She wrung her hands together.

“Have you seen -” Veth began to ask, mistaking Jester’s hesitance for perhaps unfamiliarity with what she would be looking for.

“If I sleep on it, y’know what I mean?” Jester told them. “I gotta sleep on it - I gotta think about it.”

Caleb gave her a small smile. He knew what she meant. “I feel you.”

“Yeah,” Jester shrugged.

“Beau, Yasha,” Fjord sighed, turning to the pair. “You can like divine aspects or whatever - if I lift my arms can you like push around in my guts, in my ribcage, to see if there’s anything, to feel if there’s a tangerine in that bitch.”

“I could try,” Beau nodded, lifting up her fists and taking up a loose stance - Caleb had seen her in action before, finding weaknesses in their enemies through her blows. He wasn’t exactly sure if that kind of move would be useful for this though.

Yasha nods too, following Beau’s lead and starting to move around behind Fjord as Fjord took a shaky step away from Caduceus and began to lift up his arms.

“Maybe I can feel an orb thingy!” Jester jumped in, stepping in beside Beau as the three of them began to circle Fjord - but then Caduceus pulled something out of his pocket, tracing a sigil in the air with it while mumbling under his breath.

“Oh, you have it already fucking prepared,” Jester huffed, crossing her arms as Caduceus got in between Fjord and the girls and began to run the tuning fork over Fjord. “Well, good for you.”

Caduceus gives Jester a teasing smile over his shoulder before he continues running the fork down. It emits a soft glow as it goes - flaring bright as it passes over Fjord’s chest before it dims down again. Caduceus moves it up, and once again the light grows bright, right over where the wound was.

He meets Fjord’s gaze. “I can’t get any more accurate than that.”

“I mean when, when that, um, when that thing was in my,” Fjord stutters out, making a downward stabbing motion. “Chest, before I decided to take, you know, just a quick repose, um…” He trailed off briefly, skirting over his death.

Caleb could still see it so clearly, could still see the way the falchion sunk into his chest, pushing the life out of him.

“Was he like,” Fjord continued, making a grabbing motion and mimicking Jester as she searched through the creature-turned-man’s body. “Doing the same thing that we were just doing? Was he trying to grab th- something out of my chest or?”

“He was, like, hackin’,” Jester told him.

Yasha crossed her arms, still standing behind Fjord. “He was hacking into your chest with the sword.”

“Yeah, he was goin’ for it,” Beau agreed.

“He was,” Caleb quietly added. He felt a light pressure on his arm, and glancing over he could see Essek had put his hand there, a comforting anchor, one that made Caleb realize how much he was actually shaking still - he hadn’t even noticed when Essek had retaken his spot near him.

“And it was very - it felt very centralized,” Beau continued, with Caleb catching how she gestured to her own chest as he turned back to them. He leaned into Essek’s touch, feeling some of the shaking begin to settle when Essek gave his arm a reassuring squeeze.

“So it's not - it’s not me that he wanted, he wanted something out of me,” Fjord said.

Caduceus frowned. “There’s, there’s -”

“Well, I don’t know, he also was trying to pull you down into the ocean, so,” Jester trailed off.

Veth nodded. “And they - they really wanted to kill you.”

“What do you mean?” Fjord blinked with a start, looking at Jester. “Wait, wait - th-they were trying to take me off the boat?”

“I think -” Beau started at the same time Caleb began, “Well, they -”

They both looked at each other before Caleb nodded to Beau. “I think he was trying to take you off the boat after they knew that most of the team had been compromised,” Beau explained.

“Oh shit,” Fjord breathed out, looking pale. He avoided their gaze. “Sorry,” he mumbled - as if somehow this was  _ his _ fault.

“Yeah, we weren’t giving, ah, him time to do his work,” Caleb added.

“To do what he needed,” Beau nodded.

“And so he needed to leave with your,” Caleb continued, swallowing hard. “Corpse.”

“Or they just really,” Jester said, picking up where Caleb left off.

Caduceus chimed in as well, “Or they had to take you somewhere -”

“- liked you a little,” Jester finished, which was vastly different to Caduceus’ “- dead or alive.”

“But he seemed very much like he knew what he was doing and what he was going for in his chest,” Beau emphasized. Jester and Yasha nodded in agreement. “I think he ran -”

“So maybe if I - die,” Fjord gets out. “Something happens.”

“Or maybe it doesn’t matter,” Caduceus tells him softly.

Yasha steps closer to them, so that she can see Fjord’s face. “So you - you had a dream that you swallowed this orb and the orb is there?”

“Open your mouth,” Jester instructs.

“Uh - y-yes,” Fjord nods, opening his mouth.

Jester takes him by the chin, tilting his head down so she can get a better look as she squints. She moves his head a little to one side then the other, before she lets go. “I don’t see anything.”

“He’s got mono!” Veth jokes. Fjord gives her a look of alarm before he shakes his head, knowing she’s just messing with him.

“I don’t see anything,” Jester repeats, suppressing a laugh.

“Well, look, I mean,” Beau starts, pausing as she grasps for the right words. “You had wet dreams for months about trying to -”

Fjord sighs, shaking his head at her word choice before he glances over at Essek. “Not quite as that makes it sound,” Fjord explains to him as Jester finally bursts into laughter.

“- get Uk’otoa free,” Beau continued.

“Uk’otoa,” Veth, Jester, and Caduceus echo - with Caleb even allowing himself to join in this time. Caduceus puts his arm around Fjord again, giving him a teasing squeeze.

Beau tapped on her knuckles. “We know very clearly what Uk’otoa’s -” another echo “- mission is, and I’m assuming -”

“Oh, maybe it's bad that like - maybe it's like Vecna, if you say his name three times in a row it's really bad and he’ll show up on the boat,” Jester gasped.

“What is Vecna?” Caleb asked. He feels like he’d maybe read that name somewhere in passing, but he hasn’t paid it any attention with whatever he’d probably been looking at at the time.

“You know,” Jester shrugged.

“No,” Caleb said, shaking his head.

“Like Saundor,” Jester elaborated.

Fjord raised a questioning brow. “Is that a drink, like?”

“What is - what is -” Caleb began.

“That’s not helpful,” Caduceus shrugged, looking just as lost as Caleb felt.

“Is that the Traveler?” Caleb finally settled on.

“Kinda of,” Jester nodded, although she seemed unconvinced that that was the proper way to explain it.

“Like the Hag Mother,” Beau added.

Caleb felt like he couldn’t be more lost. “What is the Hag Mother? Was that the hag?” He shook his head. “You know what, let’s just - just focus on this, on Uk’otoa.”

“Uk’otoa,” the echo rang out.

“I don’t know - I don’t know how to get this,” Fjord tapped on his chest, steering the conversation back on track. “Out. Um, but I think it's fair to assume -” He cut himself off, looking around. “How is the ship by the way?”

Jester and Veth shared a look.

“Not too bad,” Jester slowly answers.

“Below decks is a little, ah, a little tored up,” Veth tells him. “Um…”

“A little to’ed up from the flo’d up,” Fjord gets out.

Veth nods. “A little to’ed up from, ah, from -”

“Oh - everything okay?” Gallan calls out, joining the group after coming up from below decks.

“I mean kinda,” Caduceus shrugs.

“Yeah,” Fjord says, looking down at himself. There’s still splatters of blood on his sleep pants. “Just, just fine, y’know - spilled a bit of wine on my -” he pats at himself.

“Yup, yeah,” Jester nods. “Yup.”

“Should I start gettin’ to repairs?” Gallan asks.

“Yes,” Beau, Jester, and Veth all respond in unison.

“Okay,” Gallan nods, patting at his tool belt before heading off.

“Start with the cannons!” Veth shouts after him. He gives her a thumbs up before he disappears below deck.

“Do you have any ideas about how to get the orb out of Fjord, Essek?” Jester asked, turning her attention to him - which brought everyone’s attention to him.

He dropped his hand from where it had still been on Caleb’s arm, pulling it beneath his cloak. “I am not sure I, ah, will be much help in that regard.” He looks down, admitting softly, “I’m not sure I entirely follow what’s happening, and I feel like now isn’t the time to ask questions that have answers that may take up too much time. I wouldn’t want to cause more harm by acting without knowing more.”

“There’s too much happening all at once,” Caduceus sighed. “I just - this feels like, this feels like so many moving parts.”

“I think my only question,” Caleb started carefully. “Ah, not my only question,” Caleb amended, brushing his shoulder lightly with Essek’s, to reassure him that it was okay to have questions - he could feel how uncomfortable Essek had felt confessing about not knowing what to do. “One of many questions is - were these creatures that came for you, ah, w-was one of them, or all of them, ah, um, actors, ah, or-or-or operators like you, yourself,” Caleb says, looking at Fjord. “Were, at one time, or like, A-avantika was, or are they just sent by...you know?”

Still looking troubled, Fjord answered with even more uncertainty of his own. “My question is, and I don’t know if there’s an answer to this -” He looks up at Caduceus. “Is there a way to determine if a body is cursed? After death or during life? I just don’t -”

“Probably,” Caduceus mused, glancing down at the body.

“Do you want me to try the pressure points thing?” Beau volunteered, lifting her fists again.

“I mean,  _ greater restoration _ cures curses,” Jester mumbled, moving over to stand by Caduceus.

“Well, yeah,” Caduceus nodded. “But I don’t know if it detects curses -  _ detect good and evil _ maybe?”

“ _ Detect good and evil _ ,” Jester agreed before frowning. “I don’t think I have it prepared.”

Fjord turned to Beau. “Would you just hit the body?”

“No, I mean you,” Beau answered, fists still up.

“No, not - stop it,” Fjord got out, shaking his head. “No, no hitting me.”

Beau and Fjord continued to go on about the merits of potentially punching the orb out of Fjord while Caduceus and Jester ran through potential spells they could use to get it out.

“So, this orb is a, ah, symbol - a part of this, Uk’otoa?” Essek asked.

“Uk’otoa,” Veth and Jester chimed in as Veth started to head below deck and Jester moved around Caduceus to get to Fjord.

“More or less,” Caleb answered, watching as Jester began to poke and prod at Fjord’s chest.

“It’s such an extreme transformation,” Fjord got out, looking down at the body and pulling away from Caduceus slightly to give Jester room to continue what she was doing.

Jester’s brow furrowed as she began to dig her fingers into his skin, causing Fjord to squirm and wince at the same time. “Do you mind? Is this okay?” she asked, catching a small grimace on Fjord’s face. “I just - I wanna see if I feel an orb,” she explained, stopping what she was doing.

“I mean, I was just dead,” Fjord shrugged, lifting his arms. “So, have at it.”

“No, I mean,” Jester started again, this time softer than before. “If this is uncomfortable for you, let me know.”

Fjord gave her a reassuring smile. “I’m actually enjoying it, it's fine.”

“Okay,” Jester grinned, going back to her impromptu check up with renewed focus.

“And Fjord - has it inside of him?” Essek whispered to Caleb, watching as Jester sighed in frustration when she didn’t find anything.

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb nodded. “It's why they came for him.”  _ Why they tore into him - why they killed him. _

“Can’t you speak with dead things?” Fjord asked suddenly, turning to Caduceus.

“I can,” Caduceus answered. “Tomorrow.”

That was as satisfying a response as could be given. “Okay,” Fjord got out. “We should try to, if we can. It might provide some answers. Until then -”

“Think about what you wanna know,” Caduceus told him.

“Well, I’m also a bit of a homing beacon,” Fjord sighed, worry and fear under lacing his calm tone. “I was sleeping in the captain’s quarters like a dingleb-barft.”

There was a beat of silence before Beau burst into laughter, and even Caleb cracked a smile, teasing Fjord. “Oh, you know Zemnian?”

“Yeah, we should - you know what, we should all, we should all sleep in the captain’s quarters,” Jester suggested.

“Together,” Caduceus agreed.

“Yeah,” Beau got out, laughter subsiding. She turned to Caleb. “Maybe you can, ah, string us up a little  _ alarm _ , Caleb?”

“I think that we, ah, maybe need to fall on old practices,” Caleb nodded. “Even though we are on the ship.” It would be safest for everyone.

“If I could add to the protocol, perhaps,” Fjord spoke up. He glanced at the sky as if looking for something amongst the thundering clouds and rain overhead. “Caleb, about what time is it today?”

“Oh, it’s exactly 2:32 in the morning,” Caleb answered without missing a beat. “Nicodranas time.”

“Could you remind me -” Fjord started, looking down at the group before he frowned. “Oh God, at 2:30 in the morning every day and I’ll cast under _ water breathing _ just on everyone.”

He crouches down with some difficulty, picking up some of the dried pieces of vines that had wrapped around his chest that looked more like straw now. Straightening again - with Caduceus’ help - Fjord murmured something under his breath, his eyes shining green as he drew something in the air before Caleb felt a coolness in his chest that rose before disappearing, like water washing over him from within.

“Just in case they don’t just come for me or us, but they come for the ship,” Fjord explained.

“At like, 2 am, we should do it at, like, 2 am,” Jester suggested.

“What about bedtime?” Veth asked, joining the group just in time it seemed as she held a hand to her chest as she’d felt the spell take hold.

Caleb looked out at the ocean, dark and deep and more menacing than ever now that they knew what was hunting Fjord. “About how long does that l-last - about?”

“Twenty-four hours,” Fjord told him.

Veth tugged on Caleb’s sleeve. “What about bedtime every night?”

“Do it at b- right before you go to bed,” Caduceus agreed. “Right - right before bed.”

Fjord nodded. “Just in case they blow up the ship and then we’re all in the water.”

“Mhm,” Veth hummed, holding on tightly to Caleb. He knew the possibility of going down into the water was vastly more terrifying to her than almost anyone else in the group.

“Yeah, or Uk’otoa -” Jester said.

“Uk’otoa,” Caleb, Veth, and Beau echoed this time.

“- comes up and, like, tentacles around the whole ship -” Jester wraps her arms around nothing, pretending like they’re tentacles wrapping around the ship.

“I don’t think-” Fjord began to dissuade.

“And, like, cracks it in half and then brings it down into the ocean,” Jester finished.

“He’s - no, he hasn’t been released yet, I don’t think that’s…” Fjord trailed off, shaking his head.

“The fact that you’re walking around means that’s not gonna happen,” Caduceus added.

Fjord frowned. “I mean, I don’t think he’s been released yet - I actually don’t know. I just assumed with the sword being thrown in and the last key and the sword were destroyed, but -”

“Well, obviously not,” Jester shrugged.

“Ah - fucking clearly,” Fjord sighed.

“I th- I think they need you to release him,” Caduceus told Fjord.

“Seems like a rumor that would spread pretty easily,” Caleb spoke up. “If he were released.” They wouldn’t have had Uk’otoa’s minions boarding the ship - Jester’s vision of the creature wrapping tentacles around the ship and bringing it to the bottom of the ocean seemed like a much more likely occurrence if Uk’otoa were already free. Fjord gave Caleb an exhausted look, nodding.

Beau ran a hand through her messy hair. “I mean, Uk’otoa’s -”

“Uk’otoa -” It was a silly game, and maybe one that had no place in such a serious conversation, but Caleb found himself leaning into the levity of it, if only for the respite it provided from the matter at hand.

“- going to get what he wants, whether you help him or not,” Beau got out matter-of-factly.

“Well,” Caduceus started, not sounding entirely convinced. “I don’t know.”

“Is it worth taking a swim?” Beau asked, nodding towards the ocean. “Seeing what we’re stopped on top of.”

“In the pouring rain at 2:34 in the morning?” Caleb asked in turn.

“I don’t know,” Beau shrugged.

Fjord looked out around them, shivering slightly before turning back to them. “It’s also reeally cold.”

Jester pulled down the sleeves of her night gown. “I mean, we’re right near the temple.”

“I think the temple is inland,” Fjord tells her. “It's not out here - the last one.”

Shaking her head, Jester repeats, “I just mean we’re near the - the other temple. The one that you already opened.”

“Yeah,” Beau nodded.

There’s a faraway look in Fjord’s eye, as if he’s a thousand miles away - deep in thought or working through what he just went through, Caleb doesn’t know.

“You two,” Caleb starts, motioning to Jester and Caduceus, giving Fjord time as he draws attention away from him. “Sometimes the-the two of you clerics get a special inkling of things that we cannot understand from your -” He makes a vague gesture with his hand.

“ _ Commune _ ,” Jester sagely supplies.

“That may be a thing to do tomorrow as well,” Caduceus sighs.

“Yeah,” Jester nods, before her eyes widen. “I will - I can  _ commune _ tonight, I can ask the Traveler if he knows anything or if he can sense the orb in Fjord.”

“We know the orb’s in Fjord,” Veth reminded her.

Jester shrugs. “Yeah, but if he could, like, find where it is or, like, if he knows how to get it out - if he’s heard an-about anything like this.” She looks around at the ground, giving a satisfied nod. “I’ll be right back,” she tells them, then dashes below deck.

“It's a lot, isn’t it?” Yasha said quietly. Caleb turned, catching her giving Essek an apologetic smile.

“I, ah - calling it a lot seems like too little for something of this magnitude,” Essek got out. “Is this how things usually are?”

“Not usually,” Yasha assured him. “But when things get bad, they get - well, bad.” She grimaced. “I’m not the only one in the group that’s had someone in their head.”

Uk’otoa. Obann. Isharnai. Ikithon - their family had been touched by so many monsters.

“Okay, okay, okay, make room!” Jester announced, returning with an armful of small clay Traveler figurines - the ones that she’d been working on making for TravlerCon the last couple of days. She began to set them around on the ground, making a loose circle where she could sit in the center, pulling out a small vial of holy water that she sprinkles over the statues and lighting some incense that she sets down in front of her.

“Actually, could we, uh, join you and just see if the Wildmother might have anything to say about this at all? M-maybe just to meditate?” Fjord asked.

Jester glanced up from where she was sitting. “Do you have  _ commune _ ?”

Fjord shook his head, turning to Caduceus as Caduceus, despite how absolutely exhausted he looked, slowly began to crouch down into a sitting position as well, helping Fjord join him.

“Caduceus fought very hard for you when you were down - I don’t know if he’s feeling up to it,” Caleb got in. He knew how it felt to go through spells like that - he knew how that drop in strength tapped into everything inside of you, and after seeing Caduceus unleash so much fury against those creatures Caleb had a feeling that Caduceus might be the most exhausted he’s ever been after a fight.

“I-I’ll give it a try,” Caduceus smiled, giving Caleb a grateful nod. “But I don’t - I don’t, I don’t, ah, don’t promise anything. I’m a little,” Caduceus sighed, closing his eyes as he clasped his hands together in his lap. “Little burnt.”

“Oh my gosh,” Jester grinned, mimicking Caduceus - and Fjord, who was also mirroring Caduceus’ posture. She closed her eyes for a split second before she opened them again, turning to Caleb. “Ooooh, Caleb, will you cast pretty  _ lights _ or something? So that it makes it extra special-pretty?”

“Yes, cast Widogast’s Pretty Lights,” Fjord teased, cracking open an eye as he flashed Caleb a smile.

Caleb shakes his head as he laughs under his breath, pulling out a bit of the phosphorus he always carries around as he says the incantation and opens his palm and four lights appear around Jester’s head. He’s made them green, the same shade of green that she seems particularly partial to especially with anything related to the Traveler.

She claps once in excitement, closing her eyes again. “Yeaaaah!” she whisper-cheers.

“That’s really pretty,” Fjord admits, closing his eyes as well as he tries to concentrate on however he’s  _ communing _ with the Wildmother.

“Widogast’s Hues,” Beau jokes, and Caleb shoots her a halfhearted glare, one that she responds to by just laughing.

“This is pretty great - now that I know that you’re not actually a gody-god god, I can just, like, talk to you right now, like I would normally talk to you. So hey, can you come here really fast ‘cause I’ve got some major questions I need to ask you and we need your help,” Jester said, eyes still scrunched up tight.

A wind picks up around them - not the wind of the storm, but a warm wind that playfully tugs on his sleeves and messes up his damp hair as it picks up the bits of dried vines and ivy that had sprouted around Fjord’s wound, rushing around Jester like a whirlwind before it dies down and suddenly the Traveler stands there, green cloak coming to rest, the hood covering his face with only his mouth visible as it widens into a brilliant smile. “Hello, my dear.”

* * *

Essek had no idea that the tension on the deck as they talked about this - this orb, this key that was apparently inside of Fjord - could possibly grow any more nerve wracking.

He was wrong. Again - something that happened more and more often the more time he spent around the Mighty Nein. Maybe it was something he should start getting used to.

When Jester sat down to  _ commune _ with her god, Essek thought it would be much like how Caduceus had done it near the Whitedawn Lagoon, where he asked questions, and the wind answered, blowing one way or another, warm or cold, tangible answers nonetheless. He even thought that maybe it’d be like when the clerics of the Luxon  _ communed _ with it, where absolutely nothing happened yet they walked away from the experience satisfied that it had answered them somehow, in some cryptic way that made sense to them.

What he wasn’t expecting was for a cloaked man to suddenly appear at the center of their group, giving Jester a wide grin - with the shift in the group at his appearance making Essek feel like perhaps this wasn’t a common occurrence.

While Veth and Caduceus didn’t react all too much, with Caduceus still deep in prayer and Veth only giving a small nod, Beauregard, Yasha, and Fjord didn’t look all too happy to see Jester’s deity. Beauregard’s arms were crossed - crossed in the way she’d been teaching him to do when they’d come over for breakfast at his tower, making her muscles seem bigger than they were. Yasha stood stock still, watching the cloaked man carefully, but there was a hardness in her eyes. Fjord, while still sitting on the ground beside Caduceus, was no longer trying to meditate, and was keeping a suspicious eye on the man too. And Caleb - well, Caleb was hesitant with who he trusted wasn’t he? So, while he didn’t react as obviously as the other three, he was watching the man just as carefully, his hands slowly dipping into his pockets. Essek knew that’s where he kept his components. He knew Caleb was being cautious.

“Hi,” Jester smiled, opening her eyes and looking up at the man as he stepped forward and crouched down in front of her.

Taking his cue from the majority of the group, Essek quietly found his piece of obsidian within his component pouch. He knew how to be cautious too.

“You have some questions?” the Traveler asked, his smile now turning amused.

“Oh my gosh,” Jester started, giving a big sigh - and Essek had been around her enough to know that that was her give away that she was about to give a spirited retelling of everything that had just happened. “Did you - I’m not gonna ask you that,” Jester cut herself off. “We just had a crazy fight.”

The Traveler laughs, voice rich and melodious in a way that’s almost entrancing. “You’re learning,” he tells Jester. “Proud of you.”

Jester grins brightly at him before pointing at Fjord. “So Fjord has a thing, like a-a ball, an orb, an eyeball stuck inside of his body,” she explains.

“Mhm,” the Traveler hums, steepling his long fingers in front of his chin.

“Aaand these dudes are, like, coming after him for it, they’re like ‘we really want to let Uk’otoa’ - Uk’otoa -” Jester echoes for herself, followed by Veth and even Caleb, and Essek feels like he should make a mental note to remind himself to ask about what that’s all about but with how often they echo the creature’s name Essek feels like it's not something that’ll slip his mind anytime soon. “‘Out’.”

“No,” the Traveler gasps.

“Yeah,” Jester nods. “Aaaand, I was wondering -”

The Traveler glances at Fjord. “Mhm.”

“If you know how to get the orb out of him?” Jester asked.

There’s a beat of silence as the Traveler keeps looking at Fjord. Fjord, to his credit, is unflinching under the deity’s gaze. “I believe I have an inkling, yes,” he finally answers, not elaborating further.

“Awwwww - c’mon man!” Jester whined.

“Not my rules,” the Traveler shrugged apologetically.

“Is that the only question you get?” Veth blurted out.

“No, I get two more,” Jester huffed.

Veth gave a relieved sigh. “Okay.”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Jester mumbled, rubbing at her eyes and patting her cheeks. “I got to think of how I’m going to phrase this.”

“Does it involve me dying?” Fjord suggests. Beauregard let out a derisive snort.

Jester tapped her chin, looking from Fjord to the body. “Do we have to, like, cut him open to get it out?”

“Mmm,” the Traveler mused, turning his cloaked face away. “I...wouldn’t recommend it.”

“Okay, okay, that’s good to know,” Jester whispered.

“I like him more,” Fjord added.

“Let’s not be hasty,” Caleb warned lightly. Essek glanced over at him, catching the intent look in his eye as he watched Jester and the Traveler.

Throwing a quick glance around the group, Jester turned back to the Traveler, putting a hand to her chest. “Is it something that’s within my skill set now?”

The Traveler leaned forward, the cloak slipping back enough that a pair of brilliant emerald eyes could be seen. “I think you are quite capable, Jester.”

A slow smile spread across Jester’s face. “Okay.”

Then suddenly the breeze picked up again, scattering the dry vines and leaves into the air that whipped around the pair - and when they settled, the Traveler was gone.

“Awww,” Veth groaned.

“That’s some fucking divine magic bullshit,” Beauregard got out, looking annoyed with the response but much more at ease now. Essek let go of the piece of obsidian he’d been holding.

And, well, divine magic “bullshit” or not - the Traveler had come when Jester called, he was there for her when she needed him. A spark of shame curled in Essek’s chest. That kind of relationship was only reserved for those that were accepted by their deities - a relationship that had rejected him despite having accepted so many others.

Essek shook the thought from his mind. It had happened such a long time ago, it didn’t matter anymore - all he’d ever done was prove that the Luxon had been right in rejecting him anyway.

“He’s so, so smart,” Jester whispered, looking down at her hands.

Caduceus opened his eyes now, glancing at Jester. He seemed more at peace than he had before he sat down to meditate, a purposeful clarity washing away the exhaustion in his eyes. “Hm, that’s - that’s good.”

“Okay - so something that I can do,” Jester mumbled to herself, tapping on her thigh as her brow furrowed in concentration.

“You have removed, ah, uh - ah, types of curses before, have you not?” Caleb asked, dropping his  _ dancing lights _ .

“I mean, yeah - I mean  _ greater restoration _ ,” Jester told him, starting to pick up her Traveler figurines - all of which were very  _ phallic _ , Essek realized feeling a blush rise up his face. “But does that remove a ball from somebody?”

Veth stepped forward, crouching down to help her pick them up. “You know a lot of spells,” she reminded Jester.

Jester met Caduceus’ gaze, holding a silent conversation. She nodded to Fjord, then past him, looking towards the tortle who was waving off the ships that had gotten near to offer aid. She looked back at Caduceus and shook her head.

“What do you - what do you need for it?” Caleb asks them.

“I need diamond dust, at least a hundred gold’s worth,” Jester sighs - and now the look she shared with Caduceus makes sense. They had used their diamonds to bring back Fjord and their crewmember. 

“Yeah,” Caduceus nodded, climbing to his feet and offering a hand to Fjord as he helped him get to his feet too.

Standing up, Jester turned to Caduceus. “I have a diamond -”

“We just - yeah, but we shouldn’t -” Caduceus began.

“- but I shouldn’t use it,” Jester finished, shoulders sagging.

“No,” both Caduceus and Jester agreed.

Balancing the handful of figurines in one hand, Veth began rummaging through her pockets. She pulled out a small pouch. “I have gold dust.”

“As do I,” Essek spoke up, running through the list of components he kept on his person.

Jester shook her head. “I don’t need that, I need diamond dust - Orly!” she shouted.

The tortle - Orly, apparently - gives the crew of the closest ship one last wave before turning around and making his way closer to them. “Mmmmhmm?”

“Orly, do you have, um, any diamond dust on you?” Jester asks. “‘Cause I know you do, you know, your enchanted tattoos and stuff. Did anybody -”

“Well, my skill set definitely allows m-m-me to work with it, but my c-customers have to provide the, ah, components,” Orly told her. He gave her a tired smile. “You understand.”

“Right - yeah, yeah, yeah, of course,” Jester nodded. “Of course, of course.”

“Yeah,” Orly shrugged - just with his left shoulder as he flinches, moving to rub gently at his right shoulder, the one that had sustained the worst injury.

“There’s no way that being stabbed by one of those swords is, like, a slowly growing disease,” Fjord got out, staring at one of the rusty blades on the ground. “Is it?”

“Sure, I mean, everything’s possible,” Veth said, an answer that didn’t seem at all encouraging given the pointed look Caduceus gave her.

“That I might slowly change into that?” Fjord finished, hand shaking at his side even as the one still in Caduceus’ grasp held onto him tightly. “Is there any way to detect a disease or a poison or a…”

Jester wrinkled her nose. “I mean,  _ detect good and evil, _ maybe, or  _ detect _ -” She glanced at Caduceus. “Do we have  _ detect poison _ ? I don’t have anything like that prepared.”

“I don’t want Orly turning into a fish person,” Fjord whispered. His hands shook harder. Essek knew he wasn’t just afraid for Orly.

“Essek, do you have any diamonds that we could use?” Jester asked, turning to him now. “I promise I will pay you back or, I mean, I could give you some gold now, because we have gold but the diamond is just - we really need it.”

“Ah,” Essek starts, feeling disappointment wash over him - it was nothing like Fjord’s spell earlier, that felt like water from a stream running down his chest. No, this was heavy and bitter and of absolutely no help as he finished going through his mental list of components on hand. “Unfortunately, that is not the type of component that I prepared for the journey.” He could  _ teleport _ back to his tower, he was sure he had to have that kind of component there - and if not, he could just easily find a jeweler in Rosohna, but if he left he wouldn’t be able to get back until he next tranced. It would take time that they might not have, it would take time that might put them at risk of another attack.

“Aww,” Jester frowned, throwing her head back in frustrated exasperation.

Hearing her frustration made him flinch. “My apologies,” Essek added quietly.

“Oh, no, it's not your fault, Essek,” Jester instantly assured him, reaching out and patting his arm. “If things hadn’t gotten as craaazy as they did, well…” she trailed off, shrugging. “We’ll figure it out.”

Veth, still balancing half a dozen Traveler figurines, pulled out another pouch, opening it up before looking into it. “I have this stuff we got way back in,” she closed one eye, cocking her head to the side as she tried to remember. Giving up, she just shrugged. “I don’t know, Zadash, Rexxentrum - I have no idea where we got this.” She held it up the Jester, shaking it lightly. “This bag of green glass dust stuff.”

Beside Essek, Caleb took a sharp breath. Glancing over at him, Caleb’s face was carefully blank, his eyes on the bag in Veth’s hand.

“I mean,” Caduceus mused, brow furrowed.

“Does that do?” Veth asked, setting the figurines on the ground before she poured out a few tiny shards of green dust into the palm of her hand. “Does that do something?”

Even though Essek had only seen it a handful of times in person, he recognized what Veth held in her hands - residuum, one of the rarest components in Exandria.

“It's not diamond dust, though,” Jester frowned.

Veth looked at the glass. “I know, but does it take the place of that?”

“That can certainly take the place of the diamond dust,” Essek told them.

Jester turned to Essek with wide eyes. “Really?”

Essek nodded - he’d read about it enough to know that it could take the place of almost anything. “That right there - one of it's, ah, properties is that it is a potent component substitute. It’ll do.”

“Wow,” Jester breathed, turning back to Veth.

Caduceus put a hand out in front of Veth. “Can I get a hundred gold?”

“I mean, sure, yeah,” Veth answered quickly, pouring the dust she already had in her hand into Caduceus’ palm before adding more from the pouch until there was a sizeable mound in his hand. She glanced up at him, giving him a shrug. “I don’t know.”

“We can do this, if you like,” Caduceus told Jester, not even waiting for her response. “This is - let’s give this a roll,” Caduceus said, moving to stand in front of Fjord.

Jester hovered right beside Caduceus. “Caduceus is gonna do it,” she explained to Fjord, sounding a little disappointed.

“You’ve done a lot tonight,” Veth assured her, stepping up beside her.

“He’s going to do - he’s going to do what?” Fjord asked nervously, glancing between Jester and Caduceus.

“I would - I would recommend,” Caduceus started quietly, patting Jester’s shoulder. “I would recommend h-” He gave Fjord an apologetic look. “Holding his hand. This may hurt.”

Caleb stiffened beside Essek, but before Essek had a chance to ask anything Caleb was already moving forward, going to stand beside Veth. Essek followed, falling into place on Caleb’s other side, noticing Beauregard and Yasha also moving until Fjord and Caduceus were in the middle of their group.

“Or his abs,” Veth suggested.

Caduceus nodded. “Or his abs.”

Jester held her hand out to Fjord. “Hold my hand, Fjord.”

“Just a second,” Fjord rushed out, looking alarmed now. “What are we doing?”

“It’s - it's gonna be fine,” Caduceus assured, putting his hand on Fjord’s shoulder.

“We’re just gonna try something,” Jester told him.

“Have you ever gotten a tooth pulled?” Veth asked.

Fjord dropped his gaze for a second, giving a quiet, “Yes.”

“It’s like that,” Veth added.

“That -” Fjord opened and closed his mouth once, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. When he does that, his tusks were much more pronounced. “Didn’t feel very good.”

Veth expression softens. “Well…”

“Then hold my hand,” Jester offers again, gentler this time. “You can squeeze it as hard as you want.”

“Do you wanna bite down on something?” Yasha offers.

“You could use my bo staff,” Beauregard tells him, holding up her staff horizontally.

“This is making me feel -” Fjord started, giving them a nervous laugh even as he took Jester’s hand in his.

Beauregard put the bo staff in Fjord’s mouth. “You want to bite on the bo staff?” She frowned when Fjord bit down on it, especially when she saw that his mouth barely closed at all. The bo staff was too thick to be something comfortable to bite down on as it kept his jaw uncomfortably strained. “Oh, it's a little big,” Beauregard said, tapping at his cheek and pulling it away when he opened his mouth again.

Jester put a hand to her mouth to cover her smile. “Oh, it’s -”

“Yeah, that’s really big,” Beauregard shrugged, wiping Fjord’s spit off her staff. She leaned over, plucking a bolt from Veth’s quiver before turning around and putting it in Fjord’s mouth. “Much better.”

“Do you want me to tell - do you want me to tell you a joke to lighten the mood?” Veth volunteered at the same time Yasha held out the flask, saying, “Oh, here - take a, take a swig from the flask.”

“I ‘aff a’ a’ow in m’ m’th,” Fjord got out, muffled and almost unintelligible.

“Okay, you’ll be fine,” Yasha shrugged, putting the flask away.

Veth pulled her quiver around from where it was slung across her back, reaching inside and rummaging through it as she pushed the bolts to one side before pulling out an extremely moldy pastry and a messy feather. “ _ Why did Captain Tusktooth start smoking cigarettes at the dock? _ ” Veth asked, waving the feather in front of Fjord.

“‘Y,” Fjord mumbled.

“Pier _ pressure! _ ” Veth grinned, crumbling the pastry to mush in her hands.

“Oh, wow,” Jester and Beauregard groaned.

Fjord only gave her a fond eye roll as the spell failed to take hold, but Essek couldn’t help it as he broke into laughter.

He quickly clamped a hand over his mouth as everyone turned to him, some with raised brows and others - Jester and Veth - looking absolutely delighted. Essek cleared his throat, feeling heat rising up his face. “It was, ah, amusing,” Essek shrugged, going for nonchalance.

Beauregard snorted as Caduceus smiled warmly and Jester and Veth shared a conspiratorial look, and even Caleb, despite how tense he was, gave him a small smile. Essek could see the nervous set to Caleb’s shoulders ease the slightest bit, and even if Essek was embarrassed by his outburst, knowing that that helped Caleb settle made it worth all the mortification in the world.

“Didn’t work, he didn’t laugh, everyone, sorry,” Veth apologized. “But I did get Essek to laugh,” she added, seeming ridiculously satisfied about that.

Fjord gave a muffled huff of laughter at that - a sound that quickly turned into a wince of pain as Caduceus took the residuum and pressed it into Fjord’s chest.

Caleb flinches beside Essek, his hand rising on a reflex as if he were about to reach out for Fjord and Caduceus before he pulls back just as quickly, wrapping his arms around himself.

Essek moves closer to Caleb, more worries crowding his mind before he hears Fjord groan, and he turns to see pink lichen growing beneath Caduceus’ palm and blossoming across Fjord’s chest.

“Squeeze my hand,” Jester reminds him quietly, and Fjord’s hand, which had turned into a fist in Jester’s grip loosened before he held onto her hand with a vice like grip, Jester’s hand disappearing in Fjord’s as she winced from the force of it.

The bolt snaps between Fjord’s teeth, both halves clattering to the ground as Fjord sways where he stands, and Essek barely has a chance to create a cushion of gravity around the pair before Fjord leans heavily into Caduceus and they both buckle beneath the weight of Caduceus’ spell, falling to their knees.

“You’re hurting him,” Jester gets out as Fjord begins to convulse against Caduceus and Caduceus shudders, the hand on Fjord’s chest still pressed flat against the skin with the lichen surrounding it but the hand on Fjord’s shoulder holds him tightly, the fingers digging into Fjord’s skin.

“This is to heal him, not to hurt him,” Caleb whispers, and Essek rips his gaze away from Fjord and Caduceus in time to see Caleb scratching furiously at his arms, his sleeves pushed up, the scars on his skin standing out even more than usual. “This is to heal him, not to hurt him -” he repeats, faster now, more frantic as his eyes widen in panic and his breaths begin to grow shallow.

“Caleb -” Essek starts, and Caleb turns terrified eyes to him as his nails break skin.

“It’s hurting him - it hurts,” Caleb chokes out, tears in his eyes. “It hurts -”

Suddenly there’s the sound of water splashing onto the deck, and both Essek and Caleb turn to see Fjord on his hands and knees, having let go of Jester and retching foamy, briney water, an impossible amount of it coming up and hitting the wooden planks - and then there’s a bouncing thud as an orb,  _ the _ orb, comes up in a mouthful of water as Fjord’s arms shake to hold him up.

Yasha is beside him, an arm around his back to keep him from collapsing as Caduceus leans back against Jester’s legs, releasing a shaky breath and running a comforting hand through Fjord’s hair, keeping it out of his eyes as he starts dry heaving when nothing else comes up.

“Don’t touch it,” Caduceus tells them, motioning towards the sphere that looks almost like an eye. “Somebody pick it up with an object and let’s put it in the bag as quickly as possible. Let’s put it -” Caduceus sags against Jester, exhaustion weighing down on him.

Beauregard steps up, unwinding her sash from around her waist and scooping up the orb with it.

“You okay, Fjordy?” Veth asks hesitantly as the dry heaving turns into hacking coughs.

“Hooooly shit,” Beauregard whistles, looking at the orb in her hands and at Fjord and Caduceus.

“Caduceus,” Caleb says quietly.

“Can you put it - put it in the bag as soon as possible,” Caduceus tells them again.

“Aww, it's coming out of your nose,” Veth grimaced as Fjord wiped a shaky hand across his face.

“If I - if I put it in this, it will be gone,” Caleb speaks up, getting everyone’s attention. He reaches into his shirt, pulling out a piece of amber on a chain. “Gone.”

“Perfect,” Caduceus nods, getting back to his feet with difficulty.

Essek can’t take his eyes away from the line of crimson making its way down Caleb’s arm.

“What does that mean, gone?” Veth asks.

“It’s the amber,” Fjord chokes out, coughing again. “It's the amber stone -”

“How gone?” Caduceus double checks.

Caleb puts a hand to his chest. “Well, no one can see me.”

That’s enough for Caduceus. “Perfect - let’s do it. Right now.”

With a stiff nod, Caleb moves off to the side, pulling off the piece of amber around his neck as he brings out another few from his pocket. He leaves a smudge on the edge of his coat pocket, turning the fabric there darker. He gets down onto his knees, setting down the pieces of amber into a small circle before he begins to trace runes around them to connect them.

Drops of blood stain the wooden boards beneath Caleb’s hands as he works.

“Here,” Essek says quietly, unclasping his cloak and leaving himself in just his shirt and trousers as and draping it around Caleb’s shoulders as he kneels down beside him.

He stiffens, flinching away from the touch. “I don’t need -”

“You’re bleeding,” Essek gently tells him even though he knows that Caleb must have already noticed that by now. Caleb glances at him, and Essek swears that Caleb’s drowning. “I don’t, ah, think right now is the best time for more questions, which, ah, I think everyone might ask if they see -” he nods towards Caleb’s arms. “Even if I may be the first in line to ask,” he admits.

Caleb reaches up, grabbing the cloak, and Essek thinks he’s about to rip it off himself when instead his fingers shakily curl into the fabric. He takes a steadying breath, letting go as he clasps it. “Thank you,” he whispers.

Essek allows himself to reach out, to tuck a stray strand of Caleb’s copper hair behind his ear. “If I may ask one thing,” he starts carefully, his thumb tracing the soft skin beside Caleb’s eye. “Are you okay?”

“I -” Caleb begins to answer before he simply sighs, closing his eyes as he shakes his head. “I can deal with it though,” he assures, whether himself or Essek, Essek isn’t sure.

For now, that’ll have to be good enough for Essek. “If I can be of any assistance, all you need do is ask.”

Giving him a small nod, Caleb repeats, “Thank you.” He opens his eyes, giving Essek a sad smile before he turns away, motioning for Beauregard.

She raises a brow at their closeness, but mentions nothing as she sets the orb down in the center of the amber pieces. Caleb murmurs an incantation under his breath until there’s a puff of arcane smoke and the orb is gone. He picks up the largest piece of amber, the one on the chain, as tremors wrack his hands. He pulls it back over his head, tucking it beneath his shirt before pocketing the other pieces of amber and letting the cloak close around him, hiding his arms.

He stands, giving Essek a thankful nod before the pair rejoin the group still clustered around Fjord.

“How do you feel, Fjord?” Yasha asks.

“Um, a few gallons lighter,” Fjord jokes, glancing over at her. He coughs again, closing his eyes as the shaking settles again. “I mean, I feel - I feel fine?” He passes a hand over his face, and suddenly he’s no longer Fjord, he’s Jester.

“Whoa,” Jester breathes.

Fjord makes the same motion again, turning back into himself. “Whew, okay.”

“What was that about?” Jester says, raising a brow.

“I’m just making sure I could still,” Fjord sighs. “Y’know - do things. Hadn’t realized that was there.”

Jester gives him a reassuring smile. “It's not the source of your power, Fjord.”

“Not anymore,” Caduceus adds.

“That’s good,” Fjord nods. “What did it look like?”

“Really slimy,” Jester tells him, her nose wrinkling.

“Crazy,” Beauregard continues.

“S-strangely like an - like an eyeball,” Caleb stutters out.

“Did it move?” Fjord asks.

Caleb shakes his head. “No, it just rolled and stopped.”

“When you throw up that much, the eyes and the nose just go,” Fjord explained, wiping a hand across his face again. “It’s like being in a snowstorm, I couldn’t see anything.”

“Speaking of - Marius!” Beauregard shouted.

“How did he survive this shit?” Fjord mumbled as the half-elf jogged over to the group.

“Hey,” Marius nodded.

“Get a bucket and a mop. Clean up this puke, okay?” she told him.

“I think you mean swab the deck,” Veth corrected.

“Swab the deck, Marius,” Beauregard repeated.

“Yeah, it stopped raining at the wrong time,” Caleb deadpanned - and while it was true that there wasn’t any rain over them because of Essek’s dunamancy, it was still very much raining all around them.

“Aye, aye,” Marius answered.

“Marius, did you kill a guy?” Beauregard asks him. “Did you kill that guy?”

“Ah, I grievously wounded him,” he responded, clearly proud of himself but nervous at the same time.

“Oh my God,” Fjord groans.

“He would have probably done it,” Veth says. “He would have probably died.”

“Good job, Marius!” Jester congratulates him.

“Thank you,” Marius grins.

“How - how bad is ‘grievous’?” Caduceus asked quietly.

“It’s preeetty bad,” Jester tells him.

“Okay, well done,” Caduceus smiles as Jester nods.

Beauregard crosses her arms. “Good work,” she says gruffly.

Marius preens with the praise. “I’ll get the mop.”

“He didn’t kill someone during all of that?” Fjord sighs as Marius heads off in search of a mop.

Rolling her eyes, Beauregard shakes her head. “He’s a shit - useless.”

“I was floating thirty feet above him,” Caleb tells the pair. “He’s -” Caleb shrugs. “He’s alive.”

“Yeah, hopefully he’s better at cleaning than he is at killing,” Yasha adds.

“Actually, um, might - might get rid of the, ah, bodies of the three fish people first,” Caduceus muses.

“Throw them over,” Jester agrees.

“Keep - keep the,” Caduceus gestures at his head. He looks at Yasha, “Why, would you want to help with that?”

Yasha turns to where Marius had disappeared. “No,” she answers honestly.

“Carrying fish people,” Caduceus clarifies.

“Oh, y-yeah,” Yasha nods.

“Do you think that maybe Caduceus should cast that spell on all of us?” Veth asks suddenly, looking around at the group. “Just in case we all have strange curses or things inside of us?”

“Ah, that’s - that -” Caduceus starts, before Jester jumps in, raising a brow at Veth and asking, “Did you go around swallowing weird balls, too?”

Veth wiggles her eyebrows. “I mean, my teenage years.”

The group dissolves into laughter at that, the heavy cloud that had been hanging over everyone finally, finally dissipating.

Caduceus shakes his head with a smile before motioning towards the stairs that will lead below deck to Yasha. Yasha nods, standing up once she makes sure Fjord can sit upright on his own, starting to follow Caduceus.  
“Actually, if you wouldn’t mind bringing them up here first just to see them,” Fjord requests.

“Sure,” Caduceus nods.

“Yeah,” Yasha agrees, before they head down.

Essek almost moves to follow the pair, trying to help somehow, but even though Caleb is joking along with the group and laughing, there’s still a tense set to his shoulders, and he keeps looking at Fjord every few seconds as if he’s afraid Fjord will disappear. Essek brushes his shoulder against Caleb’s.

Caleb glances over at him and Essek holds his gaze for a beat before Caleb looks away. He leans closer to Essek - and even though Essek can now feel how he’s shaking all over, he doesn’t mention it, he just stays close to Caleb, hoping he can be some comfort.

A minute or two later, Marius returns with a mop and a bucket, doing a relatively poor job at cleaning up the vomit but still doing enough that when Yasha and Caduceus return with the first set of bodies and toss them to the ground, Marius groans, gesturing at the spot he had just cleaned before it got dirty again from the blood and gore and saltwater leaking from the creatures.

“Don’t put that mop away,” Beauregard warned, following after Caduceus and Yasha along with Jester, armfuls of Traveler figurines in his grip that she goes to put away, and with the four of them they get the bodies onto the deck relatively quickly.

There are small creatures with tentacle appendages, and a couple other ones with quills like the one that had been on the deck when Essek had first arrived. Yasha drags over the remains of the elven body and sets it down between the body they had cut into and the goliath body that they had brought up from below deck.

Beauregard steps up closer to inspect the three, turning the bodies around to make sure she doesn’t miss anything. She goes back to the first body, paying particular attention to the tattoo.

“Well, it's half,” Caleb calls out to her, pulling away from Essek as he goes over to crouch down beside her. “Half of it's here,” he tells her. “And half of it's over here.”

“Mhm,” she hums, elbowing him playfully. “Yeah, you’d have to kind of put it back together.”

“Did you have one of those tattoos?” Veth asks Fjord.

Fjord nods. “I did, but you don’t want to see where it is.”

Veth’s eyes widen.

“It’s very painful,” Fjord tells her - but his lip twitches, and Essek has a very strong feeling that he’s joking.

Jester’s next words confirm his suspicions. “It’s right on the taint.”

“Yep,” Fjord confirms. “Right on the in-betweenus, just -”

And now Veth knows he’s joking too, but she plays along with an amazed, “Whoooa.”

“Had to hold my ankles and ride the lightning,” Fjord says, grimacing.

“Orly did it, actually,” Jester adds.

Fjord shrugs. “Yeah, just -” He mimics the motions of giving a tattoo.

“Ooooh, no,” Veth laughs.

“Yeah,” Fjord continues, giving a few pained yelps to sell the performance that has everyone laughing again.

Essek, however, only finds himself awed by him. Fjord just - he just  _ died _ , just came back to life, just had whatever that orb truly is expelled from his body, and here he is, making everyone laugh and having fun. Even though he’s the one in the worst shape out of all of them, he’s still protecting the group, still keeping them safe, even if it's from the pain that seeing him hurt has caused them.

“That’s what they call an Uk’oto-ah,” Beauregard grins, standing up with Caleb.

“Just a couple of times the orb came up and I swallowed back down,” Fjord laughs.

“M-m-m-m-might want to bite down on this,” Orly teases as he walks past the group.

“Yeah, we needed that,” Caduceus got out between laughs. “We needed a good laugh.”

“We should go to sleep,” Veth told them, wiping at the tears in her eyes. “We got to go to sleep.”

Jester nods. “We got to go to sleep!”  
Caduceus extends a hand to Fjord, helping him to his feet. “We’re going to need a proper sleep.”

“Let’s toss these bodies over,” Veth suggests, nudging the smaller creatures with her foot.

After making sure Fjord can stand on his own, Caduceus bends over to pick up one of the tentacle creatures. “Let’s keep the hu - let’s keep the humans and toss the fish.” The creature in Caduceus’ arms turns more translucent as Caduceus’ eyes flash green, with foam gathering along the wounds of the creature as it grows slimier. Caduceus seems completely unperturbed as he tosses the creature overboard, moving to grab another as Yasha grabs the others and throws them into the ocean as well.

Once all that’s done, Veth looks over to Caleb. “Let’s go to sleep - should we make a dome?”

Caduceus wipes his hand on the front of his shirt. “Let’s, ah, -”

“Would you like to come to the captain’s quarters?” Fjord offers. “Or should I join you in the small room?”

“Is there enough room for all of us?” Caleb asks.

“I feel like it's safer if we’re in the captain’s quarters,” Jester says.

Veth gives Fjord a bright smile. “He doesn’t want to be alone.”

“Well, he shouldn’t be,” Jester shrugs.

Caleb glances over at where Essek assumes the captain’s quarters lay. “Is there room for all of us in there?”

“The last time I woke up, there was a blade sticking out of my chest,” Fjord frowns. He shakes his head. “We’ll go below. Below decks.”

“We should do the mid level, not the bottom,” Caleb suggests.

There’s a murmur of agreement before they begin to head downstairs, and Essek hesitates for a moment before Caleb turns to him and nods in the direction the rest of the Mighty Nein are headed - and that’s enough of an invitation for him as he falls into step beside him.

Jester runs ahead of them as they walk by the crewmember that was working on repairs to the ship, leading them to one of the rooms. “We should all fit in here - I have a pretty big bed too.”

“Looks like you’re getting the bed, captain,” Beauregard tells Fjord, clapping him on the shoulder and almost sending him to his knees. “Shit, sorry.”

“Just tired,” Fjord explains, wincing as he straightens up and goes into the room. “I’m gonna be fucking sore tomorrow.”

Caleb stops at the threshold, looking inside before he quietly excuses himself. “I’ll be right back.”

Veth turns to nod at him but he’s already gone, taking off the way they came from before going further downstairs. Essek watches him go, listening to the group begin to get ready for bed. He remembers the scarlet running down Caleb’s arms before he heads off after him.

The lowest deck has crates and supplies strewn about, with coils of rope and sails set off to the side neatly as well as a few dozen planks of wood. Essek slowly walks further into the room, knowing Caleb came down here because he saw him turn downstairs, but he’s about to head back up to look for him elsewhere when he sees him tucked up behind a crate, curled in on himself as his shoulders shake silently.

Essek is at his side in an instant with a gentle, “It’s me, it’s Essek,” before he softly touches Caleb’s shoulder.

He breathes a sigh of relief when Caleb doesn’t pull away, when instead Caleb reaches out for him, grabbing onto the front of Essek’s shirt.

“I - it happened again,” Caleb whispered, his hands shaking against Essek’s chest. “It happened again and - and all I could think about was yesterday -”

“It’s -” Essek started, completely out of his depth, not knowing how to comfort or console, finding words insufficient for the pain that Caleb was feeling.

But he had to try.

“Fjord and - and Orly, they’re okay now,” Essek reminded him quietly, running his other hand through Caleb’s hair the way he’d seen Caduceus do with Fjord. “And that thing is out of him now, too.”

“H-he - he  _ wasn’t _ okay,” Caleb got out. “He was dead, just like Mollymauk, just like my -” He gave a strangled gasp. “I had  _ just _ told him about what happened and he had - he had been so -” He cut himself off, freezing against Essek.

“Caleb,” Essek whispered, pulling away as slowly as he could to meet Caleb’s eyes. Caleb was resolutely avoiding his gaze, his eyes puffy with tears, with so much devastation there that Essek wasn’t sure how he didn’t break just looking into them. “Caleb,” Essek repeated, letting his hand slip down to Caleb’s cheek and gently making Caleb look at him, just like Caleb had done to him a few days ago. “Fjord is okay  _ now _ .”

Swallowing hard, Caleb nodded once before the hands he had at Essek’s chest suddenly wrapped around him, pulling him into a shaky hug. It was an awkward angle, but Essek hugged him back all the same, rubbing soothing circles into his back.

They held each other for a handful of heartbeats before Caleb let go, sitting back and letting Essek pull away as well.

“ _ Danke _ \- again,” Caleb said quietly.

Essek brushed his fingers along Caleb’s cheek, wiping away the remainder of his tears. “Anytime.” He gave Caleb a reassuring smile. “Do you want to go back up?”

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb answered, before he began to pat the space next to him until he found what he was looking for. “But first I, ah, am going to set an  _ alarm _ beneath us,” he explained holding up some silver wire. “That’s why I came down here.”

“That’s a good idea,” Essek nods, standing before extending a hand to Caleb. Caleb takes it easily, pulling himself to his feet.

He stands in front of Essek, holding his hand for longer than was necessary - but Essek isn’t complaining, he’d never complain of the soft touch that sets his heart thundering and that seems to help still Caleb’s tremors.

Then Caleb lets go, walking a little further down until he finds the boards overhead where the group is settling down and he starts tracing the sigils and runes as he runs the silver wire around it. Essek watches him work, mesmerized as he’s always been to see the way he weaves magic as if it were as easy as breathing.

It doesn’t take very long for Caleb to finish before he puts the silver wire away and they go upstairs, walking past the carpenter now working on the cannons who gives them a small wave. Caleb returns the gesture and Essek gives the man a small nod, following Caleb into the room they had all chosen.

Caleb pulls something else out of his pocket, getting to work on another spell as Essek looks around the room in surprise. Everyone was already asleep, their light snores filling the room.

The bed was pushed up against the wall, and Caduceus and Fjord were sharing it, Caduceus with his back to the wall and Fjord tucked up beside him. Caduceus had his arms around Fjord, his hands resting over the scar of the wound that had killed him. Fjord had one hand over Caduceus’ with the other hanging off the bed, fingers twined with Beauregard’s as she slept sitting up against the bed. Yasha was sitting beside her, in between Beauregard and Jester, holding them close. Jester had her head in Yasha’s lap, and Veth was curled up in front of her, with Jester’s hand slung over Veth’s shoulders.

Despite how cramped it looked they all looked so - so  _ comfortable _ .

“Are they always like this?” Essek finds himself asking, a flutter of an emotion he can’t quite place flitting in his chest.

Caleb paused in his motions, looking around as if he were just noticing everyone for the first time. His expression softened. “ _ Ja _ ,” he nodded. “‘Cuddle pile’ is what Jester likes to call it.” His eyes drifted from Fjord and Caduceus to the girls on the ground. “Some people fit better with others,” he said wistfully, going back to work without another word.

Essek stood around idly, unsure what to do next and unsure where to even look - he felt like he was intruding on everyone’s privacy, like this was a moment he shouldn’t see.

“You can make yourself comfortable, Essek,” Caleb told him. He glanced around the room again before he gave Essek an apologetic smile. “I apologize we have nothing more to offer.”

“It's fine,” Essek assured him, stepping carefully around the girls as he decides to settle at the space at the foot of the bed. He can’t decide whether to sit with his knees to his chest or cross legged, but ultimately decides on the latter for comfort. He glances over, watching as Caleb finishes the spell and a shimmer spreads out above them, almost touching the ceiling before it spreads out, past the walls. The darkness of the room brightens softly, leaving them in dim light.

“ _ Tiny Hut _ ,” Caleb says, pocketing his component before he makes his way to the spot Essek picked out. He sits down beside Essek with a sigh, and now that they aren’t in the dark Essek can see how exhausted Caleb truly looks.

“Sleep,” Essek tells him, before offering, “I can stay up - keep watch, as I think is what it's called.”

Caleb nods once before shaking his head. “I don’t think I can.” He’s shaking again, Essek can feel it where Caleb’s shoulder brushes up against his.

“Then I’ll stay up with you,” Essek amends. He glances over at Caleb, notices the way the cloak lies partially open. He reaches over without thinking, pulling the cloak tighter around Caleb. He can feel Caleb watching him, so he simply says, “It’ll keep you warmer.”

And it isn’t until Essek says that that he realizes that he’s feeling a bit of a chill. His clothes are still a little damp, and he’s gotten so used to wearing a cloak or his mantle that he finds himself feeling underdressed without it.

He smooths the cloak down softly against Caleb’s chest. He’s more than happy to go without the cloak for Caleb’s sake though.

As he begins to pull back he feels Caleb’s hand hold his, his fingers pressed shakily around Essek’s wrist. Essek tugs his hand out of Caleb’s grip before quickly replacing it with his other hand, twining their fingers together.

“This is, ah, more comfortable, is it not?” Essek asks, glancing over at Caleb.

Caleb gives his hand a squeeze. “It is.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes, the sound of the storm still raging outside. Essek can feel Caleb running circles inside his head, can feel it in the tremors that shake his hand in fits and starts. He knows he might not have the best words to comfort him, but he could find something to distract him.

“How has the trip been - you know, before all of this?”

“It -” Caleb starts, seemingly caught off guard by the question. “It was blissfully uneventful.”

Essek glanced over at him, raising a brow. “I feel like perhaps your definition of uneventful and mine are two different definitions, especially with your group of friends.”

That brought a smile out of Caleb. “You’re probably right - our friends are anything but uneventful.”

_ Our friends _ \- Essek swallowed down the lump in his throat that hearing those words brought.

“But, ah, well,” Caleb continued, looking up as he thought before he smiled again. “Caduceus got me a new spell.”

“A new spell?” Essek asked, thankful that his voice remained steady.

Caleb nodded. “He bought a, ah, a mystery box in Nicodranas, as strange as that sounds, and it contained two spell scrolls, both of which he gave to me.” Essek can feel the way Caleb slowly begins to relax as he continues talking. “I gave one to N- to Veth, and I kept the other one for myself.”

“Is transcribing hard while you’re on the ship?” Essek knew how exact the transcription process had to be, so he wondered how much harder it was than doing it in the comfort of his study.

“I don’t know,” Caleb shrugged. He looked down at their joined hands. “I don’t have the inks or paper to transcribe at the moment,” he admitted quietly.

Essek nodded, making a mental note about that.

“What about you?” Caleb asked in turn. “How has the trip been?”

“Terrible,” Essek deadpans. He feels the way his face twists into a grimace - but he forces himself to let that go for now. Talking about the Cerberus Assembly would do nothing but make Caleb more upset, and that’s exactly what Essek was trying to avoid. “I keep forgetting to bring a book so that I have something to read.”

Caleb lets out a light laugh, letting his head fall against Essek’s shoulder. “We are headed to a negotiation for peace between our nations and you worry about reading material?”

“Being alone gets terribly boring without something to read,” Essek huffed, feigning offense. He could feel more than hear the breathy laugh Caleb gave.

“Jester might have the perfect solution for that,” Caleb says. “She will certainly let you borrow one of her books.”

“I will have to ask her tomorrow then,” Essek smiled. “Being with you right now is actually the most at ease I’ve been this whole time at sea,” he confessed.

“We’re a mess - how could being with us possibly put you at ease?” Caleb asked.

“You’d be surprised,” he said simply, running his thumb along the skin of Caleb’s hand softly.

They lapsed into silence again - this time comfortable, comforting silence, with Caleb’s hand in his and his head still on Essek’s shoulder.

“I just feel better because I - I actually like you,” Essek told him quietly. “All of you,” he rushed to add on.

Caleb said nothing, and as the silence stretched on Essek could feel himself growing more nervous until he chanced a peek over at him - finding him sleeping soundly against him. Essek felt warmth swell in his chest. Caleb looked so peaceful - he looked younger, he looked his age, when he was like this. The dark circles under his eyes were less pronounced, the tense set to his jaw relaxed and the worried pinch of his brows smoothed out. He sees that the freckles like stars that are on his cheeks bridge across his nose, and Essek knows if he had enough time he’d be able to memorize where each and every one lies on his skin.

Stirring slightly, Caleb settles closer to Essek but doesn’t wake. Essek presses his lips to the top of Caleb’s head softly - not a kiss exactly, but what he hopes is a comforting touch that can reach Caleb in his dreams. He gives Caleb one last look before he carefully leans his head against Caleb’s, finding that even though he’s already tranced for the day, after everything he saw and heard, he’s exhausted.

He pulls out a piece of obsidian, making a slash in the air as he thinks of  _ temporal shunt _ , knowing that that could buy them some time, and seeing as the shadows coalesce into his Echo, crouching down beside him.

“You know what to do,” Essek instructs him.

Echo Essek nods once before he glances between Caleb and Essek, giving Essek a knowing smirk.

Essek can only bring himself to glare at his Echo halfheartedly, watching as he settles down and surveys the group before Essek feels himself drifting off, still holding on tightly to Caleb’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just really wanted those soft moments with Caleb and Essek y'all T.T like I needed that for my soul
> 
> and also like, lots of transcription in this chapter again, but this whole scene felt so...important, so yeah, I had to have it included
> 
> okay so I know Travis said “Oh, ship, sorry” because he’d been calling the ship a boat, but I was like, hmmm maybe Fjord feels...guilty...perhaps...about these goings on that killed him and put his friends in danger...and so i decided to interpret that as “oh shit” rather than “oh ship” and well, y’know, that’s how it be
> 
> its also probably obvious as hell that I ship Fjordclay (or Teahaw as I also love that its called) and Beaujestasha, so, yeah, be ready for more moments with all of them because T.T they make my heart soft
> 
> anyway, thank you so much for reading!! hopefully I can get around to writing the next chapter much sooner than it took me to write this one!! I really hope you guys liked it!! Please stay safe and sound during all of this craziness!!
> 
> this fic was inspired by:  
> High Seas, High Stakes | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 99 - 28:40 - 1:10:00


	4. Circles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More days at sea - filled with nervous waiting, troubling thoughts, and the start of the peace talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy, happy Pride my loves!!! And also a very happy birthday to my mom who I love with all my heart and soul!!! She's not reading this but man I love her so much and I just wanted to share :))
> 
> Here's the next chapter of the fic!! Right in the thick of my finals week!! I deadass just turned in one of my finals: so two down, one more to go - wish me luck!!
> 
> Before we get to the chapter though, a few words that I need to share, which I already shared on my latest Shadowgast series piece but which I want to share here as well: Black Lives Matter. Plain and simple. I honestly can’t find the right words to express the absolute heartbreak and helplessness I feel at the murder of George Floyd. But it's not just him and Breonna Taylor. It's countless, voiceless others, hundreds and hundreds that we may never know about. It doesn’t just go back to Tamir Rice and Eric Garner and Michael Brown and Trayvon Martin. It doesn’t just go back to Rodney King. It goes back decades, centuries, and it is a cancerous growth inside of our society that seeks to protect the government-empowered racists that seek to violently purge us from society.  
> I’m Latina, from immigrant parents. I was born and raised in the united states, and while I will never understand what it's like to be an African American in this country, I know what it's like to be Latino. What it's like to experience racism. What it's like to inherit trauma. What it's like to be treated as lesser than, feeling like you constantly have to prove yourself to EARN the right to live. It fucking sucks, and that’s a massive understatement. We all have to support this movement because EVERYONE fucking deserves to live without fear, we all have to rally behind this because there is strength in numbers, and it amplifies the voices that need to be heard.  
>  I can’t protest because I have a cardiac condition and am thus at higher mortality risk for covid. But fuck, I commend and support and applaud all the protestors, and I would like to help in any way I can, so I’m using this space to [share a few links to resources](https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/) and ways you can help if you can’t protest, whether it be through donations (which can also be done by[streaming certain videos on youtube](https://twitter.com/moonybora/status/1267600118066356224) ) or spreading information as well.  
>  And if you don’t live in the united states and would still like to donate and help the Black Lives Matter movement, then God Bless. Like holy fuck, thank you so much. But I also urge you to look into the things happening in the communities in your countries. There are global demonstrations still taking place, and if you know of your communities organizing something, please make sure to check them out and help in any way you can. Alone we can’t fix everything, but together we are unstoppable.  
>  To the protestors out there: please stay safe and take as much precaution as you can as we continue to go through the covid pandemic. Please stay safe, I love you all so very much, every single one of you is fighting for our basic human rights.  
>  I know this was a long author’s note, but I can’t just stay quiet about this. We’re a community that’s built on love and kindness, and when the most vulnerable around us can’t be treated at that most basic level of human respect, there is something fundamentally wrong with the system that we must speak out against. Silence is complicit. Make the voices of the Black Lives Matter movement heard, because all we’re asking for is equality, and that starts with a complete overhaul of the militaristic policing system we have in the united states. Even though the cops that killed Mr Floyd have been arrested, there’s still a long way to go against police brutality and towards equality.  
>  ACAB, and fuck los angeles mayor garcetti, chief of police moore, and that fascist bastard in chief trump in particular. The lot of them are fucking monsters. Defund the police and hold them accountable for their crimes.  
>  Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I love you all so very, very much. Writing this chapter was hard with everything going on, but I know that this is my way to cope and decompress with all the violence we’ve seen unleashed on unarmed civilians by those fuckers with badges. I hope that this helps give a brief respite to those who read it, I hope you like it, and please, don’t forget to love each other.

“Want to interrogate the bodies?”

There was a hum of response. “Mhm.”

“Do we eat breakfast first or while we’re interrogating? We should eat breakfast.”

“Let’s have breakfast first.”

Essek woke with a start, feeling the blanket that was draped at his shoulder slip slightly as he looked around in confusion before his brain caught up with his surroundings and he began to recognize the voices - Caduceus, Veth, and Fjord.

Fjord, who had died last night.

He remembers the gaping wound, Fjord’s lifeless body limp beneath Caduceus’ hands.

Closing his eyes, Essek wills the memory away.

“You alright there, Essek?”

Glancing behind him, he could see Fjord watching him with a raised brow - alive and well.

“I, ah, am just used to waking up in my tower,” Essek explained honestly. “And this is, well, not.” He was usually always aware of his surroundings when he tranced, with this being the first time in almost a century that he’d tranced deep enough that everything around him had faded away as he rested.

“That makes sense,” Veth nods. She’s sitting beside Fjord on the bed, and Caduceus is standing near the door, hand hovering above the doorknob as if he were on his way out - but aside from them, there’s no one else.

“The girls are already up,” Caduceus tells him, as if reading his mind. “Beau and Yasha like to work out early in the morning and Jester likes to watch.”

“Fjord  _ should  _ be out there with them, too, working out his little noodly arms,” Veth quipped, poking Fjord’s arm.

“Hey - my arms are  _ not _ -” Fjord started.

Veth patted Fjord on the cheek, a surprisingly motherly gesture that reminded Essek of his own mother - all those decades ago, when he was a child. “But you need rest today,” she said.

He let out a begrudging huff, mumbling something under his breath that Essek couldn’t quite catch.

There was movement to Essek’s side, a soft grip near his wrist that filled Essek with warmth - he recognized the touch, he realized, turning to see what was very much  _ not  _ a blanket at his side but instead a drowsy Caleb rousing himself from sleep.

Caleb blinked his eyes blearily, the bright blue soft with sleep, the hand at Essek’s wrist tightening his hold as he rubbed at his eyes. “ _ Was _ -”

“Fuck, we woke up Caleb,” Veth groaned. “He was sleeping  _ so  _ soundly -”

“It is 8:41 in the morning,” Caleb mumbled, sitting up slowly. “It's -” He turned, coming face to face with Essek. “Late,” he finished quietly, the sleepiness disappearing from his eyes as they widened.

“Good morning,” Essek managed to get out, taking in Caleb’s sleepy appearance, the soft flush to his cheeks and the way his lips curved in surprise at seeing him so close. By the Light, he looked - he looked younger, healthier,  _ unburdened _ , the haunted look in his eyes nonexistent in that moment.

“Ah -  _ hallo _ ,” Caleb answered, his voice a whisper. He looked down at where he was still holding Essek. “I, ah, I didn’t realize I had -”

“He  _ never _ sleeps like that,” Veth whined loudly, making both Caleb and Essek jump with Caleb snatching his hand back.

“I’m fine, Veth,” Caleb told her, ducking his head as he began to stand up. “I would’ve been fine on less sleep too you know.”

Caduceus gave him a careful look. “I don’t know about that, Caleb. You used some pretty heavy spells last night - I’m sure that definitely tired you out.”

Caleb shook his head. “That was - I just did what had to be done.” He looked away, rubbing at his arm. “You performed much more powerful magic last night. You brought -” He cut himself off, glancing over at Fjord before averting his gaze.

“You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me,” Fjord assured, moving to swing his legs off the bed. “I honestly don’t even remember it.” He gave Caduceus a stern look. “But I do agree that you’ve gotta rest. That,” he put a hand to his chest, rubbing his thumb across his sternum. “I know you felt what I was feeling. It took a fucking toll on  _ both _ of us.”

“It - yeah,” Caduceus nodded, his own hand twitching as if he were going to reach for his own chest. He scratched the back of his neck instead. “Someone has to cook breakfast though,” Caduceus merely shrugged. “And, speaking of, it should be ready by now,” he finished ducking out of the room, and breezily moving past Caleb and Fjord’s worries.

Fjord sighed heavily, rubbing at his temples. “What am I gonna do about him?”

“Just keep at it, he’s bound to get better about taking care of himself eventually,” Veth told him, hopping off the bed. “But for now - breakfast!” She headed for the door, stopping as she held it open. “You coming, Cay?”

_ “Ja _ ,” Caleb nodded. He looked down at Essek, holding out his hand to him. “Now it’s our turn to treat you to breakfast.”

* * *

Essek’s eyebrows raised, surprise written on his face as if he hadn’t expected to be invited. He took Caleb’s hand, a soft smile spreading across his face.

“Does that mean I owe you dinner next?” Essek asked, getting to his feet.

“If you want,” Caleb answered, pulling Essek just a bit closer, taking in how uncharacteristically disheveled he looked, with his usually immaculate presentation completely gone. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair was messy from sleep, and gods Caleb wanted to close the distance between them.

“For Pelor’s sake,” Fjord sighed heavily, running a hand down his face as he got up. “First, Beau and Yasha and now -”

“You shut your mouth,” Veth scolded, shooting a glare his way. “You don’t get to start -” The rest of her sentence was lost as Fjord walked out, taking her with him.

Caleb shook his head, tugging Essek along. “Did you get any rest?”

“I did,” Essek nodded, following behind Caleb. As they crossed the threshold and Caleb stepped out of the  _ hut _ , it dissipated. “More than I actually expected,” Essek admitted.

“Hopefully you were not too uncomfortable,” Caleb told him.

“Not at all,” Essek assured him, running his thumb along Caleb’s hand. “It was certainly different, but, ah, not uncomfortable.”

A smile spread across Caleb’s face. “I’m glad.” He had led them to the stairs, and was about to lead them up when Beau came stomping down.

“Breakfast on the bottom deck,” Beau told him, wiping water off her face and flicking it at him. “It's still raining up there.”

“You were training in the rain?” Caleb asked, watching as she continued her march downstairs as Yasha came into view.

“It was actually very pleasant,” Yasha shrugged, pushing her hair back.

“And they looked  _ so cool _ fighting in the rain!” Jester gushed, coming down behind her. She waved at the pair. “Good morning, Essek! I thought you would have already left by now.”

“Oh, I - I mean,” Essek started, taking a faltering step back as he dropped Caleb’s hand.

“But no, no, no, Essek, don’t look like that,” Jester rushed out. “I’m really, really happy you’re here! And so is Caleb, right, Caleb?”

“Ah -  _ ja _ ,” Caleb answered honestly, caught unaware by Jester’s sudden question.

Essek still looked hesitant, but the expression disappeared from his face as he raised a questioning brow. “My Echo was with you?”

Jester glanced over her shoulder and, sure enough, Essek’s Echo was coming downstairs last. “Oh, yeah,” Jester grinned, giving Echo Essek a conspiratorial look as she continued walking down. “When we woke up this morning he was just sitting there - so I invited him up with me to watch Beau and Yasha.”

Caleb couldn’t exactly put a name to the array of emotions that crossed over Essek’s face before Essek’s eyes narrowed almost suspiciously. The Echo, to Caleb’s surprise, held Essek’s gaze with a raised brow of his own. It was almost as if the two were sharing a silent conversation - and it reminded Caleb briefly of his mental conversations with Frumpkin.

Echo Essek continued on after Jester, and before Caleb could say anything Essek had already fallen into step behind his Echo, leaving Caleb to follow behind him.

As they stepped down onto the lowest deck of the ship, Caleb saw that everyone had already made themselves comfortable around the crates and supplies they had stored down there. Fjord was sitting beside Caduceus, holding a pair of wooden bowls as Caduceus ladled food into them before he handed them off to Yasha and Beau. Veth was already eating, sitting cross legged on one of the crates.

“Honestly, it was about time you guys got up,” Beau told them, hopping up on a crate. She shoved a spoonful of food into her mouth before she pointed the spoon at Essek. “I thought elves didn’t sleep.”

“We don’t,” Essek answered, accepting the bowl Fjord handed to him when they followed Jester to Caduceus. “But we do trance, which I believe is similar to your, ah, nightly rest.”

Beau nodded, digging into her food again.

“Did you at least trance comfortably, Essek?” Jester asked, moving to sit beside Beau. “You can come sit with me,” Jester offered Echo Essek, patting the crate beside her.

“It was comfortable, Jester - thank you for asking,” Essek said softly, giving her a gentle smile.

“Jess, why does Essek’s shadow follow you like a lost puppy,” Beau whined.

“I think he likes me,” Jester shrugged, smiling at Echo Essek between bites of her food - oatmeal, Caleb noted, now that he had his own bowl as well. “If only you could taste this, Echo, because, man, it is deeelicious.”

“What does he even do?” Beau asked suddenly, shooting Echo Essek a glare as Jester continued talking to him before Beau turned her gaze to Essek. “He was being all cree-”

Essek turned to his Echo, giving it a small nod before Beau disappeared.

Jester jumped to her feet as Yasha stood up straight from where she’d been leaning against the wall, the start of a question on her lips before Beau reappeared - exactly six seconds later.

“-py, just watching us when we woke up,” Beau finished, as if nothing had happened at all, her eyebrows raising slightly when she noticed that Echo Essek had vanished.

“That’s what it does,” Essek smiled, moving to sit on a crate as well.

“Wow,” Jester got out, poking Beau’s side before turning to Essek. “That was so cool, Essek!”

“What was - what’d he do?” Beau frowned, looking between the two of them.

“Oooh, ooh - do Fjord next!” Veth volunteered.

Six seconds. That’s how long it took Beau to come back. Six seconds, that’s - “That’s the standard casting time for most spells,” Caleb realized, moving to sit beside Essek.

“Exactly,” Essek confirmed, his eyes brightening. “And the target is never even aware the spell was cast.” He gave Caleb a sideways glance. “Remind me to teach it to you next time.”

“That is -” Caleb nods, instantly excited at the prospect. “ _ Ja _ , I would like that - it was an impressive feat of magic.”

“Did Essek cast some shit on me when I wasn’t looking?” Beau whispered to Yasha. Yasha merely shook her head - not answering Beau’s question, but merely fond at Beau’s cluelessness.

“Speaking of impressive magic,” Fjord starts, setting his bowl of oatmeal to the side. “Caleb,  _ your _ magic is so impressive, I sometimes take it for granted. Where does that,” Fjord points at his neck. “Go? Just to another dimension or is it just hidden, or?”

“Um,” Caleb says, an oh-so-eloquent start. He takes a slow bite of his oatmeal, buying himself time - and gods, Jester was right, it  _ is  _ delicious - before he copies Fjord’s movements and sets his bowl aside. “Yeah, well, it is with me, ah, but it is not, um, on this plane. It is, ah, anchored to a point within, ah,” he reaches into his shirt, pulling out the amber on the chain. “This one specific, ah, hunk of amber.” He runs his thumb over its surface, looking down at it. “Um, so anchored to that, and wherever I bring said anchor, ah, that pocket travels with.”

“So if someone were to trace or try to locate it, it wouldn’t point to your hunk of amber?” Fjord follows up, aiming to sound casual - but Caleb knows him well enough to hear the undercurrent of worry in his voice.

“Well, I also have this,” Caleb answered, tucking the amber back into his shirt and pulling out his warding amulet instead. “This keeps me and all my possessions hidden. Not you, or any of the rest of you,” Caleb adds, glancing around at everyone before looking back at Fjord. “But this, ah, your - your, your cat’s eye marble is now -” Caleb cut a line through the air before he tucked the amulet back into his shirt. “Erased.”

“Very well hidden,” Caduceus nodded from where he was sitting beside Fjord.

“That’s better,” Fjord agreed.

“Wow, that would’ve been really useful when we had the beacon on us,” Jester deadpanned.

Caleb turned to Jester, shrugging. “Well, I hadn’t figured out how to do, ah, it yet.”

“No, I get it,” Jester nodded, even though she still seemed mildly suspicious, glancing between Essek and Caleb - and Caleb had no idea what kind of implication she was trying to get at with that look, so he pretended like he didn’t see it.

“I prefer that,” Fjord continued, nodding towards Caleb. “I just didn’t want all of a sudden the attention of this thing to be pointed at you.”

Caduceus raised a brow at Fjord. “They probably know what you look like.”

“Um, I think attention is still probably pointed at you,” Caleb added. “Y-y-you know, people have tried to find us as we have tried to find other people,” Caleb said, looking down at his lap. “And you are still -” He thinks of Fjord convulsing on the deck, Fjord with residuum pushed into his chest before he threw up the orb, “- the last one who had it, so they would come with questions, perhaps.”

“Unless they were tracking the ball directly,” Beau mused. “We might -”

“Now it's gone,” Caleb assured her. In a pocket dimension. Untraceable.

Veth tugged at one of her braids almost nervously. “And we - and we just killed five or six of his men. So maybe -”

“Oh, man, Ukotoa’s so pissed at you,” Jester grimaced, looking at Fjord.

“Ukotoa,” Veth echoed, with Jester echoing herself immediately too.

“I have a feeling Uk’otoa’s not the sentimental type,” Beau shrugged, with Veth echoing Uk’otoa’s name quietly.

“Yeah, but,” Veth continued as Jester set her bowl down with such force that it clattered loudly as she exclaimed, “He’s a ragey type.”

“Feel like he can get more fish people,” Beau said.

“There are more fish people in the sea,” Veth admitted.

Beau smiled, catching Veth’s joke. “There are plenty of fish people.”

“We should - we should see if these are just devotees or if they were,” Fjord picks at a spot on his pants. “Taken.”

“Agreed,” Beau nodded.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m wondering,” Caleb sighed, forcing himself to take another bite of food. He knew he should eat, and even though Caduceus’ cooking was delicious, he suddenly found himself lacking an appetite. 

“What do we do with the ball now that we have it?” Beau asked.

Fjord frowned. “W-what do you mean? It's in his hidden dimension of nowhere,” Fjord said, motioned towards Caleb.

“We just keep it forever, hidden away?” Jester suggested, although she didn’t seem too convinced about that.

“Do you want it to stay - leave it there?” Beau followed up, raising a brow at Fjord.

“Possibly find a way to destroy it,” Caleb added. Because even though it was in his pocket dimension, that didn’t mean that someone else might not get their hands on it eventually. It dropped the odds of that happening significantly - but it didn’t drop them to zero.

“I don’t know if it can be destroyed,” Caduceus said, looking resigned and troubled. “At the very least we could take it to the Happy Fun Ball at some point.”

“Put a ball in a ball?” Veth smiled.

Caduceus grinned. “Put a ball in a ball.”

“Meta-ball,” Beau whispered.

“That may just draw more attention to the, ah, Happy Fun Ball,” Essek spoke up, joining the conversation. “Storing it in Halas’ pocket dimension would be functionally the same as storing it within Caleb’s piece of amber, but, ah,” he gave Caleb an appraising glance. “Unless you’re hiding magics that predate the Calamity in that dimension of yours, I’d hazard to say that, ah, the less prying eyes into Halas’ sphere, the better - especially when those eyes belong to a creature of such power as Uk’otoa -”

“Uk’otoa -”

“- seems to have,” Essek finished. “Not that I doubt that you could develop such magics, especially after the spell you completed from Halas’ work,” he added quickly, looking down at his bowl and eating more oatmeal. “This is delicious, Caduceus.”

“Thank you,” Caduceus smiles, easily accepting the complement.

Caleb felt himself grow pink at the unexpected praise, caught off guard as he tried to figure out how to respond - but thankfully Jester saved him from finding the words that were escaping him.

“What if we actually put the ball into the lava?” she asked.

“We are -  _ ja _ , going to a volcano,” Caleb nodded, scratching at the slight scruff of his beard to hide his blush. “I was about to say.”

“Yeah,” Jester smiled, this idea out of all of them clearly appealing to her the most.

“Maybe it’ll have some cool effect that you can use to enthrall the - the guests,” Veth says, giving Jester a knowing look.

“Ooooohhh, that’s a good idea!” Jester gushed. “Maybe I can turn all of the other people that worship the Traveler into fish people!”

Veth burst into laughter. “Wow.”

Fjord turned to Jester. “Hey, you know, you throw those pine cones into the fire they burn like blue and green, maybe this one’s, like, yellow.” He gestured rising flames with his hands, making them wave up in a loose column.

Jester nodded. “Yeah - like a crazy, big eyeball.”

“Yeah,” Beau laughed.

“Crazy fire colors!” Veth grinned.

“Whooooa,” Beau plays along, pretending like she’s watching whatever enthralling color comes out from throwing the orb into fire.

“I’m still a little woozy, guys,” Fjord shrugs.

Caduceus gave Fjord a questioning look. “I’ve burned a lot of pinecones and I’ve never seen that happen.”

Caleb had seen those crazy fire colors with the pinecones - it had been one of Mollymauk’s favorite tricks to play when he collected kindling for the fire. He’d always collect a handful of pine cones to add to the fire at the end, making the flames jump different colors with each addition, the mumbled  _ thaumaturgy _ spell said oh so quietly that even Jester hadn’t ever caught on.

The memory makes Caleb smile briefly before he shakes out of it - not completely, allowing it to blanket him in the feeling of simpler times, when their biggest worry was where they would bed down for the night and not about gods and demigods and peace treaties between nations.

“I think maybe it would anger a titan at the bottom of the sea and create a tidal wave,” Caleb got in in between their laughter. “It’s hard to predict.”

“You never know,” Jester agreed.

“Worth a shot,” Veth shrugged.

Fjord shook his head, a smile still on his face as he turned to Caduceus. “Let’s ask some questions.”

“Think about what you wanna know,” Caduceus told him, slowly climbing to his feet.

“Oh, me?” Fjord asked, seeming surprised.

Caduceus held his hand out to Fjord, helping him up as he answered, “I mean, yeah.”

“Okay,” Fjord nodded, bending over to pick up their bowls and the now empty pot of oatmeal before he straightened up again. “I haven’t thought about it at all - let’s do this.”

Veth jumps to her feet, trailing after the pair, with Beau scarfing down the rest of her food before her and Yasha head out too. Caleb stands, motioning to follow before Jester moves to stand right in front of him, hands on her hips.

“ _ Cay _ -leb,” she whines. “You haven’t finished your food!”

He glances over at his bowl, averting his gaze. “Not hungry.”

Jester shakes her head. “But you haven’t eaten since yesterday - you need to eat or you’re gonna feel sick.” She motions to Essek. “Even Essek finished all his food!”

Essek holds his bowl in his hands awkwardly, as if unsure what to do with it now - especially with their attention on him. “I, ah - eating is always a good way to, ah, keep your strength up for magic.” He made a move to set his bowl down before he pulled it into his lap again, second guessing himself.

“You can just leave it there, Essek, I’ll take it to the kitchen,” Jester offers, and Essek relaxes, knowing what to do with the bowl now. Jester turns her attention back on Caleb. “Now, eat.”

Even though he knows he could easily tell her he’ll finish it later, he decides to just eat it now. He knows that if he doesn’t eat, he’s not going to force himself to eat later. With a sigh, he picks up his bowl again, finishing his food quickly. It's gone cold at this point, but Caleb finishes it all the same.

“Happy, Miss Lavorre?” he asks her, stacking his bowl on top of Essek’s.

“Very, Mister Widogast,” Jester smiles. She skips to the stairs. “Now let's interrogate some fish people - I don’t want them having all the fun without us.”

They trail after her, with Essek floating along beside him before he softly drops down onto the stairs a few steps up.

“It's a habit,” Essek sheepishly tells him.

“A rather impressive one,” Caleb admits. “Performing magic like that constantly and without even thinking about it - but I’m glad you do not feel the pressure to perform it around us.”

Essek ducked his head, a lovely blush rising up his face. “It is nice to not have that pressure on my shoulders - I didn’t realize the weight of it until I didn’t have to carry it around you all.”

Caleb wants to reach out - to hold his hand, to get him to look at him, to just  _ touch _ him, but then everyone’s coming downstairs, meeting them on the gundeck, with Yasha and Beau each dragging the goliath and human respectively and Caduceus bringing down the remains of the elven woman before they prop them up against the wall.

Caduceus brings out incense, starting to get ready for the ritual as Caleb feels a gentle touch on his arm.

“I should get going,” Essek says reluctantly.

“Aww, already?” Jester pouts, turning away from where she watches Caduceus readying his spell.

“Unfortunately,” Essek sighs. “I have to return to my -” He grimaces. “ _ Duties _ , or else I may draw undue attention.”

Ah, right - the Cerberus Assembly. Thinking about them makes the oatmeal Caleb just finished threaten to reappear.

“Well, uh, thanks for checking in on us,” Fjord tells him, giving him a nod. “It means a lot.”

“It is what friends do, right?” Essek smiles, and Caleb knows he’s trying to be casual but he sounds so hesitant, so nervous as he says it, as if he expects them to correct him and reject his friendship.

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb nods. “It’s what friends do.”

“Come back soon!” Jester calls out to Essek as he steps away from Caleb, tracing geometric patterns in the air around him that Caleb recognizes.

“We’re here, you know where to find us or whatever,” Beau adds, giving him an offhand wave.

Essek nods, going through the last few runes before he gives Caleb a small smile - one that Caleb returns in a heartbeat, even though Essek’s eyes are sad, regretful, the look resonating with Caleb.

But he doesn’t have a chance to dwell on it as Essek draws the final line in the air and disappears, leaving him with the beginnings of an interrogation he was sure he wasn’t ready to hear.

* * *

The knock on his door mere minutes after he  _ teleported _ to the  _ Wind of Aeons _ wasn’t at all surprising. If anything, he was surprised it took them that long to come looking for him.

With a sigh, Essek quickly cast  _ prestidigitation _ , making sure he looked as composed and casually disinterested as possible. “Come in,” he said - just going through the motions of being civil with each other, because they could have easily barged in had they wanted to.

A tense silence falls on his cabin as the doorknob clicks before the door creaks open to reveal Ludinus and DeRogna at his door. They step inside wordlessly, shutting the door behind them. Essek tries not to show his discomfort at that.

“You never returned last night,” the Martinet cooly stated.

“I didn’t,” Essek confirmed, holding his gaze.

“Why not?” Ludinus asked sharply.

“Because I didn’t have to,” Essek snapped. “My comings and goings are none of your concern.” He remembered what Caleb had told DeRogna, how he’d explained Essek’s presence on their ship. “The Mighty Nein required my assistance and so I went to help them.”

“And you stayed with them through the night?” Ludinus carefully continued.

“I stayed with them for as long as I needed to to ensure they were safe and well,” Essek answered. Not technically a lie.

“They seemed safe and well when I was on that ship,” DeRogna chimed in, looking absolutely bored as she picked at her nails.

Essek bristled. “If you call bleeding out onto the deck ‘safe and well’ then we were certainly raised with different standards of the safety and wellness of those around us.”

DeRogna’s eyes flashed, her lip curling as if she were about to respond before Ludinus interrupted, asking, “And why were they attacked?”

“She was there,” Essek grit out, nodding to DeRogna. “I’m sure she’s already told you what happened.”

“Was that the truth?” Ludinus pressed.

Essek held his cold gaze. “Yes.”

Ludinus gave him one last searching look before he nodded. “Just remember, Shadowhand,” he started, glancing towards the window. “If they find out, they will endanger what we’ve worked so hard for.”

The unspoken threat hung heavy in the air.

“Do not worry, Martinet,” Essek said quietly even as his heart beat like a scared bird in the cage of his ribs. “That is something I haven’t forgotten.”

Seemingly satisfied, the Martinet began to take his leave, turning around and opening the door.

DeRogna followed his lead before she paused, looking Essek up and down as she crossed her arms. “Hey, Shadowhand,” she started, her lips curling into a smile. “Where’s your cloak?”

Essek felt heat rise up the back of his neck. “I am not built for the tropics,” Essek answered smoothly, thankful that his voice was steady. “It's been so hot that I decided not to bring it along today.”

She raises a brow at that but says nothing more, following Ludinus out and shutting the door, the click of the lock sliding into place loud in the silence that follows.

His hand shakes as he runs it through his hair, collapsing into his chair. Essek needed to be careful - needed to be so much more careful. He closed his eyes. He could protect himself if they came after him.

But he was scared that he wouldn’t be able to protect his friends if they came after them.

* * *

The interrogations ended up being an exercise in confirming everything they already speculated. The first body they interrogated was the elven woman, half her jaw barely remaining intact from Caleb’s  _ acid arrow _ . Caduceus assured them it would be enough for her to  _ speak _ .

Once Caduceus cast  _ Speak with Dead _ \- and  _ disguise self _ to make himself look like Avantika to seem like a friendly face to the fish people - the woman’s remaining eye turned to him with a sickening slurp.

“ _ Who gave you your mission to find the orb? _ ” Caduceus asked.

A loud, raspy breath rattled her chest - or what remained of it. It was a vacuous cavern of decay, most of it melted away by the  _ acid _ and what remained having turned bloated from the rainfall after having been left out on the deck.

“ _ Uk’otoa _ ,” she whispered.

Not new information in the slightest, but it wasn’t the least bit heartening to hear her say it - it also didn’t help to find out that she was a willing follow of Uk’otoa, a follower that had been given the ability to change into the sea creature shape she had when she attacked their ship.

“ _ It was granted _ ,” she rattled. “ _ Reward. _ ”

Avantika-Caduceus’ eyes narrowed. “ _ A reward for what? _ ”

_ “Allegiance _ .”

Caleb’s fingers curled into his coat sleeves, right over his scars.

They moved on to interrogate the goliath, the first question being where Uk’otoa’s followers congregated.

“ _ Wherever there’s water _ ,” the goliath responds, his lips curling into a grizzly grin.

The goliath gives them cryptic answers, evading questions with a smug look all the while - well, for a dead person.

“ _ Has Uk’otoa been released? _ ”

“ _ Soon _ ,” he answers, the spirit leaving the body as it slumps over, completely lifeless again, the ghost of a smile on his face.

For the human man, the last interrogation, they decide that Jester should do it, with the plan of making herself look like the elven woman in order to hopefully get better answers from him if he believes he’s talking to a subordinate. 

Stepping closer to the ritual, Caleb pulls out one of his pearls, putting it to Jester’s forehead as he casts  _ Fortune’s Favor _ . 

“So, you know - for lying to the dead,” Caleb tells her.

It's a comforting tug on his magic, a dunamantic net cast out in search of the best outcome. He hopes Jester finds it.

He instantly thinks of Essek, of slender fingers guiding him through the motions, of a gentle smile encouraging him when he finally got it right. It calms some of Caleb’s nerves as much as it sets them on fire.

“Okay, okay,” Jester nods, getting ready to start the interrogation. She  _ disguises _ herself as the elven woman - or what she thinks the elven woman would have looked like if her face wasn’t horribly disfigured - before she stoops down, lighting the incense and casting  _ speak with dead _ .

She adopts a horrible accent, stumbling through a conversation with the corpse as she weedles information out of him.

“ _ Where should - where should I go? What should I do? Should I keep going after the guy? _ ”

The man’s chest creaks as he draws breath, the air escaping his body from his punctured lungs and carved open ribcage. “ _ Find the betrayer.” _

Caleb glances over at Fjord worriedly, finding him pale as he stares down at the man in disbelieving fear.

_ “And then once I get him, _ ” Jester continues, “ _ we’re gonna - I’m gonna take him back to the temple, ah, close by - maybe? Is that where I should take him?” _

“ _ Yes, _ ” he wheezes, the response long and drawn out. “ _ The final seal _ .”

That settles on them like a burial shroud - the final seal, and then the sea serpent of the depths would be released.

Fjord nervously tries to skirt past the discomfort of the moment, trying to cheer up the group with a joking suggestion of using the orb to fish for these creatures - but instead of being met with laughter, more tension strains the group as they realize that maybe they should be prepared for another attack at any second.

They briefly consider telling the nearby ships, just so they can also prepare - but they quickly scrap the idea. All that would get them is an immediate postponement of the peace talks at best, or an outright cancellation and reignition of the war at worst. It's not a risk they’re willing to take. 

Ultimately, they settle on just doing the best to stay prepared, to keep the ship afloat and to keep everyone safe. It’s the best they can do with everything else going on.

“Hope for the best, expect the worst,” Caleb quietly reminds himself as everyone begins to disperse to perform the various repair tasks on the ship. He knows he’s not versed well enough in nautical maintenance, but the least he can do is hand Jester tools while she patches up the ship’s gun deck - which is exactly what he ends up doing for most of the rest of the day. It keeps his mind from dwelling on the darker thoughts that lurk at the back of his head, helping him to instead focus on ideas that might help them if they were to ever encounter those creatures again.

It's after dinner when Caleb approaches Caduceus, offering to help him take everything back to the ship’s kitchen. As Caduceus puts away spices and other stray ingredients from the meal he had prepared for them, Caleb sits cross legged in front of a bucket washing dishes, scrubbing them in sudsy warm water before rinsing them off in another bucket and setting them in a crate where they keep eating utensils. They work in comfortable silence as Caduceus lights the small stove and gets the kettle going for tea.

“You have something on your mind,” Caduceus tells him, carefully picking out one of the teablends he keeps in the pouch at his belt.

Caleb ducks his head, continuing to work. No matter how often Caduceus was able to read him so easily, it didn’t make it any less unnerving. “I, ah -  _ ja _ ,” Caleb nods, rinsing off a handful of forks. “I was just thinking about that spell, the one you used on Beauregard.”

Caduceus raises a brow at him, setting a few small bags of herbs off to the side. “I’ve used a couple of spells on Beau - I think you’re going to have to be a little more specific.”

“The one you used at the party,” Caleb clarified, putting the last of the dishes in the crate. “The one that let her understand everything she heard.”

“Ah,” Caduceus gets out, turning towards the kettle as it starts to whine. Caleb hands Caduceus two clean cups. “We’re gonna need one more,” he says simply, and so Caleb gives him a third cup before Caleb stands, patting his hands on the front of his coat so that they aren’t dripping water.

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb continues. “I was just wondering if - if you could teach it to me?” He shuffles nervously from foot to foot as Caduceus pours water out into the three mugs, before adding the teabags and letting them steep. “I know that we practice two different kinds of magic - you practice the divine while I - well, my magic is arcane based, but, if you were willing to teach me, I could repay you by -”

“Of course I’ll teach it to you,” Caduceus nods, cutting Caleb off. “But you don’t have to repay me for that. You’re my friend, Caleb. All you have to do is ask.”

“O-okay,” Caleb says quietly, wringing his hands to keep them from fidgeting. “Thank you, Caduceus.”

“No problem,” Caduceus responds, taking a seat at the tiny kitchen table. He gives Caleb a searching look. “Not everyone will require you to ‘repay’ us when we help you, you know.” He slides one of the teacups to Caleb. “You don’t always have to worry about that.”

Caleb sits in the seat across from him, taking the teacup with a nod of thanks, letting it warm his palms as he holds it in his hands.

He thinks of harsh restraints holding down his wrists, his arms, his legs, his chest - he thinks of rough hands with surgical precision carving into him with instruments of torture.

A repayment for his studies. A reward for his allegiance.

“It is something I am working on,” Caleb whispers.

_ There may be a time where I need to call a favor back in. _

_ But Essek is different, _ he reasons with himself. He’s their friend.

_ They were your friends, too _ .

He forces himself to drink from his tea, expecting it to burn on the way down as he hadn’t waited for it to cool at all, but instead it spreads a comforting warmth through him as he swallows, a slow going wave that helps him relax. It tastes bitter, like dandelion greens, with a hint of sweetness in it's aftertaste.

“The Lonán family,” Caduceus explains. “An old family - I wasn’t even born yet when the last one was buried.” He takes a sip of his own cup, a wistful expression on his face. “A very reclusive family, very set in their own ways - but ultimately time caught up with them. The old ways weren’t working anymore, and since they didn’t adapt, well,” Caduceus shrugged, standing up. “The Wildmother has always shown me that the way to move forward is by adapting. Change is natural - we just have to be ready to adapt to it.”

Just then, there was a knock on the door - or, well, on the threshold, since they had left the door open.

“Hey, Caleb, can we talk?” Beau asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“ _ Ja _ , of course,” Caleb answers, moving to stand but Caduceus waves him back to his seat.

“I left you a cup of tea,” Caduceus tells Beau, taking his leave. “Hope you like it.”

They both watch him go before Beau steps inside, dropping into the chair Caduceus just vacated and pulling the cup Caduceus had made her closer to her. “It's so creepy when he does that,” she huffs.

Their conversation isn’t a particularly long one. Beau brings up DeRogna, specifically the job she had offered them. Caleb doesn’t have the head space to think about that with how worried he is about the peace negotiations and the new threat of Uk’otoa hanging over their heads, as well as whatever the Hells the Assembly might have planned once they got away with their crimes. And he also can’t stop worrying about Essek, who must be back on their ship, surrounded by some of the most dangerous people of the Empire.

In the end they agree to head to the  _ Wind of Aeons _ the next day, just to feel out DeRogna and Da’leth - and to show that they were  _ very _ invested in the outcome of these peace talks. Hopefully that would be enough of a deterrent for them to not try anything that could jeopardize the negotiations.

Still, he made sure he had the proper components for a handful of combat spells for the next day. Hope for the best, expect the worst.

By the time they’ve all begun to settle for bed - after Caleb has set up the  _ alarm _ beneath their room and has created the dome for them all and reminded Fjord to cast  _ water breathing _ on everyone, as well as sent out monkey-Frumpkin to hang on the rigging and keep a lookout overnight - he’s exhausted. The weight of his worries are heavy on his shoulders, giving him a stinging headache that he hopes sleep will alleviate. They all start to bed down in much the same way as the night before, with Caduceus and Fjord sharing the bed and the girls a cuddle pile on the ground.

He tucks into his space from the night before - a space that now seems so much bigger, emptier, without Essek. He sits down, leaning back against the bed, pulling the blanket on the ground over himself.

The blanket smells nice, a combination of alchemical components and ink and parchment, the lightest scent of ozone hanging onto the threads, and something crisp, something sharp, that pulls it all together. The fabric is soft.

Very soft - like,  _ expensively _ soft. He looks down at it with a frown before he realizes it's not a blanket at all.

It’s Essek’s cloak.

Caleb feels his face begin to burn as a blush rises up his neck, and he’s so, so thankful everyone’s already started to drift off to sleep as he holds the cloak in his hands, running his fingers over it gently.

“Did Essek forget his cloak?” Veth whispered suddenly.

He jumps with a start at her voice. “ _ Scheisse _ ,” Caleb gasps, immediately dropping his voice. “Veth, you - gods, you move like a shadow.”

“Thank you,” Veth grinned, sitting down beside him. She nodded at the cloak. “Essek’s, right?”

“Yeah,” Caleb nods, forcing himself to put it down beside him. “It must have slipped his mind this morning.”

She gives him a knowing smile, reaching over and putting it into his lap. “We’re low on blankets anyway,” she tells him. She worries her bottom lip between her teeth. “Is it okay if I stay here? With you?”

“Of course,” Caleb answers, scooting over and making more room for her.

Veth settles down beside him, leaning into his side. “Night, Cay.”

“Goodnight, Veth,” he says, spreading the cloak out over the two of them. She glances over at him, giving him a smile before she resettles, her warmth a comfort at his side - and Essek’s cloak a soft blanket over the both of them.

* * *

“- Righteous Brand elite soldiers and they will have their dignitary as well as protectors as well.”

Essek rolled his eyes, levitating a pearl around between his fingers. The Martinet was probably running DeRogna through the peace talks again. Nothing new.

“Will Master Ikithon and any of his proteges be present?”

He froze, the pearl dropping into the palm of his hand.

“No,” Ludinus answered. “He is not part of this discussion.”

There was a beat of silence - one that Essek quietly took advantage of as he stood up from his chair and made his way to the door, straining to listen.

“Is he sailing with us?” Caleb asked - because yes, that was Caleb, he knew that voice, couldn’t get that voice out of his head even if he tried. The question is polite, unassuming, but there’s a tremor in his voice that is impossible to miss.

“No,” Ludinus repeated - to which Caleb responded with something else, but Essek couldn’t catch it, couldn’t hear as they moved past his door.

He pressed himself to the thick wood, holding his breath - but nothing else came. He cursed under his breath. What in the Light was Caleb doing on the Assembly ship? Why was he there - and who was he with? Why didn’t he tell him?

The chilling thought that Caleb might be alone struck him, fear flooding his veins like ice to his system. He wrapped his hand around the doorknob, half a dozen spells running through his mind. He could get Caleb out. He  _ would _ get Caleb out.

Essek shoved his hand into his pocket, searching for the right components.

_ I, ah, feel conflicted about this, but would like to see even a temporary end to conflict. _

His hand wraps around the cured leather in his pocket, the defense spell on his lips, before he reluctantly lets it go. He trusts Caleb, knows that Caleb could get away or at least cause enough of a commotion that Essek would know to help - but right now he can’t risk anything by acting too hastily.

This temporary peace was too tenuous.

A heavy weight settles in his stomach as he sits by the door, staying as quiet as possible as he waits with bated breath - not finding any relief until he finally hears Caleb leaving about twenty minutes later, escorted out by the Martinet. And even then he still sits and waits, waits and waits and waits, stewing in his own mistakes, in this prison of his own making.

* * *

As soon as they returned to the ship, Beau and Caleb were greeted by everyone else, all eager to know how their time on the  _ Wind of Aeons _ had gone. They filled them in on the key details - that the beacon was different from the one they saw at the Vergesson Sanatorium, and thus must be the remaining stolen beacon, that there seemed to be tension between Da’leth and DeRogna, tension that Beau helped strain further - but all in all the Assembly seemed reserved. Unreadable. It made Caleb’s skin crawl.

“Nice - nice work,” Veth grinned, listening to how Beau’s casual comment to DeRogna seemed to cause the Martinet to bristle.

Beau shrugged, but she had a satisfied smile on her face. “Just sowing a little, you know, in-party fighting.”

“Seeds of discord,” Fjord finished, looking ridiculously proud.

“So if you look at it right, it was a complete and total victory,” Caleb deadpanned, trying for humor.

“Is it normal, I mean, didn’t - who was it that said, was it Yussa? That said wizards have a hard time working with each other because they’re very powerful?” Jester asked. “Or was that Halas?”

Caleb cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “No, it was Yussa. Ah, and, ah, ego plays a great part in it as well.”

Jester cocked her head to the side, as if trying to decipher a puzzle. “Do you think as you get more and more powerful you’ll become, like, egotistical, Caleb, instead of nice like you are now?”

“No, no,” Veth cut in, shaking her head. “He’s - he’s getting more and more warm everyday.”

Lowering her voice, Beau whispered to Fjord, “He’s nice?”

“Of course he’s nice,” Veth frowned.

“He’s very nice,” Caduceus agreed easily.

Beau clapped Caleb on the shoulder with a smile. “I’m just fucking with ya.”

“That’s fair,” Caduceus nodded.

Caleb looked down at the deck, taking in his friends’ words, feeling warring emotions stirring in his chest - equal parts fondness and instant guilt that they felt like that about him, the immediate reaction of wanting to contradict them, of telling them that they’re wrong, that he’s a monster. That he has nothing but blood on his hands.

“I don’t know,” Caleb answers instead.

Jester smiles at him. “I think you should stay like you are.”

“But get incrementally more powerful until you can achieve your goals,” Veth adds.

“Obviously,” Jester instantly agreed. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“If we recruited, like, another wizard, would you guys butt heads?” Beau asked him curiously.

“Ah, well, you know, Essek and I get along f-fairly well,” Caleb replies without a second thought. He thinks of ink stained fingers and encouraging smiles and Essek’s hand on his hip, his other hand holding his as he guides him through the motions. He thinks of their fingers threading together whenever Essek  _ teleports _ them, thinks of Essek stepping into the cell of the Dungeon of Penance after the Scourger attacked him. He thinks of Essek’s lab, of the way Essek and Veth and he worked on Veth’s spell together, thinks of the way Essek’s fingers would brush against his when he passed him the next component of the spell, thinks of the way Essek and he synced up in their work, anticipating each others needs and knowing exactly how to help.

He thinks of Essek on the gundeck of the  _ Wind of Aeons _ , thinks of the way his heart dropped to his ankles when he saw Essek revealed beneath the Lord Thain  _ disguise _ . He thinks of Essek at the party, skirting around them and avoiding them at all costs, thinks of how despite that Essek had taken his hand when Caleb had asked him to dance. He thinks of how he’d frozen on the docks when Caleb had called him by his name, thinks of how defeated he’d looked when he boarded the  _ Balleater _ and found everyone already waiting for him.

Caleb thinks of soft skin beneath the palm of his hand and shaking hands holding onto the front of his coat, thinks of tear stained cheeks and a thundering heartbeat. He thinks of a gentle kiss on a furrowed brow, achingly soft, echoing the devastation in his heart, the wreckage that had slowly begun to knit back together now that he was finding his place again - now that Caleb was finding a home.

And he thinks of Essek appearing on their deck during the battle, thinks of worry and attempts at helping them. He thinks of Essek wrapping his cloak around him, thinks of how he went looking for Caleb, how he’d held Caleb tightly as he cried. He thinks of when they settled down to rest, how Caleb had taken his hand and had been so heartbroken when Essek had pulled away, only for Essek to immediately thread his fingers with Caleb’s again, making sure Caleb was comfortable. He thinks of a restful sleep - a restful sleep that was so rare for him, but that made him feel safe and warm and cared for.

“I think,” Caleb added softly.

“That’s true,” Jester nodded.

Thankfully, the conversation moved on to teasing Caleb about “butting heads” with wizards, skirting past his mention of Essek, keeping him from diving headfirst into his worries and fears about the danger Essek was in because of the people he was dealing with.

It was a worry that didn’t leave him for the rest of the day, despite how calm the rest of the day was. It was a quiet day, filled with more tasks needed to run the ship, giving him things to keep him blissfully busy up until the end of the day when it was time to set everything up for bed.

He sent Frumpkin up to the rigging again, glad that the rain had finally let up that night. He cast  _ alarm _ beneath the room, heading back up to start to cast the dome when he paused at the door, looking at the spectral amethyst-headed armored creature standing at attention beside the bed.

“ _ Guardian of faith,” _ Caduceus told him, already settled down in his usual spot on the bed as he tugged Fjord closer to him. Fjord was staring at the  _ guardian _ in awe, tucking in beside Caduceus and comfortably basking in the spectral purple glow.

Caleb nodded his understanding. Another safety measure certainly wouldn’t hurt.

Looking around, Caleb could see Beau gingerly kneading a salve into Jester’s sunburnt purple skin, apologizing under her breath every time Jester grimaced. Veth was right beside her, helping Beau with Jester as well.

But no Yasha.

Stepping out, Caleb made his way to the deck in search of her. He knew that the last few days - while tense after the attack - had been comforting for her because of the storm. Now that it had passed, well...Caleb just wanted to make sure she was okay.

“Hey,” he started gently, finding her leaning against the railing, staring off to sea. “You were awfully quiet the last, ah, day - are you alright?”

She glanced at him, giving him a soft, “Hey,” in return. She looked out to the ocean again, letting silence fall over them for a beat before she met his gaze. “I think so.”

“What’s out there?” Caleb asked, nodding towards the sea.

“Just, watching the storm, I guess,” she answered. She crossed her arms. Not defensively, just casually. “Keeping - keeping tabs, making sure nothing else climbs aboard.”

“You’ll come to bed in a bit,  _ ja _ ?”

“Yeah,” she said. She seemed at ease, much more at ease than he’d seen her in a long time.

“Okay,” Caleb nodded.

“How are you?” she asked him in return. He didn’t think he would ever get over how soft spoken and gentle she was, how it contrasted with the intimidating figure she cut - how it changed so dramatically in the heat of battle.

“Oh - very good,” Caleb responded. He was alive. He was healthy. He had a roof over his head. He had food. He was very good.

Yasha held his gaze for a beat. “I -” she started, before she paused, looking out to sea as she put her thoughts into words. “You know how Fjord said he had a - a dream that he swallowed that ball and then it was there?”

“Yes,” he answered.

“Does that make sense to you?” She turned to him, looking unsure - as if she were troubled, but unburdened by it. Accepting.

“That - that he dreamed and, and it became so?” Caleb asked, wanting to make sure he had understood her correctly.

Yasha nodded. “Yeah.”

“Ah - well, that has never happened for me,” Caleb told her. He remembers the Scourger, remembers Essek inside the mirror. He remembers the mirror breaking, the shards of glass stabbing into his skin. He remembers the pain, the fire - Mollymauk. He shakes the dream away. “But there are a great many things in this world, are there not?”

“Yes - I seem to find that to be true every day,” she agreed.

Caleb watched her curiously. “You having colorful dreams lately?”

She hesitated for a moment before she gave him a small smile. “Yeah - ah, well, they’re usually, you know, not very colorful, but just strange, I guess.” She opened her mouth as if about to say more, but merely sighed. “Yeah.”

They fell into comfortable silence, just staring out at the ocean until Yasha spoke up. She glanced at him. “Well, I guess we should get some sleep.”

“Yeah,” Caleb nodded. “Dream again.”

“I hope so,” Yasha smiled.

“You, ah, um - for what it’s worth, you seem a little, a little more, ah, steady,” Caleb told her.

Yasha patted herself on the arm from where she still held them crossed over her chest. “I feel a little more steady - which is weird because we’re on a boat.” She gave a huff of laughter before she covered it up with a cough. “Sorry, that was a bad joke.”

Caleb broke into a smile. “It was pretty good.”

She smiled at him again before she sobered. “Yeah, I feel like, um - this group is pretty special.” She held his gaze. “I know you and I both have gone through some things and we carry a lot of - weight, with us.” She patted her arm again. “But boy, do I feel lucky to be with these people.”

“It's all about who you choose to surround yourself with, I think,” Caleb says. He thinks of the mischievous glint in Veth’s eye and Jester’s smile and Beau’s sarcasm and Yasha’s strength. He thinks of Fjord’s humor and Caduceus’ calm and Mollymauk’s laughter. He thinks of Frumpkin’s comfort and his magic, magic that transforms and creates rather than simply destroys. He thinks of Essek - he can’t stop thinking of Essek. “That makes all the difference.”

“I think it does,” Yasha agrees. She nodded towards the stairs that led below deck. “I feel safe with these people.”

“We feel very safe with you,” Caleb told her.

She smiled again - that same smile that she had given him all those months ago, down in the Gentleman’s safe house in the Labenda swamp, after he’d told her “ _ This means we are friends _ .” Simpler times.

“I hope so,” Yasha said.

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb nodded. He patted her arm. “I’m gonna go get, ah, things ready down below. Join us when you’re ready.”

“I will,” she promised.

He gave her one last “Okay” before he headed for the stairs, glancing back and watching her as she looked out to sea. He looked out as well - but out on the other side of the ship, where the rest of the armada was. Where he knew the  _ Wind of Aeons _ was.

Caleb found the ship amongst the rest of them, feeling the way his worries descended upon him again before he finally went below deck.

* * *

_ It was dark, dark and cold and quiet, a heavy quiet that weighed down on his bones. The only thing he could hear was the rattle of chains and labored breathing. _

_ Taking a tentative step forward, Caleb summoned his  _ dancing lights _ , illuminating the room - illuminating the iron bars, rusted and blood splattered. Caleb took another step forward, pushing the  _ lights _ past the bars, the light spilling into a tiny cell. _

_ The light spilling over Essek. _

_ He felt his breath hitch in his throat as Essek looked up at him, his face bloodied and swollen, with a long gash carving down his temple. His hair was matted with blood - the crimson a stark contrast to the usual white of his hair. His hands were chained above his head, leaving him to struggle to try to stand before he slumped back against the wall. _

_ “They aren’t going to get away with this,” Caleb told him, grabbing onto the bars of the cell. _

_ Essek sighed, coughing weakly before spitting up blood. “They always have,” he whispered. _

_ Tears welled in Caleb’s eyes. “They won’t,” he grit out. _

_ “But, Caleb, I -” Essek started, before his eyes widened with fear, staring out at something behind Caleb. _

_ Turning immediately, Caleb shoved his hands in his pockets, searching for his components as he came face to face with a burning pyre. The fire climbed high over the pile of wood, the flames licking the dark sky overhead. He could see two figures in front of the flames, one dragging and pulling the other while the other fought against their grasp. _

_ The taller of the two whipped around, striking the person they dragged across the face and sending them to their knees. _

_ Caleb recognized him - he recognized him against the backdrop of flames, would recognize that silhouette in every nightmare for the rest of his life. _

_ Ikithon. _

_ Bending down, Ikithon grabbed the struggling figure again and began to drag them to the flames. Caleb felt a burning hatred consume him from the inside out, could feel the flames beginning to spark at his fingers as he found his bat guano and sulfur, the  _ fireball _ growing in his hands as the desire to  _ kill  _ him blocked out everything else - _

_ Something fell over his eyes as a soft voice whispered, “ _ What do you really want? _ ” _

_ Then the pyre returned, and Ikithon struck out at the person he dragged - but Caleb wasn’t looking at Ikithon anymore, he was watching Essek, Essek who was getting dragged to the pyre, Essek who was going to be one more person the Empire took from him. _

_ Caleb found the phosphorus drenched cats cradle in an instant, weaving the spell around his fingers as he slammed his hands down, the desperate need to save Essek overwhelming him, the fear and worry overriding everything else and lighting him up with ferocious concentration. _

_ As his hands hit the ground, everything disappeared, leaving him in total darkness. Caleb stayed there, on his hands and knees, waiting and waiting and waiting as he heard footsteps approach him. _

_ A hand came into his line of sight, a snake patterned into purple skin. He looked up. _

_ “You’ve gotta get faster at that,” Mollymauk told him, pulling Caleb up when Caleb took his hand. He was ringed in moonlight again, transforming the darkness from a menacing unknown into a place of familiar comfort. _

_ “Faster at what?” Caleb asked. _

_ “Adapting.” He patted Caleb on the cheek affectionately. “Now, run along -” he said, motioning behind him. Caleb glanced past him, noticing a path with strange flowers that bloomed into the darkness. “Don’t forget,” Molly added, walking past him. “Leave it better than you found it.” _

_ Caleb wanted to turn around, wanted to ask him how - how could he possibly leave things better than he found them, how could he when they were going to walk free, when they were going to get away with it - but he felt something tug in his chest, an urgency blossoming beneath his ribs that pushed him forward. He ran, watching as the flowers lit up like stars with each step, and he kept running and running and running - _

He woke with a start, pressing a hand to his chest to try and steady his heartbeat. Veth rolled over, tugging on his arm - almost as if she could sense his distress even when she was asleep.

Taking a shaky breath, Caleb patted Veth’s arm softly, lulling her back to sleep.

Caleb could still feel the rusty bars beneath his hands, could feel the fire sparking in his palm. He shook himself out of it.

Essek would be fine. Caleb was expecting the worst - readying himself for the worst - but he truly hoped for the best. The Assembly gained nothing in throwing the peace away. That in itself would keep Essek safe.

But Caleb couldn’t get bloodied, beaten Essek out of his head - he couldn’t shake off the terrified look on his face when he saw Ikithon, couldn’t stop thinking about the flames that reached out for him.

He dug his fingers into his sleeves of his coat, needing to remind himself of the here and now - but instead of his coat he felt the soft fabric of Essek’s cloak, the feel of it soothing him almost instantly. Veth must have tucked him in after he’d fallen asleep.

“‘Dream again’,” Caleb whispered to himself, echoing his words to Yasha earlier. He shook his head. What in the Hells was he thinking, saying something like that?

Running his hands over Essek’s cloak again, Caleb vowed that he would keep him safe - that he wouldn’t let the Assembly hurt him the way they hurt Caleb. He wouldn’t let him burn the way Caleb burned, the way he kept burning, every single day.

* * *

The days at sea are long and uneventful - after Caleb’s visit to the  _ Wind of Aeons _ and Ludinus’ maddeningly cryptic responses as to why he’d even been on the ship in the first place, there was really nothing else to do. Aside from the daily inspection of the beacon, Essek spent the time locked in his quarters, staring out his window, going through dunamantic equations in his head and mentally composing responses to the official documents that he knew were piling up on his desk.

At least it was almost over. From the sound of it, the Empire armada had spotted the Dynasty’s ships. They estimated that they would come together sometime after noon.

“Lord Thain,” came a muffled voice, along with a knock at his door. “Would you accompany me for tea?”

Ludinus’ way of telling him it was time to inspect the beacon.

He cast  _ disguise self _ , adopting his Dezran Thain persona before he moved to his door, knocking on it quietly.

It swung open, the Martinet gesturing past him. “Shall we?”

Essek silently stepped out, falling into step beside Ludinus. DeRogna soon joined them, with the both of them opening the  _ arcane lock _ on the door, ushering him inside before Ludinus snapped his fingers. A chest apparated on the empty table in the middle of the room and Essek stepped forward, pushing it open.

A bright light filled the room as Essek gingerly pulled out the beacon, holding it in his hands. A sense of immediate awe and reverence washed over him, one that he stamped down as he focused on the task at hand, attuning to the beacon with a clinical detachment.

There was a tug at the center of his chest, one that pulled him forward with every beat of his heart. He let it guide him, let it draw him in until he was surrounded by hundreds of thousands of strands, all of them lifetimes, every single one of them reaching towards the eons of the past while simultaneously racing forward into the eternal future. For a breath Essek was one with the weave of it all, watching as the strands wove together before being pulled apart, the intricate tapestry being brought into creation before his very eyes.

It was madness and bliss and pain and relief all at once, and suddenly he was back in his body, a single shard of possibility tucked close to his heart. He ignored the lump that rose in his throat as he realized it was never going to be more than this for him. This was all the beacon would give him - a shard, a brief moment in time when Essek had dedicated his whole life to it. And this was probably going to be the last time he would ever hold a beacon like this, it would be the last time he would ever feel close to their deity.

He returned the beacon to the chest. Everything was in perfect order.

The Martinet snapped his fingers and it disappeared. It was a well practiced routine at this point, one that required speaking from none of them.

Which is why it surprised him when Ludinus spoke up.

“Given that we are now mere hours away from coming into contact with the Dynasty’s Armada, I think it would be prudent if you were no longer aboard our ship.”

Essek met his gaze. He’d thought about that too - had thought about all the wards that the Dynasty would have placed in order to guard from any possible foul play. He had designed many of those wards, after all.

However, that didn’t mean that Essek didn’t bristle at Ludinus’ words. “Is that so?”

Ludinus raised a brow at Essek’s tone. “I assume that your people would have charms in place that would anticipate all kinds of magical interference - magic that could see through  _ disguises _ and could possibly even sense you.”

_ Your people _ . The way Ludinus said that made him sick.

“That would be a correct assumption,” Essek forced himself to say. He held Ludinus’ gaze cooly. “I expect to be kept informed about the goings on of the negotiations.”

The Martinet nodded. “I will inform you as much as is possible.”

Meaning not at all - Essek had worked with the Assembly long enough to know that by now. He’d been their tool, and now his usefulness had reached its end. All he had to do was keep his silence now that they were to part ways.

He wasn’t going to hear about any developments with the new beacon, wasn’t going to find out about what new magic they might uncover with their experiments.

While a twinge of frustrated anger flared up in his chest, what he mostly felt was just an overwhelming wave of relief. This was it. It was over.

“You’ll hear about the negotiations from your queen herself as she goes through the peace talks with King Bertrand,” DeRogna added, starting to guide Essek back to his quarters.

“I suppose I will find out either way then,” Essek said, falling into silence as he followed.

They led him back to his room, stepping inside after him. Essek watched them suspiciously, realizing that they weren’t going to leave until  _ he  _ was gone.

A dark shadow fell over the room, the bright sunlight blotted out completely. The Dynasty Armada was almost upon them.

He began to trace out the sigils and runes in the air around him, getting ready to  _ teleport _ to his tower. He could picture his study, with his books and scrolls lined up on shelves - could picture his desk with his unfinished reports waiting idly by. He could already imagine the oppressive silence that was a constant there.

Hesitation made him linger on a rune for a split second as he instead began to think of weathered wood and mismatched crates and warm hands holding his. He remembered rain falling to the deck and a comforting hug - a breakfast of oatmeal and excited blue eyes the next day, a hesitant feeling of belonging growing in his chest. He imagined the dimly lit room, drawing it to the forefront of his mind.

This would be his last  _ teleport _ of the day he reminded himself - to get back to Rosohna would mean that he would have to draw a  _ circle _ , which would mean having to walk through the Lucid Bastion. That in itself would leave him open to speculation about his travels - about travels during  _ these  _ times.

It meant taking a risk.

A risk he was willing to take.

Besides, he mused, everyone that came through the Lucid Bastion was reported back to him anyway. He could keep things under wraps.

Essek finished the last rune, feeling the magic surround him, taking hold as he focused on the lower decks of the  _ Balleater _ \- and hoping, praying that they wouldn’t mind a guest during the negotiations.

* * *

It was on the tenth day of their journey that they finally spotted the Kryn Dynasty’s armada - and soon after that, the noonday sun disappeared as the Kryn ships grew closer, their dunamantic based darkness spell turning everything to night around them as the Empire’s armada moved into its radius.

Caleb finds it a strange comfort, looking up at the sky and knowing that it's only 2:04 in the afternoon but instead seeing the soft shroud of midnight. He had missed this, he realized. He had missed the night of Rosohna - the place he had started to consider home.

He pushed the realization to the back of his mind. All that mattered now was focusing on the negotiations.

Their ship fell into formation along with the rest of the Empire and Clovis Concord ships, their ovaloid arrangement now turning more triangular, a movement mirrored by the imposing Kryn ships.

Having been traveling alongside the Empire armada for so long, Caleb had gotten used to their look and design - so seeing the Dynasty ships now, with their purple Vermaloc wood make and the gold detailing highlighting the dark wood made them stand out much more to him. The Empire had patterned their ships after those of the Clovis Concord in the Menagerie Coast, but the Dynasty ships - they seemed like a whole different kind of creation entirely.

The centermost ship had tall grey sails emblazoned with the Dynasty’s emblem, the script on the side reading  _ Vin-Radethak _ \- the  _ Everstorm _ , as Beau had translated for them - which seemed to be the ship that would be engaging in the negotiations as it came to rest beside the  _ Blue Heaven _ .

They all take turns passing around one of two looking glasses, watching as broad planks are set out to connect both ships, with Lord Zeddan Graf, the Empire’s Emissary stepping forward to greet the Dynasty representative - the Dusk Captain, which Caleb recognized as the woman that had spoken out in the Bright Queen’s throne room.

Jester takes the looking glass next, focusing on the ships and the representatives that are beginning to discuss on the boards.

“Oh, Ludinus is there,” Jester frowns, sticking her tongue out in concentration as she tinkers with the gear of the looking glass that magnifies what she’s viewing.

Fjord and Jester make a scan of the other ships, commenting on the presence of soldiers and weapons, how they both seem to be showcasing the power of their might, when suddenly Caduceus greets someone. “Hey,” he calls out.

Swinging around with the looking glass, Jester immediately brings it down, exclaiming, “When did you get here?”  
“I arrived but a few moments ago,” a familiar voice answers - and Caleb whips around, catching sight of Lord Dezran Thain as he comes up from beneath their deck. Essek in _disguise_ , but his voice is his, no attempt at a false Nicodranian accent to be found.

“Why do people keep bamfing onto our ship without permission?” Beau huffed, crossing her arms.

“We do that a lot to other people,” Veth reminded her.

“You’re not wrong,” Beau sighed, taking the looking glass from Jester as she turned to observe the ships. “It’s fair.”

“It's good to see you again,” Jester smiled at him.

A small smile spread across his face at her words. “You as well,” he answered. He gestured to the surrounding ships. “It is best that I am nowhere near these negotiations.” He looked down, staring intently at the deck. “Um, the Martinet has the beacon’s transference handled. I am just here to be watchful.”

“Will they know it's you?” Jester asked. “Like will the people on the, the other side -”

“There are many wards placed around the proximity of this negotiation, I’m certain,” Essek explained. “So I would not wish to put myself in a precarious situation.” He looked around at all of them, gaze landing on Caleb. “I figured this was the safest place to be - if you don’t mind?” he rushed out, suddenly nervous as he shifted where he stood.

He nodded at Essek, noticing the way his shoulders relaxed with Caleb’s answer before Caleb turned his attention back to the ships.

Caduceus hands Caleb one of the looking glasses, allowing Caleb a closer look at the stretch of boards that connected the ships, watching as two mirrors were brought out, facing each other. That was how the monarchs were to converse.

“I feel like we should be there,” Caleb sighed, glancing at Beau.

Beau tapped the wooden railing impatiently. “I know.” She turned to him. “Do a few of us need to get closer? We’ve got  _ water breathing. _ ”

Stepping up on Beau’s other side, Caduceus shook his head. “I th - don’t know if we should poke this.”

“They’ve got lots of wards, you know,” Jester added, nodding towards Essek.

“If we get - yeah, and if we get, if we even rattle that, the whole thing falls apart,” Caduceus told them. “Let’s just see if it crows on its own.”

“Do not think you are the only ship keeping a very close eye on every other ship on this armada,” Essek said, gliding closer to them.

“Plus, it's five hundred feet,” Fjord sighed, lowering his looking glass. “You’d be trapped in the middle. Take you too long to get there, and if something happened, you’d be stuck.”

Essek came to stand by Caleb, arm brushing against his. “Do as you will, but,” Essek trailed off with a shrug.

“I can just walk over there?” Veth volunteered as Jester sighed loudly.

“Yeah, that - that would go well,” Jester deadpanned.

Veth pulled out a piece of gum arabic, the small shard of resin glinting amber in her palm. “I can be  _ invisible _ .”

“The only - the only part we’re really not looking at -” Fjord started.

“They have wards,” Jester repeated, pointing at the ships. “They would know that it was not really, you know, like - they would be able to see you.”

“Mhm, m’kay,” Veth hummed, shoulders sagging as Jester pointed out that she would be found out quickly.

Yasha nodded in agreement. “They’d probably be able to see.”

“It would - yeah,” Caduceus echoed.

“I think the only thing that’s not being watched is beneath us,” Fjord finished. “That’s it.” An ominous statement, given what had come from beneath just a handful of days ago. Fjord looked around at the group, taking in their silence. “I don’t know how to remedy that - I think we’re here for the show.”

“Yep,” Caduceus sighed.

They lapsed into silence after that, with small bouts of conversation amongst them as the talks began. Veth assured Fjord that she and Yasha had packed “the good powder”, reminding him that they were at the ready for whenever Fjord deemed it necessary to open fire - which Caleb hoped wouldn’t be necessary at all, but it didn’t hurt to be prepared. Caleb himself was glad that he had prepared a handful of ranged spells just in case.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, after all.

After a few hours Caduceus wandered off, taking Yasha with him - returning a half hour later with a tray of sandwiches that they handed out to the group.

Essek took his with a grateful nod, quietly eating as he kept his eyes on the peace talks despite his attention being pulled back to the Nein’s conversation every now and then. He hadn’t moved from Caleb’s side, and Caleb hadn’t budged from his spot either - aside from leaning into each other every now and then, a stolen comfort that Caleb sorely needed but that he wouldn’t push past that. Not now.

“Hey, Essek,” Jester called out.

The man in question turned to her, brow raised.

“I mean, sorry - should I not call you that?” she asked.

“Ah, in mixed company it would not be preferred, yes, please,” he hurriedly corrected her, glancing around nervously at the neighboring ships - all out of earshot, but still close enough that arcane casters like themselves knew they could still be subject to spells that might make it easy to eavesdrop on them.

Jester nodded before she huffed out a belated, “Hey.” She turned to the armada, gaze landing on the two ships hosting the negotiation. “Um, can you  _ scry _ on them?”

Essek glanced over at the ships she was referring to. “Ah, I would probably say I would prefer not to.”

“Would they know that you’re  _ scrying?” _ Jester asked.

“They would know they are being  _ scried  _ upon, if, ah, they have the right wards,” Essek told her. “Which I have to assume they have every sort of ward present on this for that reason.” 

“Ugh - how do we hear?” Jester whined, rattling the railing.

“We don’t,” he answered. “We trust -”

“This is really boring,” she groaned. “Without knowing what they’re saying.”

“Jester,” Essek calmly continued.

“Huh?” she sighed.

“Welcome to politics,” he smiled ruefully.

“Oh!” Jester gasped dramatically, throwing her head back. “I hate politics.”

Fjord bummed his shoulder with Jester’s. “Jester, boring is good - also, not boring is, with this many people, probably not.”

“That’s actually a really good point,” Jester nodded.

There’s another lull in conversation as they all continue to carefully observe the  _ Everstorm  _ and the  _ Blue Heaven _ . After another couple hours the negotiations seem to come to an end - at least for the day. The mirrors are removed, and each representative returns to their respective ship. There was no transference of any kind, whether it be of the prisoners or the beacon. Neither of the armadas move.

Caleb glances over at Jester, noting the long-suffering expression on her face from the absolute boredom of it all. “How would you like to  _ send  _ a message to the Bright Queen?”

Jester’s face splits into a grin. “Oh my gods, I was thinking about doing that.”

“But she’s in the middle of a negotiation,” Veth frowned.

“Not at the moment she is not,” Caleb told her.

“No, she just finished, she’s not talking,” Jester replied, already pulling out her copper wire. “What should I ask her? Be like, ‘How’s it going?’”

“‘How’s it going’ is the first thing to ask,  _ ja _ ,” Caleb smiled. “Does she feel it's going well? Does she trust that it is going to reach completion smoothly?” He shrugged. “Just an update.”

“Yeah,” Jester nodded, going through the motions for the spell. “I’m sure she’s - totally wants to talk to me.” 

Caleb drummed his fingers on the railing. “No she does not, but I think it's a good idea.”

“ _ Oh my gosh, I could see you in the mirror - you look soooo beautiful! _ ” Jester started. _ “What were you guys saying? Did it go well? Are you _ happy?” She paused, looking up as a smile spread across her face. She glanced around at everyone. “She thinks they’re going decent - ‘not poorly yet’ she says.”

“Okay, “ Caleb breathed out. That was good. That was progress.

“Don’t, sh - I do not think she wants me to  _ send _ another message,” Jester added. “If that’s what you’re going to - I don’t think that she -”

“We won’t push-push it,” Caleb assured her. “Maybe one day at a time.”

“Should I  _ send _ a message to King Dwendal and find out what he thinks?” Jester suggested.

“Oh my gods,” Fjord sighed, running an exasperated hand down his face. He adopted a questioning tone. “How  _ did _ negotiations fall apart?”

Beau stifled a laugh as Caleb winced, saying, “We didn’t have as good a relationship, I feel, with King Dwendal.”

“It's true,” Jester admit. “What about Martinet?”

“ _ Ja,”  _ Caleb nodded.

“ _ Hey - so you were there! Oh my gosh, what happened? What did they say?”  _ Jester asked, immediately recasting  _ sending _ . _ “I’m - we’re just so curious. I really want to know how _ ?” She tapped her chin as she listened for the answer, nodding along with whatever she heard. “He used a good amount of words in the response and he says it was going really good.”

Essek gave an audible sigh of relief at that, leaning against Caleb.

Jester gasped. “Oh my gosh, not-Essek, are you going to stay on the boat with us again tonight? ‘Cause you can’t go any closer, huh?” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Are you going to sleep here? Are you going to sleep on our boat?”

He nervously shifted from foot to foot - or at least his illusion did. Caleb could tell he was still floating because his illusion was as tall as Caleb was. “I can probably, ah, handle myself, do not worry,” Essek told her.

“Where’re you gonna sleep?” she asked.

“I could return to my tower,” he said.

His response seemed to catch Jester completely by surprise as she blinked owlishly at him. “Oh,” she got out. “And then just come here tomorrow?”

“Yes,” Essek nodded.

“I mean -” Caduceus started.

“That’s pretty cool,” Jester said in awe.

Caduceus agreed. “That is pretty cool - technically speaking, nobody’s sleeping in the captain’s quarters.”

“Well, we have our Fjord decoy,” Jester reminded him.

“That’s fair - there is a dummy in there,” Caduceus nodded.

Essek’s brow furrowed in confusion, his mouth opening as if he were going to ask what they were referring to before he just shook his head, opting to let it be.

“Oh, yeah - no, nevermind,” Caduceus said, waving his previous words aside.

“Very strange, but okay,” Essek finally got out.

“It’s just for safety,” Jester assured him - once again, not elaborating anything of actual substance as the look of confusion on Essek’s face only grew.

“We have a lot of irons in the fire, as you already know,” Caleb quietly added, meeting Essek’s gaze. “This one is, ah, Uk’otoa related.”

“Uk’otoa,” Jester and Veth immediately echoed.

Hearing that, Essek nodded. “I will not question your methods,” he said, glancing at Jester before his gaze returned to Caleb.

Caleb only wished he could actually see Essek, like truly  _ see _ him. Despite being able to pick out his expressions and mannerisms through his  _ disguise _ , Caleb found himself missing his dark skin and elegant coif, found himself missing the dunamantic wisps of magic that clung to his fingers.

They held each other’s gaze, almost as if they were making up for lost time, for all the days they’d spent apart and for the revelations that had broken the trust between them. At least the trust that Caleb had for Essek. He had no idea how Essek felt about him.

“Hey, when you come here tomorrow,” Jester started, pulling Essek’s attention to her and leaving unspoken words to die before they reached Caleb’s lips. “Will you bring some, like pastries ‘cause you’ll be - you’ll like, something good? Will you bring us a present?” At the uncertain expression on Essek’s face, Jester clasped her hands in front of her, laying it on thick with the puppy eyes, “But you like me, Essek, come on.”

“Things are a bit tense for me to head to a bakery,” Essek began, but Jester only bat her eyelashes and pouted more, lip quivering in an all too familiar exercise of guilting the observing party. Caleb had been on the receiving end of that treatment far too many times. “But should all things go well, maybe another time.”

“Aww, okay,” Jester mumbled.

“Nonetheless, ah, I will take my leave for the night,” Essek told them, almost hesitantly, reluctantly. “Thank you for, ah, not throwing me into the water.”

“You’re keeping it together?” Caleb asked. He had idea what the answer to that was going to be - but he just wanted a few more seconds with Essek, to have him here, with them, where Caleb knew they could keep him safe.

Essek paused, shoulders sagging before he straightened again. “As well as expected.”

“Okay,” Caleb nodded.

“That’s good,” Caduceus smiled, easy and sure, like always.

Beau pushed off the railing she’d been leaning against, quirking a brow at Essek. “You gonna bamf in tomorrow?”

He nodded once. “I feel safer being closer to the information - just not close enough.”

“Yeah, that tracks,” Beau noted.

“Anyway,” Essek sighs, turning back to the stairs that would lead to below deck. Caleb knew what that meant. He was leaving.

“I’ll walk you,” Caleb blurted out.

Essek blinked at him in surprise before that slow smile spread across his face again. “Lead the way, Mr. Widogast.”

His words brought an unexpectedly bittersweet feeling to his chest as he remembered that last time he’d heard Essek say those words, when he looked like that.

Given the way Essek winced showed Caleb that he must have realized it too.

“Come on then,” Caleb said, skirting past the moment as he made his way to the stairs. He heard no footsteps following, but when he glanced behind himself he saw that Essek was right there, keeping close.

“Will you be  _ teleporting _ ?” Caleb asked as they began to descend.

“I will be using a, ah,  _ circle _ , actually,” Essek answered. “So the more room I can have, the better.”

“Of course,” Caleb nodded. That would probably mean the lowest deck - he was sure there was a wide enough space between the crates to give Essek plenty of room to draw. He leads them down to where they’d had breakfast with Essek just a few days before, and sure enough Essek quickly moves to an open space, pulling out his gem infused chalks.

Caleb watches him sketch out the runes with practiced ease, almost forgetting that Essek was in his  _ disguise  _ as he watched. Every stroke and flick of his wrist was so painfully familiar that Caleb still couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen through Essek’s  _ disguise _ as soon as he’d first met “Lord Dezran Thain.”

Essek had even given Thain the same style of clothing - albeit with a different color palette.

“I’ll be right back,” Caleb told him suddenly, remembering Essek’s cloak where it was folded on the bed in the Mighty Nein’s shared room.

Pausing in his drawing, Essek glanced up at him. “I will, ah, be right here.”

It didn’t take Caleb very long to make his way up and grab the cloak, coming down in less than a minute and a half to find Essek -  _ actual Essek _ , no longer in  _ disguise _ \- standing at the center of the  _ circle _ .

Caleb froze, taking him in - taking in the dark skin that reminded him of night sky and his hair like starlight, taking in the slender lines of his neck and the slope of his shoulders, the amused arch of his brow and the soft smile quirking his lips.

“I thought it best to not arrive in the Lucid Bastion looking like someone else,” Essek explained, gesturing to himself, amusement still clear in his eyes. “Is that mine?” he asked, nodding to what Caleb had in his hands.

“Ah -  _ ja _ ,” Caleb answered, shaking himself out from staring as he stepped closer to Essek. He held out the cloak to him. “Thank you for - for giving it to me.”

Essek took it from him gently, their fingers brushing amongst the fabric. “Of course,” he told him. “I only hope it was of use?”

“It helped,” Caleb assured him. “It helped a lot. Thank you.”

“I -” Essek started, reaching out for Caleb before he dropped his hand, fixing the cloak over his arm. “I’m glad.”

“As am I,” Caleb told him. He reluctantly stepped out of the  _ circle _ . “See you tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” Essek promised. He crouched down, holding the chalk over the last rune. “Sleep well, Caleb,” he said, looking up at Caleb and drawing out the last line - and then he was gone.

* * *

“ _ You have, like, assistants! _ ” Jester's voice rang out, breaking him from his trance. “ _ Like, send one of your guys out and then just have them come back and then you can have it in - _ ”

With a sigh, Essek rubbed at his temples, coming up with a response. He was used to Jester’s messages at all odd hours of the day, but that didn’t mean that they sometimes didn’t startle the Light out of him. “ _ I am trying to sleep, Jester. There is no bakery open at the moment. My sincerest apologies. _ ”

When no further messages came through, Essek rolled over in his bed - running through a mental list of the bakeries and baked goods that Jester might possibly like. He still remembered her small frown when she told him “ _ Your pastries could use some work _ ” after they’d all come over for breakfast, and he was worried he might disappoint  _ again _ with whatever choice he might make.

He wasn’t exactly versed in sweets and pastries, so he ultimately decided to ask his chef, Nathrae, for recommendations when he next saw her before he finally settled down to trance again.

* * *

“He’s a war criminal, you know,” Beau says, watching Jester sigh dramatically after finishing her  _ sending _ to Essek. “What are we gonna do with him?”

“I mean -” Caduceus started.

“After the - after we fix the war, then we’ll punish him,” Veth answered.

Caleb froze where he sat, his spellbook open in his lap where he was picking out his spells for the next day. They were all sitting on the deck, a nervous energy keeping them from heading to bed just yet.

“I don’t trust him,” Beau added.

“Of course not,” Veth agreed. “That’s why we’ll punish him.”

And now Caleb wonders if maybe he should have just gone to bed early, just to keep from hearing this.

Caduceus nudges Jester with his staff, getting her attention from where he sits across from her. “He could bring baked goods, I-I agree,” Caduceus says, skirting past Beau and Veth’s words.

“Yeah,” Jester nods. She looks at Veth and Beau. “Maybe if he brings some baked goods, then we will punish him less.”

“One - one year off his sentence,” Veth muses as Beau hums in acknowledgement.

“Sure, for every pastry,” Jester quietly adds.

Caleb clears his throat. “Well, there’s plenty of people in your own nation to be furious at,” he says, forcing his voice to be light, unaffected. Forcing his words past the growing lump in his throat.

Veths nods. “Sure, yeah - we should get them too.”

Beau’s eyes narrow as she turns to Caleb. “What’re you talking about? Are you trying to - what are you saying?”

“I am saying she has a lot of vitriol for Essek and that is understandable,” Caleb answers. He doesn’t meet Beau’s eyes as he flips to the next page of his spellbook, not reading what he’s looking at. “But there is just as much fault in our own country.”

“Oh, yes, no, I think the order should be punishing everyone in the Empire first - because we’re going to become a team of ninjas that just does that for a while,” Veth tells him.

“Yeah, and it's not a pissing contest of evil or who’s the bigger war criminal,” Beau picks up after her, bouncing her staff off her thigh.

“And then after all of the Empire folks have been punished and killed by us - team of ninjas - then we will punish Essek,” Veth finished.

Yasha shifted uncomfortably where she sat beside Caleb, her fingers stilling over her blade where she had been sharpening it. She glances between her sword and Beau, expression unreadable save from the hurt in her eyes as she sheathed the  _ Skingourger,  _ setting it aside quickly as if it’d burned her.

“Or at least see that he gets some sort of, I don’t know,” Veth continued with a shrug. “He-he has to, there has to be some sort of…” She trails off, picking at her buttons before she looks around at everyone. “We can’t just let it go.”

“Justice,” Beau nods.

“Yeah,” Veth agrees.

Jester purses her lips as she stares down at her lap, smoothing out the folds of her skirt.

“Well, add him to the list,” Caleb forces himself to say. Bile rises up his throat at the words. 

“He can be at the end,” Veth says.

Caleb watches Veth as if she were a stranger.

“ _ We’ll _ be at the end,” Caduceus corrects, and Jester hums a strangled agreement. He’s watching Beau and Veth carefully, knowingly.

Fjord stands abruptly. “I’m going down - below decks,” he says quietly, leaving without another word.

It doesn’t take long for Caduceus to head off after him, with Beau heading to bed next. Caleb is almost convinced that Yasha would have stayed out there all night had Jester not reached out and taken her hand, giving her a reassuring squeeze and an apologetic smile as she led her below.

Veth stays up with Caleb, the silence between them uncomfortable and heavy.

“I think I’m gonna head off to bed, Cay,” she tells him.

He glances up at her, looking away from his spellbook that had just turned into blurred runes and unreadable sigils. He blinks hard, swallowing down the lump in his throat. “Okay,” he says simply.

“Are you coming to bed too?” Veth asks, standing up.

“ _ Ja _ ,” is his stilted reply, “I will.”

She takes a hesitant step towards him before she turns away instead, disappearing below the deck.

Caleb watches her go, shutting his spellbook with shaking hands.

_ Look, we all have our fucking trauma. You understand that? We all have our fucking garbage and our dirt and our shit, but you don’t get to use your skeletons in your closet, your PTSD to be shitty and control other people and what they want. _

Staggering to his feet, he moves to the railing as he feels like he’s going to be sick.

_ Your people -  _ your _ people were, were doing experiments and trying to, trying to f-find out and harness the power of - of - _

His hands grip the wood tightly, his knuckles turning white as he squeezes his eyes shut.

_ What? It’s  _ your _ people - it's the people that you know and trained with. _

He shakes his head, trying to shake the memory away, trying to hide and forget the words that still haunt him.

_ Well, f - well, fuck him - it's  _ your _ people that have done this. To  _ my _ people. _

That will always haunt him.

Caleb presses the palms of his hands to his eyes, feeling his chest shudder as he suppresses his tears. It's not worth it. He’s not worth it.

But Essek.

As soon as he thinks of him Caleb turns around, going back to where they’d all been sitting. It held more than enough space.

Pulling out his chalks, Caleb considers messaging Essek - but he can’t, he doesn’t know that spell, couldn’t reach him no matter how much he wants to. He crouches down, beginning to draw, thinking about heading back to Rosohna to tell him in person.

To tell him...what, exactly? That their friends, that his friends - that  _ they _ wanted him punished? That they were becoming judge, jury, and executioner, ready to dole out Essek’s sentence? What use would that do apart from widening the distance between them and Essek?

He pauses in his drawing, feeling the way his hand shakes. How long would it take for them to turn on him - how long would it take before they hung him for his crimes?

Tears burn in his eyes as he continues sketching - only stopping again as he suddenly thinks of how in the world he would get back unnoticed. Sure, Essek could bring him back in the morning - but who knows how Veth and Beau and everyone else would take that. And, even if he did go to Rosohna to tell Essek, where would he even stay? The empty rooms of the Xhorhaus only seem cold and lonely as he thinks of them now, of being there, all by himself, all alone with his thoughts.

The briefest of thoughts crosses his mind - Essek could come over, could stay with him at the Xhorhaus - before he shakes it away, but not before another, more insistent idea runs through his head: he could stay at Essek’s. He had a feeling that if Essek saw the state he was in, he might not let him leave anyway.

He remembers gentle hands clasping the cloak around him, soft fingers threading between his to keep him grounded.

Caleb stares at the  _ teleportation circle _ he’s drawn out, stares at the blank spaces that he needs to fill in before he activates it.

On a broken breath he stands, scrubbing out the runes with the heel of his boot. He stares down at the scattered lines, all disconnected dust smudges. He shoves his chalk into his pocket, about to wipe at his eyes again when he sees the chalk dust on his fingers. It glints like stardust, and it reminds him so much of a pearl as it crumbles beneath his fingers when he casts  _ Fortune’s Favor _ .

He wipes his hand on his coat, taking a deep, shaky breath, and heads down to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so....how was the chapter???? What did y'all think??? Honestly, this chapter turned out much longer than I expected, but I wouldn't have it any other way, I felt like every single part was just necessary for where I want to take this, so you know... ;) stay tuned to see what I mean by that
> 
> i'm honestly pretty excited because there's deadass only 20ish more minutes in ep 99 before we're completely off the rails!! like holy shit!!! (I already have like 8 pages of JUST notes, so i'm thrilled to get to all of that) its gonna be a trip man...
> 
> so, I know that there were a couple of canon things that I moved around for the chapter, which I mentioned at the end of my notes in my [latest Shadowgast fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24631045) but I'll also mention those little tid bits here
> 
> Even though i know Essek teleported on the deck, given the arcane choices i’ve gone with for this chapter I decided that he would instead draw a teleportation circle below the deck because idk that’s just what i’m feelin’ y’know (and it allowed for that little moment below the deck when Caleb gives him his cloak back T.T)
> 
> and I also decided to change the time when Yasha and Caleb had their conversation to after Caleb and Beau’s visit to the Assembly ship. Maybe I was just having a hard time tracking everything bc i’ve been having trouble focusing, but idk it just flowed better in my brain like this (and I also wanted this conversation to happen before the dream, and that was the best place to put it at y'know??)
> 
> anyway, since I also already dropped some of my socials over on my Shadowgast series, I also decided to drop them here too!!! You guys can find me [here](https://twitter.com/Fahilo_Writes) on twitter and [here](https://gildedraven-goldenwhisper.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!! Feel free to drop by and say hi or gush about CR with me or just tell me about your day!! 
> 
> I really hope you're all safe and sound and healthy, I love you all so very much, and I hope you guys enjoyed this next chapter!! Hopefully once finals are over I can figure out an actual posting schedule, but for the time being, just know that I'm already working on the next chapter!! Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked it, and don't forget to love each other!!
> 
> This fic was inspired by:  
> High Seas, High Stakes | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 99 - 1:10:00 - 1:38:50, 1:41:00 - 1:45:10, 1:53:15, 2:46:00, 3:04:00 - 3:22:50


	5. Performative Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The negotiations come to a favorable end, and everyone heads their separate ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all ever fuckin….forget the past tense of a word during your open notes final and in a panic search up the definition of sook only to find out it's a female crab...and then just look up the word seek and realize the word you were looking for was sought...because i feel stupid as shit bruh i really thought it was sook for a quick second i was about to write that shit in my essay and turn it in….but on the bright side i’m all done with finals and am now officially a university graduate!!!! it still certainly doesn't feel real bc the graduation was virtual!!! but not having any homework or exams anymore feels amazing!!!
> 
> i almost published this chapter last night but i was super tired and ended up knocking out after taking a couple painkillers for a really bad stomachache that hit outta nowhere yesterday :((( feeling a bit better today tho :))
> 
> anyway, this chapter just wraps up the end of ep 99 and touches on a couple of little things that have been stirring in my head for a while - just important little pieces that i really wanted to address
> 
> also, don't forget to continue showing your support to the Black Lives Matter movement, whether it be through (safely) attending protests (please wear your masks!!), [donations](https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/) (and here's that [list of videos](https://twitter.com/moonybora/status/1267600118066356224)  
>  so the ad revenue will go to the BLM movement), and spreading accurate information. Together we can make the changes we want to see happen finally become a reality
> 
> Please, please, please do your best to stay safe, wear your masks (we're still in a pandemic, unfortunately), and take care of each other. I love you all so very much, and I really hope you guys like this chapter

“Caduceus!” Jester exclaims, drawing Caleb out of his spellwork. He turns to the door, watching Caduceus step inside with a platter in one hand and a few plates and forks in the other.

“You said you wanted some pastries,” Caduceus smiles, albeit a little sheepishly. He sets the plate down on the tiny desk in the corner. “So I did my best to make some.”

Jester jumps up from where she’d been sitting on the bed braiding Yasha’s hair as Yasha sat on the floor between her legs. She bounds over to Caduceus, looking down at the food with a delighted expression on her face. She picks something up that Caleb can’t see from his place on the floor, taking a bite and humming happily.

“Is it good?” Caduceus cautiously asks.

Without any hesitation Jester wraps her arms around Caduceus tightly. “It’s perfect,” she tells him. “Thank you, Caduceus.”

“No problem - I’ll get better at this,” Caduceus assures her. “This is - I’m excited.”

Jester shakes her head. “No, you don’t need to, this is the best thing I’ve ever tasted.”

“I’m mean, I’m excited to learn. This is good,” Caduceus grins.

“Let me know next time and we can bake together,” Jester tells him. She looks around the room, gesturing at Yasha and Caleb. “Come here, come here - come get a slice!”

Yasha slowly climbs to her feet as Caleb shakes his head. “I’m okay for now, thank you.”

The trio fall into easy conversation as Caduceus hands Yasha some of what he made, which she eats with a satisfied nod. “It’s very tasty.”

“Right?” Jester says. She tugs on Caduceus’ sleeve. “Can I take some up to Beau and Veth? And to Fjord?”

“Of course,” Caduceus nods. “And if you see any of the other crew you can give them some too.”

With another excited hug she pulls away from Caduceus, gathering plates and forks and handing them to Yasha before she picks up the platter. “Let’s go share with the others!”

Suppressing a fond smile, Yasha ducks out of the room, following after Jester.

Caleb settles back into his reading - for all of 12 seconds.

“Here you go,” Caduceus tells him, bringing a plate into his line of vision.

“But I said -”

“That you were okay for now, I heard,” Caduceus repeats his earlier words. He doesn’t pull the plate back. “But I could use some constructive criticism.”

Shutting his spellbook and setting it to the side, he takes the plate Caduceus holds out to him. It’s a slice of cake he realizes - or, at least he thinks.

He cuts off a piece with his fork, taking a bite. It falls apart easily in his mouth, giving it a crumbly texture. It’s a little dry -

Caduceus holds out his waterskin to Caleb. “Yeah, it's real dry,” he tells him.

Caleb takes the waterskin without another word, washing down his mouthful before he eats some more. Now that he knows it's going to be dry, he can appreciate the hint of sweetness that mingles with the herb-like taste. It's certainly the “greenest” cake he’s ever had. It even smells like rosemary.

“This is certainly unique,” Caleb comments, as honest as can be.

“Thank you,” Caduceus smiles. He straightens, leaving his waterskin with Caleb. “I just thought the group could use a pick me up.” He scratches at his chin. “And who knows and maybe we’ll start to appreciate the little things even if things don’t feel right quite just yet.”

Before Caleb can even come up with an answer to that Caduceus heads out of the room, leaving Caleb alone with a handful of words that are proving a little harder to swallow than the cake on his plate.

* * *

_ Late, late, late _ , Essek berates himself, throwing on his cloak. He had been so wrapped up in getting caught up with the reports he had to go over that he’d completely lost track of time.

He goes through the motions of the spell, focusing on the lowest level of the ship, feeling the way the floor heats up beneath him before everything around him vanishes and instead he finds himself in the midst of crates and extra sails and rope. He’s about to dash out onto the deck when he catches his reflection in the dirty metal of a dimly lit lantern - and the reflection comes out much too dark than it should be.

_ By the Light _ , he curses, mumbling the incantation and passing a hand across his face, watching as the reflection takes on a much lighter color. Lord Dezran Thain, at your service.

With that, he quickly makes his way to the deck, finding everyone already there, watching the representatives of the  _ Blue Heaven  _ and  _ Vin-Radethak  _ already discussing on the platform that’s been built between the ships. The two mirrors sit facing each other again, and he can just barely see the faint outline of the Bright Queen in the mirror that faces them.

“I hope I have not missed anything,” he says, moving closer to the group.

Caleb turns, giving him a tired smile - one that immediately drops off his face when Veth answers, “Literally nothing has happened.”

“Wonderful, wonderful,” Essek nods, retaking his spot beside Caleb. He gives the man a curious look, but Caleb is back to watching the ships, his expression unreadable.

“Well, they’ve just been talking,” Jester amends from where she sits on a crate, holding up one of her many Traveler figurines - this one a work in progress from the looks of it as she dips her paintbrush into a jar of green paint and applies it to the figurine in broad strokes. Yasha leans on the railing, watching her and listening to their observations of what’s happening on the ships.

There’s a bright flash from the negotiating ships, and Beauregard quickly focuses her looking glass on that point. Fjord hands over the other looking glass to Caleb, and he quickly mirrors her movement, nervous concentration furrowing his brow.

Essek is holding on tightly to the railing as he watches, having to strain his vision due to the distance, but the initial flash dims to a soft glow as Ludinus comes into focus on the platform between the ships, holding up an open chest.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” Beauregard mumbles under her breath. “This is it, this is it.”

Lord Zeddan Graf reaches inside, pulling out the beacon slowly.

“I’m so nervous right now,” Fjord whispers to Caduceus. “It's crazy.”

Beauregard nods, having caught Fjord’s words. “I know, me too.”

Graf steps forward, presenting the beacon to Dusk Captain Quana Kryn. She reaches for it, grabbing onto the handles - Graf doesn’t let go.

There’s a handful of tense seconds where they both hold the beacon, Lord Graf giving the Dusk Captain a charismatic, unbothered smile, while the Captain meets his gaze with an unwavering coldness, a meticulous look of careful dissection.

Essek knew that look - he’d learned how to read people from her, after all.

After the moment felt like it was being drawn to it's breaking point, Lord Graf lets go, and the Dusk Captain takes two steps back, her gaze still on Graf as she hands the beacon over to a Kryn spellcaster. From Essek’s position he can’t see who it is, but he can recognize the motions and shimmering dunamantic energies being manipulated. They were giving the beacon a thorough inspection, just as they should.

A few more minutes pass by - loaded, charged minutes, where even the lightest breeze could easily be misconstrued as hostility - before the Kryn investigation reaches a satisfactory conclusion. Essek releases a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding as he watches the spellcaster along with a couple of guards take the beacon below the deck of  _ Vin-Radethak _ .

Everyone watches as the conversation continues - maybe for another half an hour before the prisoners are brought out in chains.

Jester gasps. “Those are the prisoners.”

Adeen Tasithar looks meek and skittish as he’s led across the platform, his head hung low, his shoulders hunched anxiously, like an animal that’s been hit one too many times and expects the next blow to come at any second. He looks nothing like the tall, proud man he’d once been, commanding attention at council meetings and turning the conversation to his advantage at every turn.

The change brings an unexpected discomfort to Essek’s chest. He shifts where he stands, almost as if he wants to look away from the prisoner exchange. It's still such a new emotion that it takes him a second to place it and he feels - he feels guilty, seeing him like this. He feels guilty seeing a man reduced to almost less than nothing, because that’s what he was being condemned to by handing him over to the Empire. The Empire viewed their people as undesirables at best and wicked monsters at worst. They were considered a plague on Empire lands before they’d ever even had the misfortune of setting foot in Empire territory.

And Essek had condemned him to that.

_ He would have been executed anyway _ , he reasons. The damning correspondence between Tasithar and Vence and Tasithar’s flight from Rosohna after the fall of Obann and his followers would have guaranteed his death in the Barbed Fields after a long, long stint in the Dungeon of Penance. Essek had merely...accelerated the process, and saved himself all at the same time.

Still feeling uncomfortable, Essek glances over to Vence as he’s passed over to the Dynasty ship. Essek only knew who he was because he’d seen his visage when the Mighty Nein had shown it to him. Vence holds his head high, meeting the Dusk Captain’s gaze coldly before he’s taken below deck.

He can’t help but glance over at the  _ Blue Heaven _ , watching as Tasithar glances up at the night sky one last time before he disappears beneath the deck too.

“Essek, did you ever talk to him?” Jester asks. “Did you hang out with him?”

It takes him a second to realize that she was referring to Adeen. “We once knew each other,” Essek admits, looking down at the railing beneath his hands. “For a while.”

She frowns. “Does he suck?”

He remembers whispered words hidden behind Dynasty reports, remembers the cool remarks that undermined Essek’s work and questioned his candidacy for Shadowhand when Essek was first assigned the job. He remembers patronizing looks and information circumventing him, remembers the look of disdain when Essek’s consecution came up -

“That is a word, yes,” Essek quietly answers.

“Okay,” Jester nods. “He looks like he sucks.”

Beauregard gives him a careful look. “How does it feel seeing him in chains and not you?”

Caleb tenses where he stands beside him, his grip on the looking glass tightening so much Essek is worried he might actually break it.

“Honestly?” Essek starts, tearing his eyes away from Caleb’s shaking hands and meeting Beauregard’s gaze. “Freeing.” A half truth.

Some of the tension sloughs off Caleb’s shoulders, but he still looks exhausted, disappointment hanging off him like spiderwebs as he sighs heavily.

“Looks like things are going well,” Veth says, breaking some of the suffocating silence that has fallen around everyone.

Essek is still watching Caleb, letting go of the railing and about to reach out to him when a horn sounds in the distance. They all turn their attention back to the negotiating ships, watching as twin flags of a deep blue color are raised on both of their decks.

“Mm,” Orly hums, slowly making his way to them. “Seems that all’s gone well. It came to a close.”

“Hey, that’s good,” Veth smiles.

The mirrors are taken off the platform before the platform itself is deconstructed, and before long Essek can hear people shouting from skiffs that weave their way through the Empire armada, “Negotiations have completed and King Dwendal has declared the war come to a close! All armada ships are to return to Nicordanas! Guest vessels are free to disembark and travel as they please!”

“Thank you!” Veth yells out to the man. She glances back at Fjord. “Do we tip? I don’t think we tip.”

“No,” Fjord answers, his eyes still on the  _ Blue Heaven _ and  _ Vin-Radethak _ , disbelief written on his face.

“We wait,” Caduceus says, moving to stand beside Fjord.

The looking glass hangs at Caleb’s side, his expression blank as he watches the Empire and Dynasty officials give each other a tense nod from their respective ships before the horns blare once more and the ships slowly start to break away from each other, each beginning to head back the way they came. Caleb hesitantly reaches out for Beauregard, putting a hand on her shoulder.

They all watch in silence, a silence so heavy that Essek feels like even his heartbeat is too loud in his ears.

“That’s it, huh?” Jester gets out as the nearest ships to them unfurl their sails and start moving. “War’s over?”

“For now,” Caduceus answers, his eyes carefully watching as the armadas pull further away.

Beauregard reaches up, clapping her hand over Caleb’s.

“I figured there would be some sort of fireworks or something to signify,” Veth shrugs. “But I guess that’s it.”

Jester looks around at the group, a small smile on her face. “Hey, guys - we did it.”

“We won,” Veth adds.

“Yeah,” Jester nods. No one in the group really reacts to her words. “Good job,” she says quietly.

“Doesn’t really feel that way, though, does it?” Fjord tells her.

Caleb looks lost as he glances around at everyone, not quite meeting anyone’s eye. “I really expected...”

“Them to fight?” Jester finishes for him.

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb whispers.

“Something to go wrong at the last minute,” Fjord sighs. “With our luck.”

Caduceus tries for a smile that ends up looking like a halfhearted frown. “Well -”

Caleb watches as the distance between the armadas widens. “ _ Ja _ ,” he repeats.

“Sometimes, no matter how hard, everybody tries,” Caduceus shrugs. “Everything quiets down for a while.”

“Outwardly, at least,” Essek gets out.

“For a moment, people won’t get hurt,” Caduceus nods.

“What do you think?” Jester asks Essek. “Do you think it’ll really end?”

“Nothing like this ends,” Caduceus says, turning his gaze to Essek. “It just calms down.”

“I think this will,” Essek struggles to find the right words. “Help,” he settles on, though the word tastes bitter on his tongue. “Pull eyes away from whatever next -” Essek feels an unexpected knot form in his throat. Who knew how long this peace would last - who knew what kinds of weapons the Empire could craft now with a beacon of their own to experiment on uninterrupted. “Tense endeavor both sides is attempting to beat the other towards.”

Beauregard gives him a guarded look, glancing from Essek to Caleb and back.

“The war may have come to a close, but their business continues on,” Essek finishes. “It has for a long time.”

Caleb’s eyes flicker to Essek before he averts his gaze.

“And where will you go now?” Fjord asks him.

Essek thinks about that for a second - thinks of the expended spell scroll, of the meager bit of notes he’d been keeping. “Well, I have to take care of a few loose ends and ensure that all of this can be laid to rest.”

“What are their names?” Beauregard quips, eyes sharp.

He shakes his head. “It’s not ‘their’ names, they’re not people.” He thinks of the tome nestled behind glass in his tower - hiding it all in plain sight. “I just have some business to tend to.” He wrings his hands together beneath his cloak. “And then, maybe I could take a breath for the first time in months.” He glances around at everyone. “And if you’re interested, we could still do good things together.”

“Very interested,” Veth tells him.

“Yeah,” Jester nods, with Caduceus also following suit. “Just, you know,” Jester adds with a smug smile. “ _ Send _ a message.”

Essek lets out the ghost of a laugh, giving her a smile.

“ _ Ja, _ I think we need to let this settle,” Caleb says.

“That, we do,” Essek agrees. He thinks of Adeen, being taken below the Empire decks, and he twists his fingers almost painfully beneath his cloak. “I just hope everyone travels home safe.”

“Well, we’re heading to a volcano, so,” Jester shrugs, reminding him, once again, that there was not a moment of calm with the Mighty Nein. Their brand of chaos though - it felt more like home than the Dynasty ever had.

“In any case,” Essek starts. “Whenever you finish what you’re doing, just let me know.” He glances around, suddenly nervous. He’d  _ scried _ on the Mighty Nein plenty of times to know that someone could be watching in on them now too. “We can talk in a more safe environment about the tangled web that all of these people have built.”

Caleb looks at him, expression disbelieving as he drops his hand away from Beauregard. “These people?”

He nods, gesturing at the ships that steadily move away from them. “These -”

The look on Caleb’s face is hesitant, as if he wished he didn’t have to say his next words. “It seems like you’ve spun a thread or two yourself, Essek.” Essek’s name is a breath on Caleb’s lips, tumbling from them like a sigh.

“Yep, little humdinger, you did,” Beauregard bites out.

“Oh -” Essek immediately backpedals, realizing he’s misspoken. “I do not exclude myself from these statements,” he quickly corrects. Beauregard holds his gaze, and Essek meets it without wavering, even though he wants nothing more than to look away. He can see familiar disdain, distrust -  _ distaste _ in her eyes that he’s seen in others in the Dynasty. That he’s seen in people of the Empire. At least here he knows he deserves that look - his actions prompted that look. Not his age, or his race, or envy that others might feel.

This was a grave Essek dug with his own two hands and it makes him want to shrink away and hide in his shame.

She gives him a challenging smile, one that just barely reaches her eyes. Essek hopes that that’s a good sign.

“Well, we have our peace,” Caleb reminds them, taking a half step in front of Beauregard. “So - happy days.”

“Happy days,” Essek echoes. He hopes with all his heart that that’s all that awaits them on the horizon. Essek sighs heavily, feeling the silence tug on his skin like water pulling him under. He wants to say something else, wants to volunteer his help for whatever endeavor awaits them, but the words get caught in his throat as the silence drags on. He pulls his hands from beneath his cloak, feeling his fingers shake as he quickly traces the runes in the air. “Until then,” he gets out.

“Bye,” Jester waves. “Send cupcakes.”

Caleb’s hand reaches out, towards Essek - and that’s the last thing he sees before he  _ teleports  _ away, drowning in his betrayals, in his crimes, in his mistakes.

* * *

His hand falls to his side as Essek disappears, and he can barely hear Jester and the group talk about how edible the cupcakes Jester has in her haversack might be. Caleb doesn’t really catch most of the conversation.

For a second he’d considered  _ counterspelling _ Essek’s  _ teleport _ . He’d seen the hurt look on Essek’s face shine through his  _ disguise _ , had noticed the way his hands shook as he’d begun casting. Essek had felt their hostility - and now he was gone. Caleb hadn’t wanted him to leave - he hadn’t wanted to push him away even more. But he didn’t know what to do, how to fix things.

A part of him knew that it wasn’t on him to fix things - Essek had broken their trust, so he had to work on regaining it. That didn’t mean that Caleb didn’t feel completely helpless in the face of a problem he couldn’t solve, no matter how desperately he wanted to.

“Wow,” Jester exclaimed, coming to stand by Caleb. She nudged him gently with her elbow. “That was, like - I didn’t expect it to really happen. What do we do now?” She looked around at everyone. “I guess we’ll just go to TravelerCon?”

“Go to a volcano and party til our - we drink our faces off,” Veth answered.

“Yeah, we’ve got lots of prep to do,” Fjord agrees. “Y - we got to make sure it's, you know, s - clear the area, make sure it's secure, you know.”

“Maybe wait a day,” Caleb suggested. He buried his fingers in the fabric of his coat sleeves, scratching at the incessant itch that had burned there since the negotiations ended.

“Assign the landing area,” Fjord continued. “Prep.”

Caleb felt a light pat on his shoulder. He turned, watching as Beau tapped her chest then extended her arms to him. He leaned in hesitantly, having seen Jester do the exact same thing to countless people - himself included.

“What are we doing?” he still asked as Beau wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

“I’m hugging you,” she answered.

He brings up a hand to carefully lay against her arm. “What is the occasion?”

Beau slowly lets go of him. “I mean, I think we ended war amongst our people.” She covers her eyes for a second, dropping her hand and blinking rapidly - blinking away tears. “Maybe - for time being.”

“Maybe,” Caleb agrees. He focuses on a point on her shoulder, not sure he can bring himself to look at her.

“Do I need an occasion to hug you?” she asks.

“No,” Caleb says quietly. He meets her gaze. “No. I-I just -”

She extends her arms again.

“Oh, you’re going in again,” Jester exclaims. She claps her hands together. “Do it again.”

“Yeah, with this one I want him to, like, reciprocate though,” Beau tells her - tells Caleb.

“He’s not - he’s not a reciprocating hugger,” Veth comments, watching the pair.

“Give a hug back,” Jester says, motioning to Beau. When Caleb starts to turn towards Beau, Jester excitedly points out, “Look at him, he’s doing it! He’s gonna do it! He’s gonna do it!”

Veth grimaces as Caleb hesitantly reaches an arm around Beau. “Oooh, it's awkward.”

“Put that arm around her,” Jester instructs, looking proud at the exchange. “Give her a big hug!”

Caleb pulls Beau in as she wraps her arms around him again, and they end up cheek to cheek, with Veth reluctantly admitting, “It's sort of okay. It’s like when he dances.”

“Look, he doesn’t look like he’s frowning quite as much,” Jester says, nudging Yasha, who’s watching the hug unfold like a dumpster fire. She still manages to give him a thumbs up though.

They hold each other for an indeterminate amount of seconds - for once, Caleb isn’t keeping track as he focuses on the hug, feeling relieved and hurt by it all at the same time. Veth isn’t wrong - he’s not the reciprocating type of hugger. But before the Mighty Nein...his last hug had been over a decade ago. At the asylum, that kind of affection was nonexistent, and even before, at the Academy - the most he’d gotten were stolen moments with Astrid when they felt Ikithon would never know.

The last real hug he’d gotten before the Mighty Nein was when his mother had taken him into her arms when he’d visited his parents in Blumenthal, pride lighting up her face when she saw him. It's the last good memory he has from before everything went wrong, and one he visits often, wondering what might have been if he’d trusted her embrace wholeheartedly, if he’d never questioned the gentle pat to his cheek and kind words reminding him how much she loved him.

He wonders, had he decided to just abandon it all and never return to the Soltryce Academy, if they would have still come for his parents. He hopes they would have had the mercy to kill him too, if it had come to that.

Blinking the memory away, he thinks of this group now, this group that was reminding him what it was to love and be loved, that hadn’t given up when they had encountered every single wall he’d put up. He thinks of easy affection and reassuring touches and safe warmth - he thinks of a kiss to his brow and a drunken dance and a bottle shared between friends.

Caleb thinks of how, because of them,  _ he _ can be the one to reach out to others, with a hug shared over sheets of spellwork, a gentle squeeze to a soft hand held in his, a kiss to a frightened, furrowed brow meant to reassure with the unspoken words that Caleb couldn’t bring himself to say out loud just yet.

And, despite it all, Caleb is terrified that this might be coming to an end for him. He’s terrified that his friends will really,  _ truly _ get to know him, that one day they’ll wake up and this series of moments that have been his time with the Mighty Nein will shatter like glass. He’s terrified they’ll wake up and see the monster that he is.

He closes his eyes. For now, the moment isn’t broken. For now, they have something to celebrate - a peace brokered where it once seemed impossible.

“I just hope it sticks,” Caleb whispers.

“Yeah,” Beau nods, patting him on the back. “Me too.”

* * *

As soon as Essek appears in his tower, he takes a shaky breath. His hand jumps to his chest, where he feels his heart beat a panicked rhythm. He wanted to take a minute to calm down, to think rationally, to gather himself and stop being so scared that his relationship with the Mighty Nein had really broken down without repair.

But he couldn’t. He had some loose ends to take care of.

Dropping his  _ disguise _ , he makes his way out of his chambers and across the walkway that connects his living quarters with the middle tower, stepping into the book-lined hallway that leads to the stairs that take him to both the kitchen and the sitting room. He strides forward, releasing the  _ arcane lock _ on the glass case and removing the tome from within.

He holds it close despite how much he wants to throw it off the ramparts. This is all evidence that can be used against him at a moments notice - meticulous notes he kept in order to have his affairs precisely mapped out, so that he could never get lost in his dealings.

A lot of help that did him. He’d never even gotten to write down any “discoveries” since they’d never taken the time to reach out to him about them.

Without a second thought he turns, exiting the tower and going back the way he came, returning to the privacy of his quarters. He goes to his desk, opening up yet another  _ arcane lock _ and pulls out the vial of distilled dunamis that Caleb had given him at dinner during what felt like a lifetime ago.

Essek moves to his fireplace, casting  _ prestidigitation _ to light some of the kindling. He stokes it with the poker until the flames jump at the logs of wood, setting them alight with ease. He looks down at the tome in his hands. For a second he thumbs it's leather cover - then he drops it into the fire.

It falls into the fire on it's spine, falling open to a loose sheet of parchment he’d stuck between the pages. It's a spell scroll, the fine inks faded and dull, no longer holding any magic.

_ “Adeen Tasithar,” he’d said, gliding into the Taskhand’s cell. “Caught up in illicit activities?” _

_ The Taskhand glared up at him, his left eye swollen shut from the scuffle that had led to his capture. He doesn’t even try to answer past the binding that keeps him from speaking - they can’t have someone who’s been dabbling with the Chained Oblivion free to speak and twist the minds of those who may listen. _

_ Glancing behind him, Essek motioned the guards to leave. The guards shut the door, leaving him alone with Tasithar. _

_ He moves closer, crouching down in front of the Taskhand. “You always treated my accomplishments like those of my Den, not those of my own merit.” Essek pulls out his spellbook, summoning it from his pocket dimension. “Everything I’ve done - the advancement of my spellwork, the position I’ve gained, the consecution that was bestowed upon me - all of it, I worked tirelessly for.” He opens up his spellbook with exaggerated patience, slipping out a loose sheet of parchment. “But this,” he says, shaking the sheet free. “This is definitely a perk of being of Den Thelyss.” _

_ Tasithar’s eyes go wide as Essek begins to whisper the incantation, weaving the magic between his fingers. The arcane runes on the parchment in his hand light up as Essek walks the Taskhand through the beacon transference, through the deal that he struck for a meager payment of gold in the desolate crags of the Ashkeeper Peaks. _

Taking the poker into his hands again he pokes the tome further into the fire, making sure the spell scroll catches fire. The flames lick across the parchment, spreading through the pages of the book.

Essek drops to his knees in front of the fire, taking a deep, steadying breath - his first breath as a free man. It smells like smoke and embers, like charred parchment and fine inks.

It smells like Caleb.

He takes the vial, holds it over the flames. It's ethereal contents swirl around like liquid platinum, never settling in the glass. All he has to do is let go.

And lose the only bit of progress that this was all for.

With a sigh, he pulls back, getting to his feet. He returns to his desk, returns the vial to its place and reseals the drawer with an  _ arcane lock _ . He looks back at the fire, looks at the shadows that are thrown into relief by the light.

There’s a metaphor there and he knows it, but right now all he can feel is an overwhelming sense of relief - and for once in a really long time, Essek allows himself to lean into it wholeheartedly as he watches the flames.

* * *

It's been a day since the negotiations concluded - a day since both armadas were lost on the horizon as they returned to their home nations - when Caleb approaches Caduceus. He’s borrowed a few sticks of charcoal and some scrap paper from Jester, intending on reverse engineering the spell Caduceus cast on Beau in an attempt to learn it. It's the best shot he’s got, especially when all of Caduceus’ magic comes through divine guidance rather than explicit runes inked onto paper.

They’re in the ship’s tiny kitchen again, with Caduceus fixing up some sort of seafood stew for the crew in a large pot and a vegetarian alternative for himself and Marius and whomever might want some in a smaller pot while Caleb sits at the table, marking down the arcane runes and equations he thinks might be a part of the spell. He turns to Caduceus.

“Do you think you could, ah, cast that spell on me?” Caleb asks.

Caduceus stirs the larger pot one more time before he pulls out the ladle, setting it aside in a small bowl. He wipes his hand on a washcloth he has hanging off his belt. “Sure,” he nods, pulling out a component from one of his pockets. “I’ve been preparing it every day since you asked, just so I’d be ready for whenever we had time.”

Hearing that makes Caleb feel instantly guilty - that was a prepared spell that Caduceus could have put to use with something else, something of more utility out at sea. “I’m sorry, Caduceus - you didn’t have to -”

“I know I didn’t,” Caduceus says, giving Caleb a knowing look. “I wanted to, so that I could be ready to help a friend.”

Caleb ducks his head. “Thank you, Caduceus.”

“No problem,” Caduceus smiles. “And besides, you never know when you might want to strike up a conversation with someone new.” He claps a hand on Caleb’s shoulder, saying the spell’s incantation out loud, as clearly as possible. Caleb focuses on the words, mimicking them silently, already constructing the appropriate sigils and runes that’ll recreate it on the page. Caleb feels the magic crawl up the back of his head and down his throat as Caduceus asks, “Did it work?”

Even though it feels like it might have, Caleb isn’t sure. “Could you say something in - you speak Giant, right?”

“Oh, yeah, right,” Caduceus nods. He concentrates for a second, before he repeats, “ _ Did it work? _ ”

“That was in Giant?” Caleb asks in turn.

Caduceus frowns. “I mean, yeah - I think so.”

Caleb knows that to be sure he has to bring someone else in - like Veth, since she knows halfling  _ and _ goblin, two languages he doesn’t know. He takes out his copper wire, about to  _ message _ her when he hesitates.

He shakes his head, instead focusing on Yasha. “ _ Could you come to the kitchen, please? I could use some help _ .”

“ _ Oh, okay _ ,” she responds quickly.

It doesn’t take long before he hears her footsteps coming down the hall. Caduceus sets a small clay ziggurat - the material component of the spell, it seems - on the table as he turns back to the stew. “Maybe I should get some tea going,” he muses, starting to sift through his blends as Yasha gingerly opens the door and steps inside.

* * *

Catching up on work had taken Essek only three days - and even in that time he’d had hours to spare where he went about the streets of Rosohna buying a few stacks of parchment and some fine inks, as well as stopping by the jewelers to purchase some diamonds. He has them all tucked away in his pocket dimension, taking care that it doesn’t exceed it's 5 pound holding capacity. He just wants to have them on hand for - well, for whenever.

For whenever they finally reach out to him again.

With a sigh, Essek steps back into his tower after his latest shopping trip - this one to pick up a wide array of spell components. You could just never be too careful.

If he’s being honest with himself, he’s been feeling restless and flighty. The few meetings he’s been a part of have had him glancing over at the throne room doors, waiting for some kind of lively interruption from his favorite group of people. The quiet of his tower has grown even more lonely, especially when not even Jester’s bubbly voice has chimed into the back of his head to scatter his thoughts away.

Like always, every time Essek’s considered  _ sending _ them a message, or even going to see them, he’s stopped himself. He remembers the tension that brewed on the ship the last time he was with them, the discomfort that made him shift uneasily on his feet. He’s not sure what to even do to start to mend the fragile remains of the trust that still stands between them.

But, he reminds himself, he  _ does _ have a few reasons to go see them. He’s gathered a few materials they might need, a handful of things that could be useful for them during their travels. He’s got half a mind to  _ teleport  _ to them when he suddenly remembers Jester’s pout as she clasped her hands in front of her, expression pleading.

He’s halfway up the stairs of his tower before he doubles back, heading into the kitchen. Nathrae’s there, fixing together the dinner for later.

“Shadowhand,” she greets with a nod.

“Nathrae,” he says in turn, inclining his head. He moves closer to her. “Ah - is there anything I could help you with?”

She turns to him with a raised brow, before she motions to a few potatoes in a basket. “You could peel those, if you’d like.”

He does as told, moving to the sink so that the potato peels will pile up there, making it easier to collect and dispose of once he’s done. They work in silence, the monotonous task actually helping to soothe Essek’s quick thoughts, keeping him settled, in the present.

“Is there something on your mind?” she asks. She’s cutting up celery before adding it to a pot of boiling water, moving to pick up some other root vegetable that Essek doesn’t recognize.

“I can’t come help in the kitchen like I used to?” he asks in turn.

A smile spreads across Nathrae’s face as she cuts the vegetable into small cubes. “It’s been a long time since you’ve helped me with dinner - and sending your spells in here doesn’t necessarily count.” She looks up, recalling distant memories. “It's probably been since before you left your childhood home, Shadowhand.”

“You can call me Essek,” he says, ducking his head as he continues peeling. She was the only piece of home he’d brought with him when he’d left that cold place - and a part of him wonders if maybe he should have brought along another piece of home, one that was just as miserable as he had been all those years.

“Okay, Essek,” she repeats, the smile still in her voice. “But you didn’t answer my question: is there something on your mind?”

“Ah,” he starts, unsure how to phrase it. He buys himself time by rinsing the peeled potatoes and taking them to her, setting them in a clean bowl amidst the other ingredients. “I was wondering if you remembered the sweets you used to make for my brother when we were children?”

She pauses, glancing at him. “You mean the sweets I made for  _ both  _ of you.”

“Yeah - those,” Essek says, color rising up the back of his neck. “Do you think you could, um - could you maybe -”

Taking pity on him, she pats him lightly on the arm. “How about after dinner, we go out for the ingredients so that I can make them tomorrow?”

He grows an even darker shade as he suddenly gets shier than she’s ever seen him. “I was actually hoping to try and see - ah, you know,” he shrugged, averting his gaze. “If I could try myself?”

Realization dawns on her, and the smile on her face grows even fonder. “Of course, dear. I’ll write out all the instructions for you.”

Essek heaves a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” He gathers up some of the dirty dishes she’s no longer using. “And, maybe - just in case I can’t make them right - could we also -”

“Place an order at the bakery?” she finishes for him. “We can do that on our way back,” she assures him after he nods. “They’ll like it.”

He opens his mouth to deny her words - or maybe to ask her how she knew that - but instead he just ducks his head again, moving to the sink to clean out the potato peels and wash the dishes as Nathrae’s soft humming fills the comfortable silence that settles over the kitchen.

* * *

After only a day and a half of messing around with the spell, Caleb is sure he has it down. He even had the good fortune of being able to scrape up just enough fine ink after he found half a blank page in his spellbook - just the right amount of space for the spell.

It's a nice day out at sea, the breeze cool and refreshing as it rushes past and the sun a steady warmth overhead. Caleb’s on the deck of the ship, admiring his new spell when he hears Caduceus call out to Fjord.

Fjord glances over at Caduceus, and Caleb just barely hears Caduceus’ words over the lapping of the waves against the ship as he points something out towards the horizon. “Ah, Captain - we’re, w-we’re being followed by a tiny island.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The loveliest of lovely endings as we have the approach of a dragon turtle :)
> 
> And we have the return of my oc Nathrae!! (or, well, her introduction to this fic since she was only around in one of the fics for my Shadowgast series beforehand) Including some sort of grounding older character for Essek has been nice, that boy deserves more love
> 
> this chapter was honestly so much fun to write because I got to explore a handful of moments i've been holding onto - like Essek and the spell scroll, rising tensions between Caleb and Veth and Beau, Essek being so damn shy, like fuck man it was fun
> 
> I really, really hope you guys liked this chapter!! Thank you so much for reading, and I'll see you (hopefully) soon with the next chapter!! Don't forget to love each other and stay safe out there!!
> 
> This chapter was inspired by:  
> High Seas, High Stakes | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 99 - 3:24:20 - 3:38:45, 3:43:15


	6. Turtle Shells and Cupcake Spells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Essek does as Jester asked - as a dragon turtle descends upon the Mighty Nein. Y'know. The usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so while I am ECSTATIC that Critical Role is coming back, this deadass is forcing me into overdrive, I was hiding under a rock after the last story i wrote, but they've forced my hand, I gotta come thru now and write as much as i can T.T
> 
> but here's the first completely canon divergent chapter!!! we're off the reef now bitches and I'm going full steam ahead to get to what I need to!!!
> 
> I really, really hope you guys like this chapter!!! Its a little shorter than the previous ones but it got the the beats that I needed and set up some stuff for the next chapter!!! which i'm also so so so thrilled about!!!!

Essek’s trance that night was a restless struggle - he couldn’t stop fidgeting and tossing and turning, much too aware of everything around him in his nervousness. Except, it wasn’t necessarily nervousness per se; this time it was an excitement that he hadn’t felt in a long, long time, like a blurred memory of his childhood that brought him an echo of the feeling.

Regardless, he forces himself to rest until he knows he’ll be more than able to function for the next day - then he’s out of bed and heading straight for the kitchen. He reads over the recipe Nathrae wrote down for him three times before he gets to work, setting out all the ingredients they’d bought the day before and gathering the proper amounts of each, then using a quick cantrip to light the stove as he started with the cookies.

It wasn’t a particularly hard recipe - just toasting the flour lightly before adding a hint of almond extract and butter, mixing it in until it was an almost sand like texture, then adding sugar and cinnamon to taste. Shaping the dough was even easier than that, as all that had to be done was create the desired shapes since the dough retained its shape - if it came along well. Which it thankfully did, bringing Essek a sigh of relief once he created a small ball in his palm and it stayed that way once he opened up his hand.

The recipe Nathrae had left him would yield a batch of about 36 cookies, but that would probably be enough to share with everyone since the cookies themselves were rather small. As he set them on the baking sheets, he sent a quick prayer to Jester’s Traveler that they would be to Jester’s liking.

Once he set them in the oven, he waited with bated breath for a little over ten minutes, watching the cookies gain a light dusting of golden-brown that told him they were ready. Taking them out carefully - with some gravitational magic to make sure he didn’t accidentally burn himself - he set them on the counter, quickly removing them off the baking sheet to a separate plate so they could cool.

And gods, they looked - well, they looked just how he remembered them from his childhood. After waiting another handful of impatient minutes, he picked up a cookie, finding it warm between his fingers. With only the slightest bit of hesitation, he took a bite.

It came apart easily in his mouth, the texture crumbly and sweet. He hummed happily, satisfied and proud of his work. They tasted just like the ones Nathrae would make him and his brother, back when they all lived together, under the same roof. Back when life was easier.

His chewing began to slow, the cinnamon sugar on his tongue slowly starting to taste more of nostalgia and regret before he shook himself out of it. Thinking like that would only put a damper on his mood, and he didn’t want to start second guessing himself before he’d even gotten to give his friends a taste of his work.

On a whim, Essek decides to dust some of the cinnamon sugar mixture over half of the cookies, knowing that Jester would probably like them sweeter than most before he starts setting them in the box he’d bought at the bakery when he’d placed his order for today - an order which would probably be ready by now.

So, with a quick cast of  _ prestidigitation,  _ he cleans himself up, intending to head out towards the Dessert Rose Bakery in the Gallimaufry District. But, he reminds himself with a sigh as he glances up the stairs and towards the general direction of his chambers. He still has work to do.

Going back to his chambers he puts on his mantle, clasping it into place before he moves to head out again. The weight of it feels strange on his shoulders now, and he finds it dragging on the floor before he realizes that this whole time he’s been walking - something that he quickly remedies as he casts his levitation spell again. He didn’t know whether it was a good or bad sign that this almost felt foreign to him - so instead he just pushes that to the back of his mind. The quicker he went about his business, the better.

Since there were no meetings in the Lucid Bastion planned for the day and he already had all his reports annotated and turned in, Essek decided that heading to the Dungeon of Penance and making a routine check up on the enchantments and charms that were embedded in the stones of the prison would be more than enough for today. Besides, their prisoner Vence would be arriving at the prison in a few days. Everything had to be in it's best working order to contain a follower of the Chained Oblivion. If an Empire Scourger had had a chance to free herself even just the slightest bit from her binding while under watch  _ and _ had almost killed Caleb, he didn’t want to imagine what a Tharizdun acolyte might do if their security grew lax for even a second.

He shivered, remembering the blood on Caleb’s neck, the way the Scourger had been about to stab him again before the guards had filled her with crossbow bolts and Essek himself had completely immobilized her. He remembered Caleb’s blood stained fingers closing into a fist before Essek had crushed her by  _ magnifying  _ the  _ gravity _ in her chest as much as he could.

Maybe he should have realized then how much he cared about Caleb when he’d torn into the Scourger so viciously after she attacked him. Maybe if he’d realized it sooner, he could have figured out how to tell them about his treason so they hadn’t found it out the way they had. Maybe if he’d told them himself, he wouldn’t have lost their trust - wouldn’t have lost Caleb’s trust.

With another shake of his head, he forces himself to abandon that trail of thought. There was no changing what had already happened. All he could do was work on fixing the trust that he’d broken.

It doesn’t take Essek long to descend the spiral staircase into the Shadowshire before he gets to the Dungeon of Penance. The routine check up takes little more than an hour - everything’s in proper working order, and all Essek does is reinforces the cell that will hold Vence, keeping a localized  _ silence _ spell at the ready for whenever he may want to spout “Angel of Irons” rhetoric. Anything that’ll keep the guards from falling under his thrall if Vence can spin lies as well as his deity does.

After that, all that’s left is for him to head to the bakery - but not before he makes a quick detour in the Shadowshire to one of the dairies. He figured Jester probably didn’t get much fresh milk out at sea as she’d probably like.

Then finally -  _ finally  _ \- he heads to the bakery. The bell overhead chimes as he crosses through the door, and the bugbear manning the counter brightens as soon as they see him.

“Ah, Shadowhand - I was told you’d be coming in for your order this morning,” they smile, heading into a back room before returning with two boxes. “I do hope they’re to your liking.”

“I’m sure they will be,” Essek nods, giving them a smile in turn. He gathers up the boxes, which are a little too big for him to disappear into his pocket dimension. “Thank you,” he says, inclining his head, and about to leave when some of the pastries in the cases catch his eye. In particular, the frosting covered cupcakes.

Cupcakes which Jester might arguably love to have and which had completely slipped Essek’s mind.

“Do you happen to have a dozen cupcakes that I may purchase?” Essek adds, turning back to the cashier.

The bugbear frowns sheepishly. “There’s some blueberry ones coming out of the oven in a few minutes, but they’re not decorated yet -”

“How much?” Essek asks.

“Pardon?” the bugbear says, raising a brow.

Essek motions to the back room. “How much for the cupcakes - fresh out of the oven, and if you have the frosting, I’ll take that too. I can decorate them myself.”

“Oh, ah -” the bugbear starts, clearly caught off guard by Essek’s line of inquiry. “I mean, we don’t usually - but I suppose the customary silvers would cover it easily.”

He pulls out a gold piece and sets it on the counter. “I’ll take them.” He remembers Jester’s bright pink haversack, the pink parasol she made for him, the pink dress she wore to the party in Nicodranas. “And if the frosting is pink, I would greatly appreciate it.”

“Y-yes, of course,” the bugbear nods, slowly picking up the gold and putting it away. “Right away, Shadowhand.”

Then they duck out of the main room, leaving Essek to wait for a little over twenty minutes before they return with a dozen cupcakes - still warm in a small box along with an even smaller container of frosting.

“All you have to do is mix this,” the bugbear instructs, pointing at the small container. “And this,” they say, handing him a small packet. “To get the color you want, adding less if you want it to be a more pastel shade and more to get it brighter. Make sure the cupcakes have cooled though, or the frosting will melt.”

“Mix it together, wait until they’re cool,” Essek repeats under his breath, adding the items to the boxes he’s already holding. He gives the bugbear another smile. “Thank you for your help.”

“Of course,” the bugbear bows respectfully. “Have a nice day.”

Essek gives the bugbear a nod before ducking out, repeating their instructions to himself the whole way back home.

Since the cupcakes were still warm by the time he got back to his tower, Essek set them aside for a while longer as he went and put his mantle away before heading to take a shower. At this point, he knew he was just making time before he went to visit them, equal parts excited and nervous about delivering the sweets to them. Besides, he reasons as he picks out fresh clothes, it’d probably be best for him to go towards midmorning, just to ensure that they’re up.

Once he feels like he’s ready for the humid ocean weather, he returns to his kitchen, finding the cupcakes adequately cooled. He opens up the container with the frosting, the pink packet, and grabs a whisk - he’s as ready as he’ll ever be.

Getting the frosting to the right color wasn’t hard - all it took was a couple of drops of the coloring and some vigorous whisking that made him realize how terribly out of practice he was with anything even mildly physical, and then he was ready to decorate the cupcakes.

Which was proving much more difficult than he’d thought.

“Please, just stay,” Essek begged as the frosting he’d spooned onto the cupcake began to lean precariously to the side. “C’mon, please, please -” His fingers were sticky with frosting at this point as he all but wrestled it on. He’d only gotten through three sad little cupcakes in about a half hour, which meant that at this rate it would take him all the rest of the day to get every single one of them into even vaguely presentable territory.

He sighed, wiping a tired hand down his face. Here he was, the Shadowhand of the Dynasty, Dunamancy Prodigy, and the youngest soul to be “consecuted” - completely at the mercy of cupcakes. Essek had wanted to do this without magic - truly, he had. But the pastries were giving him no choice.

Giving up, he decided to just dollop spoonfuls of frosting onto each cupcake, going through and casting  _ prestidigitation _ to clean up and shape each one until they looked like the ones he remembered in the store. He was even tempted to fix up the trio he’d already made as he was putting them all away in their box, but decided against it. While they were a testament to his shoddy craftsmanship, he had a feeling Jester might appreciate the personal touch.

And, with that done, it meant that he was ready to go.

Essek moved to the sink, washing the frosting off his hands. Jester would like them, he assured himself. And the rest of the Mighty Nein - well, he hoped they would like them too.

Drying his hands on a dishrag, he gathered up all four of his pastry boxes, balancing them on top of each other as he went through the motions of his spell, feeling the ground beneath his feet heat up before he  _ teleported _ , the wooden deck of the  _ Balleater _ replacing the polished stone of his kitchen. He flinched against the sun, and was just about to call out a greeting when he heard a thunderous screech, and an even louder, “FIRE!”

He felt himself stumble as the ship lurched against rough seas, could hear shouting and screaming and the boom of cannons and could feel magic thrumming in the air as he looked around, trying to see if he could find anyone on deck but stopping short as he saw a giant fucking  _ dragon turtle _ thrashing in the water less than a hundred feet from the ship - and right in the thick of it, running across the water, was the Mighty Nein.

* * *

When they’d first seen the dragon turtle, Fjord had called everyone to attention, but had refrained from attacking. Starting a fight with a creature like that was borderline suicide, so he instructed everyone to wait - with Jester and Caduceus casting  _ control water _ to help give the ship a burst of speed to put more space between them and the dragon. Even Beau had gotten involved in that, using the fan Caduceus had given her to channel the wind into the sails, putting maybe another mile or two of distance between them.

A mile or two of distance that the dragon had quickly covered before  _ it _ promptly attacked the ship - and then all bets were off. At least Caduceus had had a chance to cast  _ water walk _ on most of them before the dragon’s blistering steam rocked the ship and sent a handful of them overboard.

It’d been a rough fall for Caleb, but the water had still thankfully behaved like water - all it meant was that he could climb out of it before he had to run, with both Yasha and Fjord following suit and trying to lure the dragon turtle away from the ship itself. If it tore through their ship, they would be at its absolute mercy - all they could do was buy time and hope that someone came up with a plan.

Which led to multiple  _ firebolts _ and a  _ disintegrate _ from him, as well as a flurry of  _ eldritch blasts _ from Fjord and particularly vicious bladework from Yasha. At some point he swears he sees Beau with glowing fists, knowing that Caduceus must have cast  _ holy weapon _ on her before she jumped ship to join them.

Caleb hopes both clerics are still on the ship, and from the sound of cannon fire he knows that Veth is doing her best as the master gunner to defend the  _ Balleater _ . At least she still had the good powder packed per Fjord’s request.

A  _ guiding bolt _ slams into the creature, lighting up chinks in the armor to reveal it's weak points. He’s not sure who cast it - but he does see Jester’s lollipop  _ spiritual weapon _ immediately target one of the spots and swing for it.

The creature growls, it's enormous tail swishing in the water and knocking Yasha and Beau down. Caleb only evades being sliced to ribbons by one of it's claws with a quick  _ shield _ , dodging out of the way as he forces his mind into overdrive, trying desperately to come up with something to do.

To their credit, the dragon turtle does seem to have taken a beating - its shell almost looks brittle as he focuses on it, with a dark web of veins spidering out from someplace beneath it's throat.

He frowns - no one had attacked it there to prompt that kind of damage.

With a furious roar, the dragon turtle rakes it's claws against someone Caleb can’t see, angry and frantic, and Caleb suddenly realizes that this is a battle this creature might not win. This doesn’t seem like a beast defending its territory, no - it's wounded and pained and  _ desperate.  _ As he looks more carefully, he can see it's completely emaciated, the only thing that still seems even vaguely formidable being it's claws and the size of its shell. Other than that -

It turns to him, nostrils flaring - and Caleb starts running, throwing another  _ firebolt  _ at it as he starts to look for his clay ziggurat.

* * *

Essek watches as the dragon turtle whirls to the side, snapping it's powerful jaws before it takes a deep breath.

“Take cover!” Orly shouts from somewhere on deck. “It's going to use it's steam breath again!”

But with all the thrashing and the sound of the waves and the creature’s roars, he knows there’s absolutely no hope that any of them heard Orly - and so when Fjord breaks through the surf and charges the beast, Essek has his spell at the ready.

The  _ temporal shunt _ catches Fjord mid step, his longsword raised to attack as he disappears.

And not a second too soon, because as soon as Fjord vanishes a cloud of superheated steam billows out of the creature’s maw, leaving the water in front of it boiling violently. If Fjord had gotten caught in that -

It shuts it's jaws with a snap before diving beneath the waves, turning towards the ship. It halves the distance between them with just that move, and it would’ve easily slammed into the ship if a wall of blades didn’t appear between the creature and the ship. The dragon turtle crashes into it, the blades cutting into its hide and sending sparks flying from its shell as it rears back. The water clouds with blood, and Essek finds a crack in its shell, finds a small point to anchor his spell,  _ magnifying gravity _ there. He pours the most magic that he can into it, feeling the way the shell gives under the raw dunamantic power, caving into the flesh like daggers into skin.

Fjord reappears behind the creature, looking around in bewilderment before he throws a handful of  _ eldritch blasts _ as Yasha and Beauregard disappear from Essek’s sight, attacking its side. Essek can’t see Caduceus or Jester or Veth - or Caleb.

Pulling out his obsidian, he summons his Echo. “Find them,” he pleads. “If they need assistance, if they’re hurt, just - bring them back.”

His Echo nods, hopping overboard and running into the fray.

A shimmering lollipop and a green, glowing staff appear for the briefest of seconds before they descend on the creature and Essek loses sight of them, and he breathes a sigh of relief, recognizing them as both Jester and Caduceus’ magic.

The creature roars at the whirring blades before it turns, clawing at something in the water. Another  _ bolt _ of light shoots at it, and Essek takes advantage of it showing it's weak spots to anchor yet another  _ magnify gravity _ into it, snapping another part of its shell. It's not as strong as the first time he cast it - especially since the dragon turtle manages to avoid the brunt of the spell’s power, but it certainly does damage.

It wheezes a pained cry, it's movements growing more frantic, more erratic, before Caleb appears, coming around the beast and throwing up his hands.

“ _ Stop, stop! _ ” He shouts, the sound faint, just barely reaching Essek. “ _ Stop attacking! _ ” Caleb runs in front of the dragon turtle, waving his hands. “ _ We are not your enemies -  _ stop!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and how's that for baker Essek :)))) I'd had this idea floating around in my head for a while, like just Essek trying his hand at it, and so I decide to have at it and share our sweet drow boy trying to make his friends treats, just, y'know, making my heart melt T.T
> 
> I also got him into the dragon turtle fight!!! while i couldn't get him into the actual thick of things when they were attacked by Uk'otoa (uk'otoa)'s minions, I'm so happy I could get him in on this one, once again showing up mid way :))) the Mighty Nein just keep our boy on his toes my dudes
> 
> anyway, thank you all so very, very much for reading, I hope you guys liked the chapter, and I hope I can come back with the next chapter as absolutely soon as possible!!!
> 
> (it feels so strange not having time stamps at the end of the chapter omfg, but man am I excited for were this is gonna go!!)


	7. Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misunderstandings abound - some accidental with very deadly consequences, and some deliberate with very amusing consquences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here I am with the next chapter!!! I honestly hoped to get this out yesterday, but I got a little wrapped up playing fortnite with my sister and my cousins. I'd never played before til this past week and its actually pretty fun, i'm still very much against all those damn microtransactions tho that shit's whack
> 
> anyway, this chapter was so much fun to write because I got to drop a couple pieces of dialogue i'd been holding onto for a FAT MINUTE, like it felt liberating to finally write it down and unleash this into the world
> 
> well, enough about that, time to get into the next chapter!! I really, really hope you guys like it!!!

“ _ Stop, stop! _ ” Caleb shouts, trying to get everyone’s attention, hoping, praying that Veth and everyone on the ship can hear him too. “ _ Stop attacking! _ ” He sprints to get in front of the dragon turtle, waving his hands, having replaced the clay ziggurat with a snake’s tongue and a bit of honeycomb. “ _ We are not your enemies _ \- stop!”

The dragon turtle pauses, staring down at Caleb and blinking one giant eye at him slowly - right as Caleb feels the  _ suggestion _ taking effect.

“ _ Don’t attack _ ,” Caleb repeats, his words both for the turtle and for his friends. He still has his hands up, trying to seem the least bit threatening as he can. “ _ The one you’re looking for - the elven woman -” _

“That elven devil,” the dragon turtle growls. “She cursed me, she - where is your Captain? Bring her to me.”

“ _ She is not our captain, _ ” Caleb begins to explain, knowing the dragon must be referring to Avantika.

The dragon turtle’s eyes narrow, drawing closer to Caleb. “This is her ship,” it notes, the edge of anger still ringing out in its voice. “I recognize it - this is  _ her _ ship.”

“ _ Was _ ,” Caleb corrects. “ _ This  _ was _ her ship. _ ” He motions to somewhere behind the dragon turtle. “ _ This ship was taken from her - our captain is the half-orc who fought beside me. We have nothing to do with the woman you seek _ .”

The dragon turtle lowers itself further into the water, turning its head and bringing one giant eye right up to Caleb. The eye itself is almost as big as Caleb is tall - there was little to no chance that they’d have beat this creature with pure might alone.

“Where is she?” the dragon turtle asks slowly, it's voice warbled and dry, exhaustion now weighing it down. “What does she sail now?”

“ _ She is dead _ ,” Caleb answers. He remembers the sound of the snap of her neck, remembers her body hitting the docks. “ _ The Plank King of Darktow saw to that _ .”

The dragon turtle scrutinizes him carefully. It breathes deep, blowing a spout of water from it's nostrils. “Dead now, is she?” It turns it's head, eyes now scanning the ship. Caleb can see the dark tendrils in it's skin pulsing from this up close.

“ _ We can help you _ ,” he blurts out. He points at the ship. “ _ My friends are healers - perhaps they may be able to cure what ails you _ .”

It turns it's head back slowly, blowing another spout of water. “That would be,” it breathes out, lowering its head until only it's eyes are above the water. “Appreciated.”

Caleb motions to the ship again. “ _ I must board to speak with them, is that alright? _ ”

The dragon turtle gives a nod, still watching him carefully.

Without turning his back to it, Caleb walks back to the ship. The  _ blade barrier’s  _ disappeared, allowing him to reach the ship quickly. He sees a handful of ropes thrown over the side and grabs one, starting to climb - a task made only a little harder with the weight of his waterlogged coat, but he manages after a few minutes.

“Jester - Caduceus!” he calls out, scanning the ship. He spots Jester against the railing, knelt beside Beau, tending to the wounds she has on her arms and stomach, and beside them is - “Essek?”

Essek glances over, sighing in relief when he sees him. He turns to the dragon turtle, then back to Caleb. “You do what you have to,” Essek tells him. “I’ll be here.” He has a smudge on his cheek, and Caleb almost thinks he might be hurt before he realizes what it is - he’s seen it on Jester enough times to recognize it at this point.

And even though Caleb wants to ask when he got there and if everything’s alright back in the Dynasty, he simply nods. At the moment, the most pressing matter was certainly the dragon turtle that seems complacent for now.

“I’m proud of you, you got it to settle,” Caduceus says from behind him, coming down from the forecastle deck. “But I -”

“Could you come down with me please?” Caleb asks. He nods towards the dragon turtle. “It’s, ah - cursed, is what it said. A parting gift from the old captain of this ship.”

“Avantika?” Jester gasps, helping Beau to her feet. “This turtle knows Avantika?”

“ _ Yes _ ,” Caleb nods. “That’s why it attacked us, it recognized the ship - it was getting revenge on what she did to it.”

“She sure was busy when she was a pirate,” Beau winced, leaning heavily against Jester. “How she managed to piss off a whole fucking dragon turtle is beyond me.”

Caleb turned to Caduceus. “Could you come and see what can be done?”

“Of course,” Caduceus nodded. He reached into his pocket, pulling out his own ziggurat. “Should I -?”

“It would make things easier,” Caleb told him. He glanced over at Essek, who gave him a worried yet encouraging smile. “We’ll be right back.”

“Be safe,” Essek said softly as Caleb climbed over the railing again, slowly lowering himself with the rope. It's much easier going down than it was coming up - and he knows it's also because Essek was making the gravity around him work for him too.

Once he and Caduceus reach the water, it's only a short walk to the dragon turtle. Yasha and Fjord stand nearby, watching the creature cautiously. Yasha’s sword is still out, and Fjord’s  _ Star Razor _ is hanging loosely at his side. They’re both speckled in gore, with Yasha fairing a bit worse than Fjord as blood slides down her arm and scarlet stains the leather at her side.

“Everything getting resolved?” Fjord asked, not taking his eyes off the turtle.

“It’s - getting there,” Caleb answered truthfully. “How about getting Yasha back to the ship,  _ yes?” _

“Alright,” Fjord nods, looking between them and the creature.

“We’ve got it handled,” Caduceus added, giving Fjord a reassuring smile.

That puts Fjord at ease, the  _ Star Razor _ finally disappearing from his hand. “C’mon, Yash,” he says under his breath. “We should get Jester to look at that.”

Caleb hears them start to walk away as they approach the dragon turtle. It's right where they left it, head turned and watching them with its giant eye.

“ _ Hey there, _ ” Caduceus greets once they’re within arms reach - well, once the turtle is within their arms reach. They had gotten into the turtle’s reach a long time ago. “ _ The name’s Caduceus. I hear there’s something bothering you?” _

The dragon turtle blinks it's giant eye once. “ _ Nakai _ ,” it rumbles, and Caleb thinks for a second that his  _ tongues  _ spell must have worn off until he realizes the dragon turtle was introducing itself. It turns it's head to the side, away from them, exposing more of its neck and the angry, black veins that run along it. “ _ It is - _ ” It blows out a spout of water.  _ “Painful. A slow poison that has been weakening me for months now. _ ”

Caduceus slowly moves forward.  _ “Is it alright if I inspect them closer?” _

“ _ Do what you must, healer,” _ Nakai allows. It winces as Caduceus runs a careful hand along one of the veins. “ _ Is there - anything that can be done?” _

“ _ I believe so _ ,” Caduceus nods. “ _ Although it will have to wait until tomorrow.”  _ He glances at Caleb. “I used lots of magic trying to get away and trying to keep Nakai from reaching the ship.” He pats Nakai, leaving a burst of pink lichen on it's scales that burrow into the skin with a green glow. “ _ That’s the most I can do, for now. Tomorrow I will try and tend to the poison _ .”

Nakai breathes a sigh of relief, submerging into the water further, making both Caleb and Caduceus sway on their feet as small waves ripple across the water. “ _ Thank you _ ,” Nakai gets out.  _ “I - are any of your crew hurt?” _

_ “Nothing we can’t take care of, _ ” Caduceus assures, stepping away. “ _ We’re heading for Rumblecusp - would it be too much to ask for you to stay close so we can continue our journey and I can heal you tomorrow?” _

_ “That would be the least I could do after attacking unprovoked _ ,” Nakai admitted. It turned back to them, fixing one of it's giant eyes on Caleb. “ _ And thank you, mage. I know it is your magic that allows us to speak to one another. _ ”

Caleb ducked his head, nodding at its words. “ _ It was a losing battle _ ,” Caleb shrugged. He glanced over at Caduceus.  _ “I needed to adapt a better strategy to find a way out. _ ”

Caduceus beamed as Nakai snorted. “ _ You are too modest in your skills, mage. You all put up a mighty fight _ .”

“ _ But it's good that everything got sorted out with no casualties,” _ Caduceus finished. He turned to Nakai. “ _ We’ll be returning to our ship now. This spell doesn’t last very long, but rest assured that tomorrow morning I will have everything ready to help you.” _

_ “I will await the sunrise with patience _ ,” Nakai told them.

“After you,” Caduceus said, motioning for the ship. Caleb nodded, leading the way, glancing over his shoulder all the while and not believing their luck that they managed to get out of that relatively unscathed.

* * *

Essek watches Caleb and Caduceus’ exchange with the dragon turtle with bated breath - only looking away as he helps Fjord and Yasha onto the ship, softening some of the gravity so that Yasha can climb without much difficulty. When Caleb and Caduceus step away and everything remains calm, Essek is cautious, the dunamantic energy thrumming at the tips of his fingers. All it would take would be one false move and Essek would -

But then Caleb and Caduceus climb aboard, and Essek finally breathes easy.

“I take it we’re on good terms?” Fjord asks.

“We are,” Caduceus nods. “Nakai just needs a bit of healing.”

“Nakai?” Yasha says, raising a brow. Jester’s at her side, mumbling under her breath and tracing her fingers along Yasha’s arm. Green brushstrokes paint over her skin, sealing up the wounds there.

“That’s it's name,” Caleb tells them. “Like I said earlier - Avantika did something to it, and it recognized our ship.”

“Avantika?” Fjord gets out. He crosses his arms, clearly troubled.

“Looks like all your ex’s are coming to collect,” Beauregard smirks as she flops down on the deck, earning a glare from Fjord as she gets comfortable against the railing.

Essek glances between Fjord and the  _ giant dragon turtle _ . “Ah, Fjord and - he -”

“No, no,” Fjord quickly corrects. “That’s  _ not _ what she means. It’s just - there was a woman, Avantika - but you know, she’s dead now, got killed by the Plank King -”

“My condolences?” Essek hesitantly apologizes.

“That’s -” Fjord sighs, rubbing a tired hand down his face. “This is so much to explain -”

“Avantika was a crazy follower of Uk’otoa - Uk’otoa -” Jester began to explain, echoing herself. “Fjord and her were, like, all dark and mysterious with each other and they  _ fuuuuucked _ -”

“Twice,” Fjord interrupts. “Just twice.”

“And this ship used to belong to her until we, like, exposed her to the Plank King, who’s this super powerful pirate king in Darktow over that way -” She makes a motion in a vague direction. “And he just, like, killed her, you know.” 

“Right, okay,” Essek nodded slowly. Sometimes an explanation gave him so many more questions than the meager answers he received.

“Permission to fire again, Captain?” Veth called out, stepping up out of the lower decks.

“What - no, no more cannons,” Fjord said, shaking his head. “Everything’s fine, everything’s under control.”

“Are you sure? Because we’ve still got some more of the good powder -” Veth continues.

“I’m sure,” Fjord tells her. He rubs at his temples, closing his eyes. “So, the dragon turtle?”

“Nakai’ll stay nearby as we continue sailing,” Caleb says, shrugging out of his soaked coat and laying it over a crate. “Caduceus will heal it tomorrow morning.”

“So we’re good to go?” Fjord asks.

“Good to go,” Caduceus confirms.

Fjord nods, starting to head over to the stairs that’ll take him to the sterncastle deck where the steering wheel sits.

“I can handle it, Captain,” Orly tells him, clapping him on the back as he walks past, coming down from the forecastle deck. “I don’t think I’ll be finding m-m-m-much sleep after this. Steerin’ for a while will help calm m-m-my nerves.”

“‘Course,” Fjord nods. “Thanks, Orly.”

“Now go get some rest,” Orly says. “You just went head to head with a dragon turtle -  _ you deserve it _ .”

A scrape down the side of Fjord’s face knits shut at Orly's comment, his  _ healing words _ taking effect.

Fjord smiles, turning back to the group before he sits down beside Beauregard. He glances at Essek. “Thanks for the help - don’t think I didn’t notice your Echo coming around and pulling Beau out of there.”

“I’m just glad I could be of service,” Essek nodded.

Beauregard winces as Fjord elbows her not-so-subtly. “Yeah, thanks,” she huffs out.

“Of course,” Essek smiles.

Jester pats Yasha on the arm, clearly done with her healing. She beams at Essek. “I didn’t even know you were going to be visiting! You could have  _ sent  _ a message to let us know.”

“Oh, yes, I -” Essek stutters out. “I apologize - I’ll remember to do that next time.”

Her eyes shine as she wiggles her eyebrows. “Ohhhh, so there’s gonna be a next time?” She takes one of Essek’s hands between her own as she turns to the group. “I think he really does like us you guys.”

“I mean - I did admit to that already,” Essek gets out, feeling his face heat up at saying it aloud again.

“But it is certainly nice to hear it,” Jester smiles. She raises a brow, looking closely at Essek. “What’s -”

Caleb steps closer to the pair, reaching out and running a finger down Essek’s cheek.

Essek starts at the contact, turning to Caleb and watching as he  _ licks his finger _ .

“It’s frosting,” Caleb tells her - and by the Light and all the consecuted souls it holds, he’s just so  _ casual _ about it, so nonchalant even as Essek feels like he’s going to burst into flames on the deck.

“I - I - it’s -” Essek starts, struggling to find the right words as he feels himself growing three shades darker.

“Oh my gosh, Essek!” Jester exclaims, squeezing Essek’s hand and drawing his attention back to her. “Were you eating pastries without me?”

“No, um - actually,” Essek gets out, stepping away from the pair. He turns, breathing out a shaky sigh and trying to get his heartbeat under control. He moves to one of the barrels, the one that he’d used to hide everything inside of for safe keeping. He reaches in, brushing some of the gold dust he’d used to cast  _ immovable object _ on it and bringing out the boxes. “I brought some since you asked,” he finished, finally turning back to everyone.

Jester’s eyes tear up as she closes the distance between the two. “Essek!” she cries, pulling him into a tight hug and almost sending the boxes to the ground. “You really brought them!”

“It took me a few days,” Essek shrugs, trying to regain his usual air. Jester takes one of the boxes from him, popping it open to reveal the baker’s dozen of chocolate eclairs he’d ordered at the bakery. “I hope you like them.”

“I already love them,” Jester grinned, shutting the box and handing it to Caduceus before taking another from Essek and handing it to Beauregard, then taking the second to last one herself and leaving Essek with just one. “Oh my goodness, and you even brought chocolate chip cookies!”

“They were recommended to me at the bakery,” Essek admits. “I’m not the best with sweets.”

“Well, you certainly outdid yourself this time,” Beauregard commented. She waved Jester over. “I’ve got the cupcakes.”

At the mention of the cupcakes, Jester is instantly at her side. “Did you like the cupcakes, Essek? You already tried them, right?” she asked, motioning to her face and referring to the frosting that had been on Essek’s cheek.

“No, I - I haven’t tried them,” Essek says, feeling the blush threaten to crawl up his face again. He taps his finger on the box he’s still holding. “I actually decorated them. That’s probably why,” he shrugs. “You know.”

Jester’s eyes widen. “You decorated them?”

“Can’t you tell,” Beauregard quips, pulling out one of his first creations and wrinkling her nose. It certainly didn’t look as appetizing as the ones he’d used magic on.

Essek winced. “I, ah, at least figured out how to work the frosting after a bit,” Essek told them. Which was technically the truth.

“Well, I think they look amazing, Essek,” Jester smiled, plucking the cupcake out of Beauregard’s hand. She held it out to Caleb. “Don’t you think so, Caleb?”

Caleb took the cupcake from her carefully. “ _ Yes _ , I - yeah, they look very nice, Essek,” Caleb said, giving Essek a reassuring smile.

“You don’t have to lie to the man, he’s not five,” Beauregard huffed, grabbing one of the nicer cupcakes and taking a bite. Her frown deepened. “They are good though.”

“That’s good to hear,” Essek nodded, equally relieved at both Caleb and Beauregard’s - albeit begrudging - praise.

“What’ve you got in that box?” Veth asked, finally joining the group.

Essek looked down at the box he still had in his hands, realizing that it was the cookies he’d made all by himself. “Ah - some more cookies,” he answered, holding out the box to whoever would take it.

Yasha gingerly took it from him, opening it up. “I don’t think I’ve seen these kinds of cookies before,” she commented, pulling one out. The cookie looked tiny held between her fingers. She took a bite. “Oooh,” she nodded, turning to Jester. “I like these.”

And that’s all she needed to say for Jester to descend on those cookies ravenously. “Essek, these are so,  _ so _ , good! Oh my gosh, these remind me so much of Nicodranas - the pastries there use lots of cinnamon too!”

Essek releases a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “I’m glad you like them - I was honestly worried, ah, about how sweet they would be when I was making them -”

“Wait, wait, wait - you  _ made _ these?” Jester gaped. “Like with your own two hands - you didn’t buy them?”

“N-no,” Essek stuttered out, growing flustered at  _ so much _ open praise. “My cook gave me the recipe, since these are cookies that she would make for my brother when we were ki-”

“YOU HAVE A BROTHER!” Jester shouted before falling into a brief coughing fit after having shock-inhaled a cookie.

“I-I do -” he started.

“Oh my gosh, Essek, why haven’t we  _ met _ him yet!” Jester exclaimed.

“Jester, Jess,” Fjord gently spoke up, giving Essek an apologetic look. “How about we give Essek a little breather, he looks like he’s about to pass out.”

“You seemed more of an ‘only child’ type,” Beauregard shrugged, taking a cookie that Yasha offered her.

“He is, ah - well, it's been a while since I spoke to him,” Essek answered honestly. “After he got stationed in Bazzoxan, we never saw much of each other anymore - but, who knows, and maybe now that the war is over and there’ll be more soldiers to patrol our borders and dangerous areas, his regiment might be able to come back to Rosohna more often.”

At the mention of the war, some of the light and cheerful atmosphere evaporated, leaving an uncomfortable and heavy silence in its wake.

Essek immediately tried to find a way to smooth things over.

“I, ah, also brought something else,” he said, remembering the things he had in his pocket dimension. He summoned the pouch full of diamonds first, holding it out to Jester. “You said you needed diamonds?”

She took the pouch from him with wide eyes, opening it up and gasping. “There’s so many in here!”

He picks at the sleeve of his shirt. “I wasn’t sure how many you needed or the spell specifications, so I bought a couple of them - different prices and sizes. I hope they’re the right ones?”

“Of course they’re the right ones,” Jester nods happily, pulling out a couple and handing them to Caduceus before they both began putting them away in their respective component pouches.

“How much do we owe you?” Caduceus asked, glancing over at him.

Essek shook his head. “Nothing at all.” He remembered the diamond pushed into Fjord’s chest, the one used on Orly. He brushes past the memory, reminding himself that they were fine and well - Orly was manning the wheel and Fjord was sitting beside Beauregard, cupcake frosting on his face. “I wanted to give them to you.” 

“That’s so sweet of you,” Jester smiled softly - before the expression turned mischievous. “Although giving a girl diamonds could be misunderstood.”

“Misunderstood?” he asked, raising a brow.

“Why, Essek,” she continued, pulling out a diamond and appraising it before she turned and began batting her eyelashes at him. “This almost seems like you’re proposing to me.”

Now it was Beauregard’s turn to choke on her food, sending crumbs flying as she gasped for breath while Essek flailed and tried to understand where  _ that _ leap of logic came from.

“Jester, I - you know why I gave them to you, they have nothing to do with any -” he rushed out.

“You’re so easy to mess with,” Jester laughed, breaking character as soon as she heard Essek stumbling with his words.

“And you get all blushy! It’s so cute!” Veth added, joining in with Jester.

Essek looked away, feeling entirely too self conscious as heat rose up the back of his neck. He summoned the parasol Jester had made for him, an excuse to give himself something to do and also to give himself a break from the sun - and a weak attempt to hide his darkening skin.

Jester’s laughter faltered. “You still have that?”

“Have - oh, this?” Essek asked, motioning with the parasol. She nodded. “Well, I mean, you made it for me for the sun.” He frowned slightly. “It was a gift, why would I get rid of a gift?”

Her expression softened. “You guys,” she whined. “Essek is such a sweet boy.”

“Thank you?” Essek got out - and before anything else could be said, he quickly summoned the paper and ink and miscellaneous components he’d gotten for Caleb, all wrapped up in a neat little package. He turned to him, holding out the bundle. “You mentioned you needed paper and ink for your spells, yes?”

“Oh,” Caleb blinked, meeting his gaze. He’d been watching the entire exchange between Essek and Jester with a fond expression on his face - and now he was looking at Essek with pleasant surprise, warm and awed. “You remembered?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Essek asked. It would be hard to forget anything Caleb ever said.

Caleb’s fingers brushed against his as he took the package. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Essek smiled.

“Now Essek’s laying it on thick with Caleb,” Veth whispered to Jester - loud enough that Essek could hear, which meant everyone  _ else _ probably heard, and before anyone else could comment on  _ that _ -

“Oh, and Jester,” Essek said, glancing over at her as he summoned the pitcher from his pocket dimension - nice and sealed and in pristine condition, not even the threat of spillage to be found - as he cast  _ prestidigitation  _ to chill it all in the same motion. “This is also for you.”

Jester gave him a questioning look, unscrewing the lid and peering inside before her eyes immediately welled with tears again. “By the Light,” Jester got out, looking up at Essek. “You brought me milk?”

He shrugged. “I know you’re not fond of alcohol and the likes, and being out at sea for so long, I thought you might -”

“Oh, you guys,” Jester cried, hugging the pitcher to herself and looking around the group. “Now we  _ have _ to forgive him, we can’t just pu-”

“Essek,” Fjord cut in, interrupting Jester and not even giving Essek a chance to ask what in the Hells  _ that _ meant. “Do these have a name?” Fjord asked, holding up one of the cookies Essek had made.

“Those are, ah - they’re called polvorones,” Essek answered. “They’re, ah, a nice treat since they’re not overly sweet - at least in my opinion. They’re pretty popular in the Corona District of Rosohna.”

Which was exactly why his father had forbidden them in their household when they were children, after he’d seen Nathrae bake a dozen for himself and his brother. The disdain he had for “such lowly commoner gruel” should have made Essek realize the kind of man his father was decades earlier. They were harsh memories that plagued the few happy ones he had of his childhood.

“Well, they’re very tasty,” Yasha told him again.

“Orly, Orly - come try them,” Jester called out, motioning to him.

He gave her a nod, turning the wheel just so before leaving it steady and slowly making his way down. “What’s all this about tryin’ something?”

Jester held out a polvorón to him before handing the box back to Essek. “They’re these really nice cookies Essek made for us!”

“Ah - I’ve seen something like this before,” Orly mused, pinching the tiny cookie in between two claws. “What a small world.”

Essek opened up the box, noticing that there were still about half of the cookies inside. He moved closer to Caleb, holding it open to him and inviting him to try one.

“You have?” Jester asked.

“Mhm,” Orly hummed. He took a bite, nodding once. “They even taste similar.”

“But they’re probably not as good as Essek’s,” Jester said matter-of-factly.

“Well, I don’t exactly have the best frame of reference,” Orly told her. “Both times I’ve had them has been in M-m-m-marquet.” He waved the half cookie still in his grasp at her. “They’re traditionally served at weddings, as a symbol of a sweet m-m-marriage.”

Essek felt all the air leave his lungs as he met Caleb’s gaze, watching a warm blush rising up his neck. His hand was still in the box of polvorones, hovering over the cookies.

“Oh my gosh, Essek - you  _ were _ proposing to me!” Jester gasped, turning and linking her arm with Essek.

Caleb and Essek jumped as Essek shut the box - but not before Caleb was able to grab a couple of cookies as he ducked his head and went to sit beside Caduceus.

“This is - no, I didn’t even  _ know _ they were wedding cookies,” Essek got out, feeling himself go pale.

“She’s just messing with you, Essek,” Fjord said, saving Essek the trouble of stumbling through another explanation he certainly didn’t have.

“M-m-must have gotten lost across the continents,” Orly shrugged. “It's just nice to see something from M-marquet findin’ it's way to Xhorhas.”

“Yeah, nice,” Essek half heartedly agreed. Even what should be simple conversations with the Mighty Nein were enough to elevate his blood pressure.

Yasha motioned at Essek before patting the spot next to her on the ground. “Maybe you should sit down, Essek. Jester’s only going to keep messing with you, and, ah, you’re clearly not used to friends teasing each other.”

“That’s obvious,” Beauregard snorted, stifling a laugh. “I mean, dude - you’re floating again.”

Essek glanced down, and, sure enough, he was floating at least an inch off the ground. He willed himself down, feeling the tips of his ears burn.

Fjord picked up an eclair, mumbling to Beauregard, “That’s new - don’t wizards  _ lose  _ concentration when they’re surprised or something?”

And Essek needed to steer the conversation back to something that he could handle or he  _ would _ throw himself overboard and take his chances with the dragon turtle.

“Ah, um - Caleb?” he asked as he moved to sit beside Yasha, gathering the man’s attention.

Caleb turned to him, his eyes bright with fond amusement with a touch of shy nervousness that made Essek feel like he’d missed a step walking down his tower.

“Could you possibly, ah - make me a  _ teleportation circle _ to head back to Rosohna?” He fiddled with the parasol’s handle. “I expended more magic than was at my disposal during the battle and I don’t think I’ll be able to get back on my own.” A brief concession of weakness, but he would give anything to move the conversation to something that he could keep under control.

“Of course,” Caleb nodded, before he blushed bright red. “Ah - about that -”

Jester read Caleb’s reaction at the same exact time Essek did, because as Essek felt his heart sink and soar simultaneously, Jester began to dance a little shimmy on the deck.

“I, ah, don’t really have that spell prepared today,” Caleb admitted.

“Oh,” Essek got out, trying to keep his face pleasantly blank. “So, that means -”

“Essek’s gonna stay on the boat again! Essek’s gonna stay on the boat again!” Jester sang. She pointed at Essek, her smile widening. “Oh, buddy, now that there’s no more crazy fish people and no negotiations to worry about, we’re going to have so much fun!”

“Hurray,” Essek weakly cheered, not knowing if he was going to be able to handle whatever Jester had in mind - but finding himself secretly happy about the situation, especially when he caught the soft smile Caleb tried to hide behind the stack of papers Essek had brought for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> showing Essek being a stuttering mess? check
> 
> having Orly inadvertently help Jester make Essek a stuttering mess? double check
> 
> finding out that your favorite childhood cookies are wedding cookies for a continent (country) that starts with an 'M' and having your mind implode with that knowledge? triple check
> 
> am i talking about Essek or am I talking about me with that last one? guess we'll never know
> 
> deadass tho, I was last weeks years old when i found out that polvorones were/are Mexican wedding cookies, like I just thought they were a delicious little cookie that the panaderia we went always had nice and fresh outta the oven - and here's the [recipe](https://www.directoalpaladar.com.mx/cocina-popular-mexicana/receta-polvorones-de-manteca-y-canela-estilo-mexicano) i used to write Essek's scene where he bakes them. The recipe's in spanish but i'm sure there's english ones out there, and if any of you make them, [tweet me](https://twitter.com/Fahilo_Writes) a pic or drop it into my [dms on tumblr!!!](https://gildedraven-goldenwhisper.tumblr.com/)
> 
> and while writing down all of Caleb’s spells for the battle (from his wiki page) it came to my attention that he already had tongues :(((( and while i’m devastated it slipped my mind i do not regret those scenes he shared with Caduceus about learning it and all that jazz bc they were cute and sweet!!!
> 
> as for the way i finessed the Mighty Nein outta that dragon turtle mess, that's all thanks to my little sister and my mom!! I explained to my sister the scene I was approaching and I was Big Stressed about how they'd beat it, and my sister straight up said, "what if they just don't kill it" and then the Misunderstand Idea came to be and here it is!! (I honestly have no fucking idea how they're gonna pull it off in CR, especially since its also been running around in my head about what it might mean if maybe the dragon turtle is the one that patrols darktow that may have gone rogue? may have been ordered to take them out just for the hell of it? who knows)
> 
> also little bonus, I made sure Essek used up his 8th level and his 6th level on magnify gravity, and he used his 5th levels on temporal shunt and resonant echo that held dimension door, just so that he couldn't leave the ship on his own (◡‿◡✿) just doin' my part to keep this boy with his friends (and while i know dimension door's a 4th level spell, the way i'm interpreting resonant echo is that whatever spell you cast with it is cast using a spell slot one level higher than needed, and i mean i've got other notes on that but i'm not gonna boggle y'all down with all that jazz)
> 
> anyways, thank you so much for reading, and I really hope you guys liked this chapter!! hopefully i'll be back around soon with the next one, i'm really tryna get ahead of this curve my dudes, stay safe, help keep other safe, don't forget to love each other, and i can't believe we can finally say IS IT THURSDAY YET!!!!


	8. A Nice Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a dragon turtle fight and some time snacking on pastries, the Mighty Nein go about their business on the ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeyyyy gang!!! sorry its taken me like two weeks to get back T.T some personal family stuff came up as well as a day trip to my college apartment to pick up all of my things now that the lease is officially ending so now i'm 100% established back at my parents' place - which definitely puts my worries at ease since I can help them here with my grandparents and my sister and all that jazz, but anyway, now i'm rambling omfg i'm sorry i'm just so excited to get this new chapter up!!!
> 
> and holy shit!!!!! ep 100 and 101!!!! they both got me fucking shook!!! Vokodo!!! Rumblecusp!!! Holy shit!!!! deadass tho I was so fucking worried that canon was going to come and just tear this au apart (which I know is a stupid worry because like, this is a canon divergent au!!!! but that's that anxiety brain babey!!!) and seeing the insane direction Matt's taking it has put me at ease and now i'm just so excited to see where the story goes next!!!
> 
> ((and I might have another au idea centered around Vokodo and Rumblecusp but that's just me being a fucking mess and having no impulse control so we'll see where that goes))
> 
> anyway, thank you all so much for you patience!! I love you all so much and I hope you're all staying safe and well! I hope you like this next chapter!!!

Thankfully, Jester’s plans were surprisingly manageable. After finishing the snacks with the Mighty Nein and the other few crew members - and being officially introduced to them, with the addition of Gallan and Shelda - Jester had recruited Essek to help her and Yasha make clay Traveler figurines.

Caleb and Caduceus had joined them briefly before Caleb had to leave with Fjord and Orly to go over the navigation route and Caduceus went to Nakai to converse a bit more with the dragon turtle while Beauregard and Veth went about tending to things on the ship with the other members of the crew.

And while Essek could think of plenty of other things he could be doing with his time, he actually ended up enjoying himself. Sure, it was menial, repetitive work, but it was much more challenging than it initially sounded - especially when Jester banned the use of magic to help make the figurines so that they would be “super,  _ extra _ special since they’re made with our own two hands!” - and as such it required Essek’s utmost concentration to keep the figurines looking vaguely like the sample figurine Jester had made for him to copy. By following Jester’s rambling instructions and heeding Yasha’s careful pointers, he’s actually able to create a handful that he feels proud of - and he certainly can’t fight off the smile that spreads across his face when Jester excitedly congratulates him on his work.

The three of them sit around molding the clay and painting their creations well into the afternoon, and they only stop when Gallan approaches them to let Jester know that he’s heading back to bed with the adrenaline of the dragon turtle fight finally wearing off. With a heavy sigh, Jester collects her paints and clay and figurines, tucking them all into her pink haversack before she trudges off to pick up on the carpentry job wherever Gallan had left off, and Yasha also goes off to find what other things need to be done, leaving Essek to his own devices.

It feels strange, he realizes, adjusting his parasol and drifting towards the railing, to not have anything to do. The ship would continue to sail with or without him - he was neither a help nor a hindrance to the journey. Even when he was on the Assembly’s ship, he had a job he was doing constantly: ensuring that they didn’t tamper with the beacon, ensuring that they kept the negotiations afloat. But here...well, he was utterly useless.

“Jester finally released you from her artistic tutelage?”

Essek turned, watching as Caleb came down from the quarter deck. His coat was draped over his arm, leaving him in a white shirt that only seemed to have suffered slight wear and tear during the battle. His holsters were strapped to his chest, showing his spellbook tucked close to his heart. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail, with the wind blowing some strands free. He wore a fond, albeit tired smile on his face.

“She had carpentry duties to attend to, so our lesson was cut short,” Essek told him, turning his gaze back out to sea as Caleb joined him by the railing.

“Ah, her carpentry duties,” Caleb mused, shaking his head. “I’m sure Gallan knows that by the time he gets back to the repairs he’ll have found Jester has only made slight progress - but she will have painted him a very nice picture on the wall.”

“That sounds like her,” Essek smiled - before he frowned, growing worried. “But didn’t the turtle attack the ship? Isn’t there danger that the ship might sink?”

Caleb waved his worries aside. “I handled some of that, at least for a while.” He scratches at the scruff of his beard, looking a little sheepish. “I, ah, used my echo to cast the  _ hut _ down where the worst damage was. You know, to keep the water out and allow for the repairs to get made a little more comfortably.”

Essek raises a brow at that - and Caleb, misreading the expression, rushes on. “Surely that is not how you envisioned I would be using the  _ resonant echo _ you taught me, but -”

“It is a very creative application,” Essek assured him. He gives Caleb a smile. “I knew you were going to be innovative with your spellcasting.”

A slight blush begins to crawl up Caleb’s neck as he ducks his head, running a hand through his hair and readjusting the flyaway strands. “Speaking of, ah, spellcasting,” Caleb continues, glancing back at Essek. “Would you be willing to accompany me while I copy out my new spell?” He pats at his spellbook, drawing Essek’s attention to it. “Perhaps it is one you already know and you might be able to give me some pointers?”

“Of course,” Essek readily agrees. He glances around the deck, extending a hand. “Lead the way.”

Caleb smiles, heading across the deck with Essek in tow. He takes them to a small spot tucked between the port side railing and the wall of the quarter deck. It's nice and shaded and allows Essek to close his parasol and free up his hands. Caleb shoves a crate against the wall, flipping over two buckets on either side of the crate before sitting down, turning them into makeshift stools with the crate as their improvised table. He gestures to the spot in front of him.

“I, ah, know that this isn’t our usual set up, but it's a nice day and we take what we can get,  _ ja _ ?” Caleb asks.

Taking a seat on the proffered bucket, Essek answers, “The sea breeze isn’t something I get often, and it's surprisingly nice today.”

“You’ve gotten plenty of the breeze throughout our travel to the negotiation, haven’t you?” Caleb says, raising a brow as he starts to pull out his spellbook.

Essek feels his expression sour. “I spent much of my time indoors, actually,” Essek tells him, averting his gaze and dropping his hands in his lap to fiddle with the fabric of his pants.

A beat of uncomfortable silence settles between them - one that Caleb breaks as he leans forward, catching Essek’s attention. “Then it is good you’re with us today,” Caleb quietly continues, giving Essek a reassuring smile. “You’ll be able to have a nice day outside, at sea.”

“Yes,” Essek nodded, feeling his chest tighten at the sight of the sweet smile Caleb gives him, “A nice day.”

His mind jumps to what Jester had told him, at the party in Nicodranas - but he instantly shoves it away. He’d been avoiding that trail of thought for a reason, after all.

He brings an arm up onto the crate, leaning his chin on his hand as he casually changes the subject. “Do you already have plans for this new spell you want to learn?”

“Oh, yes,” Caleb answers brightly, flipping open his spellbook and pulling out a fresh page from the ones that Essek had brought him that Caleb had tucked into the very back of his book. “I can already think of dozens of ways this spell could’ve helped in the past, and even while traveling, I think -”

Essek listens to him eagerly, happily, watching the curve of his lips and the brightness in his blue eyes, listening to the Zemnian lilt that grows more pronounced the more excited he gets - and only letting himself feel a little bittersweet about his feelings the whole time.

* * *

“Wait - that’s  _ telekinesis _ , isn’t it?” Essek asks, leaning forward and looking at the runes Caleb has inked onto the page before glancing at the spell scroll he’s copying from.

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb nods, smoothing out the spell scroll so Essek can see it better. “Although I don’t think in all my talking about the spell I ever properly told you it's name - my apologies for that.”

“No need to apologize,” Essek says, waving his words away as he continues to look at the scroll. “Just a little surprised it took me so long to recognize the spell,” he muttered under his breath.

Caleb glanced up at Essek, feeling fond and warm as he continued to copy down his spell - this time with Essek pointing out particular pieces of the spell and giving him advice on where to best emphasize the runes when he draws them out as well as what parts of the incantation are crucial to a successful casting.

“I’d give you a demonstration,” Essek adds, the silvery wisps of dunamantic energy trailing his fingers before disappearing in a puff. “But I’m a little low on magic after the fight.”

“My magical reserves are low as well,” Caleb admitted, tapping the edge of his quill on the parchment. “I’ll just have to practice this spell tomorrow to make sure I get it right. Leave it to a dragon turtle to remind us once again how easily everything can go to shit.”

“I have the utmost faith you’ll have the spell down quickly,” Essek told him before raising a brow at Caleb. “And for someone who helped destroy a fiendish acolyte of a mad god and helped barter peace between two warring nations, I’d say you handled the dragon turtle as best as it possibly could have gone.” He shakes his head, looking both exasperated and proud at the same time. “Casting  _ tongues _ and talking to the dragon turtle? That’s certainly not what I would have thought of in the middle of battle, especially when you were within arm’s reach of the creature.”

Caleb shrugs, trying to keep his blush under control at Essek’s praise. “I was just, ah, taking a page out of Caduceus’ book.” When Essek continues to look at Caleb expectantly, Caleb begins to explain. “When we were sent by Professor Waccoh to the, ah, Deepriver Mining Camp to get rid of the giants that had invaded, Caduceus stopped our fight with the giants by talking to them.” He heaves a relieved sigh at the memory. “We avoided bloodshed and were ultimately able to help them reclaim their home too - that’s where we, ah, found the second disc that was opening portals to the Abyssal plane, and where we also found the piece of Vence’s fabric that led us to the Overcrow.”

He feels himself falter at the mention of the Overcrow - they had all been nervous with anticipation, ready to uncover whatever foul play was running amok tearing rifts open to the Abyssal plane, and all they’d gotten was sent on a wild chase that had resulted in Yasha being taken from them and the resurrection of the Laughing Hand.

But Yasha was here with them now, Caleb reminded himself, taking a steadying breath as he looked down at the spell, trying to ground himself in the runes. The Laughing Hand was dead. Obann was dead. That was behind them.

“You all did the best you could,” Essek told him quietly, as if reading the dark turn to his thoughts. He reached across the crate, giving Caleb’s hand a gentle squeeze. “ _ You _ did the best you could,” Essek repeated when Caleb met his gaze.

When it was clear Caleb wasn’t going to respond, Essek gave his hand one more squeeze before pulling back, looking around as he asked, “Is Frumpkin around? I don’t think I’ve seen him all day.”

A change in conversation - Essek was offering him an out.

Realization dawns on Essek’s face as his brows knit together, turning back to Caleb. “If you need to summon him again, I also packed some incense since I wasn’t sure how much of that you had left -”

Caleb feels his chest fill with warmth as the vice of anxiety loosens and fondness for Essek washes over him.

“Frumpkin is fine,” Caleb assured him, running a hand over his face to allow himself to blink back unshed tears that unexpectedly pricked at his eyes. “He just likes to, ah, spend time with Fjord whenever he’s not a cat since he cannot be around Fjord too much in his usual form because of Fjord’s allergies.”

“Fjord’s allergic to cats?” Essek asks. “I mean, if it wouldn’t be overstepping, I could find something at an apothecary back in Rosohna to help him with that.”

Caleb remembers the gifts Calianna had sent them, remembers the wand, the Platinum Dragon charm. “A friend from Port Damali actually sent him a remedy for his allergies. It was something you needed to inhale? Something like a, ah, a smell bag?” At the mention of a smell bag he thinks of Nila, and thinking of Nila reminds him of Keg and Shakäste, and his mind inevitably takes him to Mollymauk.

And while thinking of his fallen friend makes him sad, he finds himself feeling heartened and comforted, realizing that he’s made more friends than he thought along the way.

“Have Fjord’s allergies diminished by doing it?” Essek continues, drawing Caleb out of his thoughts.

“Well, ah, we wouldn’t really know,” Caleb admits with a shrug. “Every time I’ve summoned Frumpkin since I found out about Fjord’s allergies I’ve, ah, made him hypoallergenic, to make things easier for Fjord.” He smiles, twiddling the quill between his fingers. “But Fjord’s always avoiding my cat so…” he trails off with another shrug. “Frumpkin likes to make up for lost time whenever he’s not a cat it seems.”

“Ah,” Essek nods. “That makes sense.”

They lapse into comfortable silence for a while as Caleb continues transcribing the spell, getting close to halfway done when Fjord calls out for them.

“There you both are!” Fjord says, leaning over the railing of the quarter deck. Frumpkin, unsurprisingly, is perched on his shoulder, and Fjord puts a hand to him to keep the small monkey from slipping off as Fjord looks down at the pair. “Caduceus’ been looking for you. Dinner’s ready.”

“We’ll be right over,” Caleb answers, sending Frumpkin a mental message to  _ keep watch _ .

Frumpkin blinks once at him before he climbs down Fjord’s arm, jumping onto the railing before scurrying off and climbing the rigging to take his place among the various ropes holding the sails in place so that he can keep an eye on things while they head down to eat. It kept Caleb more at ease knowing that Frumpkin would warn him if anything at all changed.

Fjord watches Frumpkin go, shouting up, “Careful up there!” before he turns back to Essek and Caleb. “Let Cad know I’m just setting the course and I’ll catch up with you all.”

Caleb nods and then Fjord disappears on the upper deck. Glancing down, Caleb considers the work he’s done so far, and how much he has left. He knows the ink has dried - a definite plus to the special inks used for arcane purposes to minimize smudging on the parchment - so he closes his spellbook carefully before slipping it back into the holster. He stoppers the ink, tucking it into the pocket of his trousers.

“We shouldn’t keep Caduceus waiting,  _ ja _ ?” he asks Essek.

Essek smiles, standing up and brushing nonexistent wrinkles from his clothes. “It would certainly be rude of me to keep one of my hosts waiting.”

For a brief second Caleb considers offering Essek his arm, considers how nice it would feel to have Essek fall into step beside him, his hand holding Caleb’s arm comfortably, intimately, and Caleb shakes himself from the thought.

“Caduceus won’t begrudge us the few minutes we’ve taken to head down,” Caleb assures him. “Besides, I’m sure we’ve given him time to get some tea going.” A nice cup of tea was certainly the thing that Caleb needed - at least he hoped it’d be what he needed, to shake off the idea of how warm Essek’s hand would feel in his if Caleb worked up the courage to close the space between them as they made their way downstairs.

* * *

The dinner that Caduceus had prepared surprised Essek - it was a refreshing salad, with some heartier, tougher root vegetables that made up the main portion of the dish, and everything he used seemed miraculously fresh despite all their time at sea. He made a mental note to ask Caduceus about how he was keeping their food from spoiling, about what kind of spell was doing that, and then added to that mental note after he accepted the tea that Caduceus passed out to everyone. Essek wanted to know where he’d gotten that blend of tea, especially since he’d never tasted anything quite like it. He wasn’t sure if Mondragon was a kind of fruit or flower that was common in Caduceus’ home as it was certainly something Essek had never heard of in Xhorhas.

By the time dinner was over, the sun had dipped beneath the horizon, leaving everything in the warm afterglow of oranges and yellows, painting the clouds shades of pink and lavander. There was still enough light to see everything, but at least Essek didn’t have to use his parasol anymore.

Retaking their places at their “table”, Essek continued to help Caleb with the  _ telekinesis _ spell. Although calling what he was doing “helping” was certainly a generous term...he kept finding his attention drifting as he watched Caleb work, watched the concentrated furrow of his brow and the way his lips moved as he silently mouthed the incantation. His ink stained fingers carefully traced out the runes in the air as he worked, memorizing the somatic components just as Essek was memorizing this picture of him, bathed in the soft light of the dying sun, hair rumpled by the gentle breeze, and a secret smile tugging at his lips whenever he caught Essek’s eye.

It was nice and quiet and Essek found himself unabashedly looking at Caleb - which would explain why he almost fell off his bucket when Jester suddenly appeared and draped herself dramatically over his side of the crate.

“Oh, Essek,” she whined, bringing a hand over her eyes as if shielding herself from the sun. “Dinner would have just been soooooo much better if we had some pastries afterwards.” She peeked up at him from between her fingers. “Do you, like, have some more you haven’t told us about?”

“I, ah, am afraid I’ll have to disappoint,” he told her, collecting himself as much as he could after such an abrupt interruption.

“Aww, man,” Jester pouted, standing up - and, as if sensing Essek’s incoming apology, she stopped him with a pat on his arm. “It's okay though, they were all super yummy.” She looked down at the spellwork Caleb had laid out in front of him, glancing between Caleb and Essek. “Well,” she began, “I’m gonna go help Caduceus feed Nakai cabbages - have fun with your  _ lesson _ .”

The innuendo Essek was certain Jester was throwing at him was lost on him as all he could think of in that moment was how in the Hells they were going to get enough cabbages to feed a  _ dragon turtle _ ?

“She’s right,” Caleb said quietly, resuming his work as Jester skipped away.

“Hmm?” Essek hummed, not sure what he was referring to as he was still hung up on cabbages and dragon turtle diets.

“The, ah - the pastries,” Caleb clarified. He kept his gaze intently on his spellbook. “They were nice. And, ah, the cookies you made,” he continued, tapping his quill on the crate. “Their sweetness was something new and most certainly, ah, welcome.” His eyes flickered to Essek for a split second. “I liked them.”

Essek felt himself grow a shade darker, unable to keep himself from thinking of Orly’s words from earlier. Caleb had liked them - he’d liked what Essek made.

Feeling warm all over, Essek managed to get out, “I’m glad - making them was definitely, ah, something new for me as well.”

“Bringing them along also got Jester to sing your praises,” Caleb teased, glancing up at him with a smile.

“That was just a bonus,” Essek smoothly responded, mirroring Caleb’s smile.

A comfortable silence settled over them again as Caleb finished transcribing his spell as night finally fell upon the ship. Caleb put his things away with practiced ease, showing just how often he was transcribing and working on his magic, bettering his arcane prowess and expanding his abilities. Essek admired that about him - admired just how hard he worked to keep growing, loved that he had finally found someone that encouraged  _ him _ to grow and expand his horizons. It was encouragement that he felt he’d never had before, and it was so new and foreign and -

His thoughts came to a screeching halt as he watched Caleb tuck his spellbook back in it's holster. It hit him like an udaak on the barren plains of the Barbed Fields - he loved this man, loved his intelligence and his bravery and his ferocity, loved his kindness and understanding, his willingness to help rather than harm.

Essek’s heart ached as the realization hit him all over again, as he felt his heart beat faster, felt so many unspoken words crowd his throat and threaten to spill into the space between them.

“You’ll be joining us to rest,  _ ja _ ?” Caleb asked, looking over at Essek.

All Essek could do was stare at Caleb, stare at the freckles that dusted his features, stare at the softness he found in his blue eyes.

And as Essek’s silence drew on, Caleb quickly added, “Although, ah, you’re welcome to do as you please - Orly and Marius and the rest of the crew will be tending to the ship overnight, so if you need anything you could always ask them -”

“No, it’s -” Essek said in a rush, seeing Caleb begin to sheepishly look away, sensing some unknown disappointment that Essek couldn’t quite figure out but that he wanted to remedy instantly. “I want to be with you,” he blurted out, and suddenly Caleb’s eyes were on him and Essek knew he’d said too much and scrambled to add, “It’s been a, ah, a long day - I’d rather go and rest with you all.”

Caleb nods, a blush crawling up his neck - and he’s flustered, Essek realizes, a sight that makes Essek’s heart melt.

“Today has been - yeah,” Caleb agrees. He stands, shifting on his feet before he holds his hand out to Essek.

Essek looks up at Caleb, but Caleb is resolutely looking away from Essek, his hand still outstretched, palm up, welcoming.

Taking Caleb’s hand, Essek stands - and on a whim of sudden courage, he threads his fingers with Caleb’s. It feels so natural, so easy, despite how it sets his heart thundering. “Below deck then?” he gets out.

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb nods, turning to meet Essek’s gaze - and there’s that secret smile again, the one that Essek can’t help but hope is reserved just for him. “Below deck.”

He gives Essek’s hand a squeeze, tugging him along - and Essek follows without hesitation, a smile spreading across his own face, knowing he’s so,  _ so _ gone for this man, so gone for Caleb.

And knowing that he wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, imma be honest, this chapter was gonna have a different ending but then Caleb held his hand out to Essek and I was like no,,,,this is the place where its gonna end,,,my other idea can wait,,,,and so we got that tender moment between the two!!! because fuck!! they're in love man!!! and i'm so in love with their love!!!
> 
> i'm thinking we'll reach rumblecusp in this au in 3 to 4 chapters???? like that's the plan man but who knows because i go where these boys take me man i am but a vessel for this beautiful ship - but once we get to rumblecusp i have so much fucking planned and i'm THRILLED
> 
> TRAVELERCON 3000 HERE WE COME
> 
> i really hope you guys liked this chapter!!! i hope you're all staying safe and well, don't forget to love each other and take care of each other as much as we can, and, man does it feel good to say it again, is it Thursday yet?


	9. An Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its a day after the dragon turtle attack, and things have once again settled into a semblance of normalcy - or what passes for normalcy with the Mighty Nein.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeyyyy gang!!! i'm here with the next chapter!!!! this chapter was actually a bit harder to write than all the rest, but that's because of a bit of a personal reason that's got me down, to put it lightly
> 
> but writing has helped so much!! its given me an amazing escape and has helped me throughout all this craziness
> 
> i hope I can settle into some sort of a schedule, but as of right now that's still up in the air as i'm still learning how to balance being a full-time homemaker for a family of 6 now that my parents are working and as such are interacting much less with everyone else in the family just to be safe
> 
> anyway, that's enough rambling from me - I really hope you guys like this chapter!!!

Essek woke gently, quietly, coming to surrounded by the Mighty Nein - finding that despite being the last to fall asleep the night before, he’d been the first to wake. The low glow of the amethyst headed  _ guardian of faith _ kept the room from falling into total darkness, allowing him to look around without difficulty. Jester sat to his right, having turned over and curled into Beauregard’s side sometime during the night. Veth, who had sat down to his left, was fast asleep with her head comfortably in Caleb’s lap.

Heading to bed when everyone was still awake last night had certainly been different from the last time Essek had spent the night on their ship. As soon as they had headed up to the room after having set the  _ alarm _ below and recasting Caleb’s  _ echo _ to keep the  _ hut _ over the damage in the hull, Jester and Veth had quickly pulled Essek into their midst after Fjord ensured they could all  _ breathe underwater _ , sitting Essek down between the pair and asking him all sorts of questions - some of which he didn’t even have a proper answer to. Caleb had just watched on fondly as he cast the  _ hut  _ before he sat down beside Veth, giving Essek reassuring looks anytime he glanced his way.

Caleb was leaning against the wall, a hand loosely on Veth’s shoulder and the other lost beneath his blanket. His chest rose and fell in long, even breaths, with each puff of air from his slightly parted lips rustling some of the strands of red hair that had come undone from his ponytail.

He looked soft and young and carefree like that, and Essek found himself staring again before he shook himself out of it, glancing around as if worried someone might have caught him. Everyone else was still asleep though, with Yasha sitting across from them, leaning against the wall beside the door and Fjord and Caduceus presumably still sharing the bed.

Ever so carefully, Essek got to his feet, casting his levitation spell only briefly so as to not make noise as he made his way to the door. He knew that the Mighty Nein wouldn’t be waking anytime soon - and they certainly needed the rest after everything they’d encountered thus far at sea - but he couldn’t just sit around waiting for them to wake up.

And while he technically could, he knew that that time would be better put to use elsewhere, lest he end up watching Caleb again and run the risk of  _ actually _ getting caught by someone. If it were Beauregard or Veth or, the Light forbid,  _ Jester _ , Essek knew he would never hear the end of it.

Which was why he was deciding to leave the comfortable bubble of the Mighty Nein to try and be of use to the other crew. He knew there had to be  _ something _ he could do to help - and it certainly sounded like there was plenty of work to be done on the ship from the muffled sounds of the repairs that could be heard throughout the night.

Drifting to a stop in front of the door, he reaches out for the knob, turning it as quietly as possible before pushing it open - and immediately freezing as the hinges loudly creaked in protest.

Flinching at the sound, he quickly threw a glance over his shoulder, noticing that Caleb was still thankfully asleep as was everyone else on the ground. From his place on the bed, however, Caduceus sleepily lifted his head from where he’d had it tucked in the crook of Fjord’s neck, blinking blearily at Essek before his easy smile spread across his face. He nodded once before retaking his place, humming happily.

Letting out a breath of relief that only Caduceus had woken up - and that he’d promptly gone back to sleep - Essek decided to change tactics. He was perfectly well rested, after all. One spell wouldn’t hurt.

Whispering the incantation under his breath as he looked out of the crack of the door, he felt his  _ misty step _ whisk him to the other side, giving him just a second to grab the door knob and ease it closed again, this time from outside the room. He held still for a beat, trying to listen inside the room - and not hearing anything, figured that he’d succeeded in getting out without waking the others.

Letting go of the door knob, Essek began to follow the faint thuds and muffled shuffling that came from the opposite end of the deck. Moving past the cannons, he could see the faint shimmer of the other  _ hut _ , noticing Gallan hunched over with a hammer and nails and pieces of wood as he worked on repairs.

“Hello,” Essek greeted, making his presence known as he moved into the  _ hut _ . Caleb’s  _ echo _ , who’d been holding a handful of nails out to Gallan, visibly perked up as soon as Essek got close.

Gallan glanced over his shoulder. “Ah, mornin’ Thelyss,” he answered, going back to his work. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“No, ah, I am all rested and ready for the day,” he told him. His response sounded awkward and clumsy to his ears, but he hadn’t expected the question from the carpenter. It was simple and casual and not at all anything he was used to from someone that in any other situation - especially in the Dynasty - would be considered “lesser than” in Essek’s presence.

“Good to hear,” Gallan got out, only half listening to Essek.

“I was, ah, wondering if there was anything I could help with on the ship?” Essek asked. He fidgeted with his shirt sleeve. “If there is anything -”

“You ever been part of a ship’s crew?” Gallan cut in, turning his attention fully to Essek and giving him an appraising once over. “Know how to sail?”

“Ah - no,” Essek told him. “I’ve - no.”

He nodded, humming in response. He bounced his hammer lightly against his thigh. “Well, Orly’s up at the wheel, I’m sure if you go talk to him he could direct ya.”

“Okay,” Essek nodded. “Up at the wheel.”

“Mhm,” Gallan hummed, turning back to his work once more. “Keep clear from Shelda, and take whatever Marius says with a grain of salt.”

“Alright,” Essek answered slowly, not all too sure what to make of that, but knowing he would heed his directions all the same. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Gallan mumbled, already absorbed in the repairs again.

It didn’t take Essek long to find Orly - and it took Orly even less time to direct him to start coiling up the extra ropes that had been used to haphazardly tie some of the bigger items on deck down to keep them in place before the dragon turtle descended upon them. It wasn’t anything especially hard, and it was a job that Marius had been delighted to be excused from before he set off to take care of his usual chores.

Essek worked slowly - much slower than he wished he were working - but he was so unaccustomed to anything like this that he found himself having to pause every now and then to wipe the sweat from his brow. But still, he wasn’t complaining, and he wasn’t going to give up, not when he was finally helping with  _ something _ . It gave him a purpose, no matter how small it was, and it put him at ease.

The sun had begun to slowly brighten the sky by the time Essek was done coiling all the excess ropes he could find. The misty ocean fog still drifted all around them, coating everything in shades of soft grey. It was a little disappointing that he couldn’t see the sunrise because of the fog, but he was glad that it at least kept the sunlight from becoming uncomfortable.

He drifted to the railing, watching the dragon turtle still swimming beside them idly. It was strange to think that just yesterday it was bearing down on the ship, intent on vengeance. All it took was offering some help and...well, Essek had been on the receiving end of the Mighty Nein’s kindness before. He’d been on the receiving end of Caleb’s kindness before - and he hoped he’d be able to repay the favor after everything they’d done for him.

Essek tapped his fingers on the railing, trying to ground himself, trying to keep from dwelling on everything he’d done, on every single mistake he’d made, every conscious decision he’d taken that had promised untold discoveries but that had almost lost him everything - and yet, Caleb and the Mighty Nein still cared for him. Still hoped for him. He didn’t think he’d ever have been able to do what they did, even if he had the luxury of consecuted lifetimes to learn how to do so.

A gentle pitter-patter along the railing drew him from his thoughts, keeping him from sinking further in his self-loathing as Frumpkin approached. The tiny monkey made his way across the railing, coming to a stop beside Essek and staring up at him with big black eyes.

“Hello there,” Essek smiled, slowly holding a hand out to Frumpkin - and when Frumpkin leaned closer and butt his head against Essek’s palm, Essek softly began scratching the side of his head. “See anything interesting out here?”

The only answer Frumpkin gave to Essek’s question was a quick glance around them before blinking once.

“It is quite foggy, so there isn’t anything in particular to look at,” Essek mused, continuing in his scritches. “I agree.”

Frumpkin made a low noise in the back of his throat, something close to a growl, and Essek quickly pulled his hand away before Frumpkin reached out, took his hand, and placed it back on the top of his head. He rubbed his head against Essek’s palm, still making that low growl - and that’s when Essek realized that he was trying to  _ purr _ , trying to show that he was comfortably and happy in the way he knew best.

“Well, I certainly thought I’d misstepped,” Essek told him, starting to pet him again.

From beside the ship, a spout of water suddenly shot skyward - making both Essek and Frumpkin jump with a start.

Essek glanced around quickly, a spell already in mind as he raised a hand to draw out the runes. Frumpkin jumped into his arms, grabbing on tightly to the front of his shirt and scrambling onto his shoulder, his tail curling along the back of his shirt collar. Essek brought his other hand up to Frumpkin, turning towards the ship’s wheel where Orly was and catching sight of the dragon turtle beside the ship again - and seeing that it had only been the dragon turtle blowing out air before taking another breath and submerging partway into the water again.

“Luxon’s light,” Essek got out, running a hand down his face. He could still feel the thrum of magic prickling beneath his skin, the anxious adrenaline starting to dissipate now that he’d seen nothing was wrong.

“Takes some getting used to, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Essek nodded, turning to the voice, finding Caduceus walking towards them.

“Good morning,” Caduceus smiled, coming to stand beside the pair. “And good morning to you, too, Frumpkin,” Caduceus added, reaching up and giving Frumpkin a small pat on the head.

Frumpkin happily accepted Caduceus’ greeting, once again giving that low growl-purr as Essek responded in kind. “Good morning.”

“Hope you weren’t too bored up here while we were still sleeping,” Caduceus said, opening up a pouch on his belt and sifting through it before he pulled out a small clay statue of some kind.

“Not bored,” Essek assured him, watching as the statue in his hands shimmered a vibrant green as his lips moved in a silent incantation. “I actually had, ah, time to make myself useful on the ship.”

Caduceus smiled at him. “Found something to help with?”

“Something to help with,” Essek confirmed. He shrugged, reaching up and giving Frumpkin a little scritch, just to give his hands something to do. “It was only putting away some ropes.”

“Well, every bit of help is more than welcome,” Caduceus told him. He leaned over the railing, calling out, “ _ I’m just going to get the sails lowered to slow the ship, then I’ll be right down to heal you _ .”

The dragon turtle rumbled something low, sending another waterspout up.

Frumpkin ducked down, climbing off Essek’s shoulder and lowering himself into his arms, trying to keep out of the water that sprinkled down on them.

“Not a fan of water?” Essek comments, now carrying the monkey.

“I’m not at all surprised since he does spend most of his time as a cat, after all,” Caduceus points out. He gestures to the vague direction of the quarter deck. “I’ll be right back.”

Essek nods, watching him go before he turns his attention back to the vast expanse of the sea. He could hear faint conversation, could hear Caduceus and Orly, followed by shouted seafaring directions of which Essek understood almost nothing. Glancing back, he watches Marius and Shelda go from mast to mast, climbing rigging and affixing ropes and bringing the sails halfway down. He feels the boat give a slow lurch, turning in its path, breaking the ship’s momentum and bringing it almost to a standstill. Everything had happened much faster than Essek had expected - maybe taking ten minutes at most before Caduceus was coming back with rope in his hands.

“Even though we can  _ breathe underwater _ and I can cast  _ water walk _ , I’d rather just be cautious,” Caduceus explained as he knotted the rope to the railing before tying it around his waist. He smiled at Essek. “And thank you, again, for the diamonds. I had Caleb turn one into dust for me yesterday just so I’d have it ready for today’s spell.”

“You’re welcome,” Essek politely replied, still so unaccustomed to receiving gratitude - especially for something that had been so simple for him to do. “Jester asked so I - I got them.”

“There’s a bit more there than just having got them,” Caduceus said matter-of-factly, climbing up and over the railing. “You coulda just not and we wouldn’t have begrudged you that. But you did, and well,” Caduceus shrugged. “Give yourself some credit.”

Essek’s brow furrowed, not sure how to answer that as Caduceus slowly climbed down the side of the ship. Without thinking twice, Essek waved a hand and summoned a gravitational cushion beneath Caduceus, just to make the climb easier, and to catch him should he fall - without thinking twice, which had been how he’d decided that he was going to get diamonds for the Mighty Nein. Not bringing them what they needed had never really...crossed his mind. It was a way to be useful, and so he’d done it. Just like that.

“ _ Alright, this might sting a little _ ,” Caduceus warned, dropping into the water and drifting closer to the dragon turtle. He reached out a hand to the dragon turtle, placing it on its flipper. His palm shone that vibrant green again, and pink lichen spread out from the spot before burrowing into it's thick hide.

The dark tendrils that had snaked across the dragon turtle’s skin vanished, racing like lightning towards Caduceus’ hand, and as Caduceus drew his hand back black ichor followed, a dark, viscous slop that hovered in the air between Caduceus and the dragon turtle before falling into the water, making it bubble and boil before the sludge broke apart.

“ _ And that should do it, _ ” Caduceus finished, grabbing a hold of the rope and using it to pull himself back to the ship.

A low rumble of relief filled the air as the dragon turtle sighed, dipping its head into the water before surfacing again, one giant eye on Caduceus as Caduceus began to climb the side of the ship again. It ground something out - something that was probably a good thing from Caduceus’ reaction.

“ _ Oh, that sounds great, _ ” Caduceus grinned. “ _ I’ll tell the others - they’ll be happy to hear that _ .”

Essek watched as Caduceus kept climbing, waving his hand once more and easing the gravity around him further, allowing him to come up the side of the ship much faster than he had descended.

“Everything went well, I presume?” Essek noted as Caduceus untied the rope from himself and the railing, coiling it up again.

“It went better than I expected, being completely honest,” Caduceus told him. He glanced over the edge, waving an arm. “ _ I’ll be back with some more food later _ .”

The dragon turtle gave a curt nod, sending a ripple of waves across the water.

“And now we can set off again,” Caduceus said, already heading off, probably to talk to Orly again - and just like that, the dragon turtle was healed and what would have been a disastrous dragon turtle encounter ended on a good note, which made him rather hopeful for whatever would come in the future.

The thought had just crossed his mind when he heard soft shuffling coming from behind him. Frumpkin gave a tiny squeak, peeking up and over his shoulder to look at the newcomer, prompting Essek to glance back as well.

It was Caleb, eyes still soft from sleep and his hair undone from it's ponytail, his shirt rumpled as he scratched at his arm drowsily. He blinked twice at Essek, a dusting of pink spreading across the bridge of his nose.

“You weren’t there when I woke,” Caleb said quietly, frowning slightly as he rubbed sleepily at his eyes. “I thought you’d left.”

And seeing him like that made Essek’s heart lurch - Caleb had wanted him there when he woke up? He’d wanted to see Essek?

“I wouldn’t leave with saying goodbye,” Essek assured him, taking a step towards him.

“ _ Gut _ ,” Caleb mumbled, closing the space between the two until he was right beside Essek before he leaned his head on Essek’s shoulder, something he could comfortably do as Essek was still floating. “Didn’t get into any trouble?” Caleb asked - and Essek was taken aback not only by Caleb so casually touching and leaning into him but also by Caleb’s question.

He was about to answer when Frumpkin gave a small growl-purr, and Essek understood that the question had been for  _ Frumpkin _ , and not for him. Bless his split second hesitation, Luxon knows what he would have responded with.

“From what I’ve seen, Frumpkin’s been, ah, very well behaved,” Essek said, scratching the tiny monkey beneath the chin.

“I see he’s won you over,” Caleb smiled, running a hand down Frumpkin’s back. His fingertips brushed against Essek’s hand, and it made him hyperaware once again of how close Caleb was.

“It’s only natural since he’s learned his charm from his wizard,” Essek told him, glad that his voice remained steady and cool the whole time.

Caleb opened his mouth to say something in return before closing it, the blush from earlier returning brighter than before. He glanced away - hiding his face into Essek’s shoulder and, apparently realizing what he was doing, quickly stepped away. “Y-you’re floating,” Caleb pointed out. “You know you don’t have to do that with us.”

Essek let his feet touch the ground, his eyes never leaving him, not wanting to miss a second of flustered, blushing Caleb. “I know,” Essek shrugged. “But when I left the room earlier, I didn’t want to risk waking any of you as I walked out, and falling into old habits wasn’t so bad.”

“Oh,” Caleb got out, apparently caught off guard by Essek’s reasoning. “Thank you, Essek.”

And the way he said Essek’s name, so softly, colored by fondness and a hint of something else, something that Essek didn’t want to hope to name, made Essek’s heart soar.

“Of course,” Essek nodded. “I hope you slept well.”

“I did,” Caleb assured, glancing away again, almost sheepishly, his soft blue eyes shining brightly in contrast with his fiery hair and suddenly Essek was brought back to one of the questions Jester had asked him last night, an innocuous, simple question that Essek couldn’t answer.

_ “What’s your favorite color?” Jester had asked, looking over at him expectantly. “Mine’s pink and Veth’s is yellow.” _

_ “Ah…” Essek had stalled until another question had been asked, unable to put into words the precise hue he was thinking of. Unable to say out loud that it was the color of Caleb’s eyes, that soft, gentle blue that drew him in. _

He shook himself from his thoughts, glancing away, looking down at himself and suddenly realizing how  _ messy _ he looked. His shirt sleeves were pushed up sloppily and his pants were covered in dust and he could only imagine how his hair looked.

Taking advantage of the fact that Caleb was still looking away, he quietly cast  _ prestidigitation  _ on himself, smoothing out the wrinkles in his clothes, leaving them pristine and dust free and hopefully fixing his hair into it's usual coif.

“I should, ah,” Caleb started, glancing back at Essek, giving him a quick once over that made Essek feel warm. “I-I should go relieve Orly from his duties, so he can, ah, get some rest.”

“A-alright,” Essek nodded. He shifted from foot to foot, unsure what he could do, what he  _ should _ do.

“You could, ah, you could come with me?” Caleb offered, noticing his hesitation. He smiled. “Maybe I could teach you a thing or two for a change.”

“I’m willing to learn,” Essek told him. “It would certainly add to my meager maritime skills.”

“Which are?” Caleb asked, raising a brow as they both began to head to the quarterdeck.

“Coiling rope,” Essek answered. “Clearly not an extensive list.”

“I guess we have to remedy that, don’t we?” Caleb said, giving Essek an amused smile.

“We certainly do,” Essek agreed, starting to climb the stairs towards the ship’s wheel, just a half step behind Caleb the whole time.

* * *

Essek ended up learning absolutely nothing about navigation or how to trace out a proper route or how to keep the ship steady. Not that Caleb wasn’t an outstanding teacher, that wasn’t the case at all. It was just that Essek kept getting  _ distracted _ by Caleb - Caleb’s eyes as he scanned the map and his lips as he walked him through their route and his arms as he gripped the wheel. Seeing his mastery in an arena outside of the arcane had ended being maddeningly captivating.

By the time Caduceus called them down for breakfast, the most Essek could do was name a few reefs Caleb had pointed out from their previous seafaring adventures, but other than that...well, he could always ask Fjord and Orly for a few pointers.

* * *

“Yay! Oatmeal again!” Jester cheered, coming down to the lowest deck that they had taken up as their makeshift dining area.

“How are you so sure it's going to be oatmeal?” Beau asked, pulling her hair up from where it had fallen during her sparring against Yasha and Fjord.

“Caduceus always makes oatmeal the day after something crazy happens,” Jester said, coming around to where Caduceus had breakfast.

Caleb handed him a bowl, and he spooned in - just as Jester had predicted - a hearty heaping of oatmeal before he handed it to Jester.

“See?” Jester grinned, looking at Beau over her shoulder. “Told you.”

“You were probably able to smell it on our way down,” Beau countered, taking her own bowl from Caduceus with a grateful nod.

“She’s right you know,” Caduceus said, filling another bowl and handing it to Yasha.

Beau gave Jester a knowing smirk. “See? Told you.”

“No - I mean Jester’s right,” Caduceus clarified. He fixed a bowl from Caleb, handing it to him. “We had a rough day yesterday with the fight with Nakai, and, well,” he shrugged. “My dad always made oatmeal the morning after a bad day. Said it was something nice and comfortable and warm to start off the next day better than the last one.”

“And it definitely works,” Jester smiled at him before patting the crate beside her so that Yasha would sit to her left as Beau had already taken the spot to her right.

Caleb stared down at the bowl in his hands, remembering the way his mother would sing to him before bed when he’d had a bad day and the way his father would sneak him sweets that he’d find throughout the day while he was tending to his chores. He wondered what habits he would have picked up from them if he’d had more time.

He felt a gentle tug on his shirt sleeve, turning in time to see a translucent silver hand vanish before he glanced up and saw Essek watching him, nodding to the spot beside him, between himself and Veth - the spot that was clearly for Caleb.

Ducking his head, Caleb made his way over to the pair, sitting on the floor between them.

“It looked like something heavy was on your mind,” Essek commented quietly, watching him carefully.

“I, ah -” Caleb paused, unsure how to answer. Ultimately, though, he felt that being honest would be best. “I was just thinking about my parents.”

“Ah,” Essek nodded. “Good thoughts, I hope?”

“Good thoughts,” Caleb confirmed, falling into comfortable silence as he and Essek began to eat.

It didn’t take long before Fjord finally trudged down from the upper deck, presumably after having finished with checking that everything was in proper working order. He went straight to Caduceus, settling down on the ground beside him before leaning his head on Caduceus’ shoulder with a sigh, saying something to him that Caleb couldn’t hear.

He recognized the gesture though - recognized it as something that he had done to Essek earlier that morning. He felt his face burn, realizing that it was an affectionate gesture he’d picked up from seeing Fjord do it to Caduceus so often recently.

But they  _ liked _ each other, Caleb reminded himself - like they  _ like _ -liked each other. Whatever his feelings for Essek were...that was just him. And whatever he sometimes  _ thought _ Essek might feel for him, it wasn’t anything he knew for certain - and after having thought Essek to be honest and forthright before only to find out he was the traitor, well -

Caleb snapped himself out of it. Dwelling on that wasn’t going to help with anything.

Thankfully, thinking about something else got much easier as Jester skipped over to them, plopping herself down directly in front of Essek.

Essek, who was just finishing his food, set the bowl on the ground. “Can I help you?”

“You certainly can,” Jester told him, a broad smile spreading across her face. “I - as the Traveler’s favorite follower - want to  _ personally _ invite you into his inner circle.”

“Into - what?” Essek asked, looking just as lost as Caleb felt at Jester’s words.

“His inner circle,” Jester repeated. She spread her hands out, gesturing at everyone. “We’re all going to be his priests for TravelerCon, and I want you to be one too!”

“A priest of the Traveler?” Essek said slowly. “But I - I’m not a follower of the Traveler.”

“Neither are we,” Beau told him, getting up from her spot and coming to sit by a crate closer to them. “But we’re doing it for Jester, to help her out.”

“Yeah,” Jester nodded. “I was talking to Beau about it, and I think you would be perfect at being a priest of the Traveler.”

“I, ah -” Essek started, probably trying to come up with an easy way to decline. “Isn’t that event going to, ah, take place over the course of a few days? I don’t think I can stay away from my duties again for so long…”

Jester pouted, but before she could say anything Beau cut in. “You can’t be telling me that you didn’t earn a few vacation days after all this.”

“Well, that - I would have to ask the Bright Queen and see if it's possible -” Essek continued.

“The war just ended,” Beau shrugged, raising a brow at him. “I’m sure you could manage to get  _ some _ days off, especially when it was  _ your _ wards that got the negotiations going.”

“C’mon, Essek, it’ll be so much fun!” Jester added, clasping her hands in front of her and batting her eyelashes.

Gods, she was laying it on thick - but Caleb wasn’t really paying attention to her anymore as he watched Beau carefully, suspiciously. Hadn’t she said that Essek had to be punished just a few days ago?

“I - okay,” Essek nodded, caving when faced with Jester’s weaponized cuteness. “It wouldn’t hurt to ask, at least.”

Jester reached over, taking his hands between hers excitedly. “Oh my gosh, Essek, you’re going to have so much fun! You’re going to get a cool green robe and we’re going to be, like, the most important people at TravelerCon - after the Traveler, of course - and everyone’s going to think we’re so super cool.” She let him go, jumping to her feet. “I’m going to have to move around a couple of things to make room for you in the choreography I had planned out…”

“There’s going to be a dance?” Essek got out, looking terrified.

Both Beau and Caleb shook their heads to answer his question as Jester waved his worry aside.

“I’ll tell you more about it when you come back and we’re closer to Rumblecusp,” she told him.

“And speaking of Rumblecusp,” Caduceus chimed in, collecting both his and Fjord’s bowls and setting them inside the now empty oatmeal pot. “Nakai volunteered to escort us to the island, as a thank you for helping with the curse.”

“So the dragon turtle’s staying with us the whole way?” Veth asked, eyes wide in awe.

“The whole way,” Caduceus confirmed.

“Thank the Wildmother,” Fjord sighed, standing up and taking the pot from Caduceus. “We’ll be able to rest easy for a few days. I doubt Uk’otoa’s -”

“- Uk’otoa,” Veth and Jester whispered.

“- minions are going to try anything with a giant fucking dragon turtle swimming nearby,” he finished, helping Caduceus to his feet.

“Well that takes care of that problem,” Yasha mused.

“And it lets us focus on TravelerCon even more,” Jester cheered. She put her hands on her hips, looking down at Essek with a curious look. “Will it be, like, hard to convince the Bright Queen to give you a few days off?”

“I mean, I don’t know, I’ve ever asked -” Essek answered, looking down at his lap.

“You’ve never asked?” Jester frowned. “Like,  _ ever _ ?”

“Not that I remember,” Essek shrugged, fiddling with his rolled up shirt sleeve. “I get a day off once a week, I’ve never needed more - I’ve never had a reason to ask for more.”

“Oh, Essek,” Jester sighed, shaking her head. When he looked up at her, she gave him an encouraging smile. “You’re going to have the best beach vacation ever.”

“That’s if she gives me the time off,” he reminded her, standing as well. He held a hand out to Caleb, and Caleb took it without a second thought, letting Essek pull him to his feet. “I could bring over a nice bottle of wine or some tea and warm her up to the idea over dinner.”

“Like a date?” Jester asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Essek wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Not a date,” he corrected. “She’s the Queen, she’s - she’s like - no, not a date,” he repeated. “And she’s married to the Dusk Captain, too, so.”

“Right, right,” Jester nodded, her eyes flicking to where Essek was still holding Caleb’s hand.

Caleb saw the way the tips of Essek’s ears turned a shade darker as he let go of Caleb, looking away as he waved his hand and their bowls easily rose from the ground. He caught them in midair.

“I’ll ask, and see what she has to say,” Essek finished. He looked around at them, eyes landing on Caleb as he gave him an apologetic smile. “I should get going so I can get ahead on work if I’m to be away from Rosohna for a few days.”

“Working ahead might make the Bright Queen more amenable to you being away for some time,” Caleb commented, returning Essek’s smile. The idea of having Essek join them for the entirety of TravelerCon made Caleb actually feel genuinely excited about their upcoming plans - and not just for Jester’s sake this time.

“And if tea might make asking go even easier, I could help with that,” Caduceus added. “Let me just -” he glanced around, frowning slightly. “Let me just go find something to put it in,” he said, taking his leave with Fjord following after picking up everyone’s empty bowls.

“Caduceus is probably going to give you some of the tea he has - that should do the trick,” Jester told Essek, complete confidence in her voice.

“Which means that, if that’s the case, he’s most likely gone to the kitchen,” Caleb followed up. He motioned after them. “It's only on the next deck.”

Jester linked her arm with Essek. “We’ll show you where it's at,” she smiled, already marching him towards the stairs.

“See ya later, I guess,” Beau called out after them, and Caleb couldn’t help himself from shooting her quick look, still hung up on her inviting Essek to join them.

From behind her, Yasha gave Caleb a half-shrug, showing that she was just as caught off guard by Beau as he was. That was at least a little reassuring - maybe Jester had said something that made Beau more open to having Essek around again?

Whatever the case was, it was something he’d have to ask about later.

He took the stairs, following after the pair as Jester had already rushed Essek to the kitchen. By the time he caught up with them, Caduceus was handing Essek a small jar filled with dry, wine colored leaves - a jar that Jester snatched out of his hands before tying a little bow on it.

“It's good for relaxation - the Urutungo’s are always good at helping ease the stress after a long day,” Caduceus said.

“Right, of course,” Essek nodded, watching Jester pull out a paintbrush and quickly draw a few flowers on the jar.

Caduceus rubbed at his chin. “When we head back I might have to send a letter to my sister so she can send me some more tea - I’m nearly out.”

“Ohh, I’ll tell the Traveler,” Jester hummed, adding a couple more brushstrokes before handing the jar back to Essek. She reached into a pocket in the skirt of her dress, pulling out a small novel. “And Caleb told me that you needed some reading material, so I picked this one out special for you.”

Essek glanced down at the title, a flush crawling up his neck - which was understandable as Jester had most likely lent him her copy of  _ Tusk Love _ .

“Th-thank you, Jester,” he stuttered out, taking the book from her and vanishing it along with the jar. “And you as well, Caduceus.”

“No problem,” Caduceus smiled at the same time Jester giddily added, “As soon as you finish it, let me know! We can talk about our favorite parts together.”

“She’ll hold you up to that, you know,” Fjord laughed under his breath from where he was washing the dishes in the corner.

“I’ll, ah, keep that in mind as I read,” Essek said, giving Jester a small nod before he turned and caught sight of Caleb. He turned to the other three again. “Well, I’ll leave you all to your duties.”

“Good luck,” Caduceus waved as Essek stepped out of the kitchen, shutting the door behind him and joining Caleb in the tiny hall.

“ _ Hallo _ ,” Caleb smiled as Essek almost ran into him in his haste to escape whatever else Jester might have to get him flustered and stuttering again.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to having friends,” Essek got out, running a hand down his face.

“There’s no such thing as getting used to the Mighty Nein,” Caleb shrugged, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. “But I don’t think I could go back to being without them.”

“Neither could I,” Essek admitted, giving Caleb a small smile.

They lapsed into a beat of silence, and Caleb could have sworn that Essek leaned forward, just a breath, his hand reaching for Caleb almost hesitantly before he rubbed at the back of his neck, taking a step back.

“Duty calls,” Essek said, starting to draw out the familiar runes for his  _ teleportation  _ spell.

“I’ll, ah, see you in a few days?” Caleb asked - and even though he knew the answer to that, he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to hear it, wanted to know for certain.

“Of course - even if it's just to visit,” Essek promised. He met Caleb’s gaze, eyes soft and hopeful - for what, Caleb wasn’t sure. “I’ll be back in a few days.”

“Give the Bright Queen our best,” Caleb told him.

“You’ve always given her your best,” Essek answered, his smile looking more like his signature Shadowhand smile - proud and sure, and this time it was because he was proud of them, of everything they’d done. “I’ll give her your greetings.”

And then he was gone, leaving Caleb to hope that their achievements would be enough to gain Essek a few days with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted more Frumpkin and Essek, and I can't wait until I get the chance to write more for them because aaaahhh!!! they're so cute!!!!
> 
> and holy fuck that last episode gang fuck man that shit had me DYING the FJORDUCEUS in that CAVE my GOD I just had to include a bit of Teahaw bc like i love them and also the end of that last ep really fucking sent me guys
> 
> I really hope you guys liked this chapter, and I can't wait to put up the next one!!! We're getting closer to getting to Rumblecusp ourselves, and lets see if our lovely little drow can score a few vacation days ;)
> 
> i hope everyone's been safe and well, and, well, now that covid has unfortunately touched someone I know, so please, please, please don't forget that the pandemic is still a threat and please do your best to take care of yourselves because by taking care of yourselves you can take care of others. Stay safe my lovelies and I hope to catch you in the next update <3


	10. Obvious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Essek goes to the Bright Queen to request a few days off from work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!! I'm back with another chapter!! I've honestly been so excited to write up this chapter because it just had some character moments I'd been waiting to explore further so i'm thrilled to have finally gotten to it!!
> 
> I'd like to thank you all so much for your kind comments and well wishes and condolences. They mean the world to me and have really been helping me during all of this. I promise I'll get around to answering every single one, just be patient with me guys. Thank you so so so so so so much, and I love you all so very much!
> 
> anyway, enough from me - i really hope you guys like this chapter!! It was so much fun to write and I'm so excited to hear what you all think

Caleb made his way down from the quarterdeck, looking up at the stars and retracing their route again. It was precisely 10:21 at night, a couple hours after the sun had set. Every few days Caleb and Orly would work together using star charts to confirm their route, making sure they were still on the right path. And while being able to know exactly which way was north at all times was extremely helpful, following a “path” did get a little disorienting when they were surrounded by an endless expanse of ocean that looked exactly the same for hours on end.

Content to know that they were still indeed on the right track though, Caleb was ready to go to bed. While the day hadn’t been tiring by any means, Caleb found himself already wishing it were tomorrow, in hopes that Essek would return with good news about his request to accompany them to TravelerCon. Despite the man having returned to Rosohna just that morning, Caleb missed him already - something he was hesitant to admit, even to himself.

_ If anything happens, wake me,  _ Caleb instructed, finding Frumpkin nestled up among the various ropes and rigging of the ship. Frumpkin blinked at him, his way of telling him he’d gotten the message.

Caleb nodded at his familiar, glancing down. “Oh, Yasha,” Caleb said, seeing the woman leaning against the stair railing, glancing out at the ocean. If Caleb had still been looking at the stars, he would’ve run right into her. “Sensing a storm?”

Her brow furrowed, concentration in her eyes for a second before she relaxed. “No storm,” she answered, before glancing at him. “But I was wondering if I could, ah, ask you something?”

“ _ Ja _ , okay,” Caleb nodded, coming to stand beside her on the main deck. He found himself unexpectedly nervous, wondering what she could want to know.

Yasha looked around, watching Marius and Shelda traipse around the deck as they tended to their work. She glanced at the forecastle deck, rarely used at night since visibility was so limited.

Without a word, she began to cross the deck, reaching the stairs in a handful of strides and climbing onto the deck. Caleb quickly followed, the nervousness in his stomach growing with each step.

They came to a stop by the mast, where Yasha turned and looked down at Caleb with a knowing look.

“You and Essek,” she deadpanned - no preamble, no buildup.

“Um, ah -” Caleb stuttered, knowing exactly what she meant while simultaneously not knowing what she could possibly want to know. “What about - us?” he finished, the “us” sounding hesitant, unsure if that were the correct way to phrase it.

She leaned forward, eyes scanning his face. “So you  _ do _ like him,” she said - not a question, a confirmation, and something that Caleb wished he could deny. She didn’t even give him a chance though, as she immediately asked, “Have you told him?”

“T-Told him?” Caleb got out. “Why would - have  _ you _ told the girls how you feel?” he deflected.

Yasha looks away, and Caleb can see from the distant light of one of the lanterns on deck that she’s blushing. “N-no -” And she sees the way Caleb opens his mouth, can probably sense that Caleb is going to latch onto that, because she rushes on. “I mean, I like them, and I think they like me, too.”

“Which is a perfectly good reason to tell them,” Caleb manages to quip.

She scratches the back of her neck. “I haven’t said anything yet because I think we’re waiting for TravelerCon to pass? To, ah, talk about this?” She sighs, expression troubled. “Things have actually been a little, ah, tense after what Beau said a few nights ago.”

Caleb knows exactly what she’s referring to - he’s seen Yasha’s hesitation around Beau now, has seen some of Beau’s jokes fall flat around Yasha as Yasha has grown more reserved around her again. Even their early morning sparring sessions weren’t the same anymore.

And he also knows that if she’s telling him about it almost entirely unprompted, that it must have really gotten to her.

“Have you talked about it with her?” he asks softly.

“I’ve only talked to Jester about it.” She sighs again, shaking her head. “And after this morning, well,” she shrugs. “I guess I’ll wait and see.” She meets his gaze. “Have you talked to Beau about it? Or Veth? I can tell it's been bothering you.”

He frowns, looking away as he tugs on his shirtsleeve. He knows he’s been avoiding the pair, taking on responsibilities that keep him away from them and making up excuses to be alone, but he didn’t think he was being  _ that _ obvious about it.

“Can we talk about something else?” he says quietly. It's just not something he’s ready to talk about - especially after seeing Beau invite Essek to join them for TravelerCon that morning.

“Yeah, yeah, of course, I’m sorry I brought it up,” Yasha apologizes, reaching out hesitantly before patting him gently on the shoulder - and he knows that she’s being extra careful since she could probably send him to his knees easily if she didn’t check her strength. “Besides,” she continues, raising a brow and giving him a sly smile, one that she must have picked up from Jester since it reminds him so much of their resident trickster. “We were talking about something else, weren’t we?”

“W-were we?” Caleb asked, feigning ignorance. “I think we, ah, were saying that I needed to head down and, ah, set up the dome.”

Yasha crosses her arms, leaning against the mast and looking completely unconvinced. “Was that it?”

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb nodded quickly. “I think so.”

She tapped her chin as if she were deep in thought. She shrugged. “I guess you must be right. You are the one with the perfect memory, after all.” She pushed off the mast, heading for the stairs and clapping him on the shoulder - gently - as she walked by. “But I think that if you tell Essek - I think it’ll go well.”

Caleb ducked his head, feeling a warm blush spread across his face. “ _ Danke _ , Yasha.”

“You’re a, ah, total catch, as Jester would say,” she assured him, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “Anyway, I’ll meet you in the room. Fjord’s probably still waiting up on us to cast  _ water breathing _ .”

“He was still awake?” Caleb asked, assuming everyone had already gone to sleep.

“I think so - he was the only one still up when I came to look for you,” Yasha told him. She gave him one last, long look. “Just, don’t overthink things, okay?”

“Easier said than done,” Caleb sighed before nodding once. “But I’ll try.”

“If you ever want to, you know, talk about it -” She trailed off, gesturing to herself. “I’m here.”

“The same goes for you,” Caleb told her. “You know - if you want to talk.”

Yasha smiled at him. “Thank you, Caleb.” She motioned to the stairs. “Ready to head down?”

“ _ Ja _ \- but I’ll catch up with you in a minute,” Caleb said, watching as she took her leave. When he saw her disappear below the main deck, he let out a shaky sigh, running a hand through his hair and pulling it out of it's ponytail.

So.

Yasha knew - and it wasn’t like he was  _ hiding _ his feelings, exactly, so it was only a matter of time before his friends found out.

“Bad news?” Marius asked, stopping at the foot of the forecastle stairs and giving him a worried look.

“N-no, just - something to think about,” Caleb told him. Marius nodded, going back to whatever he’d been doing as he made his way towards the back of the ship.

Caleb was being so,  _ so _ painfully obvious that even  _ Marius _ could tell. He rubbed the back of his neck. He only hoped Essek wouldn’t notice - and that if he did ever catch on, that maybe Essek would feel the same way.

* * *

_ “Good luck with the Bright Queen!” _ Jester had messaged him early that morning - right as he was getting up from his trance.  _ “And oh, oh - let me know what she’s wearing when you see her! We miss you so much, especially -” _

_ “Thank you, Jester,” _ he’d yawned, sitting up and running a hand through his hair.  _ “I miss you all, too,” _ he admitted, feeling safe to do so since only Jester would hear him.  _ “I’ll be seeing her tomorrow, and, ah, make note of her gown. Take care.” _

It was late afternoon the next day by the time that Essek got done with his Den responsibilities, even managing to work ahead and leaving a list of provisional instructions if anything came up that required him. He’d been keeping up with all of his Shadowhand duties while he was traveling back and forth between the negotiation trip and Rosohna, and as such had left his Den work on the sidelines, letting it pile up more than he had expected. Thankfully, all of that work was mostly adding his signature to the Den proposals he supported while writing a dissenting opinion on the ones that he was against, as well as issuing permits for specific projects that were now being taken up since the war ended. There were a handful of pieces about Professor Waccoh and how she was developing something that seemed especially promising, so he was quick to grant whatever Waccoh needed to keep her research running.

Now, all that was left was to catch up on his Shadowhand work and to get some of those tasks done ahead of time, and he’d have carved out enough time in his schedule to join the Mighty Nein for TravelerCon - if the Bright Queen allowed him to join them, of course. 

And so now he was walking into the Lucid Bastion, moving past the throne room and to the staircase tucked into the back wall that would lead to the Bright Queen’s personal chambers. The exact location of her quarters were a closely guarded secret, with rumors placing it somewhere beneath the Marble Tomes so as to be under the protection of some of Rosohna’s studied spellcasters, but Essek, being the Shadowhand, was privy to the actual location of her home.

One of the perks of the job, he supposed.

He drifted up the staircase, coming onto a small landing where two Aurora Watch soldiers stood guard by the door.

“Shadowhand,” one of the guards greeted as they both inclined their heads in a small bow.

“Good evening,” Essek responded, bowing back respectfully. He waved his hand, summoning the small jar of tea Caduceus had packed for him. “I bring a gift for the Bright Queen, and would also like to ask if I could meet with her majesty tomorrow morn -”

“Vorya,” a voice called out, ringing clear over the soft creak of the door as it was pulled open. “If you would please contact Professor Waccoh and -” The Bright Queen blinked, opening the door a little wider as she caught sight of Essek. “Oh, Essek, I didn’t expect to see you.” She frowned. “Is something wrong? Did I miss a meeting?”

“N-no, nothing of that sort,” Essek answered, not having expected to see the Bright Queen either. “I was just -” He looked down at the jar he had in his hands before holding it out to her. “I was bringing a gift, from the Mighty Nein. It’s tea.”

“Oh,” the Bright Queen nodded, taking the jar from Essek carefully. “Please let them know that the gift is greatly appreciated,” she smiled.

“I’ll pass on the message,” Essek said with a small bow. “And I was also, ah, meaning to request an audience with you, for tomorrow morning” he added, as he slowly straightened himself.

She looked down at the jar before meeting Essek’s gaze. “If you are not busy, I could see you now and discuss what’s on your mind?” she offered, stepping aside and motioning that he could come in.

“You’re too kind, your majesty,” Essek told her, bowing again. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” the Bright Queen nodded, allowing Essek to drift past her and inside her chamber. “Let the Professor know that I would like to request her research on border protection from her war machines. That’ll be all, thank you,” he could hear her tell one of the guards before the door shut softly behind them.

Essek had drifted to a stop just past the door, unsure whether he should remain standing or if he should sit. Tucked against the back wall beside a small kitchenette was the dining table for two where the Queen and the Dusk Captain would have their private meals, and against the wall to his far left was their four poster bed, as well as the door that would lead to what he had always assumed was their private baths. Against the front wall, to Essek’s left, was an elegant desk sitting beside a well stocked bookshelf. Set into the wall to the right was an ornate fireplace, with a chaise lounge and a loveseat placed facing each other on either side of the fireplace, a comfortable sitting area kept warm by the flames. There was a coffee table between them, with an open book lying facedown on the worn wood.

The Queen walked past him as she made her way to the kitchenette to set the jar down and set a kettle to boil. It was a small task, nothing noteworthy, but Essek had to admit it was a little strange watching the Bright Queen start to make tea.

“Please, Essek, take a seat,” she said, leaving the kettle and heading for the chaise lounge.

“Right, of course - thank you, your majesty,” Essek got out, moving towards the loveseat. He sometimes forgot that she was as tall as he was - shorter now, since he was still floating.

Without her ornate robes and majestic headdress, she wasn’t as imposing - but she was certainly still intimidating, even in what looked like her sleepwear. She was wearing a white satin tank top and matching shorts, with a sheer robe that fell to her knees over the ensemble. Her hair was pulled up in what might have been considered a messy bun for anyone else, but which she gave an air of unparalleled elegance to.

“We’re in my private chambers, Essek - you can call me Leylas,” she reminded him, taking a seat. She leaned against the arm of the lounge, tucking her feet up onto the lounge as well.

“It is hard to forget my court manners, Queen Leylas,” Essek said, sitting carefully on the loveseat.

“Leylas, just Leylas,” she reiterated. “We may be talking about work matters but we can skip some of the manners here, don’t you think?”

“If that is acceptable, I suppose I can try to let go of my manners, at least for a while,” Essek smiled politely - but he could feel it slip slightly, slipping into something that felt more genuine, less carefully constructed. He looked down at his lap. “And, ah, actually - this isn’t exactly about work matters, per say.”

“Now that’s certainly unexpected,” Leylas mused, a curious smile tugging at her lips when he glanced at her. “And I can’t wait to -”

The door to the left swung open. “Sorry I took so long, I just - oh, I didn’t know we were going to be having a visitor.” 

“Dusk Captain,” Essek got out, completely surprised. He stood immediately, nervously bowing in greeting.

“Essek,” she greeted in turn, inclining her head. She was in loose grey pants and a black tank top, toweling her hair dry.

“You didn’t seem as nervous when you bowed for me,” Leylas commented, raising a brow when Essek met her gaze.

“I - your majesty, I just wasn’t -” Essek stuttered, straightening and looking from one to the other, completely at a loss for how to respond.

“She’s teasing you, Essek,” the Dusk Captain told him, an amused smile on her face.

“It’s just - I wasn’t expecting to see you back so soon, Dusk Captain,” Essek explained. “I thought you would still be on the voyage back from the negotiations.”

The kettle began to boil, and the Dusk Captain waved a hand as Leylas moved to stand to signal that she would get it. “As soon as the negotiations ended I  _ teleported _ to Rosohna with the beacon.” The Captain shrugged, getting the kettle off the stove and pulling down three mugs. “I wasn’t going to risk traveling such a distance with it.”

“Better safe than sorry,” Leylas added. “And having them both back has certainly helped with the awful headaches I’d been having.”

Essek looked away guiltily. He’d heard of the Queen’s shaky health but had always put it down to the stress of a monarch. Now, well - 

Leylas motioned to Essek. “You can sit down again, dear - and, as with me, you can call her by her name.”

“Yes, please,” the Dusk Captain sighed, pouring water into the mugs. “I fear one day I’ll forget my name is Quana with how often I’m referred to by my title.” She looked around. “Did you have a blend picked out already? Or -?”

“The one on the table - a gift from the Mighty Nein,” Leylas called out, glancing over her shoulder at her partner.

Quana hummed, picking up the jar as Essek sat down again.

“So, you were saying, Essek - this isn’t about work matters?” Leylas asked.

“Ah, no,” Essek started again. He was glad that he was wearing his customary cloak and mantle - it hid the way he fidgeted with his hands in his lap. “I was wondering if it would be possible for me to, ah, take a few days off from my duties?”

The curiosity in Leylas’ eyes only grew brighter. “Need some time off for a private escapade?”

“N-no - of course not,” Essek spluttered, feeling his face go warm.

From the kitchenette, he could hear Quana stifle a snort. “Teasing again, Essek - and you know, I would have thought that after all your time with the Mighty Nein at sea that you would be a little more amenable to teasing and jokes.”

Essek felt himself freeze, the breath stolen from his lungs. “I - how -”

“Come now, dear, it wasn’t that hard to figure out,” Leylas told him, giving him a sympathetic smile.

“Honestly, asking you to stay in Rosohna for the negotiations was on purpose,” Quana admitted, coming back to them and holding two mugs in one hand and the third in the other. She set the lone one in front of Essek, leaving the other two on their side of the coffee table as she sat down beside Leylas. “We figured you’d join with the Mighty Nein and as such you’d be able to notice any foul play from within the Empire’s armada.”

“And besides,” Leylas continued when Essek still remained speechless. “Even though we know you’re very private, working almost entirely from home for roughly the same amount of time it would take for a journey from Nicodranas to reach the negotiation destination was a bit of a giveaway.” She shrugged. “Not to mention that I saw your hurried arrival in the Lucid Bastion via our  _ teleportation circle _ a few days ago, which gave our theory a bit more credence.” Her eyes turned sharp as she leveled him with a calculating look. “But, since nothing ever happened, I assume it went without any trouble on the Empire’s end?”

He immediately thinks of Uk’otoa’s attack, thinks of Fjord lying lifeless on the deck, thinks of blood dripping down Caleb’s arms. He thinks of the Assembly, of Da’leth’s thinly veiled threats, of DeRogna’s disdain.

Essek averts his eyes, unable to hold the Queen’s gaze. “Yes,” Essek answered quietly. “There was no trouble on the Empire’s end.”

“Excellent,” Leylas brightly responds.

“You don’t have to look so down, Essek,” Quana tells him when he glances up at the pair hesitantly.

He swallows hard. “What punishment am I to have?”

Quana frowns as Leylas shakes her head. “No punishment,” Leylas assures him. “Like Quana told you, we were expecting you to be at the negotiation, with or without our permission.”

“And if you had our permission, it would have meant you were on the  _ Everstorm _ with me,” Quana continued. “We couldn’t exactly order you to infiltrate the Empire’s armada while on our way to a  _ peace  _ negotiation. If that ever came to light it would reignite the war in an instant.”

“But,” Leylas said, picking up the thread instantly. “If we asked you to stay in Rosohna, we imagined that as the Shadowhand you would want to know what was happening with the negotiation firsthand, and infiltrating  _ our _ armada would only make you privy to information you would already be receiving, and given that you already had an in with the Empire armada with the Mighty Nein -”

“The prospect of gaining that kind of information would prove much too tempting to simply let pass you by,” Quana nodded with a shrug.

Essek flinched - information that was too tempting for him to let pass him by. It was a little  _ too  _ close to home...

“And so you got the information, we would know if anything was being plotted against us, and with one agent acting on his own there was less of a chance that anyone would find out about it. No chain of orders to trace it back through,” Quana finished.

“You - you figured all of that out as far back as when you’d asked me to stay in Rosohna?” Essek got out, finally finding his voice.

Leylas gave him a soft smile. “Essek, dear, you’re only in your first life. We’ve had centuries of wars and tactical meetings and negotiations - we were making a tactical decision.” Her smile turned fond and warm, almost what he would imagine a proud mother might look like when smiling at her child. “I’ve always seen great promise in you, Essek. Carefully gathering your intel, even if it meant secrecy from me, proves that I made the right choice in picking you to be my Shadowhand. You’re young and new to all of this - it brings a fresh perspective to everything that some of my consecuted advisors sorely lack.”

Essek felt unexpected tears prick his eyes as a lump formed in his throat. He looked away again, swallowing it down and wiping a hasty hand across his face.

“Look at what you’ve done to him - you’ve made him cry,” Quana sighed.

“No, no, I’m fine,” Essek rushed out, turning back to see both of them looking at him with worried expressions on their face. “I’m just - thank you, for believing in me,” he told Leylas, hearing the way his voice shook.

“Of course, Essek,” Leylas smiled.

Quana clapped her hands, standing up. “And, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, time for tea.” She moved to the kitchenette, calling over her shoulder, “Is this tea better had with sugar, or honey?”

“It’s, ah - it's Caduceus’ personal blend,” Essek explained as Quana picked up the jar, looking it over and most likely searching for some sort of suggestion or directions that are sometimes painted onto tea containers. “He seems partial to honey though.”

“ _ Please, your majesty, let Essek come with us _ ,” Quana read, still holding the jar in her hands. “ _ I would love it if he could help me with TravelerCon - PS, you’re looking very beautiful today! _ ” Quana looked up at Essek. “Jester’s work, I assume?”

Essek felt himself grow warm again - with both fondness and embarrassment. “Yes, ah - she wanted it to look pretty.” He’d seen Jester draw some flowers on the jar and tie a ribbon to it, but after she’d given it to him he had vanished it to his pocket dimension, not having ever noticed the little note she had apparently painted onto the jar as well.

“So you’ll be going with the Mighty Nein?” Leylas asked, not seeming surprised in the least.

He nodded. “Jester is planning a festival, and the Mighty Nein have asked me to attend.”

“Here’s the honey,” Quana said, setting a small jar at the center of the coffee table. “Jester was right though - you are looking  _ very _ beautiful today,” Quana purred, stealing a quick peck from Leylas.

Leylas blushed, returning the kiss before sitting up and reaching for the honey. Her robe slipped slightly from her shoulder, revealing her silver soulbond mark.

Essek looked away, feeling out of place as he had just witnessed such an intimate moment. He couldn’t remember when the last time he had tea with the Queen was, and he couldn’t ever remember having tea while discussing something that wasn’t about work, but seeing her soulbond - Essek would have thought she’d bow to King Dwendal before he ever saw such a private part of her life.

It was sad to think that such a symbol of love and devotion was usually kept hidden from others - and not just because of the private spaces where they were usually placed. He’d heard from the Skysibil that there was a time when soulmarks were viewed as something normal when they were spotted on someone. Now, well, like most stereotypes about the “monstrous races”, they were seen as something barbaric, as something violent and territorial, not at all like the token of trust and commitment that they were.

Still, no matter what the world at large might think about their “monstrous” custom, he couldn’t help but be slightly envious of her mark - here Leylas was, with the love of her life, the soul she’d decided to be bound to over and over and over again throughout their various lives. He could only imagine that Quana had a similar mark somewhere on her skin as she smiled brightly at Leylas, her small drow fangs flashing, the love in her gaze easy to see.

He can’t help but imagine how a soulbond mark might look against pale skin, surrounded by constellations of freckles.

“A festival certainly sounds fun,” Leylas commented, spooning herself and Quana a dollop of honey each before picking up her mug and blowing on it carefully.

“That’s what Jester keeps saying,” Essek answers, shaking himself from his thoughts as he also spooned a bit of honey into his mug. “And it’ll be out at sea, on the island of Rumblecusp - nowhere near the Empire.”

“Rumblecusp, Rumblecusp,” Quana mumbled, tapping her fingers on her thigh as she frowned. “Isn’t that a volcano?”

“Jester might have mentioned that it, ah, might be,” Essek murmured, picking up his mug and taking a sip to keep from having to elaborate further. The tea was warm and sweet, with a subtle sour note that kept the sweetness from being overwhelming. It tasted almost like hibiscus, a summery, tropical taste that wasn’t often found in Rosohna.

“Ah,” Leylas nodded, giving Quana a knowing look. “Jester chose the venue?”

“It appears so,” he nodded. “And I thought that maybe since peace has now been declared, that maybe I could take some days off to join them?”

“I don’t see a problem with that,” Quana shrugged, glancing at Leylas.

“Neither do I,” Leylas agreed after taking a sip of tea. “How many days would you like?”

Essek hadn’t expected his request to be granted so easily. He’d at least thought that he’d have to talk the Bright Queen into it letting him go. He was certainly not trying to push his luck though. “W-would a week be too much to ask?”

“You can have a week and a half,” Leylas smiled. “Just to make sure you have time to recuperate after the festivities.”

“I - thank you, your majesty,” Essek rushed out.

“Leylas,” Leylas corrected.

“Leylas,” Essek repeated, holding on tightly to his mug. He couldn’t wait to give everyone the great news - couldn’t wait to be with them all, with Caleb. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Leylas nodded.

Quana watched him curiously. “You know, I’d had my suspicions that you’d taken a more-than-professional interest in your wards,” she said, a knowing smile spreading across her face. “Especially when I saw how you looked when a couple of guards escorted them to see the Scourger in the Dungeon of Penance - you were so put out.”

Essek ducked his head, feeling the tips of his ears grow hot. He remembered that day - remembered how he’d been sure that he would be leading them to their prison, and then how he’d quickly feigned readjusting himself in his seat after he’d almost stood up to leave with them. He hadn’t thought anyone had seen that, but that was clearly hopeful thinking on his part.

Quana’s smile turned soft when he met her gaze again. “It’s okay to have friends, you know.”

“We’re happy you’ve made friends, Essek,” Leylas added, smiling encouragingly at him.

“I am, too,” Essek admitted, feeling fondness for the Mighty Nein rush through him at his words. “I’ve, ah - I’ve already handled all of my Den work, and I should be finished with my Shadowhand tasks by tonight, having even worked a bit ahead just in case anything more is needed.”

Leylas nodded, looking impressed. “I wouldn’t expect less of you.” She took another sip of her tea. “Would you mind writing up an official report of your time during the negotiations and leaving it with Quana?”

“That’ll be on your desk by tomorrow,” Essek assured, already mentally constructing the report, redacting everything about the Assembly and Uk’otoa and keeping it strictly to what he observed from the Mighty Nein’s ship. “Ah, I should -”

“You want to finish preparing, don’t you?” Quana asked, that knowing smile on her face again.

“I - there’s still some things that need to be done,” Essek got out, feeling shy that he was being so obvious.

“Then go take care of them,” Leylas told him, waving a hand. “We can have tea again some other time - tell Caduceus that the tea was delicious.”

He stood quickly, moving towards the door. “I’ll let him know. Thank you, once again -”

“By the Light,” Quana murmured. “He’s so excited he’s walking,” Quana whispered to Leylas.

Essek opened the door, a genuine smile on his face as he began to levitate with a wave of his hand. “Thank you.”

“Have fun with your escapade,” Leylas grinned.

“Say hello to the Nein for us - especially that wizard of yours,” Quana added, giving him a conspiratorial wink as he finally ducked out of their chambers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's that!!! both of these boys are being so obvious about their feelings i stg T.T
> 
> I'd been wanting to write more Yasha and Caleb moments, and I finally got one!! And also some Beaujestasha acknowledgement!!! I've been rooting for these girls for a while and man is canon doing things for me, but I wanted to touch on it in this fic some more after the bits and pieces I've hinted at it with
> 
> and also the Bright Queen and the Dusk Captain!!! They make me so fucking happy!! and idk i just wanted more about them and since canon hasn't given us more I gotta do it myself, and just having Essek be with them in this private space where titles are put aside if only briefly just...yeah...sometimes a family can be two ancient wlw souls in a loving relationship and their adopted antisocial (treasonous) son and man do they make me soft T.T and like c'mon they HAD to have noticed that he was leaving all the time, so i addressed that (and let's just see how that'll play out in canon if it ever comes to light, which, for Essek's sake, I hope no one in the Dynasty EVER finds out)
> 
> and soulbond marks!!!! I've been sitting on this bit for a FAT minute. Like I've read pleeenty widofjord fics with like, orcs/half-orcs marking their partner and all that such stuff, and then i read a post somewhere about drow having little fangs and my brain went yuuuup this is a monstrous races thing and they're also treated poorly because of it despite it being such a symbol of love and devotion and IT GAVE ME SO MANY EMOTIONS so yeah that's a thing in the universe of the canon divergent au
> 
> anyway, thank you all so much for reading!! I really hope you guys liked this chapter, and I can't wait to be back with more soon!! Stay safe, remember to wear a mask, don't forget to love each other, Black Lives Matter, and, is it Thursday yet?


	11. Thinking of Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Essek finishes up his work in Rosohna and the Mighty Nein readjust their sleeping arrangement for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!! I'm back with another chapter!!! this ones a little short and sweet but man oh man its really setting us up for some Good Stuff to come!!! I've got a short little author's note this time around bc your girl's really sleepy and I might actually be able to go to bed before midnight tonight!! We'll see though!!
> 
> but gang how was that fucking last episode tho (spoilers ahead for ep 105) like holy shit they really brought that fucker back just for the loot smfh i was sobbing at Mercer's description of that disintegrate I was fucking terrified that we were going to experience a fucking TRAGEDY
> 
> anyway, enough of my musings, I hope you guys like this chapter!!!

Once Essek had finished up with the office work that needed to be done at the Lucid Bastion, he quickly made his way back to his tower. He’d worked with renewed energy, uncharacteristically ecstatic that the Bright Queen had given him permission to leave - for a week and a half, no less. It helped him finish everything up within a couple hours after his meeting with the Queen and the Dusk Captain, and now what was left was a few pending tasks that he could do from his tower and a handful that required his presence at the Dungeon of Penance, and he’d be free to go.

He considered  _ sending _ Jester a message, just to let her know that he’d be able to join them for TravelerCon, but he lets the spell fizzle out at his fingertips as he decides that maybe he could surprise her and the rest of the Mighty Nein with the news instead. He wouldn’t be able to join them until tomorrow anyway, and, if he was being honest with himself, he kind of wanted to see their reaction to finding out he could go with them. He could imagine Jester squealing excitedly, throwing her arms around him in an enthusiastic hug, and hear Caduceus’ easy “That’s nice” - and, he wistfully imagined, he could picture Caleb’s soft smile, just a tiny curve of his lips as his blue eyes brightened.

With a smile of his own spreading across his face, Essek thought of Nathrae,  _ sending  _ her a message instead.

“ _ Would you be able to pick up some pastries tomorrow morning? I’ll, ah, be seeing the Mighty Nein again.”  _ He fought the urge to duck his head, to hide his smile, wondering if this is how children felt when they told their parents they made a new friend. _ “I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.” _

Her response came quickly.  _ “It sounds like whatever you’re going to tell me put you in high spirits.” _ He could hear her knowing tone coming clearly through her answer.  _ “I’ll pick up something nice for your friends.” _

_ Your friends _ . He would never get tired of hearing the Mighty Nein referred to as his friends and even though it’d taken him so long to make friends, he was glad his first ones were the Mighty Nein.

* * *

“And now we can’t drown again,” Fjord finished, casting  _ water breathing _ on everyone again.

The cool sensation of water rising in his lungs washed over him - a feeling he’d gotten used to after having Fjord cast the spell on all of them so often. Caleb pulled out the small glass bead from his component pocket, getting ready to cast the  _ hut _ now that they were all getting ready for bed. He began to trace out the runes in the air, repeating the incantation quietly as he heard his friends starting to wind down after a blissfully uneventful day at sea. He didn’t tune in completely to everyone until he was halfway through the spell, when he heard Jester ask, “You’re not going to sleep yet, Yasha?”

Yasha paused at the door, turning and meeting Jester’s gaze before glancing around the room and apparently noticing everyone else watching her too. She shifted from foot to foot. “I, ah, was actually thinking about sleeping on deck tonight - y’know, under the stars?”

“Oh,” Jester answered, blinking once before frowning slightly. “Did you want to sleep alone?”

“No - no, it’s not that,” Yasha quickly rushed out. “I just - I just miss sleeping outside, y’know?” She dropped her gaze, giving a tiny shrug. “I thought that since Nakai’s stayed with us that none of those fish monsters would even come close - and I don’t know, I guess I just thought it’d sound silly to actually say I wanted to sleep outside when we had a comfortable room here.”

Jester instantly jumped up from where she’d been sitting between Veth and Beau, closing the distance between her and Yasha and looping her arm with hers. “Oh, Yasha, you could have just told us!” Jester waved at everyone in the room. “I mean, do you know who you’re talking to - wanting to sleep outside isn’t silly to us at all! Like, come on - Fjord used to have wet dreams, like, all the time -”

“Hey, that hasn’t happened in a while,” Fjord huffed, crossing his arms in exasperation from his place on the bed.

“- but I mean, that wasn’t very silly, that was more, like, weird, but like - well, Caduceus makes dead people tea! That’s silly,” Jester told her.

“A little more respect for the dead,” Caduceus pouted from beside Fjord.

“My point is,” Jester continued, “we’re not gonna judge.” She patted Yasha’s arm. “Honestly, sleeping on deck actually sounds like a lot of fun - right, Beau?”

Beau sat up a little straighter. “I mean, I’m totally down - it’ll probably be better than hearing Gallan hammering away at the repairs all night.”

Yasha smiled at the two, reaching for the door as Veth got to her feet too. “Well I’m not staying in here with all the boys - no offense, Caleb.”

“None taken,” Caleb answered, letting the spell he’d been working on fade away. With Nakai around Uk’otoa’s minions would at least think twice before they attacked - they had a giant dragon turtle for Melora’s sake. Sleeping on the deck did sound nice, and besides, he realized, he’d be sharing a room with Fjord and Caduceus and the two had started to grow  _ much _ closer -

“A night on the deck might do us some good - y’know, give us a change of pace to break a bit of the routine,” Fjord said, turning to Caduceus.

“No objections from me,” Caduceus told him, standing up with Fjord.

They all turned to Caleb, and now he knew how Yasha had felt just minutes ago as she’d shifted under everyone’s attention. He rolled the glass bead in his hands, not entirely comfortable with everyone looking at him. “I guess if everyone’s going -”

Jester pumped her fist in the air. “Yeah! Slumber party on the deck!”

Yasha and Beau gave her a fond smile as Veth trailed off after them, with Fjord and Caduceus following along with Caleb.

“I think I’m gonna sleep in the crow’s nest,” Veth announced as soon as they got onto the deck. “There’s, like, pillows and shit up there right.”

“Yeah,” Jester nodded before wrinkling her nose. “But, like, some of the pillows still have Fjord’s blood on it.”

A beat of uncomfortable silence fell over them as the memory of a few days ago reared its head - of the night they were attacked, and the catastrophic aftermath that they narrowly avoided. The piece of amber Caleb wore felt heavier from where it hung at his neck.

Veth waved Jester’s words aside, brushing past the heavy silence. “A little bit of blood never bothered me.”

“Oookay, just letting you know,” Jester shrugged before Veth took off towards the mast. Jester tugged on Beau and Yasha’s hands. “C’mon, I want a spot where we can see the sunrise.”

And with that, everyone began to disperse on the deck, finding little spots to sleep at where they wouldn’t disrupt the rest of the crew - “Marius, I swear to gods that if you wake me up for anything I’ll throw you overboard,” Beau threatened - as they took care of things overnight.

The girls ended up settling down on a place near the bow of the ship while Fjord and Caduceus picked the forecastle deck for themselves - the spot where Yasha had asked Caleb about Essek.

Caleb looked away, sighing to himself over how obvious he’s been as he pulled out his silver wire. He’d found a small spot in between two crates on the starboard side of the ship where he could settle down comfortably and look up at the stars. He set up his  _ alarm _ quickly, the motions coming to him automatically as he’d cast that spell every single time he’d gone to sleep since he’d escaped the asylum.

He immediately shook himself from that thought, knowing that it would only lead down a dark path as he took off his coat and removed his spellbook, putting his book down and folding his coat over it to act as a makeshift pillow. He knew he could easily go downstairs and grab an actual pillow, but doing that reminded him of the early days with the group, when he was letting himself trust them - and trust himself. Now, he knew without a doubt that he trusted them, regardless of the...discomfort he’d felt about some of the things that were said the last few days. He understood where they were coming from though. He wouldn’t trust people like him either - he still didn’t trust himself.

Lying down, Caleb found the stars that they were using to guide the ship towards Rumblecusp, mentally going through their route again. Even though these stars were different, he found a familiar comfort in the dark sky as it reminded him of Rosohna and it's endless night. For a brief, fleeting moment, he let himself admit that he could have imagined a life there - could have imagined safety there, after all these years. It was a feeling he hadn’t let himself acknowledge, but a sentiment that he’d harbored since they’d first made their Xhorhaus a home. He had imagined trips to component shops and long stints in the Marble Tomes, perhaps even finding a job as a magical tutor or instructor if there were any arcane schools in the city.

Caleb had imagined relaxing nights in the hot tub, surrounded by everyone as they laughed and teased one another, imagined how the rest of the Xhorhaus grounds would have blossomed into a wild garden just like the tower had become. He’d imagined rowdy dinners and music and tea and pastries. He’d imagined long nights of magical study, ink smudges on his fingers, soft looks exchanged over spellbooks.

He’d imagined Essek there, with him. He’d imagined that’s what home would feel like.

And now Caleb didn’t trust him - and everything he’d imagined felt like it had fallen away.

“But, gods, Essek,” Caleb whispered, closing his eyes and imagining that he was under Rosohna’s sky instead of hundreds of miles away. “I still hope for you.”

* * *

Essek rose from his trance early, ready to tackle the rest of his tasks. He’d already finished the remaining paperwork the night before, completing the - heavily redacted - report that the Bright Queen had requested of his time on the  _ Balleater _ and dropping that off along with the other documents he’d wrapped up at the Lucid Bastion before making his way towards the Shadowshire. The last thing he needed to do was to go reinforce the wards in the Dungeon of Penance - especially the ones that would be used on the cell where Vence would be kept - and then he’d be done, completely free from his duties for the next week and a half. It almost felt like a dream to think of so much time away from work.

Thankfully, everything he needed to do at the prison was wrapped up quickly, and within a couple of hours he was already on his way back to his tower, going through a mental list of the spell components and other such items he might need during his time away.

“I wasn’t expecting you back so soon, Shadowhand,” Nathrae greeted, stepping out from the kitchen when she heard Essek coming in through the front door. She wiped her hands on a dishrag. “I’ve brought the pastries like you asked, I hope they’re to your liking.”

“Thank you, Nathrae. I’m sure they’ll be great,” Essek smiled, already moving towards his stairs. “I’ll go collect them later, before I leave.” He paused, letting himself stop levitating as he settled back on the ground, turning back to Nathrae. “Would you, ah, like to help me pack? For my trip?”

Nathrae smiled warmly at him. “I thought you had forgotten that you were going to tell me what all this was about.” She made her way to the stairs, matching his pace as they began to climb. “So, where will your friends be taking you, Shadowhand?”

And so he told her - told her of a volcanic island in the sea near the Menagerie Coast, told her of TravelerCon, told her of the nerves he was feeling as this was to be his first trip that had nothing to do with work, his first trip with friends.

“It's making me more nervous than I had expected,” Essek confessed, folding a cloak and placing it into the  _ bag of holding _ Nathrae had found in one of the storage closets - an old pack that Verin had once left behind, many years ago on one of his rare visits.

“But you’re certainly more excited than I’ve ever seen you,” Nathrae noted, straightening a stack of paper before carefully rolling them up and keeping them together with a thin leather cord and then putting them into the  _ bag. _

“That’s - yes, I can’t deny that,” Essek got out, moving to his desk as he started to put his components away as well - and also as an excuse to turn his back to Nathrae so she couldn’t see his face at his next admission. “It feels so strange to have  _ friends _ . But it's...nice.”

“Friends are always nice to have,” Nathrae said, coming up to stand beside him and putting a gentle hand on his arm. He glanced over at her, and he was sure she could see his misgivings and insecurities written plainly on his face. “Don’t overthink things,” she told him. “I’m sure they think it's nice to have you, too.”

He thought of Caleb’s smile and Jester enthusiasm and even Beauregard’s encouragement that he join them. He could believe Nathrae’s words, at least a little.

“I just hope I can properly fulfill my role as a ‘priest of the Traveler’ as Jester wants me to be,” Essek sighed. “I’m not all that familiar with the deity outside of the little Jester’s told me.” He thinks of murderers and making babies, thinks of spells that paint the world with magic. “No matter how much I’ve looked for information on Him the Tomes, I’m at a complete loss.”

“There’s no role to fill,” Nathrae assured him, patting his arm before stepping away, gathering the last few bits of clothing they had deemed the best for a “tropical island” vacation. “Your friend trusted you enough to be that for this festival because you’re  _ her _ friend - just be yourself and I’m sure you’ll do wonderfully.”

Frowning, Essek was already coming up with a dozen arguments on how being himself would certainly  _ not _ help his case in that regard. He turned, all his components sorted away in a small box and ready to be packed, when he saw Nathrae pick up the book on his nightstand.

“Will you be taking this novel with you?” She asked, squinting at the cursive script on the cover. “This, ah,  _ Zemnian Nights _ ?”

Essek almost dropped his components before he set them down on his desk again and quickly crossed over to her, plucking the book from her hands.

“It’s - ah, yes, I think I might, just in case I’d like to read a bit while everyone sleeps,” he shrugged, trying to hide his rising blush. “You know non-elves need about eight hours to get a full rest, double what we need - interesting, right?” he continued, vanishing the book into his pocket dimension before putting the box of components away in the  _ bag of holding _ .

Nathrae raised a curious brow at him, that knowing look in her eyes again, but she didn’t press it. Instead, she handed him a pair of cotton trousers. “And I think that’s all you need from here for your trip - I’ll wait for you downstairs to collect the pastries?”

“I’ll be right down,” Essek nodded, watching as she left his room.

He breathed a sigh of relief as soon as she left, letting himself sit on the edge of his bed and drop his face into his hands, feeling how warm his cheeks were from embarrassment. He’d only started reading the book Jester had lent him last night before bed since he’d had trouble trancing due to his excitement about his upcoming trip. And while he did expect it to be...well,  _ smutty _ , based on the suggestive cover of a fiery haired Zemnian man and a petite half-elven woman locked in a passionate embrace, he hadn’t expected there to be smut within the first dozen pages. Essek didn’t think that a story about star-crossed lovers from rival kingdoms would be filled with so much of those  _ explicit _ scenes, especially considering the amount of time both the half-elf and the human dedicated to keep their romance a secret.

However, he’d read about three chapters before finally putting it down, finding himself completely enthralled in the story despite his better judgement. He wanted to claim that it was interesting because it took place in a time before the Dwendalian Empire was so vast and powerful, a time when the Julous Dominion was still unconquered, but deep down he found himself hoping that the two lovers would be able to escape their circumstances to be happy together. He was sure Jester would have a field day as soon as she heard what he thought.

But aside from Jester, no one else needed to know his thoughts on the book. Especially not a fiery haired Zemnian man that Essek had seen in nothing but his undergarments not too long ago in the Xhorhaus’ hot tub. Nope, Essek was never going to let him know his thoughts on the book - he wasn’t even thinking of the man at all, for that matter. Not at all.

He thought of the ocean and imagined beautiful beaches and crystalline water and groaned into his hands. He didn’t know if he should dread or look forward to the possibility of seeing Caleb like that again.

Not that he was thinking of him of course.

Pulling out his piece of wire, he quickly cast  _ sending, _ buying himself more time to clear his mind and also remembering to give the Mighty Nein a little message before he  _ teleported  _ over.

“ _ Ah, hello _ ,” he started, finding himself surprisingly lost on how to start the message since he was always on the receiving end of them. “ _ I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be  _ teleporting _ to your ship shortly, so, you know, expect my arrival _ .” 

Jester’s response was instantaneous. “ _ Oh my gosh, does that mean you’ll be coming to stay? You’ll be coming with us to TravelerCon? Essek, oh my gosh, wait until Caleb - _ ”

Essek couldn’t help but smile after receiving her reply - although his blush did return at the mention of Caleb. He didn’t want to think about what Jester might end up planning when she found out that he would indeed be staying with them for a little over a week,  _ especially _ since she already had some sort of idea about what Essek felt for Caleb.

Still, it wouldn’t be polite to leave them waiting.

After finally composing himself, Essek left his room, using an  _ arcane lock _ to keep it secure in his absence before he went downstairs and into the kitchen. Nathrae had three pink boxes sitting on the counter, along with three bottles of wine.

“In case of a wine shortage while on the island,” Nathrae smiled, handing them over to Essek where they disappeared into the  _ bag of holding _ . She then handed him the box, her smile turning fond and soft, knowing that he would be heading out now. “I’ll lock up, don’t you worry. And I’ll keep an eye on things for you here, Shadowhand.”

“You can call me Essek,” he reminded her, waving his free hand to let the boxes float beside him before surprising the both of them as he pulled her into a quick hug. “Thank you, Nathrae,” he said, stepping away and gathering the boxes in his hands.

She took his face in her hands, holding his gaze. “May the Light watch over you, Essek.”

And even though Essek knew the Light wouldn’t watch over him, hadn’t watched over him, had rejected and abandoned him, he couldn’t help but lean into the comfort that her words brought him. He couldn’t help but believe that maybe the Luxon would listen to her small request.

“And you as well,” Essek answered, taking another step away. “I’ll be back before you know it,” he told her, waving a hand and starting to cast his  _ teleport _ .

“Have fun,” she reminded him, smiling broadly, encouragingly, before Essek felt the ground beneath him heat and there was a flash as his kitchen floor disappeared, leaving him instead on worn wood that swayed gently with the ocean’s waves.

He brought a hand up to shield himself from the sudden sunlight, blinking to adjust to the light and catching sight of Caleb, straightening himself from where he stood by the mast.

“Hello,” Essek greeted, giving Caleb a small smile.

Caleb’s smile was bright, almost as bright as his eyes as he held his hand out to Essek. “Welcome back, Essek.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and how was that for the boys thinking of each other ??? because man...Caleb man, he really gets me in my feelings...and Essek...oh that boy is just so lost on Caleb and fuck I just want to get to everything in this story and AAHHHH 
> 
> but worry not, because we are now (approximately) a chapter away from TravelerCon!!!! I'm literally so so so so so thrilled and so thankful to every single one of you reading this and leaving kudos and comments like you guys make these hard times so much better I love you all so very much. Please remember to love each other, take care of each other, wear your mask and your seat belt, have a lovely night, and, is it Thursday yet?


	12. Things To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another yummy meal made up entirely of pastries - and an important conversation that needed to be had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here's the next chapter!!! right before a new episode drops omfg but y'know i just really wanted to finish it up and post as soon as possible bc like i gotta ride this writing wave as far as it'll take me!!!
> 
> this chapter holds a very important scene in my humble opinion, and i just really, really hope you guys like it!! stay safe, i love you all, and i'll see you at the end notes :)))

“It's good to be back,” Essek smiled, waving his hand briefly before balancing the boxes in one hand and taking Caleb’s hand with the other, threading their fingers together.

Caleb stared down at their hands. “Oh, ah - I was actually going to hold the boxes so that you could bring out your parasol,” Caleb blurted out, finding himself ridiculously nervous, a fluttery feeling in his stomach, all because of how casually Essek had taken his hand.

Essek dropped his hand instantly, quickly shoving the boxes into Caleb’s hands. “Ah - my mistake,” he rushed, his face turning a shade darker as he brought his parasol into existence, holding onto its handle nervously. He averted Caleb’s gaze, looking absolutely mortified. “No, ah, no further trouble at sea, I presume?” he stuttered out.

“None since the dragon turtle,” Caleb answered, now holding the boxes and finding himself regretting the loss of contact with Essek. He just had to open his mouth. “But we still have about a day’s journey until we arrive at our destination - a lot can happen by then,” he added, hoping to sound joking and playful, trying to ease the tension he could clearly see in Essek’s shoulders.

“I do not doubt -” Essek started, but he was quickly cut off by a loud shout of his name.

“You’re here!” Jester exclaimed, running across the deck and wrapping her arms around Essek in a giant hug. He awkwardly returned it as best as he could from where Jester had lifted him off the ground by about a foot. “By the Light, when you said you were going to be here shortly, I didn’t think it’d be so soon,” she told him, finally putting him down.

“Oh - am I, ah, am I interrupting something?” Essek asked, glancing between her and Caleb.

“Of course not,” Jester assured him. “I was just going around telling everyone you were on your way, but, like, I thought you were going to be here, like, tonight or something - but you’re here now and that’s just so great, right, Caleb?”

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb nodded quickly, still trying to smooth over his misstep from earlier. “I - we’re happy you’re here.”

Jester’s smile twitched before her eyes widened, her attention completely zeroing in on the boxes in Caleb’s hands. She glanced at Essek then back at the boxes. “You brought more pastries?” she asked in complete awe.

“You, ah, you had wanted some after dinner last time and I was, ah, unable to provide,” Essek explained, giving a small shrug. “So I thought to bring some more now.”

There’s a hint of indecision in Jester’s moves as she looks from the box to Essek and back - almost as if she wanted to pull Essek into another hug, but torn between wanting to snatch up the pastries as well.

In the end, the pastries won out.

She grabbed all three boxes from Caleb, holding them close. “What are they? What snacks did you bring?” she asked excitedly.

Essek’s brow furrowed in thought for a second before he smiled at Jester. “You’re going to have to look for yourself,” he told her, nodding towards the boxes. “Having me tell you will just ruin the surprise.”

“Oh, you are  _ so _ right,” Jester agreed, balancing the boxes carefully before peeking into the first box. Her already excited expression brightened even more. “It's cupcakes!”

“I hope they’re to your liking,” Essek said, already looking more at ease with Jester’s unrestrained enthusiasm showing him how much she liked what he brought.

“Did the frosting win again, Thelyss?” Beau called out, apparently having heard Jester as she joined the group.

“Fortunately, today’s pastries are all store bought,” Essek answered, twirling the parasol in his hands. “So they should be much better than what I made last time.”

“Unfortunately,” Jester corrected, giving Essek a pointed look as she passed the cupcake box to Beau before turning back to the other two boxes in her hands. “I’m sure these are still going to be super yummy - oh, these doughnuts look sooo good,” she grinned, peeking into the next box before also handing it over to Beau. “But something that you make yourself is always, like, so much better than something you buy,” Jester continued.

Essek didn’t seem at all convinced. “When you are as inexperienced a cook as I, you’ll have to see why I politely disagree.”

“She is right, you know,” Caduceus added, slowly coming down from the quarter deck with Fjord in tow. “When you make food yourself there’s always a little part of you that goes into it, and that’s what makes it truly special.”

Before Essek could say anything else, Jester opens up the last box, looking inside of it quizzically. “Essek, what are these?”

“Oh, those are,” Essek started, glancing inside the box too, “empanadas.”

“Empanadas?” Fjord asked, his curiosity clearly piqued.

Jester picked one up out of the box, showing them fried half-circle pastry and holding it out to Fjord. “Have you heard of them before, Fjord?”

“Yeah,” Fjord nodded, taking the empanada from her. “I’ve, ah - they make these a lot in Port Damali. They can be filled with all kinds of stuff, but my favorite as a kid was the one with pineapples in it.”

“First Marquet and now Port Damali,” Beau mused, raising a brow, “I guess we don’t notice how small Exandria is until we see how different foods have spread all over.”

“Apparently,” Essek agreed. He gave Fjord an apologetic look. “Although I don’t think I’ve ever had a pineapple empanada - growing pineapples has never taken well to the caverns of the Shadowshire. But the caramelized sweet potato filling is rather good,” he told him, noticing the golden orange filling of Fjord’s empanada as Fjord split it in two, handing one half to Caduceus.

“Oh my gosh, this one has custard!” Jester exclaimed after taking a bite of an empanada. She nodded at Essek in approval. “It's really good - delicious, delicious.”

“What’s delicious?” Veth asked, sidling up beside Jester. “Hello, Essek,” she smiled.

“We heard you were coming - we were just finishing up cleaning the cannons,” Yasha explained, taking the empanada Jester handed to her with a quiet thank you. Her eyes widened as she took a bite. “Wow, these are quite good.”

“Right?” Jester gushed as Veth grabbed one too, humming in agreement after trying it.

Essek was blushing a shade darker again, sheepish and shy about receiving the compliments about the pastries. He looked adorable - soft and sweet and so, so pretty.

Caleb took a step closer to him, letting their shoulders brush, finding that he’d missed Essek much more than he’d admitted to himself now that Essek was back. Essek glanced at him, giving him a small smile as he relaxed again while Jester continued handing out sweets to their friends.

* * *

“This is why you’re, like, my favorite drow,” Jester told Essek after they’d moved to sit on a few crates and barrels in a shady part of the deck..

“I didn’t realize you were ranking us,” Essek commented, raising an amused brow. He split the empanada he had in his hands, handing one half to Caleb who was sitting beside him, mimicking Fjord’s gesture from earlier. Caleb took it with a grateful smile, his fingers brushing against Essek’s briefly.

“Well, you know, the Bright Queen is preeeetty cool,” Jester shrugged.

Essek couldn’t help the small frown that tugged at his lips, feeling himself get put out at hearing that.

“I’m only joking, I promise,” Jester assured him quickly. “The Bright Queen is cool and everything, but you’re our friend so that instantly makes you cooler than you already are,” she explained. She pulled out a doughnut with pink frosting and sprinkles from the doughnut box, waving it slightly. “And thank you very, very much for the pastries. They’re  _ amazing _ .” She took a bite, nodding happily before her eyes snapped back to Essek. “But speaking of the Bright Queen,” she got out, squirming in her seat enthusiastically. “What was she wearing when you saw her?”

He thinks of the Bright Queen’s loungewear, thinks of her soulbond mark. He finds himself glancing at Caleb before he averts his gaze, taking a bite of the empanada he was holding to buy himself some time. It had a sweet caramel filling.

“Well, she was in sleepwear, so, ah, not the extravagant gown you were expecting,” Essek told her with a shrug.

Jester froze for a split second, looking at him in utter disbelief. “She was in her  _ pajamas _ ?” she exclaimed. “Like, you saw her in her  _ pjs _ ?” She shook her head, brow furrowing as she clearly rushed through a dozen different thoughts before she blurted out, “Did you  _ bone _ ?”

“No,” Essek answered back quickly, looking horrified at the insinuation. “She’s the Bright Queen, and the Dusk Captain was there, who is her partner -”

“You had a  _ threesome _ ?” Jester shrieked, slapping her hand over her mouth, looking absolutely scandalized.

Essek shook his head vehemently. “NO - that is NOT what happened. That’d be like bedding -”

“Your boss,” Jester finished for him.

“My mom!” Essek exclaimed at the same time.

There was a beat of silence as Essek and Jester stared at each before Beauregard let out a snort.

“This is somehow worse than calling your teacher ‘mom’ in grade school,” Beauregard said, nudging Veth.

“We knew he had issues but this is - yeesh,” Veth whispered.

Essek wished the deck would open up and swallow him whole.

“It's nice that you’re so close to the Bright Queen,” Caduceus told him, giving Essek a gentle pat on the back from where he sat on Essek’s other side. “Before we stray any further though, what did she tell you? Will you be able to join us for TravelerCon?”

Thank the Light for Caduceus. He wasn’t sure how he would’ve gotten out of that alone - he didn’t even have time to unpack it all on his own since he’d never even touched the topic, especially with how he had betrayed her and her trust with his theft of the beacons. It was a rabbit hole he’d refused to go down, but one he had now let everyone know about.

This was going to be a long week.

But still, he hadn’t told them the news and he hoped that they would be happy to hear it.

“The Bright Queen actually granted my request - I’ve gotten permission to be away from my post for a week and half,” Essek said, unable to suppress a smile as he saw the Mighty Nein’s reaction.

“You’re going to have so, so,  _ so _ much fun,” Jester grinned. “I already have so many things planned and I’m sure you’re going to love them.”

“I’m, ah, very glad that you’ll be joining us,” Caleb quietly told him, bumping his shoulder to Essek’s and giving him a soft smile.

“Yeah, it's gonna be great to have you,” Beauregard added, drawing Essek’s attention from Caleb - which was probably a good thing since he was sure he’d been staring at Caleb unabashedly after hearing Caleb’s words. “You’ll be able to beef up your resume, Shadowhand.”

“Do you know how to play an instrument?” Yasha asked.

“An - no, I’m afraid I do not,” Essek answered.

Yasha turned to Jester. “I suppose it's still just you and me - unless we can find Caduceus a flute.”

“Essek can help with like, lighting and stuff the way Caleb’s gonna help,” Jester nodded. “Our concert is going to look so freaking cool.”

“Con-” Essek began before he cut himself off, watching the way Fjord shook his head. Perhaps it would be better to just wait and see. Any answers he might get to his questions would probably leave him with even  _ more _ questions, after all.

“Well,” Fjord said, getting up and dusting a few stray crumbs off himself. “This has been a fun lunch, but I’ve got a ship to sail.”

“And I’ve got dinner to get started on,” Caduceus added, standing as well.

“Okay,  _ dads _ , we get it, we’ve got to get back to our post,” Beauregard sighed. “You could just tell us to get back to work, you know. You’re the Captain.”

“I find leading by example to work best,” Fjord shrugged before gesturing around at everyone slowly getting up. “Because, I mean, hey, it works.”

“Don’t look so smug,” she scowled before she threw an arm around Jester’s shoulders. “Need any help with the repairs?”

“Ugh - all the help,” Jester whined as the two of them headed off below deck with Veth and Yasha following close behind.

Essek felt a light tug on his shirt sleeve.

“I’ll, ah, meet you after I finish my work?” Caleb asked, still holding Essek’s sleeve.

“Alright,” Essek nodded. “I’ll, um - good luck?” Essek offered.

Caleb smiled. “Thank you,” he said, moving off to the quarterdeck stairs.

He watched Caleb go, wanting to follow but unsure if maybe he’d just get in the way of Caleb’s work so instead he turned to Fjord and Caduceus, who were whispering quietly to each other.

“Ah -” Essek started, not wanting to interrupt but feeling that it would be much more awkward if he just watched and waited. When they turned to him, he cleared his throat. “Is there, ah, anything I could help with?”

“You could always help me with dinner,” Caduceus immediately answered.

“That - yeah, that might be your best bet. You’ll be out of the sun and, I mean,” Fjord shrugged. “Orly made a sailor out of Marius. I’m sure he’d be better at actually guiding you through the early bits better than I could.”

“Then I will gladly be of service in the kitchen,” Essek said, inclining his head slightly in a small bow.

“None of that now,” Caduceus told him, gesturing at Essek to straighten himself. “We’re all friends here, Essek. We don’t need those kinds of formalities.”

Before Essek could say anything, Fjord took one of Caduceus’ hands, dropping a soft kiss to it. “See you in a bit?”

“In a bit,” Caduceus smiled, kissing Fjord on the temple before they split up, with Fjord following where Caleb had gone and Caduceus leading a completely awed Essek away.

That had been...so easy, between them. So simple.

Could - could he ever have that with -

“What are your thoughts on adding salt to food?” Caduceus asked, breaking Essek out of his thoughts.

“Oh, um -” Essek frowned, glancing up at Caduceus. “I mean, you taste the food first, to see if it needs it, right?”

“You’re going to be a great help,” Caduceus nodded to himself, giving Essek an easy smile before leading him below deck.

* * *

After taking into account the air currents and readjusting their course to maintain a consistent speed and handling a couple of odds and ends on deck, Caleb made his way below, stopping by to peek into the kitchen briefly just to see that Essek was doing okay.

He was cutting vegetables, asking Caduceus questions and taking his suggestions and advice in stride, and ducking down to hide a pleased smile after Caduceus complimented him on his work. It made Caleb want to step in and help out too, if only to be around Essek here, in this space, which was new and strange in such a good way, a space that made Essek seem younger, lighter, less sharp around the edges.

But, he had something that needed to be done. A conversation that needed to be had.

It took him about twenty minutes to find Beau, who was on the lowest deck, taking stock of the gunpowder that they had left. They’d used a decent amount on the battle against Nakai and were only now taking time to see how much more remained.

“We on the right course?” she asked, looking up from the journal she was writing in.

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb nodded, crossing his arms. He watched her work, watched her count powder kegs and weigh a few in her hands experimentally before she jotted things down in her notebook again.

The silence dragged on uncomfortably until Beau stopped writing with a sigh, shutting the notebook and setting it on a barrel before she crossed her arms. “Can I help you?”

“What are you playing at, Beauregard?” Caleb was glad his voice remained steady as he asked what had been plaguing his thoughts for days now.

“I’m not playing at anything,” Beau shrugged.

“You said you wanted him punished, and then you invite him with us to - to Jester’s island party?” Caleb got out, his fingers digging into the sleeves of his coat.

Beau nodded, a humorless smile on her face. “I knew you were going to come ask me about this sooner or later - I’ve seen the way you look at me, man, every time I so much as breathe in Essek’s direction.”

Caleb felt himself bristle slightly. Well, he knew he had been obvious.

“So what are you playing at?” he repeated.

She shrugged again. “I’m not playing at anything.”

“You said you don’t trust him -” Caleb continued.

“I don’t trust him,” Beau agreed, cutting him off. “Does that mean he’ll knife us in our sleep? I don’t think so. But I do think that if push comes to shove and it's him or us - he’s going to pick himself, Caleb.”

He shook his head. “You don’t know that,” he said quietly. “He helped us when our ship was attacked. Twice.”

“But he didn’t have to choose between himself or us,” she pressed. “If the Assembly decided to blow us up -” She winced, giving Caleb a sympathetic look as Caleb inhaled sharply. “Just - look, the only thing I’m trying to do is to get him to care about other people. He cares about us, at least a little, because, yeah, you’re right, he has helped us.”

“You still want him punished, though,” Caleb reminded her. He was just repeating himself - he couldn’t find any new words with the way this conversation was making his insides squirm.

“Yeah, I do,” Beau nodded. “What he did - he can’t get off easy. Too many people died because of what he did.”

“He didn’t kill them,” Caleb said, and he knew that was a childish, stupid argument, a stupid argument to defend treason that ended in a bloody, continental war, but this was  _ Essek _ . He - he’d told them he hadn’t wanted it to turn into this.

She shook her head. “He might as well have. So many people died -”

“Then what about me,” Caleb challenged, throwing his hands up. “What about all the people I killed? All those innocents? My parents?” There were tears burning in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. “I  _ actually _ killed them, saw the light in their eyes die, heard their screams as  _ I _ burned them to death. I deserve punishment too, don’t I? Have you felt that way about me this whole time, Beauregard?”

“Caleb, that’s not what I -” she rushed out.

“I commit treason against our people, making the choice over and over again with every murder,” Caleb continued. “While Essek -”

“Newsflash, asshole,” Beau shouted, taking an angry step towards him before she dropped her voice. “We’re all war criminals here! Every single fucking one of us, from the moment we kept that beacon in Zadash Veth and I commit treason, just like you. And then we all went on and worked for Jester’s fucking mob boss dad, and they got kidnapped and Molly got killed and we killed everyone in the Sour Nest.” She took another step closer to Caleb, gesturing wildly with her hands. “And then what did we do after that? We went to Nicodranas and fucked with their whole fucking power grid when we freed that water elemental because some guy was harassing Jester’s mom, and there’s our treason from Fjord and Jester against the Menagerie Coast - and then we became  _ literal _ fucking pirates. We killed people, stole their ship, met Avantika, and then pillaged a passing merchant ship just for the hell of it, just to prove ourselves to her, and the whole entire fucking time we were also working on releasing a fuck off  _ leviathan _ with those fucking stones.” She was shaking, fists clenched as she stood before Caleb. “Then we went to the Dynasty and you gave back the beacon and suddenly we were fucking heroes and we killed people too - maybe not directly this time, but we sure got a high body count from that intel we gave the Bright Queen about the attack on the Ashguard Garrison. Oh, yeah, and all that time Yasha was being puppetted by fucking Obann and killing people all over the continent.” Beau crossed her arms, looking tired and angry. “Sorry if I’m fucking projecting a bit on Essek. We’ve done fucked up shit, and I know we deserve whatever’s coming to us, in the end. But I actually want Essek to give a shit about what he did, and not just because he knows we’re pissed off about it.”

Caleb swallowed thickly. “So we’re all damned then?” was all he managed to say.

“Speak for yourself,” Beau scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I’m going to at least keep trying to do the right thing.” She averted her gaze in a huff before the tense line of her shoulders eased as she turned back to him. She reached out to him tentatively before she dropped her hand. “I know we’re all at least trying to do the right thing. I want Essek to learn to care about other people too, and TravelerCon, well - he has nothing at stake here. This just, it feels like a good place to start.” She sighed, rubbing a hand down her face. “And, I mean, since we are talking about him already, I might as well just say it - be careful with him.”

“You just said we didn’t have to worry about him ‘knifing us in our sleep’,” Caleb deadpanned. He was so, so tired.

She gave him an unamused look. “You know exactly what I mean - I’ve seen how you look at him. Hell, I’ve seen how you  _ both  _ look at each other.”

Caleb blinked hard, feeling as a stray tear or two raced down his cheeks before he crossed his arms again, knowing he was trying to block out whatever she was going to say next. “I don’t see what you’re getting at.”

“What I’m getting at,” Beau repeated in disbelief.

“Hey, dinner’s -” Yasha called out, coming downstairs. She stopped when she saw the two of them, looking between Beau and Caleb before she took a slow step back. “I’ll, ah, just tell them you’ll be there in a bit,” she said. Caleb could see the way she was still looking between the two, as if trying to figure out if the conversation was going well or not. He had a feeling it was looking more like the latter.

Beau took a step towards her. “Nah, I’m going,” she told her, effectively ending her conversation with Caleb. She gave Caleb one last look. “I just want you to be careful because I - I just don’t want you to make a mistake with him, okay? Just,” she shook her head, looking away. “Be careful.”

And then she was gone, following Yasha up, and leaving Caleb all alone, rooted to the spot on the bottom deck. The cords at his neck felt heavy - and he wasn’t sure if it was because of his amulet, the symbol of the Dynasty, or the piece of amber. Everything was blurring together - and it was all weighing him down.

* * *

A cool night breeze blew past the deck as everyone began to settle down for the night. It was different than the last time he’d stayed on their ship, but he saw the logic in it. They were under the protection of the dragon turtle as long as Nakai was around - they could afford to have different sleeping arrangements for the night.

Essek glanced over at Caleb, watching as he shut his spellbook with a small yawn. He’d been quiet all evening after having shown up late for dinner, only saying a handful of words to thank Caduceus and himself for cooking the meal. Other than that, he’d kept to himself, clearly deep in thought, with whatever he was thinking about obviously bothering him.

“Is something wrong?” Essek asks quietly, not taking his eyes off Caleb.

Caleb started to shake his head in response before he stopped, averting his gaze, hesitation in his expression. “Stay close to me?” he finally said, a whisper of breath that Essek would have missed had he not been watching him carefully.

His heart clenched painfully at seeing Caleb like this. He seemed small, vulnerable. Essek moved a little closer to him, letting their shoulders touch where they were sitting beside each other. “Of course,” Essek told him. He reached for Caleb’s hand, meaning to take it and give it a comforting sque-

“I don’t think I’m going to be sleeping in the crow’s nest tonight, Caleb,” Veth announced, sitting on Caleb’s other side and startling Essek into pulling his hand back. “I had to cast  _ feather fall  _ on myself after I fell out getting down this morning.” She shook her head. “Too dangerous - is it alright if I sleep here?”

That hesitation was back in Caleb’s expression as he turned to look at Veth before he gave her a tired, albeit strained, smile. “ _ Ja _ , that is fine.”

She beamed at him. “Thanks, Caleb.” She peeked over at Essek. “Will you be sleeping here with us too?”

“If it's not any trouble for you,” he said, letting his eyes flick over to Caleb as he pressed his shoulder to Caleb’s in what he hoped he’d know was reassurance.

“Not any trouble at all,” Veth nodded. She lay down on her back, resting her head on her hands before she glanced up at the two. “Goodnight.”

“Sleep well,” Essek answered as she closed her eyes.

Caleb just watched her, his gaze unfocused and distant. It made Essek worry all the more.

After a few minutes, Caleb shook himself out of his stupor, cracking open his spellbook again before Essek gently reached over and shut it.

“I think sleep would do you some good, my friend,” he said softly.

Even though Caleb looked like he wanted to argue, he sighed, nodding weakly. “Perhaps you are right.” He glanced over at Veth, looking down at his hands before he took out his silver wire, sitting up straighter as he began to cast  _ alarm _ around the three of them.

It took him about ten minutes to cast it, with the silence between them outside of his casting being careful yet not uncomfortable.

When he finally finished, he pocketed the wire, letting himself lay down like Veth as he arranged his coat and his spellbook as a makeshift pillow. But that troubled look didn’t leave him.

“I think you have to close your eyes to try and sleep,” Essek reminded him gently.

Caleb frowned, glancing up at him before looking away. “I’m having a bit of, ah, trouble, getting my mind to settle.”

Essek hummed in response. He knew what that was like - especially when it was caused by something that was making him upset.

A memory from long ago suddenly surfaced in his mind, a tactile memory, one that he hadn’t thought about in decades. He remembered gentle fingers running through his hair, a comfortable touch lulling him into his trance. He remembered Nathrae staying beside him until he’d calmed after a particularly bad fight with his father, fingers carding through this hair as his tears slowly dried.

“Is this,” Essek started reaching out and running his fingers through Caleb’s hair soothingly. “Okay?”

Caleb stared up at him, eyes wide and trusting and - and something else, that haunted look skirting around the edges. He sighed, closing his eyes. “ _ Ja _ ,” he whispered.

Essek nodded, continuing in his slow, comforting motions as he looked up at the stars - different, new, and entirely welcome after so much time beneath Rosohna’s skies. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to broaden his horizons until he met the Mighty Nein, until they’d burst into his life and turned everything upside down.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before Caleb’s breathing slowed, leveling out, letting Essek know that he’d fallen asleep.

Glancing down at him, Essek was relieved to see the worried lines of Caleb’s face smoothed out, the haunted look disappearing entirely. It never ceased to amaze him how peaceful Caleb looked when he slept.

Then Caleb shivered.

Essek frowned. Was Caleb getting sick?

Another shiver shook through him, something small but noticeable nonetheless as the ocean breeze picked up - and Essek had his culprit.

He looked around, trying to see if maybe they’d brought up a blanket he hadn’t noticed, but when his search proved futile, he figured he’d have to go get one himself.

Making sure that Caleb was still asleep, Essek rose carefully, quietly, and made his way to the stairs. He found his way to their usual room easily, going inside and picking up a blanket that he felt would be more than good enough to keep Caleb warm for the night. And while he was there, he also noticed the other odd number of blankets, some folded and some tossed aside, that littered the room - which meant that everyone else probably didn’t have a blanket either.

With a sigh and a fond shake of his head, he collected a handful of blankets, heading back onto the deck. He went to Caleb first, laying the medium sized blanket he’d first picked up over him.

Unsurprisingly, Caleb began to stir, but before he could wake completely Essek ran his fingers through Caleb’s hair again.

“It’s just me,” he assured quietly. “It's Essek. Don’t worry, it's just me.”

Caleb gave a sleepy sigh, leaning into Essek’s touch as his hands fisted into the blanket before he was fast asleep again. Essek couldn’t help but smile, his heart melting at the sight before him.

But he had to stay focused - he didn’t bring up a handful of blankets for nothing, after all.

Reluctantly, he pulled away from Caleb, taking a slightly smaller blanket and laying it over Veth. She only turned slightly in her sleep, snuggling down further into her new blanket as Essek moved on.

It took him a bit to find the girls where they were tucked against the port side of the ship. Yasha was sitting up, her back to the wall and her head leaning against Beauregard’s, who was curled up at her side. Jester was sleeping in Yasha’s lap, her head on Yasha’s shoulder and her tail wrapped around Beauregard’s wrist.

He took out the largest of the blankets he had, draping it over the three as best as he could, happy that he didn’t wake them. The only sign that they had felt some kind of change was Beauregard sleepily pulling the blanket up higher over herself.

Finding Fjord and Caduceus was a little easier as he followed the purple glow of Caduceus’  _ guardian of faith _ . The amethyst headed spectral knight was sitting cross legged beside the pair, holding an ethereal blade and shield that were laid across its legs.

Essek breathed a sigh of relief when the  _ guardian _ made no move as he got closer. He pulled out another medium sized blanket, setting it over the two of them gently.

But it certainly didn’t go unnoticed as Caduceus opened his eyes sleepily, lifting his head slightly as he blinked and focused, glancing at Essek then at the blanket and back before he smiled. “That’s nice - thank you, Essek.”

Fjord mumbled something unintelligible, burrowing his face into the crook of Caduceus’ neck. Caduceus dropped a kiss to his hair before laying his head back down as Essek gave him a small wave and began to head back the way he came.

He stopped when he got close to Caleb, noticing that he was still sound asleep. He could go join him and just start to trance already, but…

_ “You weren’t there when I woke.” _

Trancing now would just mean waking up sooner again, and he wanted to be there when Caleb woke.

He looked towards the helm, noticing Orly there, directing Marius to do something or other. Essek was sure he could help out with something until he needed to trance.

Movement above him made him glance up, towards the rigging, catching sight of Frumpkin making his way down. He dropped onto the railing beside Essek, moving to climb onto Essek’s shoulder when Essek reached for him.

“Shall we see what we can help with here on deck?” Essek asked, rubbing monkey-Frumpkin beneath the chin.

Frumpkin gave what sounded like an approving chirp, encouraging Essek as he made his way towards Orly, eager to be helpful before he settled down beside Caleb for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that conversation :))) between Caleb :))) and Beau :))) fucking :))) killed :))) me :))) i'm not okay and i don't know how/if that'll be addressed in canon, especially with everything going on, but its something i was 100% going to get to here!!! but honestly, physically hurt me to write it like it made me so fucking sad you guys it was hard
> 
> but on a lighter note...Essek looked nervous when jester asked what was in the boxes bc he didn’t actually know what was in them - our dumbass boy never looked in the boxes himself when he was still in Rosohna T.T and that twitch in jester’s eyes...she was really hoping caleb dumb bitch ass would own up to being happy that essek was there, but he just had to loop everyone in smfh and man...essek taking caleb's hand at the beginning...that mix up like omfg i felt so bad but also like i just had to and also Essek calling the Bright Queen his mom like AHHHH there was so much this chapter that i just touched on real quick and man i could talk about it for days y'all
> 
> and a little behind the scenes in my writer tabs for this chapter: diagram of a pirate ship (which i keep open at all times now), do pineapples need lots of sunlight, and what does custard taste like, because like i needed to know they would be hard to grow in Rosohna and thus pineapples would be rare in Rosohna and also because i kinda hate the word custard but i like custard i just never really called it anything because the only time i ever had custard was when i had custard filling empanadas so custard was just “empanada filling” in my vocabulary and also because i just looked up what custard is in spanish and the word is lactoso and no i don’t like that either T.T
> 
> and i also wanted to add more teahaw <3 i sure hope canon gives us more teahaw too!!!
> 
> and also also!! the way this chapter ended, with Essek getting everyone blankets and tucking them in??? yeah that was originally going to be the end of chapter 8 but i moved it around bc chapter 8 already had such a sweet moment and i was like no....we need softness after that empire siblings conversation...and so here it is!!!
> 
> anyway, thank you all so very, very much for reading, I love you all very much, and I can't wait to see you in the next chapter!!! Prayer circle that our little drow boy appears in tonights episode !!! Stay safe, wash your hands, wear your seatbelts, don't forget to love each other, wear a mask, and IT'S THURSDAY GANG!!!!


	13. None the Wiser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning comes, with new information, and more introspection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrightyy guys so i finished this chapter earlier today but here i am at almost two in the morning bc i finally found the time to reread and edit and now its ready to be out baybeee!!!
> 
> I really hope you guys like it!!! Super short note today because ya girl is tired and sleepyy but its Shadowgast hours 24/7 up in this bitch and i just really wanted to get it out!! I love you all so much!!!

The warm breath at his neck was the first thing Caleb noticed as he slowly began to wake, blinking against the brightening but still foggy morning sky. He was glad he’d had the foresight to pick a place where they’d be in the shade of the upper decks, shielding them for the early sun once the fog burned away.

He blinked again. Warm breath at his neck?

Glancing down, Caleb saw it was Essek, snuggled up to him with his head tucked up in the crook of Caleb’s neck. His eyes widened as he felt his face burn.

Essek was sleeping soundly, his breaths slow and even, with one hand curled into the blanket Caleb didn’t remember falling asleep with and the other draped over Caleb’s hip - which was when Caleb’s brain catches up with where his own hands are, holding Essek close, with one around Essek’s shoulders and the other resting at Essek’s waist.

It makes Caleb’s blush worsen, makes him want to hide but he has nowhere to go with his arms full of Essek, sleeping, soft, Essek, with his long eyelashes kissing his cheeks and his hair messy from sleep and he just feels so warm and it feels so nice to hold him and it's just so tempting to fall back asleep and hold on for just a little longer -

But Essek had  _ no idea _ they had gotten so close in their sleep. He had no idea, and so Caleb wouldn’t know if he would be okay with it, if he would like it or if he would feel uncomfortable with it, if he would absolutely hate it.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Caleb began to pull away from Essek. He started by pulling away the hand he had at Essek’s waist, then gently picking up the hand Essek had on his hip and moving it back over to Essek. It would be harder to move Caleb’s other arm though as it was slightly beneath the still sleeping man.

Caleb took a deep breath. He could do this - he could do this. He began to ease his arm out from beneath Essek, wiggling it out gently. It felt like it took Caleb an eternity, when in reality it took him exactly three minutes and fifty-two seconds to finally free his arm.

He gently began to pull away, moving Essek from where he’d been at the crook of his neck before quickly sliding his spellbook and coat beneath Essek’s head so he could use it as a pillow as Caleb quietly moved to lay on his back.

Closing his eyes, Caleb gave a sigh of relief - Essek hadn’t even noticed, he’d continued to sleep on easily and would be none the wiser. But even though Caleb knew he’d done the right thing, he couldn’t ignore how empty his arms felt without Essek, how the cool ocean breeze nipped at his neck more than he’d ever felt before. He felt a loss of warmth, a loss of comfort, a loss of - of calm, he realized, a calm that Caleb rarely ever felt, but a calm that had been so soothing and peaceful as he’d woken up to Essek in his arms.

Unable to stop himself, he glanced over at Essek. His eyes were still shut, his breathing still soft and slow. In the move, however, Caleb noticed that the blanket draped over Essek - the blanket that they were sharing - had slipped from his shoulders.

As if to take advantage of the fact, the wind blew a little stronger - and Caleb saw a slight shiver run through Essek.

Caleb reached over quietly, taking a hold of the edge of the blanket and pulling it up, covering Essek better. He then dropped his hand in the space between them - the space that he’d created.

He could see one of Essek’s hands peeking up from beneath the blanket, his fingers just barely curling around the edge of the blanket.

Slowly, Caleb inched his hand closer to Essek’s, letting their fingers brush briefly before taking Essek’s hand in his own. They’d held hands so many times before, when casting spells and seeking comfort, to reassure and to keep each other grounded.

This - this would be okay, right?

Caleb held Essek’s hand carefully, loosely, ready for his hand to fall away from Essek’s if Essek moved in his sleep.

Holding Essek’s hand now though - Caleb believed that anyone could become versed in the arcane if they were willing to study and learn. The divine and the natural, they had to choose you to bestow their gifts upon you, they required faith in a higher power, faith in the world around you, a faith and a trust and a deep bond between caster and the powers that be.

The arcane though - it required, it  _ demanded _ that same kind of faith and dedication, that same kind of conviction, but it demanded it from yourself. Your hard work and conviction developed your arcane prowess. Your ever growing expectations for yourself were the ones you had to measure yourself against, not those of a deity or the natural world. And what worse critic existed than the one within yourself?

For the arcane, you had to work hard at it - there was no way around that, which meant that anyone could become an arcane caster. For the divine and the natural, there was the external factor that was the unknown variable, whether or not the powers would be gifted or if they’d be trusted to another. But not with the arcane. The stars and circumstances didn’t have to align for the arcane - the arcane was forged by willpower alone.

But holding Essek’s hand now - Caleb couldn’t imagine Essek’s hands not being used for spellcasting. His hand was soft, delicate, able to perceive the slightest change in the weave of it all as he crafted a spell; his fingers were slender, careful with touch, able to trace out runes and sigils with speed and precision. These were the hands of a great spellcaster - and Caleb knew he’d been privileged to have seen what Essek could do so far.

Caleb ran his thumb softly along Essek’s hand, marveling at the magic he’d already seen Essek’s hands create. Caleb wondered how if maybe he’d remained at the Academy -

He cut himself off. There was no use wondering what might have been after his chances had been dashed away once his old master had taken him under his wing for “private tutoring.”

His hands now - they were calloused and rough, nothing like they had been when he’d stuck to his books and studying. The “lessons” he’d been taught, the experiments he’d undergone, the atrocities he’d committed - it was all magic that had been ahead of his skill level, magic that had left him drained and empty and hollow, all to be filled up with whatever lies were told to him under the veil of praise. He distinctly remembers his teacher’s hands never feeling rough - they’d been cold but unblemished, like marble, sure in his magic, in his power. Caleb’s hands were scorched, just like his memories of the past - he remembered the blisters on his palms, how his skin had boiled and split open as he’d burned down his childhood home. That kind of pure arcane firepower shouldn’t have been possible for a boy like him, no matter how much of a  _ prodigy _ everyone claimed he was. He knew that growth had been grossly accelerated by the shards that had punctured his skin, he knew it had stolen his own growth, the pace for his own discoveries away from him.

It had stolen the safety of setting his own boundaries, his own limits. It had stolen his sense of self, his sense that the magic that came from him was his own.

Caleb was just getting used to the feeling again - that his magic was his own. It was easier to believe that feeling too, now that the blisters on his palms had faded, with time and magic helping with that, leaving only rough calluses on his skin as proof of the damage his hands had wrought.

He felt Essek’s hand in his own, soft and smooth, and suddenly Caleb was scared, afraid it’d happen again, afraid he’d hurt someone he -

Before he could let go of Essek’s hand, he felt Essek thread his fingers more firmly with his own.

His eyes turned to Essek’s face, watching as Essek’s eyes slowly opened, meeting Caleb’s own.

“ _ Hallo _ ,” Caleb whispered.

“Good morning,” Essek got out sleepily, a warm smile slowly tugging at his lips - and just like that, Caleb’s worries slowly began to fade away.

Caleb hoped the smile he gave Essek didn’t betray the remnants of the turmoil he had been feeling. “Did you rest well?” Caleb asked.

“Better than I expected,” Essek told him. “Are you ready for the day?” Essek said as he stretched languidly, finishing with a content sigh. He hadn’t let go of Caleb’s hand.

“Ah -  _ ja _ ,” Caleb managed, finding himself blushing and flustered after having tracked Essek’s movements - and despite still being disappointed about the loss of Essek tucked against him, he so, so glad that he had moved away. It  _ was _ morning, after all. “Are you?” he returned, moving onto his side to adjust himself better.

Essek gave Caleb a small shrug. “Will I ever be ready for the Mighty Nein?”

“Probably not,” Caleb smiled, giving Essek’s hand a squeeze.

“Well, there’s no use putting off getting up then, right?” Essek asked, leaning a little closer to Caleb as he resettled himself more comfortably after stretching. His eyes were bright and soft and fond and they made Caleb’s heart flit around in his chest.

“I suppose there isn’t,” Caleb answered, pulling their joined hands a little closer to him, pulling Essek a little closer to him, and not moving from where he lay as he smiled softly at the man beside him, running his thumb gently along Essek’s hand beneath the warmth of their blanket.

* * *

“We should be reaching shore in a few short hours, Cap’n,” Orly said, adding his now empty plate to the growing pile of dishes now that breakfast was wrapping up.

Instead of going straight to bed after the Mighty Nein relieved them of their posts this morning, the rest of the crew had joined them for breakfast, making it an even livelier, more boisterous affair. Essek had honestly no idea what the extent of Beauregard’s relentless teasing was until he saw her putting it to use against Marius, and he hoped that she’d never use it against him.

“‘Bout time we get there,” Fjord sighed. “We’ve only got a couple days before TravelerCon starts, and I’m sure Jester’s going to need a good amount of time to get everything ready.” He glanced over at her, watching as she animatedly showed Gallan one of the figurines she had made the day before. He turned back to Orly. “But you all should go get your rest.”

Orly shook his head. “N-n-n-no can do, Tusktooth,” he answered. “You’re gonna n-n-need all hands on deck to get this ship aground.”

Although Fjord looked like he wanted to protest, he instead nodded in understanding. “You’re probably right - I doubt we’ll have a dock to pull into when we get there.”

“Exactly,” Orly nodded. “Besides, a few extra hours up n-n-never hurt anybody. We’ll just take a good rest when we get there.”

Fjord stood up, drawing everyone’s attention to him - a side-effect of being the Captain, it seemed. “We, ah - according to Orly, we’ll be arriving at Rumblecusp later today, so today’s looking a little different than usual. For now though, just, everyone stick to your posts, and when we’re able to see land, we’ll reconvene and talk about how running aground’s gonna work.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Beauregard nodded from her place beside Jester and Yasha.

Jester excitedly kicked out her legs. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, this is really happening!”

“Your god’s gonna be real happy that we made it on time to set everything up,” Gallan told her, standing up and stretching with a suppressed yawn.

“Oh, he totally is,” Jester nodded, turning to give Veth a knowing look when Veth loudly cleared her throat. “And, um, we should totally, like, have a meeting to talk about that too - so we know exactly what we’re going to be doing as soon as we get there.”

Essek nodded along, trying to keep up with the plans being made and feeling relieved that there was going to be a more in depth explanation later on. It made him less nervous about potentially messing something up with how little he knew on the subject.

Caduceus gathered up the stack of plates, glancing at Essek. “Care to help me with the dishes? It’ll keep you out of the sun.”

“I’ll help,” Essek agreed, standing with Caduceus.

Caleb stood as well, reaching out to Caduceus. “Oh, ah - I can help -”

“Navigators, with me,” Fjord announced, already making his way to the stairs.

“Sorry, Caleb,” Caduceus said, giving Caleb an apologetic look. “But don’t worry, you’ll both have plenty of time together once we get to Rumblecusp.”

“That’s not -” Caleb began, turning bright red as Essek flushed, looking from Caleb to Caduceus and back. “I - okay, I’ll, ah, get going,” Caleb finished, meeting Essek’s gaze with a flustered look of his own before he disappeared behind Fjord and Orly.

Caduceus shook his head with a fond sigh. “I may not have his book smarts but I think I’m getting better at reading him,” Caduceus told Essek, leaving Essek at a complete loss for whatever that meant as he followed Caduceus to the stairs as they made their way to the kitchen.

They washed the dishes in comfortable silence, cleaning the pans where Caduceus had made scrambled eggs and plenty of bacon, as well as everyone’s plates and cups. It was easy, straightforward work, and Caduceus wasn’t one to force a conversation, allowing Essek to break the silence at his own pace. It made Essek feel more at ease, helped him settle into their shared space more comfortably, and while that had prompted much more conversation when he’d helped him yesterday, this morning Essek was a little more in his head, his mind wandering a bit as the dishes kept his hands busy.

His thoughts, unsurprisingly, turned to earlier that day, right as he woke up - or well, right  _ before _ he “woke up” from his trance. The thing about trancing though was that, well, he was well aware of his surroundings while he tranced. While it was rare for that not to be the case - and that had indeed happened not so long ago when he’d first slept on their ship - last night had been like any other trance. Essek had been aware of everything that had happened, so he’d heard the rest of the crew moving around as they continued their work through the night, he’d heard every creak and groan of the ship, he’d heard the rolling waves and Nakai swimming beside them and the whistling of the wind, he’d felt the blanket that covered him, he’d felt the breeze when it picked up - and he’d felt when Caleb had rolled over to him, his hand sleepily reaching out until it’d come to rest on Essek’s hip.

Essek had remembered almost breaking out of his trance in surprise, but when Caleb hadn’t moved any further after resettling, Essek found himself relaxing into his trance again. It had felt - it was nice. Warm. A steady weight that made Essek so acutely aware of how close they were - and how close they continued to get until Essek found himself tucked up against Caleb, the space between them completely disappearing as the night progressed.

And it's not like Essek hadn’t seen the rest of the Mighty Nein sleeping soundly against each other; Jester and Yasha and Beauregard were always a tangle of limbs, and it was rather common for Veth to sleep close to Caleb - and Fjord and Caduceus had slept like that plenty of times before.

He thought of Fjord dropping a kiss to Caduceus’ hand, thought of how Caduceus had kissed Fjord’s temple before parting, thought of the way Caduceus had kissed Fjord’s head before going back to sleep.

What Caduceus and Fjord had was nothing like what Essek and Caleb had. Caduceus and Fjord were - they were clearly  _ something _ , while Essek and Caleb were just friends. And that was more than Essek deserved, after the way he’d betrayed them.

Essek had been so stupid in thinking there was anything more to Caleb pulling him closer through the night, in thinking that maybe that was what Caleb had been referring to when he’d gone looking for him after Essek wasn’t there when Caleb had woken up the last time he stayed on the ship - but no, Caleb had done this in his sleep, and so he hadn’t even realized it until it was morning, after Essek had already gotten used to what it felt like to be in Caleb’s arms, after he’d gotten used to that warmth and that comfort and feeling like there was nothing else in the world that mattered outside of the gentle rise and fall of Caleb’s chest and the way his fingers absentmindedly drew lazy shapes into the space between Essek’s shoulders or how the hand Caleb had at Essek’s hip had moved to sit at Essek’s waist, just holding him so gently it’d given Essek the courage to mirror him, to place his own hand at Caleb’s hip and keep him close, too.

But Caleb hadn’t even known - and when he did find out, he’d quickly moved to put space between them. He’d been gentle about it, trying to keep Essek from even realizing he was moving him, but Essek was trancing, he wasn’t sleeping, and he’d been aware of it all.

Still, he thinks, eyes burning as he starts to rinse the pile of sudsy dishes that now sit in the bucket. It had only gotten worse when Essek had pretended to wake up. Caleb had looked uncomfortable, his eyes betraying him before he’d eventually relaxed, his hand in Essek’s soft and steady in his hold.

And gods, that had been asking for too much, hadn’t it? Sure, Essek reasoned, Caleb had technically held his hand first after moving away from him, but Essek had still been the one to thread their fingers together, to keep that shred of contact after having gotten so much more than he would ever deserve.

He blinks back the burning in his eyes. Jester was wrong. Caleb didn’t like him - this morning was proof of that.

“Are you alright?” Caduceus asked, pausing as he put away ingredients and other cooking utensils.

Essek nodded, swallowing hard and giving Caduceus a forced smile. “Just, ah, some soap in my eye.”

“Ah,” Caduceus hummed. He didn’t seem the least bit convinced. Still, he humored Essek, advising, “You know, sometimes a good cry is enough to wash that out.”

“That is,” Essek gave a light laugh, and he sounded so close to tears that he only felt worse. “Probably a good idea.” He glanced at Caduceus, giving him a humorless smile and a small shrug. “But you know me, good ideas aren’t usually my thing.”

Caduceus sighed, patting him gently on the back. “Well, you’re a part of the Mighty Nein now - skipping the good ideas is kind of our thing, too.”

And that made Essek feel somehow  _ worse _ \- and it wasn’t because he didn’t want to be a part of the Mighty Nein, no, that wasn’t it, he was elated to hear that, to know that he was being extended a place here amongst them. What made him feel worse was that he was so vividly reminded of his failing with the Luxon, of it's rejection of him, but with still being accepted into the upper echelons of consecuted society. It reminded him so much of being so close, yet not good enough. Never good enough.

“Hey, hey,” Caduceus said quietly, stilling Essek’s hands where he continued to rinse the dishes. He put his hands on Essek’s shoulders, turning Essek to face him gently. Caduceus was so much taller than Essek, essentially towering over him, but Essek didn’t find himself scared or worried or nervous. “You know we’re your friends, right?”

“Yes,” Essek nodded, dropping his head. “I just don’t understand why -”

“Because we like  _ you _ , Essek,” Caduceus assured him. “Not your title, or your den,  _ you _ .” He bent down a little, catching Essek’s eye. “None of us had any idea about the way the Dynasty hierarchy worked - personally, I think we still don’t fully understand how it works. All we knew was that you were our liaison, that we’d been assigned to you by the Bright Queen, and that we were suddenly your problem.”

Essek frowned. “You were never my problem.”

“But we were,” Caduceus countered, giving him a knowing look. “In more ways than we could have ever even imagined at the time. Not only would it have been on you if we got into trouble in the city, but, ah, there was also the whole deal with the beacons? And bringing one back and kind of undoing a lot of your work.” He must have seen the way Essek wilted at his words because he suddenly rushed on, “But that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is how you never  _ treated _ us like a problem, and the one time you’d very understandably lost your patience, you apologized for it shortly afterwards.” He gave Essek’s shoulders a squeeze. “It's not very hard to tell that you’ve been beating yourself up about something in that head of yours, and I just want you to know that however you think we all feel about you? I promise you it is ten times better than that.” He gave Essek an easy smile as he let go of his shoulders. “I know we’re not the best bunch with emotions, but we do really care about you, you know.”

“I really care about you all, too,” Essek said quietly. He rubbed at his eyes, getting rid of his tears, because that’s what it came down to, wasn’t it? That was the fundamental difference between this mismatched band of adventurers and all the consecuted lives of the Dynasty combined - here, they cared about him, not his achievements or his titles or his abilities. Just being himself was enough.

And that was so much better than anything he’d ever had before.

“Thank you, Caduceus,” Essek got out. He reached out hesitantly, giving Caduceus’ arm a gentle squeeze before quickly pulling back, remembering that they were still wet from doing the dishes. “Hearing that - it really means a lot,” he said.

“We should all be reminded that we matter every once in a while,” Caduceus smiled.

There was a knock on the doorframe before Yasha poked her head in. “Essek, Jester’s looking for you - she wants to explain some Traveler stuff.”

“The TravelerCon stuff, right,” Essek nodded, drying his still dripping hands on a dishrag.

Yasha made a so-so motion with her hand. “I mean, kinda - right now it's going to just be a conversation about the Traveler,” she repeated, giving Caduceus a pointed look.

“Oh, that’s happening now?” Caduceus asked, letting out a pensive sigh when Yasha nodded in response. “Well, better sooner rather than later.”

Essek glanced between the two of them. “What’s, ah, better sooner rather than later?”

Caduceus gave him a sympathetic smile. “I think it’d be best for Jester to explain.”

* * *

“And, so, that’s how the Traveler - you know, Artagan, that’s his real name, like I said before - became a god!” Jester finished cheerily to the absolutely dumbfounded expressions of Marius, Gallan, Shelda, and Essek. Orly didn’t seem all too surprised - but it was a little hard to tell with him from what Essek had seen of the tortle so far.

“S-so, the Traveler isn’t a god?” Essek asked feebly.

“Well, technically - like, um, not in the divine-gate sense, you know? He’s like,” Jester snapped her fingers at him. “He’s like the Luxon! The Luxon is here and you can like touch it and hold it and stuff, and the Traveler is like that too.”

Marius’ brows knit together in further confusion. “The Luxon?”

“A being of pure light or something that, like, deals in fate and gravity and time magic and stuff,” Beauregard explained with a wave of her hand. She glanced at Essek. “Am I close?”

“I mean, you hit the important parts,” Essek nodded, still digesting Jester’s words. He was glad they were doing this on the deck - despite the fog still hanging around them, the brightness had meant that he brought out his parasol to feel comfortable in the daylight, and it was now helping ground him as he processed the new information.

“But that’s not important right now since we’re talking about the Traveler,” Beauregard continued before she rolled her eyes at Marius. “C’mon, Marius, get with the program.”

“This doesn’t really change anything though, does it?” Shelda asked. “Like, we’re still going to act like he’s a god?”

“Oh, yeah, totally,” Jester nodded. “I’m just letting you guys know because like, we’re a crew and stuff and you’re going to be helping us out, too, so I felt like -”

Fjord coughed loudly from somewhere behind her.

“ _ We _ ,” Jester corrected, “felt like we should be honest. And so that’s that.”

“So we’re gonna con people at TravelerCon? Is that why it's called that?” Gallan added.

“No, that’s not,” Jester shook her head, before she paused. “Man, that name really hit the nail on the head, huh? But that’s not - the ‘con’ in TravelerCon is short for ‘convention’, it's TravelerConvention, but TravelerCon just sounds better.”

“It rolls off the tongue better,” Veth agreed.

“A lot to take in?” Caleb asked, coming to sit beside Essek. Their shoulders brushed together, making Essek simultaneously want to lean into the touch as much as he wanted to run away from his feelings.

“Yeah, it's - it's more than I expected,” Essek nodded, watching as Jester continued to explain and answer every question the rest of the crew threw her way. And once again, they were all answers that left him with more questions.

“It was certainly more than we expected, too,” Caleb sighed before he smiled. “But he makes her happy, and he hasn’t done us wrong, so,” he shrugged. “Besides, are not all other deities self proclaimed as well?”

Essek shook his head, amusement making the shock of the news more palatable. “Fair point.”

“Frankly,” Orly started, getting up slowly from where he’d been sitting. “I always figured Jester’s Traveler fellow was some kind of fae lord.”

And now  _ that _ brought everyone pause.

“Excuse me, what?” Beauregard asked. “How could you have possibly known that?”

Orly shrugged. “Just a feeling, you know? And based on Jester’s m-m-m-many tricks, well,” he gave them a wicked smile. “You can take the lord out of the Feywild, but you can’t take the Feywild out of the lord.”

“Oh, Orly, you should have told us!” Jester pouted.

He gave a snort of laughter. “And be turned into an  _ actual _ turtle?” He shook his head. “The fae are fickle creatures when upset and I was n-n-not going to run that risk.” He nodded towards Jester. “And from the looks of it, he’s been plenty helpful - I owe him m-my life even.” His smile turned fond. “‘Sides, I couldn’t even bring m-m-myself to m-make Jester sad like that, so it's good he finally told her.”

Jester smiled broadly at him, throwing herself at him and giving him a big hug. “Aw, that’s so sweet of you, Orly.”

Caleb’s expression now mirrored Essek’s as Beauregard and Fjord both begrudgingly agreed with Orly.

“I guess it's just surprises all around today,” Caleb told him, bumping his shoulder to Essek’s.

“Now you know how I feel being around you all,” Essek answered, feeling the way his heart somersaulted in his chest when Caleb didn’t pull away completely.

“Captain,” Caduceus called out from where he stood on the deck above them, listening in to Jester’s explanation but keeping an eye on the horizon. “There’s an island - and this time it's not following us.”

They had finally set their sights on Rumblecusp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how :) we :) feeling :) fam :)
> 
> alrighty, so this chapter was a little emotionally angstier but like idk man that's just how it turned out - like i wanted them to wake up cuddling but Caleb to be Worried About Overstepping and thus move away AND I wanted Essek to actually be awake/aware of that whole thing and Take That As Rejection, but then it got even ANGSTIER with Caleb's thoughts when he was holding Essek's hand and then Essek thinking about the Dynasty and rejection and the Luxon and AAAHHH I JUST WANTED A DASH OF ANGST AND I DROPPED THE WHOLE DAMN ANGST SHAKER IN AHHHHH i'm just as hurt as you guys are like damn these boys make me sad T.T
> 
> but hey, we got more Caduceus and Essek interactions!!! and Caduceus always knows what to say to save the day :')
> 
> and also like, i realized a while back that Essek still didn't know about the Traveler being Artagan, and so I like well now that's gonna be a thing that needs to be addressed and I was also like but what if like, Orly already had his suspicions??? and so that last scene came to be, bc like Orly's Seen Some Shit so i think a fae lord masquerading as a god would not be too far fetched for this bagpipe bard
> 
> anyway, thank you all so very very much for reading!! I really hope you guys liked the chapter and I can't wait to be back with the next one!! TravelerCon 3000, here we come!!!! And almost 100k words later holy shit!!! I love you all so very much, stay safe, wash your hands, wear a mask, wear your seatbelt, tell someone you love that you love them, Black Lives Matter, register to vote/vote early, and, is it Thursday yet???
> 
> now its time for ya girl to go to bed, nighty night lovelies!!!


	14. Reaching Shore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mighty Nein finally gets to Rumblecusp, and preparations for TravelerCon begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty!!! So here's the next chapter after what felt like an eternity!! I'm so sorry i took a bit longer on this chapter, i had to readjust my day to day schedule now that my sister started her online college classes (she's all grown up now T.T i got so emotional for some reason when she was like "i just finished my first college class" like AHHHH this is what its like to be the older sister) so finding time to write and juggling a bit more of a housekeeping workload has been y'know certainly something, but its here!!!!
> 
> and also AHHHHHH HOW WE FEELING AFTER EP 107!!! I WAS IN BEAUTIFUL TEARS FOLKS SO MANY TEARS i was surprised that i would get so emotional but no more of that here that's what my twitter and tumblr are for to cry and scream about 'em so enough of my rambling
> 
> here's the next chapter, I really hope you guys like it!!!

Finding a place to run their ship aground ended up being a little harder than actually running their ship aground. It had only taken a few  _ control water _ spells after all, with Jester parting the water and Fjord and Caduceus moving the ship up onto the sandy beach. But finding that sandy beach - well, Jester certainly had very specific criteria for what she wanted to be the backdrop of TravelerCon, so finding the right place had taken sailing along the coast of the island for over an hour and a half before she finally declared that they’d reached the perfect spot along the southwestern edge of the island.

And frankly, Caleb was impressed. He hadn’t been in the tropics outside of the handful of times that they’d gone to Nicodranas and when they’d all sailed with Fjord to find out more about the Uk’otoa business that was brewing around him. They’d touched down on a few islands in the Lucidian Ocean during that time, but it’d always been quick, just to do what needed to be done before moving on. Caleb could still remember every island they’d been to, from the lizardfolk village on Urukayxl to the intimidatingly jagged cliffs of Darktow to the meadery of Bisaft where they’d gone to repair the  _ Balleater _ . Everywhere they’d gone had been unique, and Rumblecusp was certainly proving to be no different in that regard.

The beach Jester had chosen stretched wide, ringed in on the northern side by a handful of cliffs overlooking the sea, and on the southern side by the jungle vegetation that reached out to the water. The treeline stood far back from the ocean, leaving room for a white sand beach dotted with black volcanic ash, highlighting the beach as much as it brought a few worries about the volcano’s activity to mind. The occasional palm tree swayed in the ocean breeze, creating pockets of shade along the beach. The sand didn’t reach all the way to the treeline though - instead, a small lagoon sat about forty feet from the shore, the waters crystalline like the ocean, but calmer, without the small waves that crashed onto land. A river fed into the lagoon, disappearing into the treeline to wind further in the jungle. On the other side of the lagoon sat another bit of land free of dense jungle vegetation, but instead of sand there was sturdy packed earth, making it a much better place to set up camp than on the sand itself.

“ _ Thanks for coming with us! _ ” Jester called out, a combined use of her  _ thaumaturgy _ to project her voice loudly and Caleb’s  _ tongues _ to make her understood. “ _ It was great meeting you!” _

A giant clawed flipper rose above the surf as Nakai exhaled a large waterspout, making Caleb briefly wonder if that was how it must look like when whales breathed using their blowholes - then Nakai was disappearing into ocean, the ripple of the waves the only sign of the dragon turtle as it gave one last low rumble.

“ _ We’re going to miss you, buddy! _ ” Jester shouted, waving enthusiastically.

“You’ve certainly outdone yourself with picking a spot,” Fjord noted from where he stood beside her, surveying the area after they’d made sure the ship was secure and they’d all finally come onto land. “Does remind me that we’ve got lots of work to do before people start showing up though.”

Jester frowned, wrinkling her nose as she dropped her hand. “Don’t remind me - like, don’t get me wrong, I’m super excited for TravelerCon, but I also know we’re going to be so totally beat from setting everything up by the time everyone gets here.”

“Not if we make Marius do all the grunt work,” Beau whispered to her, elbowing Jester lightly on the side.

“Make me do all the what now?” Marius asked, pulling off his boots and shaking the sand out of them.

“Nothing, Marius,” Beau said, swinging her staff to rest on her shoulder. “Geez, you gotta learn to mind your own business, man.”

Marius’ eyes narrowed suspiciously, but he refrained from saying anything else after he glanced at Orly. Orly just shook his head.

Veth sidled up on Jester’s other side. “So, what’s the plan, High Priestess Lavorre?”

Jester grinned at the title before her brow furrowed as she thought for a second - then, in characteristic Jester fashion, she threw her hands out and announced, “Hey! We’re here! Traveler, if you could just give me a little guidance, y’know, let me know the plan, man.” She stepped forward, gesturing out around her. “I found the most beautiful beach for TravelerCon, and now, I don’t know, I guess I just want to know what you think.”

“Will this work?” Essek asked, shifting his parasol to cover both himself and Caleb as Essek stepped closer to Caleb - although judging from his height, Caleb guessed that he was floating again. Caleb couldn’t really blame him though given that he could already feel the sand seeping into his boots.

“Artagan!” Jester shouted, continuing to talk to the Traveler. “How many people should we even prepare for?”

Caleb shrugged. “I mean, I know she talks to him often, but I’ve only seen him a few -”

“Get ready for sixty people, more or less,” someone spoke from behind them.

A spark of flame burst to life in Caleb’s hand as he whipped around, taking a half step in front of Essek before Jester ran past everyone.

“Traveler!” she exclaimed, giving him a giant hug as Caleb let his spell go.

He returned the embrace as his hood slid off his head, showing his mane of bright red hair, his long, pointed ears, his exaggerated eyebrows, and the mischievous grin he was sporting - a grin identical to Jester’s. “Jester, dear, it's great to see you’ve made it.”

“Well, of course,” Jester said, letting go and giving him a casual shrug. “We’re the Mighty Nein, we weren’t going to miss TravelerCon for the world.”

“Good, good,” the Traveler hummed, tapping his chin. “Because honestly I have no idea what I would have done if I didn’t have you to help me plan otherwise.”

“Not a god,” Essek quietly got out, lowering his hand. Caleb could see the silver wisps of dunamis drift from his fingertips, apparently just as ready to cast a spell as Caleb was.

Caleb shook his head. “Not a god.”

“Well, I mean, we still have a lot of planning to do,” Jester explained before motioning around her again. “But do you like it?”

The Traveler gave the beach a once over, his green eyes glittering. “You have certainly outdone yourself - this place is absolutely beautiful. Might even give the Feywild a run for its money.”

“And you said sixty people would be here, right?” Veth asked, stepping up from where she’d been standing by Yasha and Caduceus.

Artagan nodded. “Not all of my followers were able to find their way here, but it does help to plan for a smaller party.”

“Still a big party though,” Yasha mumbled.

“Alright,” Veth said, pulling out a small piece of paper from her pocket. “Well, whatever the case, that still means that we’re going to need a place for everyone to sleep, and also a dining area of sorts and definitely some latrines.” She looked back up at him. “Is there anything you can do about that? Because I don’t think that we can have all of that set up by the time people get here.”

“I can probably whip something up,” the Traveler mused, rubbing his hands together as he looked around the area again.

Beau raised a brow at Veth. “How do you know what’s needed for something like this?”

“All the festivals in Felderwin were community run, and, I mean,” Veth shrugged. “I always wanted our parties to be fun.”

“It’s certainly a skill that hadn’t come up before,” Caleb said, giving her a smile.

“Well, as a priestess,” Veth started, glancing over at Jester. “I figured I should be giving it my all.”

“Oh, Veth,” Jester gushed, stepping towards her and giving her a side hug. “We’re going to be the best priestesses.”

“And I only want the best for my followers,” Artagan grinned, snapping his fingers and extending a hand in a flourish towards the other side of the lagoon.

A shimmer of green ran through the earth, seeping into the ground before vines and saplings began to creep to the surface, growing and tangling together, with the vines weaving into living tapestries as they draped over the thickening trunks of the trees that sprouted and stretched skyward, dotting the other side of the lagoon in canopy tents.

The majority of the tents were a variety of sizes, with some bigger and some smaller, but all with the same sliver against one of the “walls” left uncovered as a makeshift door for the huts.

There were a dozen huts of an even more vibrant green than the rest that were laid out in a u-shape, all the same size, all identical, with woven vine doors and different flowers blossoming from the vegetation.

Artagan clapped his hands together, turning to all of them. “I haven’t done something like this since the Feywild.” He held out a hand to Jester. “Would you like a tour?”

“Of  _ course _ !” Jester exclaimed, taking his hand and letting him guide her onto the water of the lagoon, showing that the pair were walking on water.

“He took care of that quickly,” Caduceus pointed out, starting to walk around the lagoon, taking the longer way to reach the huts and catch up to them.

“And all he did was snap his fingers,” Veth said, following along after Jester and the Traveler, her ring of  _ water walk _ allowing her to follow easily.

“We could’ve pulled something together,” Beau mumbled, pulling off her top and kicking off her shoes and trousers, leaving her in a bandeau and shorts. She shoved her clothes in her bag, tossing it to Fjord along with her staff. “I’m not gonna leave those three alone - I don’t want to know what they might come up with,” she explained, nodding towards Jester, Artagan, and Veth.

“Makes sense,” Fjord agreed, handing Beau’s bag and staff off to Yasha, snapping Yasha out from watching Beau. “Need anyone else to go with you?”

“Nah, I can handle them,” Beau said, already wading into the water, her green all-seeing-eye tattoo shimmering in the sunlight before she paused. “Actually -” she turned around. “Marius, you’re coming with me.”

“What - why?” Marius asked, growing pale.

“Do you really want me to answer that question?” Beau deadpanned, eyes narrowing.

Orly clapped Marius on the shoulder. “You don’t argue with the first m-m-mate, boy. ‘Specially n-not this one.”

“Thank you, Orly,” Beau told him before she turned back to Marius. “Now, c’mon. If there’s more than three dicks graffiti'd anywhere, you’re banished to the jungle until you kill something.”

“But - but this is Jester we’re talking about!” Marius rushed out as Beau dove all the way into the water, starting to swim across the lagoon. “And she’s with her  _ god _ , that’s - I -” He struggled to unbuckle his trousers before he groaned loudly, tossing his boots to the ground before he just ran in after Beau fully clothed, starting to swim after her.

“He’s actually a much stronger swimmer than I would’ve thought,” Fjord said, looking impressed as the remainder of their group began to make their way to the huts.

“It was either that or drownin’,” Orly started, leaning over to pick up Marius’ boots. “The amount of times he got knocked overboard by the sails when the wind picked up strong -” He shook his head, but he looked fond. “I think that helped whip him up into m-m-much better shape though.”

“A vast improvement,” Gallan added.

And even though Caleb still wasn’t as versed in seatravel as Fjord and Orly or even Marius and the rest of the crew, he was glad that he’d been learning everything at a reasonable pace - at least as opposed to how Marius had had to learn everything.

He glanced over to Essek, who was looking between Orly and Fjord before watching Marius steadily catching up to Beau, and recognized that look of worry that furrowed his brow.

“Don’t worry,” Caleb assured him. “You’ve been a patient teacher with me, and I’ll repay the favor.” When Essek turned to him, Caleb smiled. “I won’t throw you to the wolves - or, ah, well, the dragon turtles for any of your seafaring lessons in the future.”

Essek smiled, seeming a little more at ease now. “Good,” he sighed, glancing around at everyone. “Because I don’t know if I’d be able to keep up with such, ah, unconventional teaching methods.”

“My methods will still be unconventional,” Caleb told him, his smile widening when he saw the look Essek gave him. “But they’re tailored to my student’s specific needs - you know, highly, ah, personalized.”

“Oh,” Essek got out, flushing a darker shade at the tips of his ears. “W-well, I, ah, that sounds -”

“For Corellon’s sake, can we at least get to the other side,” Shelda whined to herself, speeding up from where she’d been walking behind them to move closer to the others. “Then you can both just get a room.”

Caleb felt himself go scarlet as Essek shut his mouth, with the both of them averting their gaze and continuing in relative silence as the rest of their friends talked amongst themselves. But Caleb could still see a small smile on Essek’s lips when he peeked over at him, catching his eye for a second before looking away, with a smile on his lips too.

* * *

“Took you guys long enough,” Beauregard said as soon as they had all come within earshot. She was leaning against one of the huts, showing that it was sturdily made, her arms crossed in front of her as she nodded towards the Traveler, Veth, and Jester. “We just finished assigning everyone’s places since we each get one of these to ourselves,” she explained, knocking her fist on the hut she was leaning against. It had blue flowers the color of her Cobalt Soul vestments. “We’re a part of the ‘central arch’ of the Traveler’s doorway - whatever that means, they’re still workshopping stuff but we’re basically going to be staying in these ones that make the ‘u’.”

“I guess that makes sense since we’re all going to be priests,” Yasha nodded, holding Beauregard’s things out to her.

She took them from Yasha but only to toss the bag inside the hut behind her. “I’m already all dry, I’m good. Marius though - he might need dry clothes.”

A steady drip-drip-drip preceded Marius stepping out from one of the huts, still completely soaked. “I should have just jumped in naked.”

“You really want to get your dick made fun of?” Fjord asked, trying to keep a straight face.

Marius opened his mouth to respond but Gallan cut him off. “Don’t choose this hill to die on, for your own sake.”

Deflating, Marius gave one more nod before disappearing into his hut again.

“While it is fun to see you all tease him, don’t be surprised when he prays to me and I help him pull a few tricks on all of you,” the Traveler grinned, joining the group with Jester and Veth.

“Not gonna lie, that would definitely be interesting to see,” Shelda smiled.

“We’ll see what sorts of miracles happen over the course of the next few days then,” the Traveler told her, eyes glittering with mischief.

“This is Shelda, by the way,” Jester introduced, coming to stand beside Shelda. “She’s the newest member of our crew.” She moved on to Orly. “And this is Orly, you might have met him a little already -”

“Ah, yes, I remember you,” the Traveler nodded. “I had to call up an old raven friend of mine to help bring you back.”

“And I thank you very m-m-much for that,” Orly said, inclining his head slightly.

Seeing the reverence, the Traveler glanced at Jester. “I like him,” he told her.

“Me too,” Jester agreed. She pointed at Gallan. “This is Gallan, he’s our carpenter - he’s been teaching me how to be a carpenter, too, so I can help fix the ship and stuff.”

“Ax head, if I recall correctly?” the Traveler asked.

“That - yeah, that would be me,” Gallan answered, rubbing at a spot on his head.

“But you’ve got a great story out of that - like, a bunch of great stories than if you would have just stayed on the  _ Mist _ ,” Jester got out. “Like, the  _ Mistake _ was probably the best thing that happened.”

Gallan sighed, but he couldn’t fight off a begrudging smile. “Right, yeah.”

Jester moved on, looping her arm with Essek’s. “And this is Essek.”

“ _ Oh _ ,” the Traveler said, giving Essek a once over before turning back to Jester. “You were on the ship after you all fought those hideous fish creatures. I’m glad I’m finally getting an introduction.” He raised his hand to partially cover his mouth, stage whispering to Jester. “I certainly see why you call him hot boi.”

“Why you call - w-what?” Essek stuttered out, feeling himself grow embarrassingly warm, knowing that he’s gone three shades darker at the very least.

“Isn’t he so handsome,” Jester gushed, squeezing Essek’s arm and looking over at him proudly. “And he’s also super smart, too. Right, Caleb?”

“ _ Ja _ , he is very brilliant,” Caleb answered, moving a half-step closer to Essek and fixing the Traveler with a sharp look. “He’s a bit of our, ah, special guest, for the time being.”

“Mmm,” the Traveler hummed, meeting Caleb’s gaze. “He’s your special guest…” he trailed off, glancing at Jester, and it was so very obvious in the way that Jester nodded enthusiastically and how the Traveler’s eyes brightened that they were having an unspoken conversation that just spelled all sorts of trouble.

“Well, any special guest of the Mighty Nein’s is a special guest of mine,” the Traveler said, giving Essek a theatrical bow that Essek returned with a respectful inclination of his head. “But I must be going,” he added, straightening to his full height. “I’ve been away from all my weary little travelers for much too long now, and, well, duty calls.”

“You’ll be back soon though, right?” Jester asked.

“Of course, my dear, I’ll be back soon,” he told her, giving her a small wink. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten what you asked me for.”

“No rush,” Caleb added under his breath, still watching the Traveler sharply.

“And with that, I bid you, bidet!” he grinned, wrapping his cloak around himself and disappearing into the wind.

Beauregard cocked her head to the side. “Did he really just say bidet?”

“Maybe it's something they say in the Feywild?” Veth guessed.

“Weird, but, not exactly surprising,” Fjord added.

Jester tapped at her chin. “Maybe we can make it our, like, ‘Traveler farewell’ phrase,” she said to herself before she shook herself out of her thoughts, looking around at everyone. “But right now I gotta show all of you to your super sweet rooms - c’mon!”

* * *

Caleb’s hut was tucked between Essek and Veth’s assigned huts, directly across from Beau’s. It was at the corner, so while Essek’s hut was immediately next to his, Veth was more his 90 degree angle neighbor. Still, he had nothing to complain about when he had a roof over his head, a surprisingly soft cot made out of vines, and a small stump-like growth in the corner that served as a desk. The flowers that grew from his hut were sunset orange with a starburst of red at the center.

Artagan knew his audience - but Caleb was sure Jester and Veth had probably suggested the addition of the desk and the coloration of the flowers. He was loath to give the archfey that much credit after the way he’d looked at Essek, and he was even less willing to admit that he’d felt a spark of jealousy curl in the pit of his stomach when he’d seen that.

He ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it up before pulling it back into a ponytail. “You’re going to have to do something about this eventually,” he said to himself, setting his bag down on the ground before sitting cross legged beside it. He pulled out a small brass brazier and a handful of herbs, some charcoal, and a carefully wrapped bag of incense.

_ For Frumpkin _ , was written in fancy script on the side, in handwriting Caleb recognized from his notes on the  _ transmogrification  _ spell.

“Eventually,” Caleb repeated to himself, unwrapping the bag and taking the right amount of incense, sprinkling it over the herbs before lighting the charcoal and moving his thoughts away from his TravelerCon neighbor and instead to Frumpkin’s new avian form.

* * *

“Oh, Caleb - I thought you’d gone with Beauregard and Veth to scout out the area,” Essek told him when he spotted Caleb coming out of his hut, with Frumpkin perched on his shoulder.

“I didn’t even know that they’d left,” Caleb said, looking out towards the jungle. He turned to Frumpkin.  _ See what’s out there and keep an eye on them,  _ ja _? _

Frumpkin gave a small chirp before jumping off his shoulder, spreading his wings and flying towards the treeline. Caleb had turned his cat into a bird of paradise, a small black bird with a chest of iridescent feathers in shades of orange and red - he’d seen a few on the island of Urukayxl, and he figured that they might be a type of bird that inhabits Rumblecusp as well.

“They were pretty excited to go get a lay of the land, especially after Fjord started to make plans to go get firewood,” Caduceus told him. “Care for some tea?” he asked, holding out a teacup to Caleb.

“Tea, ah, sounds really good right about now,” Caleb admitted, moving closer to Essek and Caduceus, to the area in between all their huts that Caduceus had clearly turned into the Mighty Nein’s makeshift dining area. A small fire pit sat at the center of a circle of fallen logs - probably moved there with Yasha and Jester’s help - with Caduceus’ cooking implements all set up and ready for use around the fire.

It was surprisingly cozy, and it made Caleb realize that he’d missed sitting down around a warm fire like this after having spent so much time at sea.

“Is there anything that Jester wants us to do to help with TravelerCon?” Caleb asks, taking the teacup.

Caduceus shook his head. “Not for the rest of the day - I think after the Traveler took care of housing and latrines, we’ve got plenty of time to finish everything up tomorrow.” He nodded towards Jester’s hut, the one that sat between Veth and Beau’s. “I think she’s writing up an event schedule. That’s what Veth said she should have to keep everything organized.”

“That actually sounds like a good idea,” Caleb mused. “Especially if we were all able to know what she was planning beforehand.”

“It’d certainly help me piece together what being a ‘priest of the Traveler’ meant,” Essek added, taking a sip of his tea. He was probably the most nervous out of everyone about the upcoming event, most likely nervousness that stemmed from a lifetime of high standards that came with both his Den upbringing and his position as the Shadowhand.

“But we shouldn’t rely too much on a schedule,” Caduceus told them, saying a quiet incantation under his breath and waving his hand above the ground. His eyes flashed a verdant green as small roots sprouted from the dirt, growing and blossoming before sprouting carrots and potatoes and a couple other vegetables. The few empty jugs nearby filled with water, and two loaves of bread shimmered into existence on the cutting board Caduceus had laid out on the log beside him. He looked down at the spread, nodding to himself. “I can definitely make something good for dinner out of this.” He began picking the vegetables from their stems, glancing over at the pair. “We should be open to lots of things changing at the last minute, so maybe getting a schedule might be less helpful than we’d think.”

Essek didn’t seem convinced but Caleb nodded in agreement. Going along with whatever Jester’s plans ended up being in the moment would be the best way to keep TravelerCon running as smoothly as possible.

“At least knowing what she may have in store for the festival would leave us moderately prepared,” Essek mumbled, hiding the majority of his statement behind his teacup before he took another sip.

Caleb bumped his shoulder to Essek’s. “I’m sure she’ll give us the highlights.”

The three of them stayed together around the fire, finishing up their tea before helping Caduceus with the vegetable stew that he was going to make for dinner. Caleb made plans to upgrade Caduceus’ kitchen arrangement the next day, sure that he could put something together that would more or less function as a small oven. It’d certainly help with the meals that didn’t cook as well over an open flame.

After a while Jester came out of her hut to sit with them, announcing that she had some ideas for TravelerCon that she’d run by the Traveler but elaborating no further than that. She also told them that she’d  _ sent _ a message to Beau just to check in on her and Veth, and that Beau told her that they were starting to make the return journey back, so it’d be at least another hour and a half before they finally got to camp.

Yasha and Fjord finally joined them shortly after Jester, bringing a bundle of firewood each - with Yasha’s being mostly larger, thicker branches and logs whilst Fjord’s were some of the smaller pieces, something that Jester was quick to point out as she teased Fjord about it.

Every now and then Caleb would reach out to Frumpkin, going blind and deaf in his own body in order to see and hear through his familiar’s senses, taking in the sweeping landscape of the island. Frumpkin hadn’t caught sight of Beau or Veth, or of the bottle rockets that Caduceus had said Beau mentioned she’d be using as some kind of signaling device that they were in trouble. Caleb had been a little unsure about whether they’d be able to hear the firecrackers or not from where they were trekking in the jungle, but Caduceus had been quick to assure him that he’d at least hear them. Sometimes Caleb underestimated how keen Caduceus’ senses were, especially when Caduceus was so easy going about them.

Jester moved from the log she’d been sitting on to sit on the ground, stretching out to get more comfortable as she used the log as a backrest. “How would you guys feel about, like, being in charge of something?”

Fjord glanced over at her from where he was pulling out all the bowls from one of their multiple packs. “You’re going to have to be a bit more specific, Jester.”

“Like, you know - I obviously wouldn’t put you in charge of, like, collecting firewood -” she started, giving Fjord a cheerful smile when he shot her a halfhearted glare. “- but, like, what if some people want to swim or something and they don’t, like, know how to swim all that well? Could I put you in charge of making sure they don’t, like, drown?”

“So you want me to be a lifeguard?” Fjord asked her.

“Yeah, but that’s just like an example,” Jester explained. “Like, Caduceus is an  _ amazing _ cook, and Yasha and you are, like, super good with your swords, and Veth and Beau are really good at being sneaky.” She gestured at Caleb and Essek. “And you guys know magic and, like, Essek’s taught Caleb spells and Caleb’s taught Veth spells...” she trailed off, brow furrowing as she thought of something.

“You gonna finish what you were saying?” Fjord prompted, waving a spoon at her to get her attention.

Jester opened her mouth before shutting it, then shrugged. “I’ve just got lots to think about, you know? I’ll figure something out and let you guys know tomorrow probably.”

“Just make sure you don’t take on more than you can handle on your own,” Caduceus told her. “We’re all here to help, alright?”

“You just, ah, say the word? I think is how it's said? And we’ll do what needs to be done to make this a success,” Essek added.

She smiled softly at both of them. “Ooohhh, you guys! I know you’re all here to help, you guys are the best.”

“It’s a good thing you’re saying that now when Beau’s not here - it might go to her head,” Fjord teased.

Shaking his head, Caleb watched as Jester pulled out a ball bearing from Beau’s bag before throwing it at Fjord with ridiculously good aim. He barely heard the start of Fjord’s yelp when Caleb went blind and deaf again, looking once more through Frumpkin.

Frumpkin flew quickly through the air but this time he was low, closer to the treeline. Caleb could see a break in the trees ahead, with the ocean glittering further beyond, meaning that Frumpkin was close to them. What immediately caught Caleb’s attention though was the way the trees shook, and the muffled shouts, both voices that he recognizes, followed by a harsh shriek that rang out.

He blinked back into his own body, jumping to his feet right as a bottle rocket went off somewhere in the treeline.

“That can’t be good,” Caduceus got out, getting up as Essek followed suit, giving Caleb a worried look.

Caleb conjured up a flame in the palm of his hand right as a bloodied up Beau broke through the treeline, shouting, “They tried to fucking eat us!”

A dark shadow jumped out of the canopy, wings stretched wide and bearing down on Beau with clawed hands making a wide swipe at her.

Beau dodged to the side, rolling out of the way and hitting the creature - the harpy, Caleb now realized - across the face with her staff before bouncing back to her feet and facing the harpy head on.

It reared back, flapping its wings furiously to remain upright as it shook its head and snarled.

Veth’s yelling and swearing got louder as a second shadow flew out of the trees, showing another harpy, this one with Veth clinging onto it for dear life and trying to veer its course closer to the ground despite the harpy continuing to fly higher into the sky.

“Duck, now!” Caleb shouted, lobbing a  _ fire bolt _ at the harpy that was coming after Beau.

Thankfully, Beau didn’t need to be told twice as she dropped low, the harpy hissing through sharp teeth before screeching in pain when Caleb’s  _ fire bolt _ struck its side. The skin sizzled and the feathers burned, but it didn’t seem deterred in fighting them in the slightest.

Green bolts of eldritch energy sailed over Caleb’s head, colliding with the second harpy, showing that Fjord had joined the fray as well.

The second harpy let out a bellowing wail, bucking Veth off it's back and sending her tumbling to the ground. Caleb could see Veth scrambling in her small component pouch, most likely looking for a feather the way Caleb was doing too, the spell to slow her descent already in mind - but it wasn’t needed, not as Essek shouted an incantation in undercommon and Veth’s fall slowed instantly, allowing her to change her scramble for her components to instead grab her crossbow and fire two bolts at the harpy.

One of the bolts struck the harpy’s shoulder while the other went wide, but it was enough to force the harpy to try and drop to the ground. It limped closer to the first harpy, putting them right within Caleb’s range -

Taking the bat guano and sulfur from his pocket, Caleb anchored the spell in the space below and behind the harpies, making sure to keep Beau out of it's reach as well as away from the dense jungle greenery. The last thing he wanted was to create a forest fire.

Slapping his hands together, he then spread them apart, rushing through the incantation and watching as the  _ fireball _ flashed to life behind the creatures, catching them in the blaze as the flames raced up their plumage.

They screeched, batting their wings quickly to try and extinguish the flames but only managing to feed the fire and quicken it's spread until it had consumed them both, leaving them to wail and screech and scream as they burned.

Caleb shook his head, feeling tremors in his hands as he felt his grip slipping - then the smell of burning flesh and singed hair reached him, and the screams warped, morphing from the unfamiliar screeching of a dying creature to the hauntingly familiar screams for help, the screams that never left him, the last thing he remembers hearing when he was still Bren Aldric Ermendrud.

* * *

The harpies fell to the ground in a burning heap, allowing everyone a moment to catch their breath now that the threat was gone.

Essek brought Veth down on his gravitational cushion, letting her stand on her own as she shook her head in a slight daze. There was a gash across her forehead, and one of her arms was badly scratched up as well. Essek was about to ask for any sort of healing potions they may have for her to take when Caleb dropped to his knees, his hands falling limply at his sides.

“Caleb?” Essek asked, unable to keep the worry from his voice. He was sure that he hadn’t gotten hurt - he’d been beside him the entire time, he would’ve  _ known _ if the creatures had gotten to him somehow.

He stepped closer, crouching down beside Caleb and trying to meet Caleb’s gaze and instead finding a blank stare, solely focused on the flames before them.

The worry Essek felt solidified into ice that crawled up his back. “Caleb?” he tried again, reaching out to Caleb tentatively.

A hand on Essek’s own shoulder stopped him, and he looked up to see Beauregard giving him a pained look as she shook her head. “I’ve got it,” she told him quietly.

Essek nodded, turning to look at Caleb again before he stood up slowly, moving aside and letting Beauregard take his place. She put an uncharacteristically gentle hand on Caleb’s arm, slowly pulling him to his feet before leading him on a quiet walk away from the fire.

He watched them go, watched Caleb blankly follow along, watched the way Caleb looked at the world with unseeing eyes - different from when he was looking through Frumpkin, when his eyes would go completely white as he took in the world through the senses of his familiar. Right now Caleb’s eyes were that same shade of blue that Essek knew so well - but they held no spark, no brightness, no warmth, no cold, no suspicion,  _ nothing _ . They stared past whatever was around him, far into a nothingness that only Caleb knew.

It was terrifying, and Essek was hopeless to help in any way.

“He’ll be okay,” Jester assured him softly, coming to stand beside Essek and taking his hand in hers. She frowned, biting her lip before she shrugged, meeting Essek’s gaze. “This, ah - it happens sometimes.”

Essek didn’t know what to say to that.

The burning harpies were slowly starting to go out, leaving only their charred bodies on the ground as Jester led Essek back to their little cooking fire. Caduceus was tending to Veth, leaving sprouts of pink lichen to knit together the scratches before they fell off to reveal the mended skin underneath.

They all sat in relative silence as Fjord fixed bowls of stew for everyone, handing them around as Yasha and Caduceus went to the bodies. Caduceus touched both of them, casting a spell Essek didn’t recognize that caused the bodies to sprout fungus and moss and strange blooms before Yasha picked them both up with ease, dragging them somewhere into the treeline.

When Yasha and Caduceus returned, Fjord handed them their bowls too, and that was when Essek couldn’t wait any longer.

“What happened to Caleb?”

Veth glanced at Yasha then at Caduceus, setting her untouched bowl of stew to the side as she wrung her hands together. “Caleb, ah, he - he’s got some history, you know, as we all do, and his just happens to, ah, deal with…” she trailed off, motioning towards where the fire had been.

“But it's not really our place to say,” Fjord added. He was looking in the direction where Beauregard and Caleb had disappeared, his brow furrowed as if in thought before his jaw hardened for a second.

Seeing Fjord like that makes Essek think of Caleb, crying in his arms in the lowest level of their ship after Fjord had been brought back from the dead, mentioning something that he’d told Fjord about as he’d wept.

Fjord turns to Essek. “Just, let him tell you about it,” he finishes. “Ask him, and let him tell you at his own pace.”

Caduceus fiddled with his bowl of stew, not looking all too hungry either. “But hold off on asking questions for now,” he told Essek. “The afternoon turned a little rougher for him than we all anticipated and he needs time.”

“Right, of course,” Essek nodded. He didn’t want to make Caleb feel any worse than he already did, but he did hope that eventually Caleb would trust him enough to tell him what everyone in the group seemed to already know.

He hoped that eventually Caleb would trust him  _ again _ . It was a painful reminder that he’d lost so much with the decision he’d made long before he’d met the Mighty Nein.

They settled into silence again, taking half hearted bites of their meal and trying and failing to start conversations amongst each other. They all fell a little flat without Beauregard’s quips and Caleb’s additions.

After a while, Frumpkin alighting on Essek’s shoulder brought him out of his thoughts, followed by Beauregard vaulting over one of the logs to come and sit between Jester and Yasha.

“I hope you made enough for everyone, Duce, because I’m starving,” Beauregard said, sitting up straighter and making grabby hands as Fjord served her a helping of stew and passed it over to her before fixing up another bowl.

Caleb arrived a minute or so later, the vacant look gone from his eyes, but with a slight shake to his hands that was noticeable when Fjord handed him his bowl. He sat down on the log beside Essek, keeping space between them.

“Sorry the stew might have gone a little cold,” Caduceus apologized. He looked down at his own bowl, most likely lamenting that it’d lost it's warmth too.

“I can fix that,” Essek got out. He stood up, hearing Frumpkin twittering at the sudden move as Essek began motioning everyone closer. “Bring your bowls here.”

Glancing at each other, they did as told, bringing their bowls closer together.

Essek whispered an incantation, drawing out a sigil in the air as he cast  _ prestidigitation _ , heating up everyone’s stew again. “That should be better, right?” he said, looking around at them as they took back their bowls.

Jester took a hearty bite first, humming happily. “Oh, this is much better, thank you, Essek! And thank you, too, Caduceus!”

More thank yous to both Essek and Caduceus rang out as they all began to eat, with Essek finally eating his food too.

“That spell is very versatile,” Caleb commented, the first he’d spoken since he’d returned.

Essek turned to him, relieved to hear him talking again. “It is one of the most helpful spells I have for day to day use,” he told him.

“You’re really going to have to teach it to me some day,” Caleb said, giving Essek the ghost of a smile. His eyes held that spark of brightness again, but there was still pain around the edges, that haunted look still there.

“I’ll teach it to you whenever you’d like,” Essek smiled, keeping the moment light, trying to help Caleb move past what had happened, move past whatever had dragged Caleb into his own mind. “We’ve still got a pending spell lesson, too - you’ve yet to teach me how to successfully cast the spell we constructed for Veth.”

Caleb’s smile grew a little easier, his posture growing more relaxed. “We’ll have plenty of time here, during TravelerCon. We should be able to, ah, find some time for our magic,  _ ja _ ?”

Essek nodded, feeling his himself grow warm. “I’d like that.”

“As would I,” Caleb added quietly, giving Essek one last, small smile, helping ease Essek’s worries. Essek only hoped that he’d be able to do the same for Caleb, in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's that for their first afternoon on Rumblecusp!!! we've officially finished the opening arc and are now heading into the Rumblecusp/TravelerCon arc and oh my goodness I didn't even realize I had a story with more than one arc until i put all my travelercon ideas on one doc to sort them out and ohhhh boy am I super duper THRILLED for everything
> 
> so since i started writing this fic before CR came back from the covid hiatus, i had absolutely 0 idea that Vokodo and the Vo and all that wild shit was gonna be on Rumblecusp, so that will not be present at all in this canon divergent au, imma just stick with what i had planned because that just makes for a smoother telling of the story I want to write, and I just really hope you guys like it!!!
> 
> (in the future i might write a Shadowgast fic on Rumblecusp and deal with all that lovely lovely memory loss shit but y'know for now i'm sticking for this fic i gotta have at least a shred of impulse control)
> 
> anyway, little behind the scenes on the way i'm viewing Rumblecusp: the setting I'm using is actually inspired by places in Honduras I've been to when I've visited family!! its a bit of a hybrid of a hidden seaside lagoon about a half hour from my dad's hometown and the beaches of the city of Tela, its honestly such a beautiful country with such amazing people and idk maybe i'm biased because my dad's from there but like i like including it in this fic even if its just as inspiration for a setting, reminds of me fun memories
> 
> also, that bit with Fjord's jaw hardening as he watches where Beau and Caleb disappeared to after Caleb had his episode? that was the exact moment that Fjord put 2 + 2 together and realized that Caleb killed his family with fire and idk man i guess i just wanted to make a subtle point about that y'know???
> 
> deadass tho this chapter was kind of ridiculously hard to write, i wrote two different starts to it but they didn't feel right like they felt clunky and off and idk and it wasn't until the third try that i finally felt it flow and i got in the groove again so aside from doing more around the house it was also kinda just my writer brain having to work through some funk
> 
> anyway, thank you all so very much for writing!! I hope i can get the next chapter up soon!!! I love you all so very, very much, I really hope you liked this chapter, please don't forget to love each other, wear your masks, wash your hands, appreciate yourself as much as you appreciate the people around you, stay safe, and, is it Thursday yet? I love you guys!!!
> 
> The Shadowgast boys live in my head rent free and I can't wait to write more for this fic!!


	15. Party Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mighty Nein put the finishing touches on their Rumblecusp camp and Jester lays out a tentative gameplan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy!!! so i finished this chapter yesterday but i was absolutely beat and so i decided to reread/edit it later today and it also happens to be on September, 9th so y'know NEIN day :)))) 
> 
> also, to all the lovely people that have left comments, I promise I'll answer them!!! its just taking me a bit in between writing and housework and other jazz, but slowly but surely i'll get through them all!! thank you all so much for commenting and just know that i read every single one as soon as i get them and they make my day 100x better <3
> 
> also also, really sorry about this chapter taking a bit to come out, i deadass was like ooop it'll be like 5 pages long tops, it won't be too long then 5 turned into 7 and 7 into 10 and by the time i finished it was 13 pages long so yuuuup!!! its a planning chapter where the Mighty Nein gather their bearings as to what lies ahead in the coming week ;)))
> 
> anyway, enough of me, i hope you guys like the chapter!!!

The night went by without issue, with everyone pairing up and taking on different times for night watch. They’d all agreed to let Orly and the rest of the crew sleep through the night, just so they could readjust their sleep schedules to accommodate for all the daytime activities that TravelerCon would have.

Essek had been allotted a watch with Caleb a little after midnight, and while the thought of being alone with him had made his heart beat faster, he’d ended up letting Caleb sleep through their shift. 

“Caleb won’t be too happy about not being called for his watch, but he needs his rest,” Veth had said, agreeing with Essek’s decision and patting him on the arm as she and Yasha had retired to their huts after their watch.

And while Essek wasn’t surprised that Caleb would’ve wanted to be woken up, he hoped that Caleb wouldn’t be too upset about it. He had looked absolutely exhausted when everyone had gone off to bed for the night, the dregs of whatever waking nightmare had taken Caleb still clinging to him like spiderwebs.

After gliding through life with the firm belief that nothing was beyond his control, it had been hard to accept that Essek could do nothing to help Caleb - but he could do this, at least. He could let him sleep, and hope that it was a restful night for him.

Once it was time to call for Beauregard and Jester, Essek had retreated to his hut, intending to spend the rest of the night reading. He’d already gotten his full trance in, and while he could’ve stayed on watch during Jester and Beauregard’s shift as well, he’d decided to leave them be. Essek didn’t want to intrude, and from the sounds of their hushed conversation it was clear that they wanted some privacy.

Besides, Essek quietly admitted to himself as he carefully lit a small candle.  _ Zemnian Nights _ was starting to get really good.

* * *

Morning came in a flurry of activity as Jester told everyone that the Traveler had come to visit her in the early hours before sunrise. He’d said something about ensuring that everyone would be arriving the following morning, which meant that they had the rest of the day to finish up everything that needed to be ready. Or, well, as ready as they’d ever be.

When Caleb had woken up to the bubbly chatter of his friends, a part of him had still expected it to be dark out. He  _ had _ been assigned the midnight shift, afterall. But after sitting up and rubbing a tired hand over his eyes, he realized that it was 8 in the morning - 8:14, Nicodranas time, to be exact. So, definitely past his shift.

He felt a sinking disappointment at missing the time alone he would have had with Essek, but decided not to dwell on it - despite sleeping fitfully, he had managed to scrape together a decent rest by sleeping through the night, something that would have been near impossible had he woken up to take watch. This was for the best, and if he truly wanted to help Jester with her endeavour, he needed to be in relatively good shape.

With a soft sigh he climbed out of bed, getting ready quickly before finally leaving his hut, finding everyone around the cooking fire already having breakfast.

“Good morning,” Caduceus called out, waving a wooden spoon at him.

“ _ Guten morgen _ ,” he answered, drawing closer to the group. He let out a breath of relief he didn’t even realize he was holding when he saw that Caduceus had made scrambled eggs for breakfast - no oatmeal. The harpies had been swiftly dealt with and Caleb hadn’t spoiled their day with his episode - yesterday hadn’t turned into a bad day. It made Caleb feel a little better.

“Did you sleep well, Caleb?” Veth asked, patting the space between herself and Essek.

Caleb felt himself beginning to nod but stopped himself, deciding to be a touch more honest as he shrugged. “It was, ah, adequate. I did manage to sleep a little better since someone forgot to wake me for my watch,” he said, glancing at Essek.

The tips of Essek’s ears darkened as he looked down at the teacup he was holding. His finger rubbed nervously at the edge of the cup as he peeked over at Caleb before looking away again. “I-I, ah, thought it would be, ah - I -”

“No, it is fine,” Caleb assured Essek, taking the seat beside him. “Thank you, Essek.”

Essek relaxed instantly. “It was a completely uneventful watch, you didn’t miss anything,” Essek told him. He frowned to himself. “So, I mean, it was a good watch since nothing happened. That’s what we’re supposed to want, right? Uneventful shifts?”

“You don’t get out of your tower much, do you?” Beau asked, pausing in her eating to arch a brow at him.

He shook his head, flushing in embarrassment. “Outside of my duties, ah, no, not really.”

“Not a problem,” Jester grinned. “You’re going to get to know the world real quick - and, like, not just through night watches and stuff.”

“I don’t even think I know what ‘stuff’ you’re referring to,” Essek got out.

“Like, I said, don’t worry about it,” Jester said, waving his worries aside as she stood up. She clapped her hands together. “And now, to prepare for TravelerCon 3000! Oh my gosh, this is so exciting you guys.”

“So you got a game plan for today?” Fjord asked.

Jester poked at her cheeks, brow furrowing. “Kind of - like, I’m gonna go make a couple of signs right now but I’ll let you all finish breakfast, and then I’ll fill you all in and everything,” she finished before taking off to her hut.

“It's going to be a m-m-mighty long day,” Orly hummed, downing the rest of his drink as he slowly stood as well.

“You say that as if you’re surprised,” Gallan commented, still halfway through his meal.

“N-n-not surprised,” Orly told him, a smile spreading across his face. “Just ready to see what Jester’s got up her sleeve.”

* * *

As everyone slowly begins to finish up breakfast, they all start to head after Jester in twos and threes to ask about the things that need to be done. She offers up a small list of tasks - like getting the remainder of the things they might need off the ship, helping her make and put up signs, building a stage, and other odds and ends that Essek wouldn’t have even thought of since these would have been tasks relegated to people beneath his station in the Dynasty.

Not that he’d ever been one to plan for festivities, but the few events held in the name of the Luxon that the Kryn celebrated never really made it on his radar. They were just things that happened - so all of this planning was entirely new to him.

Caleb had been quick to volunteer his services to create the stage, along with Caduceus. They briefly mentioned a combined use of a few spells that would make it a manageable task, and under Jester’s direction they had an area in front of the lagoon where they would be building the stage.

“It’s going to be, like,” she had made a flattening motion with her hand. “The ground, the floor - like, the bottom threshold of the doorway.”

They’d nodded their understanding to Jester’s explanation before Caleb and Caduceus went off, talking amongst themselves about what would be the best way to build the stage.

Essek ended up joining Yasha and Shelda at the  _ Balleater _ , knowing that his gravitational magic would make it easier to get things off the ship. At least he hoped it would make it easier - he wasn’t going to be much help in the physical strength department.

Getting things off the ship had turned into getting everything near Essek before he used a couple  _ telekinesis _ spells to get the things onto the ground. Then it meant a few trips back and forth from the ship to get everything to the huts, with Yasha and Shelda doing the bulk of the lifting as Essek lessened the weight of the objects they carried, with himself carrying a few things as well as his  _ unseen servant _ carried his parasol for him to keep him out of the hot sun.

It ended up taking all morning, and by the time lunch rolled around they were bringing in the last few crates and dropping them off to get sorted out later.

Yasha and Shelda were still rearranging the crates when Essek broke away from them as he found Fjord and Caduceus at the cooking fire, with Fjord putting the finishing touches on an umbrella made of palm fronds, staking it into the ground to remain a firm fixture over half of the logs they’d adopted as seating around the fire.

“That should do it,” Fjord said, wiping his hands on his trousers as he glanced at Caduceus. “Essek won’t have to keep balancing his parasol when we’re eating during the day, and we also get some shade for whoever wants to get out of the sun.”

Essek froze before he approached as he found himself warm with a rush of fondness, feeling extremely touched that Fjord had thought to do that for him.

Caduceus’ ears twitched before he turned, catching sight of Essek. “Perfect timing,” Caduceus smiled, gesturing at the space in front of him - in particular the small clay oven that sat near the cooking fire. “Lunch’s almost ready.”

“Is there, ah - is there anything else that needs to be done?” Essek asked, clearing his throat as he drew closer.

“Only thing that needs to be done now is to have lunch,” Caduceus told him. “Everyone should be coming back around in a bit - hard work builds up quite the appetite.”

Hearing that made Essek realize exactly how hungry he was. He was used to working long hours and missing meals, but he’d never really thought about how he felt hungry or tired or anything like that. It was new to allow himself to actually acknowledge these feelings rather than just push them aside as necessary inconveniences that took time out of his day to deal with.

“Do you need help with the cooking?” Essek said, coming to stand beside where Caduceus was pulling off the kettle from the open flame.

“If you could grab the bowls, that’d be great,” Caduceus answered, starting to pour out a couple cups of tea.

Essek did as requested, finding the bowls neatly stacked in a small crate along with other cooking utensils. They were still a little damp, probably from having been taken to get washed after breakfast that morning.

As he began handing them to Caduceus the rest of the Mighty Nein began to find their way to them, with Jester happily complimenting Gallan on his work with reinforcing the huts while Veth and Beauregard announced that the showers worked “like a breeze.”

“I gotta admit, for something that literally sprouted from the ground, they’re pretty nice,” Beauregard told them, although she still seemed extremely begrudging about it as she toweled her hair dry.

Shelda and Yasha joined them, followed by Orly and Marius, which finally brought Caleb who trailed behind everyone else.

He was missing his coat - which wasn’t a surprise given the heat - and he had his sleeves rolled up. Frumpkin was perched comfortably on his shoulder and his spellbook was slung in it's holster, tucked away but ready for use at a moment’s notice.

And while seeing Caleb like that wasn’t a new sight by any means, that didn’t mean Essek found him any less handsome. It sometimes hit him out of nowhere how pretty Caleb looked in the sunlight after having only seen him illuminated by Rosohna’s lanterns for so long. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of seeing him like this.

As if sensing Essek’s eyes on him, Caleb turned, catching Essek’s gaze for a split second before Essek turned away quickly. He felt himself flush at having been caught, but pretended to be completely engrossed in passing out bowls of food as Caleb came to find a seat in the shade. He hoped he was able to play it off adequately.

Then Caduceus handed Essek two bowls.

“One’s for you, and one’s for Caleb - I think everyone else’s got food now, so eat up,” Caduceus told him, motioning towards Caleb’s direction.

Essek nodded, finding himself a little nervous as he got up and made his way to Caleb. He held the bowl out to him. “It’s mushroom casserole,” Essek got out, not knowing what else to say.

“It’s been a bit since Caduceus has had a chance to make a casserole like this,” Caleb said, taking the bowl from Essek.

And while Essek should have expected the soft warmth of Caleb’s skin as their fingers brushed together, he only felt himself flush even more at the contact.

“Are you going to sit as well?” Caleb asked, looking up at Essek.

“Y-yes, of course,” Essek answered, sitting down beside Caleb quickly - too quickly, Essek knew, feeling how awkward he was being and wracking his brain to desperately try to smooth out the moment.

But all he could think of was to just dig into his meal, so that’s what he ended up doing.

He could feel Caleb’s eyes on him, and he could almost swear that he saw the start of an amused smile on Caleb’s lips, but then Caleb was eating his food too, thankfully allowing Essek some time to regain his cool.

* * *

“Do you need help with that?” Caleb asked, catching up to Essek as Essek made his way to the eastern side of their makeshift village, to the area that had apparently been assigned for dishes and other non-shower-or-latrine-related cleaning. There were about six medium sized basins, all made of tightly woven palm fronds and vines that worked as sinks. The water had to be brought up from the lagoon - unlike the fancy showers Veth and Beauregard had explained had a seemingly unlimited amount of water - but Marius and Fjord had taken care of bringing a couple of barrels and filling them with enough water that would easily last for them to wash their dishes.

Essek looked down at the small crate he was carrying, balancing it along with the parasol he had leaning against his shoulder to keep the sun off himself. “Ah, it's just dishes…” Essek trailed off, not wanting to admit he could handle washing them but that he could use a bit of help carrying them.

“I can at least help you get them over there,” Caleb offered, holding out his hands for the crate, almost as if he were able to read Essek’s mind.

“That would be much appreciated,” Essek told him, handing off the crate and readjusting the parasol that had started to slip from his grasp.

He knew he could have easily cast  _ unseen servant _ again, but it didn’t seem worth it for the short walk to the wash basins - and now he was secretly glad he hadn’t since it meant that Caleb had accompanied him for the walk. He was much more composed now than he’d been earlier during their meal, too, so that was a plus.

“Have you finished with the stage?” Essek asked, moving the parasol so that it covered the both of them.

“We’ve, ah, finished most of it,” Caleb said, giving an easy shrug. “Now all that’s left is just adding a few steps to get up to it, and maybe some finishing touches that Jester might request, and it should be done. Did you finish getting the things off the ship?”

Essek nodded. “We managed to get everything to camp right before lunch. I think all that’s left is putting things in their proper places.”

“Ah,” Caleb hummed. “Nothing too hard.”

They continued on in comfortable silence until they got to the basins, where Caleb set the crate down on the side as Essek sat on one of the thick tree roots that had erupted from the ground to serve as stools.

And while Essek had expected an easy parting as Caleb went back to finish the stage, he instead found Caleb shifting where he stood, tugging at his rolled up shirtsleeves.

He raised a brow at Caleb. “Is everything alright?”

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb nodded quickly, scratching the back of his neck before he stated, “You’re more comfortable at night.”

“Um, yes?” Essek answered, not sure why Caleb was bringing that up.

Caleb tapped at his forearm. “And, ah, your elven sleep - it lasts less than how much we need to rest, correct?”

“It takes me about half as much time, yes,” Essek agreed.

“Ah - so Caduceus brought this up, and I don’t know how I didn’t think about it before,” Caleb began in a rush, running a hand through his hair, messing up his ponytail slightly and sending strands of red hair to frame his face. “But maybe you might feel more comfortable sleeping some time after lunch when the day is at its hottest?”

Essek blinked up at Caleb, completely caught off guard by the suggestion. Trancing during the day - it would certainly minimize his time out in the sun, and it might mean that everyone got a full night’s rest as he’d be able to stay up through the night. It was a win-win situation, and something that  _ he _ should have probably thought of himself.

But instead Caduceus had thought of it, had cared enough to put some thought into what might help Essek feel more comfortable, just as Fjord had done so by putting up the shade by the cooking fire.

He blinked again, finding a sharp stinging in his eyes as he nodded, looking away for a second before meeting Caleb’s gaze again. “That, ah -” He cleared his throat. “That would actually make things much easier for me.”

The smile Caleb gave him was so soft, and a touch relieved, and just a tiny bit  _ more _ as Caleb nodded. “ _ Gut _ , good - that’s good.” His brow furrowed suddenly. “It might mean the nights feel a little longer since you’ll be the only one up.”

Essek waved that worry aside. “That’s nothing new, I’m used to being alone.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth Caleb frowned, his blue eyes softening as Essek realized just how  _ lonely _ that sounded. And it made him feel a twinge of sadness just how honest those words truly were.

“This’ll be a new kind of alone, though,” Essek tried to amend. “You’ll all still be close, even if you’re asleep.”

“And if you need m- _ us _ , any of us, we wouldn’t let you stay up alone,” Caleb assured him.

A soft warmth spread through Essek’s chest at Caleb’s words, knowing that Caleb was telling the truth. Essek might be alone while everyone sleeps, but he wouldn’t be lonely. It was comforting.

“I can handle myself for a few hours,” Essek told him. “I still haven’t finished the book Jester lent to me, so I could make some headway while you all sleep.”

“The offer will still stand though,” Caleb said.

Essek smiled. “I know. And might I remind you that I did handle myself well enough while you slept during our shift.”

Caleb shook his head, looking exasperated. “You could have just woken me up -”

“But I wanted you to sleep,” Essek reminded him. He pushed up his own shirtsleeves, getting ready to wash the dishes and wanting to look casual and unaffected as he added, “I have to make sure my best student gets enough sleep to be ready for whenever the next lesson comes around.”

“I suppose I do need to be at my best for that,” Caleb allowed, and Essek felt a bubble of pride swell in his chest when he saw the dusting of pink on Caleb’s cheeks.

“Mhm,” Essek hummed. He glanced back at where their huts were, catching sight of the almost finished stage that sat in front of the lagoon. “Maybe when you’re all done with that…”

Caleb followed his gaze, realizing what he was referring to before he shook his head reluctantly. “While I would, ah, love to learn more magic, I think today might not be it. Jester’ll probably drop all her ideas on us later, and who knows what we’ll need to prepare for that.”

Essek’s brow furrowed, not having realized that they really  _ didn’t _ know what Jester had in store for them yet - aside from whatever would require a stage. “That is certainly something we have to contend with.”

“And besides,” Caleb finished, clapping a hand on Essek’s shoulder. “You need sleep, too.”

His thumb brushed along the sliver of exposed skin at Essek’s collarbone, making Essek’s heart beat faster as Caleb pulled his hand back quickly.

“I - ah, I should go back and help Caduceus finish that,” Caleb added, waving his hand in the general direction of the stage.

“Yeah, that - go do that,” Essek got out, feeling the tips of his ears begin to heat up. “I, um - I’ll probably go and trance after I finish with this,” he said, referring to the dishes.

“Right, that sounds,” Caleb nodded, not finishing his sentence. “Okay,” he breathed out, crossing and uncrossing his arms as he shifted on his feet before he just said, “I’ll see you later” - and then he was off.

As soon as Essek felt that Caleb was far enough away, he let his head fall into his hands in embarrassment. What was that? Why had a simple touch sent Essek’s heart pounding like that?

Then he thought of Caleb’s reaction, of the hint of a blush and the quick get away. What had  _ that _ been?

His mind eagerly supplied Jester’s words to him from the dance at Nicodranas.

_ Because, man, Caleb really likes him too. _

“No, can’t be,” Essek mumbled to himself, rubbing at his face before straightening himself up. There had to be something else, he thought as he reached for the dishes, intending to start washing them.

_ But what if he does like you? _ a quiet voice whispered in the back of his head, that small part of him that harbored all the hopes he’d promised himself he’d discarded before.  _ What then? _

* * *

“I think this should be enough for everyone,” Caduceus said, surveying their work with satisfaction. They had just finished building the last of a dozen other cooking fire pits, coupling them with tiny clay ovens to help with meals.

“Hopefully there’s enough people to step up to the plate to help with the cooking,” Caleb adds, letting the  _ earthen grasp _ drop, with the cat’s paw that had emerged from the ground with the spell slowly resettling as if it’d never been there in the first place. “Pun intended.”

Caduceus shook his head, giving Caleb a quiet laugh. “We’ll figure something out if there isn’t,” Caduceus shrugged. “We’ve figured out harder things before.”

“You certainly always look on the bright side,” Caleb commented.

He smiled. “Thank you.”

“And so we’re done for the day? Jester doesn’t need anything else?” Caleb asked, starting to feel a bit of his spellwork exhaustion catching up to him. They hadn’t been taxing spells by any means, but having cast them so many times during the day...the magical cost adds up.

“All that’s left is Jester’s ‘beachside bonfire’,” Caduceus tells him. He looks out towards the sun, where it's hanging low on the horizon. “That shouldn’t be until another hour though, she said she wanted us all to gather round once it was dark out.”

“Then that’s an hour of time to kill, I suppose,” Caleb mused. He really didn’t have anything planned though. “Do you need help making dinner?”

Caduceus shook his head. “Fjord and Orly said they had dinner covered today. Fjord told me Orly was going to teach him to spear fish - how to use a fishing spear?” Caduceus’ brow furrowed as he thought before he just finished, “Don’t remember the correct term, all I know is that they’re catching fish for everyone and Orly put Marius in charge of fruits and vegetables for us vegetarians to give me the night off.” He seems to notice the way Caleb deflates just slightly as he adds, “But you can come with me to watch them fish. Should be fun.”

Caleb wants to join Caduceus, he really, really does, not only to watch what should be a very entertaining fishing session, but also to keep from being alone. Being with someone else helps keep him from his own thoughts, and today’s work has helped tremendously with that as it's kept him busy and focused on the tasks at hand. Being alone, especially after yesterday’s episode...he’s worried about his thoughts straying down a darker path. 

But then he feels the way his shirt’s sticking to his back from how he’s been sweating in the heat, and his hair must be a disaster with how often he’s found himself having to pull it back up again. He hasn’t had a proper bath since Nicodranas, with the only chance to bathe being with the use of wash basins in the water closet on the  _ Balleater _ . As soon as he’d heard how nice the showers were from Veth and Beau, he’d been sorely tempted to try them out.

And besides, taking care of himself physically was important too. It’d been a while since he’d let himself go like that, but he didn’t want it to happen again. He’d always felt so much worse when he was filthy and itchy and playing the part of a waifish beggar, and while it’d been in part for survival purposes, he’d also just been neglecting to take care of himself all that time. He hadn’t had the motivation to - and even worse, he hadn’t thought he deserved better than the sorry state he was in.

“I think I might go shower,” he hears himself say to Caduceus. “The last time I’ve been this sweaty was when we were in that bathhouse in Rexxentrum.”

“That was a fun time,” Caduceus smiled. He nodded towards the treeline, where the showers were located just a few yards into the trees for privacy’s sake. “I’ll leave you to it then. Hope the water’s fine.”

“It better be from the way the girls were talking it up earlier,” Caleb jokes. He waves in the general direction of the lagoon. “Send my luck to the fishermen.”

“I certainly will,” Caduceus nods, taking his leave and heading towards the lagoon as Caleb follows his lead and begins to make his way to the showers, stopping by his hut only briefly to pick up clean clothes.

He feels a small ball of dread settle in the pit of his stomach, not looking forward to being alone with his thoughts while he bathes, but he does his best to shrug off that worry, assuring himself that he can simply recite material components while he showers until he’s all done and he can rejoin his friends. It’s monotonous and repetitive, but he’s preferred this method better than when he would start counting to keep his mind occupied.

But at least he doesn’t let his dread deter him, doesn’t let it talk him out of this one simple task that he knows will make him feel better - so he heads into the treeline, looking for the showers and starting off with the components to  _ find familiar _ .

* * *

Essek wakes from his trance to the sound of Yasha assuring Jester that she’s “got it.”

“This log isn’t even that big, the ones earlier were bigger - I’ll get it over there in no time,” she says.

“Oh, okay,” Jester answers, sounding only a little unsure. “I can help you though, so you don’t have to carry it alone.”

“You’ve done enough work today organizing everything,” Yasha tells her. “It’s time you take a little break and enjoy the night, High Priestess Lavorre.”

Jester giggles. “That’s such a fancy title - I don’t think I’m ever going to get over it.”

“Well, get used to hearing that because that’s going to probably be the only thing people are gonna call you for the next week,” Beauregard adds. “ _ High Priestess Lavorre this, High Priestess Lavorre that _ \- for a week straight.”

“Are you jealous that I’m going to be sharing my attention with more people, Beau?” Jester asks, tone suggestive and teasing.

“N-no,” Beauregard stutters in response. There’s a beat of silence before she huffs out an exasperated, “Okay so what if I’m going to be jealous? They’ll only get your attention for a week, we get to keep it always afterwards.”

“Always, huh?” Jester repeats.

Even though it was dark out as Essek made his way out of his hut, he could still see the darkening blush on Beauregard’s face. “Well, you know what I - Essek, heeeeyyy, you’re up!” Beauregard greeted, immediately zoning in on him and changing the subject.

“This is great, that means we can start the bonfire!” Jester grinned, her teasing of Beauregard momentarily forgotten.

He looked between all three of them. “Were you waiting for me?”

“Of course,” Jester answered, like it was obvious.

“We were just getting everything ready - this is the last thing we need to take over there and we’re done,” Yasha told him, lifting up the log she had in her arms like it weighed nothing at all as she nodded towards the lagoon, drawing his attention to a shimmer of orange that flickered on the sandy beach beyond.

“I think Orly’s roasting some fish over the fire, so we should really get going to get it while it's fresh,” Jester said, reaching out and taking Beauregard’s hand as she began to pull her towards the beach. Beauregard went easily, with Yasha falling into step behind the pair.

Essek followed behind Yasha, waving his hand to create the familiar sigil that would make the log Yasha carried lighten in her grip. The effect was instantaneous as some of the tension in Yasha’s shoulders relaxed and Yasha was able to more comfortably adjust the log in her arms.

She glanced over her shoulder at him, giving him a grateful smile. “Thank you, Essek.”

He inclined his head slightly. “Just glad I could help.”

“Got all your magic back after you went to bed?” Jester asked, moving to stand beside Yasha and bringing Beauregard with her. She extended her free hand to Essek.

“Resting certainly renews my magical reserves,” Essek tells her, hesitantly taking her hand.

Jester pulls him to stand beside her, looping her arm with his now that he’s standing next to her. “So it was a good sleep, then?”

“It was good,” Essek nodded. “It also greatly helped fight with the heat.” He was glad he’d decided to shower before he’d tranced. The cool water was refreshing, and it made it easy for him to trance when he’d gone back to his hut since he’d been able to shrug off the heat for a while.

“Beau wasn’t wrong - they’re super nice,” Jester said. “Like, nicer than most inns where we’ve stayed at, except for maybe the Pillow Trove.”

“The Pillow Trove was nice, but it doesn’t have that tropical feel we have here,” Yasha pointed out.

“I don’t think anywhere we’ve been has had this much of a ‘tropical feel’,” Beauregard admitted. The girls began to recall places they’d been to, listing crappy inns and nice rooms and laughing at fond memories. Essek listens in, finding their stories entertaining - and once again ending up with more questions than he started, especially when Jester mentions that her dad’s a mob boss that works out of a tavern called the Evening Nip where they stayed at once.

Their conversation makes the walk around the lagoon feel short though, and it's not long before they’ve reached what has now turned into a roaring bonfire on the beach.

“Food’s almost ready,” Fjord tells them, turning over a couple wooden spears lined with fish. There’s a pair of spears loaded with fruit, too.

“Lots of good fishin’ here,” Orly says from the log he’s sitting on. “Haven’t seen this m-many m-m-mojarras since I was with the Ki’Nau.”

“And so it meant a lot of fish to clean,” Shelda added in a low grumble. She wrinkled her nose and looked down at her hands. “I feel like I still smell like fish guts.”

“You always smell like fish guts,” Marius quipped, earning a punch in the arm from Shelda.

Gallan watched the two, rolling his eyes at their antics.

Beside Gallan sat Caleb, reading out of his spellbook by the light of the fire. Essek moves to sit next to him as Yasha settles the last log into the sand before all three girls take it up for themselves.

Caleb glances up at him out of the corner of his eye before turning to him fully, as if not expecting to see him.

“Hello,” Essek greeted with a smile.

“ _ Hallo _ ,” Caleb responded with a smile of his own. Without looking down at his spellbook he marks the page he was on with a loose sheet of parchment before closing it. “You almost missed Jester’s run down of the week’s events.”

“She was finally giving us a run down?” Essek asked, glancing over at their friend. She was animatedly explaining something to Yasha, pointing up at the sky.

“Mhm,” Caleb hummed. He followed Essek’s gaze, calling out to Jester. “High Priestess Lavorre? I think we’re now ready to hear about what you’ve got planned for the week.”

A wide grin spread across Jester’s face as she jumped to her feet. “And I am so ready to tell you guys all about it!” She clasped her hands behind her back, trying to give off a professional air as she began pacing back and forth. “As you all know, for the next week we’re going to be having lots of people for TravelerCon 3000 -”

“Wooooo, TravelerCon 3000!” Veth cheered.

Jester beamed at her before continuing, “And, like, we need activities, right? Things to do to keep people occupied and to have a good time. We’re obviously going to have an amazing concert courtesy of Yasha and the Orphanmakers,” Jester says, motioning to Yasha and then to Caduceus. “And I’ve also been talking to, you know,” she raises a hand to the sky. “My god, and there are a couple more things we decided on. The plan is still to get followers to quit relying on him, to stop, like, asking him for stuff and things like that. And so we want them to rely on themselves and each other.”

She pauses, clearly for dramatic effect, until Veth asks loudly, “So what’ll we do to do that?”

It was clear that Veth and Jester had the dialogue more or less rehearsed because Jester snaps her fingers, pointing at Veth. “I’m glad you asked!” She claps her hands together. “So, one of the things we want to do is teach people to fight -”

“I wasn’t expecting that, but I’m diggin’ it,” Beauregard says, nodding along to what Jester’s saying.

“Like, that can be something Yasha and Beau and Veth and Fjord can help people with, that way they know how to take care of themselves and stuff.” Jester turns to each of them as she continues, “You know, they can learn how to fight with a sword or with a crossbow or with their fists.”

“We could even have, like, a tournament,” Yasha adds.

“Oh my gosh, a tournament!” Jester exclaims. She turns to Veth. “We need to write that down.”

“On it,” Veth says, pulling out a scrap of paper and a small stick of charcoal and beginning to write.

Then Jester composes herself, regaining her “priestly” air. “And, you know, not everyone has the gifts that the Traveler has given me, his first and favorite follower.” There’s a set of echoing whispers that repeat bits of her sentence, her spellcasting punctuating her words. She waves a hand and the whispers cease. “This is, as you all know, something that wasn’t taught. But what you have -” She points at Veth, at Caleb, at Essek. “You  _ learned  _ it, and you’ve even taught each other! Maybe you could teach a small spell or two to the people who come here so that they, like, decide to learn magic like that and they learn how to ‘rely on themselves’ for that.”

Caleb nods slowly, digesting her words. “That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I’d be willing to try.”

Essek, however, is much more hesitant. “I, ah, could teach something small, but it - I wouldn’t feel comfortable teaching dunamancy -”

“No, no, no, I get it,” Jester instantly assures him. “I understand that dunamancy is really, really special to you and to the Dynasty. It's whatever spell you’re okay with teaching, or you could help Caleb teach one of his spells.”

Hearing that helps him relax as he glances at Caleb. “I’m sure we can, ah, figure something out.”

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb smiles at him before turning to Jester. “We’ll pick something fun.”

Jester looks absolutely giddy at their response as she looks to Caduceus. “And you, my fellow cleric,” she says.

“That’s me,” Caduceus says, smiling easily.

“I’m not putting you in charge of anything - not that I can think of right now at least,” she tells him, before rushing on, “But that’s not because I don’t think you can, like, do super cool things. It's just that I kind of want you to be with me the whole time, helping guide me through all this religious stuff.” She pokes at her cheeks. “Like, help guide me guide the followers of the Traveler in moving on from the Traveler. You’re an expert at helping people move on, right?”

“This is a little different from mourning someone, but there is some overlap,” Caduceus muses. “I feel honored that you’d want me to guide you with all this, though.”

“Oh, Caduceus,” Jester gushes, holding her hands to her chest. She then turns to the rest of the crew. “And you guys - don’t think I’ve forgotten all of you.”

“After everything that we’ve been doing today, I would hope not,” Gallan joked.

“You guys are mostly going to be helping Caduceus and me keep the peace and keep things running smoothly,” Jester told them. “So it’s going to be a lot of jack-of-all-trades work.”

“We can definitely do that,” Orly nodded.

“Good, good, good, good, good,” Jester smiled. She dances a little shimmy before letting herself drop into the space between Yasha and Beauregard. “Oooof, that was a lot of information.”

“And that’s all you’ve got planned?” Fjord asked, sounding a little skeptical.

“For now,” Jester clarified.

Fjord began to pull the spears of fish and fruit from the fire. “For now,” he repeated, sounding only a little worried about that. “Well, now that we’ve got a clearer picture of what to look forward to - time to eat.”

He began to hand out the food, handing the fruit ones to Caduceus and Marius and the rest to everyone else. Essek got a kebab with two fish skewered onto it, yellowfin mojarras from what Orly called them. Freshwater fish, apparently.

“Do you like fish, Essek?” Veth asked, moving to sit on the ground in front of himself and Caleb. She set a wooden bowl between them. “For the bones,” she explained.

Essek stared down at the fish still skewered to the spear he’d been handed. “Ah...I’ve, ah, had fish before, but it's not very common…” he trailed off.

Veth instantly picks up on what he was trying to say. “I can teach you how to pick the meat off the bones? That way you don’t run the risk of choking or something.”

That sounded like a great idea. “Thank you,” Essek told her. “I would definitely prefer not to choke.”

“Are you sure?” Jester stage whispered to him from where she sat across the fire. “Because, like, you can’t knock it til you -”

“The fish is really good,” Yasha announced loudly, pulling off a piece of meat from the fish on her skewer and popping it into Jester’s mouth. “Good, right?”

“Delicious,” Jester agreed, digging into her own food now that she’d had a taste.

Essek felt himself flush at what was obviously some kind of euphemism Jester was giving him, but he just shook his head and focused on Veth’s lesson, following her directions and peeling bone spikes from the mojarra, dropping them into the bowl between them. There were points when even Caleb asked Veth about a particular part of the fish, getting help on how best to make sure not a piece of it went to waste.

“This is one of those things that I picked up from the goblins,” Veth says offhandedly. “There wasn’t always enough food to go around, and you learned fast how to make the most of what you got.”

Hearing that brings Essek pause, looking up from Veth’s hands to Veth herself. She doesn’t sound upset, or angry, or anything - she’s just matter-of-fact about it. He then glances around, wondering if anyone else has heard her. Caleb must have, and Gallan probably heard her too. Maybe even Caduceus and Fjord and Orly - but no one bats an eye from how easily she says it, treating it like it's perfectly normal for her to recall her time living with goblins after having been turned into one herself.

But, Essek thinks, it  _ is _ normal here. Normalcy is relative and it's  _ her _ normal that everyone’s adapted to, just like how Caleb had some kind of episode the day before and everyone knew what to do, adapting accordingly to what he needed. They didn’t make a big deal about it - they worried and they helped him but they didn’t linger on it, treating him like normal.

It was all still so new to Essek.

In the Dynasty, there were norms and standards that people adhered to to fit in - and if one was a part of the dens, if one was consecuted, there were even narrower molds to fit into. Being in Den Bilan meant something different from being in Den Kryn or Den Duendalos. Being in Den Thelyss meant something, required certain behaviors and habits and customs. There was always some kind of code of conduct to follow, and it was something that Essek had never been able to adhere to, something that had always made Essek feel like an outsider that would never fit in.

Here though - everyone’s so different, and they’ve all adapted to each other rather than adapting to whatever rigid standards the world has imposed upon them.

And they’re adapting to him, too. They’ve adapted to his sensitivity to the sun, going all the way back to Jester making him a parasol to today, with Fjord creating the shade out of palm fronds and Caleb telling him about Caduceus’ idea for Essek to rest during the day.

It makes Essek oddly emotional because he’s never felt this warm and welcome anywhere, he’s never had friends like this, friends that _actually_ _like him_ and that _care_ and that are affectionate and weird and make him feel like he belongs.

“You alright?” Caleb asks him, looking a little worried.

“Yes,” Essek nods, swallowing the lump in his throat and blinking back tears. He takes a shaky breath. “I think I just, ah, swallowed a bone.”

Caleb doesn’t seem all too convinced, but it's a little white lie, something easier to do, something easier to say than to admit the overwhelming feeling that has settled in Essek’s chest, the fondness that he’s never really felt before that is making itself so acutely known for this group that has accepted him into their midst.

The feeling grows into a warm glow as he looks at Caleb, giving him a reassuring smile. “I’m okay, though. Really,” he tells him.

“It happens to the best of us,” Veth says. She nudges a water skin at him. “Just make sure to drink plenty of water to get rid of the itch in your throat.”

He nods again, taking the water skin and looking away from Caleb as he takes a drink, still basking in the warm glow that his friends have brought into his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this chapter had some little introspective bits that i'd been meaning to add, just some Essek realizing his friends care bits and other aspects of Caleb's depression and PTSD and how he's dealing with that
> 
> and also, ngl, i've been feeling some kinda way these last few weeks as i feel that Pandemic Depression 2: Electric Boogaloo settling in and so i'm just trying to hunker down and let these feelings pass before i'm feeling at my 100% again, so that's also why i'm taking a bit longer to write, its just that i'm only trying to write when i'm really motivated or else it's like pulling teeth :((( but once i get in that groove its just so much fun and it helps a ton!!!
> 
> thank you all so much for reading, i really, really, really hope you liked the chapter. I love you all so very very much, please stay safe, revisit something small that you enjoy and let yourself enjoy it again, wear a mask, don't forget to love each other, Black Lives Matter, (if you're from the US or you have elections coming up) make sure you're registered to vote and get ready to vote, wear your seatbelt, and, is it Thursday yet??
> 
> NEXT STOP: TRAVELERCON 3000


	16. Traveler Miracle Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As guests arrive, the Mighty Nein help Jester and Artagan kick off TravelerCon - with a small addition to their motley crew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *mushu rising from the ashes gif* I LIIIIIIVE
> 
> Happy Winter's Crest!!!!!
> 
> Happy Holidays to my lovely, lovely lovelies!!! I am so so so so so sorry that I was gone for so so long! A bit of a family emergency came up a few days after i published the last chapter which had required all hands on deck, and after everything got thankfully resolved for the best, I was just not in the proper headspace to write - then y'know holidays started rolling around and everything but like a week and a half ago i started feeling in the mood to write and I just wanted to make sure I came by with a chapter for Christmas!!!
> 
> and a small bit of really good news on my end that I wanted to share too!! I got a boyfriend!!! surprising I know, I know, and it is a little strange since we met through my cousin by playing videogames online together, but one thing led to another and yeah :))) he makes me so so so happy and I wanted to share that really happy tidbit with you guys too!! 
> 
> I hope you all are doing well, I love you all so so much! I will now stop with my rambling to get to the chapter!! I really hope you all like it :)))

“You’re gonna walk yourself into a rut with all that pacing you’re doing,” Fjord said, watching from where he sat with everyone else around the cooking fire as Jester turned to glance out to the sea before turning around and continuing to walk back and forth in front of them as she’d been doing for the better part of the last hour.

It was sometime after 9 according to Caleb, and they’d all already had a nice breakfast of mushroom pancakes, and now all that was left was to wait for the guests to arrive to get TravelerCon started. Waiting which apparently was not at all Jester’s forte - which, Essek found wholly unsurprising given how impatient she was with the peace talks and how she tended to be an acting force rather than just wait for things to occur around her.

So when she threw her hands up in impatient exasperation, her high priestess Traveler cloak billowing with the movement, it was to be expected. “What else am I supposed to do?” she asked, finally stopping in her tracks. “Like, we got everything ready yesterday - got all the guest huts checked out, built the stage, we’ve got latrines and showers and-and now all we gotta do is wait -” She ran her hands down her face as she sighed loudly, “But waiting is so hard when I know what’s coming - like, I just want everyone to get here so we can get this party started already.” With another glance towards the ocean she resumed her pacing, mumbling things to herself under her breath and tapping at her chin as she withdrew into her thoughts.

Veth stood up after watching her for another minute or two, marching over to Jester to see if she would be the one to succeed in getting their friend to relax some of that excited energy that kept her moving - thus far both Beauregard and Yasha, and Fjord if his comment counted as an attempt, had tried to get her to sit with them, but it had been to no avail. Veth however - she’d proven to be on a very similar wavelength to Jester during this whole TravelerCon planning endeavor, clearly illustrated by the fact that she was the only other person aside from Jester dressed in her cloak for the occasion. Maybe she could coax her to sit for a while.

“Heya, Jessie,” Veth started, falling into step beside Jester, who turned to acknowledge her but made no move to stop her pacing. “I know that you can’t wait to get this started - _I_ can’t wait, so I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for you with all that excitement - but-but don’t you want to start, I don’t know,” she made vague gestures with her hands, as if she were grasping her thoughts out of the air as she went. “Being all ‘high priestess’-like?”

Jester frowned, eyebrows furrowing. “Being all ‘high priestess’-like?”

“Yeah,” Veth nodded. “You know, set the example and all that - not that you haven’t already set an _amazing_ example with all your planning and just everything you do as the Traveler’s favorite follower, but, you know,” she leaned closer to Jester, putting a hand over her mouth to partially cover it as she stage whispered - rather loudly since Essek could still hear her - “You might make the newer priests and priestesses kinda nervous.”

“Oh, Veth,” Jester gasped, eyes widening. She turned to the group, eyes drifting over everyone before she straightened herself, clasping her hands behind her back and assuming an air that uncannily reminded Essek of the commanding elegance the Ruby of the Sea had.

Like mother, like daughter, he supposed.

“I am sorry you had to see me like that,” Jester told them, inclining her head. “It is unbefitting of the high priestess of the Traveler.” She glanced up at the sky. “Unbefitting of one who has a direct line of communication to the divine.” She took a deep breath before she cupped her hands around her mouth. “Yo, Traveler! What’s the hold up? Where the heck is everyone?”

There was a beat of silence where only the distant crashing of the waves could be heard before a dramatic sigh rang out from the hut behind them.

“Is that coming from my -” Marius started, slowly getting up from where he’d been sitting as Beauregard got to her feet with a suspicious look.

Essek found himself rising as well, mirroring Caleb beside him. It seemed like everyone was cautious of the sound, yet not alarmed - with the exception of Jester, who turned to the sound with a grin, and Caduceus, who seemed completely unperturbed.

Then the Traveler finally revealed himself from within, stepping out and saying, “Marius, Marius, Marius, are you worried I might find some contraband you might’ve snuck into TravelerCon?”

“Artie!” Jester exclaimed, running towards him as everyone relaxed as soon as they saw the cloaked figure emerge into the sunlight, at ease now that their suspicions were confirmed - or, mostly at ease. Beauregard was still glaring, although she begrudgingly got out of her defensive stance.

“I-I’ve got no contraband,” Marius quickly assured, watching as Jester launched herself into the Traveler’s arms, knocking his hood back to reveal his bright orange hair as he hugged her back with equal enthusiasm.

“Seeing a god just _appear_ ,” Essek got out, shaking his head in disbelief. “There’s no getting used to that, is there?”

“Not a god,” Caleb reminded him, watching the pair before knocking his shoulder to Essek’s. “But, ah, certainly not something easy to get used to.”

The Traveler turned to glance at Marius as he pulled back from Jester, fixing Marius with a disappointed frown. “Aww, I certainly hoped you might have something that would really liven things up,” he teased. His attention then returned to Jester. “And, to answer your questions - they’re on their way, my dear, just give them a bit more time.”

“Uuuugh,” Jester whined, throwing her head back. “But waiting is so boring, especially when we have so many fun things planned.”

“I know, I know,” the Traveler nodded in understanding, before grinning widely at her. “But you won’t have to worry about being bored much longer,” he reassured. He waved both hands in the air in front of him, shimmers of vibrant green following his movement like ribbons before they dissipated to reveal something long and thin and white in one hand, and a medium sized pouch in the other. “I heard that your flutist was in need of an instrument?”

“You brought a - oh my gosh, Caduceus! Yasha!” Jester clapped excitedly. She turned to them, striking a pose, “We got the band back together! Yasha and the Orphanmakers is complete!”

“Is that for me?” Caduceus asked, curiously looking at what the Traveler held in his hand.

“It definitely is, my very tall friend,” he answered, waving what Essek could now see was a flute. “And, hearing about your rather _interesting_ taste in flute-making material, I fetched this one special and carved it myself.” He winked at Caduceus. “I won’t disclose what poor creature’s bone you’ll be blowing, but let’s just say that dragon bones are severely overlooked when carving out bits of interest from a beast like that.”

“Excuse me - _dragon_ bones?” Fjord coughed. “You killed a _dragon_ just to make a flute out of it?” And thank the gods Fjord had asked - Essek had decided to keep his disbelief to himself since he didn’t know enough about this entity to know whether this was standard or not.

“Oh, no, no, no, I did nothing of the sort,” the Traveler began. He glanced at Jester. “Don’t get me wrong, I like your friends but not enough to go out and kill a dragon for the fun of it all - but I do happen to know where some other friends of mine _did_ kill a dragon, and I just went poking around and got lucky with some flute-making material,” he finished, holding the flute out to Caduceus as Caduceus stood and made his way over.

Just went poking around and got lucky - the Traveler certainly seemed like an apt deity to have threads woven into the Mighty Nein’s narrative. He certainly had the chaotic and unpredictable energy that meshed well with what this group had proven it could do.

“Thanks,” Caduceus smiled, examining the flute carefully and running his fingers over it, clearly appreciative of the craftsmanship.

“Your other friends?” Beauregard repeated, raising a brow.

“Yes, my other friends,” the Traveler nodded, apparently not taking any offense at all to whatever Beauregard’s tone was implying, and instead tapping Jester on the nose. “But they’ve got nothing on you, my high priestess.”

“Of course they’ve got nothing on me,” Jester shrugged, extending a hand and sweeping it around them. “I don’t see any of them here so I know they’re not as cool as me.”

Distant bird calls from the nearby jungle punctuated her words, and Essek could have almost sworn he saw something pass over the Traveler’s face - but the look was gone as quickly as it’d come, making Essek wonder if it’d ever been there at all.

“What’s in the bag?” Yasha asked, nodding towards what the Traveler had in his other hand.

“Oh, this? This is - this is actually for Caduceus as well,” he said, holding the pouch out to Caduceus. “From the Blooming Grove. Jester told me you were running low on tea.”

Caduceus’ smile widened further, his eyes softening as he gently took the bag from the Traveler, holding it like it was something precious. “I, ah, wow - somehow this is even more surprising than the flute. Thank you.”

“You should be thanking Jester, she’s the one that told me to pick it up,” the Traveler shrugged.

“Aww,” Caduceus got out, overcome with emotion. He pulled Jester into a side hug. “Thanks.”

“No problem, buddy,” Jester smiled, patting him on the back. “I just, like, _sent_ a message to Clarabelle and had her fix you something up. I’m glad you like the surprise.”

“I love it,” Caduceus said, pulling back and giving Jester a watery smile. “I actually didn’t realize how sad I’d be if I did run out until I -” He shook the pouch lightly. “Didn’t have to worry about that anymore.”

“That sister of yours did want me to deliver a message to you though - she said the seeds have taken root.” The Traveler tapped his chin, giving Caduceus an apologetic look. “That’s all she said. She told me you’d know what she meant.”

Caduceus nodded, blinking once, then twice, before his shoulders sagged in relief, a weight apparently having been lifted from him. He ran a hand over his eyes, wiping a few tears away. “That’s the best news - wow, just, thank you.”

Jester reached out to loop her arm with his, leaning her head on his arm as she couldn’t exactly reach his shoulder. “Aww, Caduceus.”  
“I’m okay, I’m okay,” he assured, taking a shaky breath and giving them all a smile. “I’m just really, really happy.”

Fjord got up from where he’d been seated, moving to Caduceus’ other side. “Your quest was a success?” Fjord asked gently, putting a hand on his arm.

“Yeah - it, it was,” Caduceus nodded, wiping at his face one last time and clearing his throat. “My home is - everything will be fine, thanks to all of you.”

“It's what friends are for,” Beauregard gruffly answered, taking a deep breath - obviously moved by the emotion that had come over Caduceus, but trying to play it off.

“We’re just glad we could help,” Yasha added, giving Caduceus a smile.

“And since we’re already getting emotional with such good news - I present to you my last surprise,” the Traveler announced, whipping his cloak with a flourish. The same verdant energy followed the movement, this time dissipating in a shower of butterflies to reveal a small creature, a black bird a shorter than Veth that looked around and blinked at the sudden brightness.

“Oh my gosh, is that - oh my gosh, Kiri!” Jester shouted, letting go of Caduceus and sweeping up the creature into her arms instantly.

“ _Jester_!” She - Kiri, from what Jester had called her - exclaims, but she sounds eerie like Veth, a near identical imitation of her voice, an imitation that would have been indistinguishable from the real thing had Essek not heard Veth gasp at the same time, “Oh, we’ve missed you!” as she joined in the hug with Jester.

“ _I miss you_ ,” Kiri got out, this time with Jester’s voice, wrapping her arms tightly around Jester’s neck, her black feathers holding her close as Jester grabbed onto both Kiri and Veth and twirled them around.

“Guys - guys! It’s Kiri!” Jester said, setting them both down and turning to the group. Her eyes are shiny with tears, like Caduceus just moments before - completely overjoyed by the moment. Jester looks down at the bird. “You remember them, right, Kiri?”

“ _The Mighty Nein!_ ” Kiri beams, sounding like Veth. Her gaze flits over Veth and Caduceus as she looks up at Fjord. “ _Eldritch blast_ ,” she mimics, using Fjord’s old drawl, sounding the way he’d talked when Essek had first met him.

“ _Eldritch blast_ ,” Fjord repeats, falling back into that drawl before he smiles, tapping at his chin as he talks normally. “You’re gonna be picking up a new accent, Kiri. This is how good ol’ Fjord should have always been sounding.”

“ _Good ol’ Fjord_ ,” Kiri parrots back.

“Still quick as ever,” Fjord says, his smile growing wider. “It’s good to see you.”

Beauregard can’t fight off the fond smile she has as she nods, “Yeah, it’s good to see you, kid.” Then her expression clouds with worry as she turns to the Traveler. “Did you kidnap a child?”

“What? No, of course not,” he responds, crossing his arms defensively. He uncrosses them quickly. “I asked her guardians for permission for her to come along for the week, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“That seems awfully responsible of you,” Beauregard admits, brows raised in surprise.

“ _Beau!_ ” Kiri greets in Veth’s voice, breaking away from Jester’s side and going up Beauregard. “ _A good egg_ ,” she adds, this time sounding like Caleb.

Out of the corner of his eye, Essek catches Caleb duck his head in what Essek guesses is a hint of embarrassment.

“A good egg, yeah,” Beauregard grins, glancing at Caleb as well, as if debating something before she lets it go and nods to Yasha. “You remember her, right? Your babysitter that night we got all our gold stolen in Hupperdook?”

Kiri nods in response. “ _Yasha_ ,” she says in Beauregard’s voice. She looks Yasha up and down, even giving her dark pants a poke at the thigh. “ _Really cool_ ,” she tells Yasha, using Yasha’s voice.

She looks back up, giving Yasha one last nod before she scans the group and her eyes land on Caleb. She gets a mischievous twinkle in her eye as she says in Jester’s voice, “ _Get into trouble_.”

“ _Nein_ ,” Caleb responds, smiling easily at her. “No trouble.”

“ _No trouble_ ,” Kiri repeats, cocking her head to the side.

Caleb holds her gaze for a beat before he sighs, feigning defeat. “Well, ah, I suppose we are at TravelerCon.” He holds up a hand, pinching his thumb and index finger together and leaving only a sliver of empty space between them. “Just a little trouble.”

“ _Caleb, get into trouble!_ ” Kiri cheers, sounding first like Veth, then again like Jester.

And all the perfect mimicry, throwing their voices back at them as she talks -

“You’re a kenku,” Essek blurts out, realizing what the little bird is. He’d only read about them before, about their limited communication and how they could only speak through the words of others. He shifts from foot to foot as the small kenku turns to him now, and he gives Kiri a tiny wave. “Hello.”

“This is a new friend of ours, Kiri,” Jester jumps in, motioning towards Essek. “His name is Essek, he’s, like, really, super cool and knows really cool magic that he’s even shared with Caleb.”

“ _Essek_ ,” Kiri repeats, watching him curiously. “ _Shared with Caleb_ .” She nods to herself. “ _A good egg_.”

“Such a good egg,” Jester agrees, turning a brilliant smile to Essek that helps assuage some of the sudden shyness that had come over him when meeting their friend.

Beside him, Caleb blushes bright red, and while Essek is curious to ask why, he has a feeling it has something to do with the “good egg” phrase Kiri has said in his voice a couple of times.

Beauregard hides a snort of laughter behind a cough, turning back to the Traveler again. “So no funny business at all with Kiri? The Schuster’s just let Kiri go into the care of a stranger?”

“No, not that either - they are actually pretty good guardians, she’s been in good hands,” The Traveler assures. He shrugs easily. “I’ve been keeping a bit of an eye on her since I know how much she means to Jester.” He wiggles his eyebrows at Jester. “And let me tell you, she’s got the stuff to be a little troublemaker too.”

“Oooooh, she’s got the stuff, huh?” Jester hums, turning to Kiri. “Kiri, Kiri - how would you like to be a junior priestess of the Traveler?”

Kiri merely cocks her head to the side, cooing lightly.

“You won’t have to do a lot, but it's super cool,” Jester tells her.

“And you’ll get to wear one of these,” The Traveler adds, snapping his fingers and causing a puff of green to scatter around Kiri, revealing a green cloak like his now tumbling from her shoulders.

She looks down at herself, running her feathered fingers over the hem before she turns back and nods, clearly in awe. “ _Junior priestess_.”

Jester claps her hands together. “Oh, Kiri, you’re going to have so much fun.”

Beauregard takes a half step forward. “Are we going to just ignore that the Schuster’s handed Kiri over _to a stranger_?”

The Traveler sighs, waving a hand across his face and suddenly changing to look exactly like Jester. He opened his mouth - and sounded exactly like Jester, too, as he began to explain, “I just went to pay Kiri a visit, and asked her family if it was okay for her to spend the week with us.”

“Whoa,” Jester gets out, watching the Traveler with wide eyes.

“I am the one who makes your _duplicate_ every time you call her forth, after all,” he says, giving Jester a wink. He drops the illusion, continuing in his own voice. “And after I asked, they said yes. Told her to behave and take care of herself. Good people.”

“Is that right, Kiri? The Schuster’s have been good to you? How are they treating you?” Jester asked.

“ _Very sweet_ ,” Kiri answered as Jester.

“Alright, that’s actually very reassuring, especially knowing that they let her go with who they thought was Jester,” Beauregard nodded, before she frowned again. “Although that does raise a really shitty worry about how easy kidnapping gets with illusions and stuff.”

“Yeah, but - oh, wow, let's not go there that got dark, quick,” Veth said, waving Beauregard’s worry aside.

Kiri turned to Veth, giving her a curious look. She cooed softly, tilting her head one way then another before letting out a tentative, “ _Nott?_ ” in Fjord’s drawl.

“Oooooooh,” Veth realizes. She wrinkles her nose, closing her eyes and mumbling a few words under her breath as her fingers trace out a few familiar runes, the _disguise self_ taking hold as her halfling form shimmers and suddenly she’s back in her old goblin visage. She opens her eyes, big and yellow as she looks at Kiri. “It’s me, Kiri. I know you met me like this, but -” She drops the disguise, holding her arms out to show her what she looks like now. “This is who I really am. My real name is Veth.”

“ _Veth_ ,” Kiri repeats. She coos, moving over to her slowly before throwing her arms around her, with Veth hugging her back too. “ _So many good things_ ,” Kiri says, in a voice Essek doesn’t recognize - but Caleb beside him stiffens, and he catches the way Yasha instantly reaches to take Beauregard’s hand in hers.

When Kiri lets go of Veth, she looks around at the group, at what he assumes are new faces yet to be introduced to her. Her eyes settle on Caduceus as she lets out a low trill.

“Hey there,” Caduceus smiles. “The name’s Caduceus. It’s really nice to meet you, Kiri. I’ve heard a lot about you from Jester.”

Kiri’s feathers ruffle adorably at that. “ _Nice to meet you_ ,” she mimics. “ _I am Kiri_ ,” she introduces as Jester. “ _I am very sweet_.”

“Oh, she’s adorable,” Caduceus says, his expression softening. “Oh, wow, Jester really wasn’t exaggerating one bit.”

“She is so, so cute,” Jester gushed. She waved her hand at the rest of the crew, who waved in greeting. “And we’ve got other friends, too, I’m sure you’ll like them lots.”

Kiri nodded, her gaze following where Jester had gestured before she looked around again, as if looking for someone. She then turned back to Jester.

“ _Molly?_ ” she asked, sounding like Jester.

Jester took a sharp intake of breath, her hand slowly coming up to her mouth.

Veth looked pained where she stood beside Kiri. “She - she didn’t even know about me. Molly - she doesn’t know.”

Caleb’s hands came to his arms and Essek almost reached out to stop him before Caleb instead crossed them across his chest, as if he were holding himself together. Essek’s eyes flit to Caleb’s face, watching the grief that settled on his features, the grief that Essek could see Caleb was trying to push away. He remembered dinner at the Xhorhaus, the small moment at the hot tub afterwards - talking about their fallen friend. Talking about Molly.

Essek wanted to reach out to Caleb like he’d done at the Xhorhaus, but he could see this wasn’t the same as that night. That night had been reminiscing and warm nostalgia - this was mourning. This was breaking the news to someone else who had known their friend. All he could do was move a little closer to him, brush his shoulder against Caleb’s and hope Caleb understood.

His blue eyes darted to Essek for a second before he looked away, blinking hard, but he pressed closer to Essek all the same.

Beauregard shifted where she stood, drawing both of them to look at her. She seemed torn between moving forward and staying beside Yasha, before her fingers twined with Yasha’s, holding on tight.

Then Fjord stepped forward, taking a knee in front of Kiri to get at her eye level. “It makes me real happy that you remember Molly, Kiri. He was a great friend and - and he really made an impact on the people that met him, huh?”

Kiri nodded slowly, looking around at everyone. She gave a quieter trill, sounding nervous.

Fjord closed his eyes, running a hand across his face as he took a deep breath. He met her gaze again. “I’m sorry, Kiri, it's just really hard for me to say it.”

Caduceus put a hand on Fjord’s shoulder, giving it a small squeeze.

“But you deserve to know,” Fjord continued. He reached out and took one of her wings in his hands. “Molly, he - he’s not with us anymore.”

“ _He’s_ …” Kiri trailed off. She turned to look at everyone, as if waiting for someone to tell her it wasn’t true, or that even Molly himself would walk and disprove Fjord’s words.

“I’m sorry, Kiri,” Fjord said when she turned back to him.

Her feathers ruffled and unruffled as she frowned, cooing half heartedly. She looked like she was on the verge of tears as she processed what she had been told.

The cheerful, jovial mood had evaporated as everyone felt their grief once more - Essek could feel it too, despite not having known their friend. But he knew the Mighty Nein, he knew his friends, and he could only imagine how important Molly had been if he had traveled with them, could only imagine the kind of love and friendship they had cultivated in their time together. After every kindness they’d shown him, and after everything he’d seen in their interactions with each other, it wasn’t hard to imagine how they would have been with their friend before they lost him.

Jester came up behind Kiri, putting her hands on Kiri’s shoulders as Yasha took a deep breath from beside Beauregard. She blinked unshed tears away.

“While a part of me, ah, feels like maybe Molly would have disagreed with some of the plans of getting rid of followers,” Yasha started, glancing over at the Traveler. “I’m sure he would have given you props for pretending to be a god, especially when he did that once before, too.”

“Genius recognizes genius,” the Traveler said quietly, giving Yasha a small nod.

Yasha smiled. “He definitely would have taken that compliment.” She turned to Kiri. “We’re at TravelerCon - which is going to be a, ah, a huge party. Molly would’ve loved it. And he would want us to party hard for him, not to cry for him. Even if we miss him. And I really, really miss him.”

“I miss him, too,” Jester added thickly. She gave Kiri a hug from behind, one that Kiri returned by grabbing one of Jester’s arms tightly. “We all miss him, but Yasha’s right.” She cleared her throat, letting go of Kiri and moving to kneel down beside her, right next to Fjord. “We all have such nice memories of him though, memories that we hold close.” She held both Fjord and Kiri’s hands with hers. “And we’ve got lots of friends to make great, new memories with, so we should make the most out of all the time we have with everyone.”

Kiri nodded once, swallowing hard. “ _New memories,_ ” she said quietly.

Jester pulled her into another hug. “That’s my girl.”

Fjord gathered the pair in his arms, before Yasha and Beauregard stepped in behind him, and Veth came up beside Jester. Essek could feel the hesitance with which Caleb pulled away from him, going up to his family and kneeling down next to Yasha, where she wrapped an arm around him as he reached for Fjord and Veth.

Essek remained where he was, not wanting to intrude on their moment. He looked up, catching Caduceus’ eye where he had pulled back to give everyone space. He gave Essek a solemn nod. Essek felt like he understood what he was trying to say - this wasn’t their pain to be a part of, but it was their pain to bear witness to. Their pain to help them carry.

And Essek could do that - he would do that, for his friends, in any way he could. Even if it meant standing to the side and letting them grieve, no matter how much it pained him to hear Jester’s muffled sniffles and see the way Caleb’s shoulders shook beneath Yasha’s arm.

* * *

They remained in their hug for a moment more, holding onto each other tightly, letting each other know without words how much they all cared for one another. It reminded him of when they had been outside the Lionett residence, the way they had all fallen in around Beau to show how they were there for her, that she was safe in their family no matter what cruelties were in the world around them.

Cruelties that they knew all too well as they mourned for Molly.

He felt Yasha give his shoulders a squeeze before she slowly let him go, moving to stand. Caleb let go next, pulling away as everyone else began to follow suit, hastily wiping at tearful eyes and throwing reassuring smiles at one another. Jester held on tightly to Kiri’s hand, giving her a bright smile as she smoothed the nonexistent wrinkles from Kiri’s new cloak.

“I really don’t mean to, ah, interrupt, but,” Caduceus started, nodding towards something behind them. They all turned, catching sight of a few shadows moving from the horizon, shadows that began to take shape as they slowly neared. “I think our guests are close to arriving.”

“Oh, jeez, this is really, actually happening,” Jester got out, wiping a hand across her eyes. She seemed to be shaking off some of her grief, trying to regain her excited air. She looked around at all of them. “Well, c’mon guys! What are we waiting for! Let’s start heading over to welcome everyone!” she grinned. It didn’t meet her eyes completely, but it was enough to get her closer to the energy that she’d had. She looked down at Kiri. “C’mon, Kiri - let’s go start a welcoming party.”

Kiri ruffled her feathers. “ _A welcoming party_ ,” she repeated, voice a little thick as she imitated Jester.

Jester glanced at Veth. “Race you there,” she said, shouting out an incantation and stepping backwards, still holding onto Kiri’s hand. A green and pink spiral wrapped around them as a spectral door appeared behind them, and, stepping through it, they suddenly appeared on the other side of the lagoon.

“That’s cheating!” Veth shouted, already starting to run after them with the help of her _ring_.

The Traveler watched on fondly before he sighed, clapping his hands together and straightening. “Well, we’re going to have to figure out where to dock these ships,” he told them, looking around at them before his eyes settled on Fjord. “Ah, Captain - you’ll be more than enough.”

“What are you -” Fjord started, but then he was cut off as the Traveler reached out and took his hand, stepped backwards, and in a puff of bright green, the two of them vanished before appearing beside Jester and Kiri.

“Cheating!” Veth yelled again as she continued to run.

“I feel kinda bad leaving Fjord on his own to fend against whatever plans they come up with,” Beau said, starting to walk with Yasha, this time opting for going the long way instead of trying to swim across.

“He’ll be fine,” Caduceus assured, falling into step beside them, with the rest of the crew following behind.

Caleb turned, catching sight of Essek. Essek gave him a sad smile, and Caleb was reminded of the Xhorhaus hot tub, reminded of Essek sitting beside him on the edge, giving him that same look, his condolences unspoken but felt, words not needed but letting Caleb feel the comfort all the same while giving him the choice to move past it, not forcing him to dwell and talk about his pain. It was what he’d done for him after his episode too, showing he cared but letting Caleb go at his own pace, something that Caleb appreciated more than he would ever be able to express.

“Ready for TravelerCon?” Caleb asked him, trying to give him a small smile.

Essek’s smile turned easier, although now he seemed disbelieving as he shook his head and shrugged. “As ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose.”

“That’s more than enough,” Caled said. He held his hand out to Essek. “Let’s go?”

Without any hesitation, Essek closed the distance between them, taking Caleb’s hand. With his other hand he summoned his parasol as he stepped out of the shade of the palm frond umbrella, holding his parasol over himself and angling it to cover Caleb too, bringing the two even closer together. “Let’s,” Essek answered.

Caleb smiled fondly as they began to follow their friends, finding comfort in Essek’s closeness, in the warmth of his hand in his, and allowing himself to harbor a little hope for the future.

* * *

By the time they joined everyone across the lagoon, the ships were looming much closer - not enough to make out any of the passengers, but close enough that Fjord was already giving the Traveler directions to _send_ to his followers about where to start to steer the ships to move them ashore.

“If they get the largest ship beside the _Balleater_ and the three smaller ships to line up beside each other about fifty feet down that way,” Fjord started, pointing at a stretch of sand nearest the cliffside. “That should get all the ships set up comfortably and still give us a nice view of the ocean.”

“Sounds perfect,” Jester nodded as the Traveler relayed Fjord’s instructions. She turned to Caduceus. “You’ll help us _control water_ to get the ships docked?”

“Of course,” he nodded. “I’ve got the spell ready to go.”

Jester grinned, doing a little dance. “Oh, man, I can’t believe this is really happening.”

“And, uh, apparently neither could we since we’re very underdressed,” Beauregard pointed out, glancing at everyone.

Sure enough, only Jester, Veth, Kiri, and the Traveler were wearing green cloaks, while everyone else was still in normal clothes. Essek felt himself mentally berate himself for forgetting something so important.

“I, ah, can certainly take care of that,” Caleb said, stepping forward as he let go of Essek’s hand.

Essek felt a twinge of disappointment at the loss, but he focused instead on the glyphs that Caleb was tracing in the air, focused on the short incantation Caleb murmured as he wove green threads in front of himself, looking around at their group before dozens of green strands extended from his hands, attaching to everyone and wrapping around them in the blink of an eye, sinking into the threads of their clothes before there was a shimmer and suddenly everyone was wearing some kind variant of the Traveler’s cloak.

“Using only an illusion should also help with the heat, _ja_?” Caleb told them, glancing around as they all looked down at themselves, all ready to go in their new roles now that they were dressed for the occasion. He reached for Essek again, with Essek easily retaking his hand.

“By the time we need to actually wear the cloaks the heat should have gone down, too,” Essek added, knowing that the spell gave them a few hours before it would fade. He admired the handiwork of Caleb’s spell as he took in the green cloak he was now wearing, ever impressed by Caleb’s spellwork.

“Mhm,” Caleb hummed, running his thumb along Essek’s palm, prompting Essek to meet his gaze for a second before he looked away, trying to hide the warmth that he could feel rising in his face.

“It also helps with ease of m-m-movement,” Orly nodded. Instead of wearing a cloak, Caleb had fashioned a vibrant green sash to drape over Orly’s shoulder, seeming more comfortable and natural to his attire.

“Good to know this won’t just be used to tease me,” Fjord smiled, throwing Caleb a look that brought to Essek’s mind the memory of when Caleb had pranked Fjord by making him _seem_ like he was underdressed.

“There should be enough shenanigans as it is during our stay here - and, ah, I’d rather leave those to the professionals,” Caleb shrugged, giving Jester and the Traveler a small smile.

“And shenanigans there will be,” the Traveler agreed. He waved his hands in front of himself, _disguising_ himself with the movement. His long mane of hair shortened, leaving it the same vibrant red shade, yet closer cut in a messy mop of curls. His exaggerated eyebrows shrunk, still looking expressive yet more natural on his face. His eyes were still the same bright green, but his fey ears had turned more elven - more half-elven, if Essek was being precise. He even gained a smattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose.

He raised his hands. “Well, how do I look?”

Caleb only stared at the Traveler, his eyes narrowing the slightest degree as Jester nodded enthusiastically. “No one’s gonna recognize you like that,” she told him.

“Good, good - that’s the plan, after all,” he said. He better affixed his cloak to himself. “I hope you don’t mind having high priest Keelyn in your midst?”

“I don’t mind at all, high priest Keelyn,” Jester answered, giving him a bow which he returned. She giggled. “Oh wow, we’re like equals now.”

“Always have been, dear,” he shrugged. There was a low skittering coming from the hood of his cloak. Frowning, he reached behind himself, pulling out a small red-furred creature Essek had seen in passing a handful of times before. “Oh, that’s right - I also picked up this little guy from your mother’s house on my way out here.”

“Sprinkle!” Jester cheered, picking up the weasel quickly and giving him a hug. It squeaked in her hold, squirming out of her grasp before climbing over her shoulder and into her hood. “Did you miss me, buddy? I’m sure you loved living with mama,” Jester said, looking over her shoulder at him.

“It’s certainly safe to say your mother will _not_ be missing him after the state in which he left some of her pillows,” the Traveler added. He wrinkled his nose. “There were feathers _everywhere_.”

Jester frowned, looking a little apologetic. “I’m going to really have to get mama something nice to thank her for taking care of Sprinkle for a while - and for taking in Nugget too before Luc and Yeza started taking care of him.”

“Well, you don’t have to get her new pillows. I fixed those easily enough for her,” the Traveler said. He dropped his gaze, looking a little sheepish. “She gave me a very stern talking to once I introduced myself, so that was - definitely something.”

“You introduced yourself to mama?” Jester asked. She grinned, pointing a finger at him. “You’re going to have to tell me all about that, Artie -” she started, right as a smattering of shouts from one of the ships interrupted her. She looked over, waving at the passengers who were excitedly waving from the nearest ship. “But later - right now, we’ve gotta get everyone off the ships - c’mon, Fjord,” Jester finished, grabbing Fjord and _dimension dooring_ again, this time to appear right on the stretch of beach in front of the ship she’d been waving at.

They heard a soft thud, and, looking down, they found Sprinkle giving a small squeak from where he had been unceremoniously deposited after Jester had disappeared with Fjord, the two of them reaching the two-person limit on Jester’s spell and as such leaving Sprinkle behind.

Caduceus shook his head in fond exasperation, picking Sprinkle up. “Let’s go catch up to them, they’re gonna need an extra set of hands to get those ships settled in.”

“Do we just show people the way, how to get back to the huts?” Gallan asked.

Shelda nodded towards the huts. “Should we be thinking about making more breakfast in case some of these people haven’t eaten?”

“Yes,” the Traveler nodded at Gallan. “Starting to lead everyone to what will be their quarters would be marvelous.” He turned to Shelda. “And, you’ve just helped remind me -” The Traveler looked over at the huts, his eyes flashing as he waved a hand in a flourish and they saw small pink boxes begin to appear beside the dozen cooking fires - their’s included. “Of my first TravelerCon miracle! A pastry brunch fit for the Fey Court itself.” He raised a brow at them, as if he were letting them in on a secret, “Provided by the Slayer’s Cake, of course - and paid for by yours truly.” He frowned slightly. “I’m still offended I didn’t get any sort of friend’s discount,” he mumbled to himself before he shook himself out of it. “But no matter, that’s taken care of - so now, all that’s left to say is -” He turned away from them, extending his arms and in a booming voice announced, “ _Welcome to TravelerCon!_ ”

Cheers erupted from the ships, loud and excited shouts that heralded the start of TravelerCon.

* * *

The rest of the day turned into an exercise in hospitality, just guiding groups of people from the ships to the huts, allowing people to mingle and get to know each other before choosing who they would be sharing a living space with. The task was made a little easier since some of the passengers had already become friends during the journey, but it still took a long time to show everyone around so they knew their way to the latrines and the showers and the washing station.

Yasha had joined Essek in guiding people to the best accommodations that would suit their respective parties, setting people up in bigger huts or smaller huts depending on their number. Gallan did the same, even going about the added endeavour of modifying certain aspects of the huts and sleeping arrangements to better suit specifications that the guests might have - all within reason, of course.

Fjord and Beau were keeping track of everyone, doing their best at carrying materials and supplies along with Marius and Shelda as Caduceus had quickly taken the initiative to find a handful of people that were willing to work as cooks, taking advantage of the small break that Artagan had granted with the food he’d brought. It was clear that making sure everyone was fed was still one of Caduceus’ top priorities, and, once he found people, that worry melted away and was replaced by excitement to learn from them, excitement that the new cooks mirrored as they seemed to want to learn from him in turn.

Jester and Veth - and Kiri - were providing the warm welcomes, cheerfully engaging with anyone that would approach them, telling them that the first “official” event would be later that evening, to give a proper kick off to TravelerCon. Kiri happily chirped bits and pieces of what Jester and Veth were saying, although sometimes throwing in the random “ _Don’t eat humans, okay?_ ”

The atmosphere was vibrant and good natured, infectious with all it's excited cheer and helping ease some of Caleb’s anxieties about the event - although he did know to not let his guard down too much. This was TravelerCon, after all.

Besides, Caleb also felt like he couldn’t completely let his guard down when his day one partner had ended up being Artagan himself, with the archfey approaching him and asking if he’d help with setting the “magical mood”. All that ended up meaning was that Caleb just wandered around with him, making suggestions for magical touches here and there that would really sell the authenticity of the place. Sometimes that meant a stray fairy flitting near someone before disappearing, and sometimes that meant undoing someone’s belt causing their trousers to fall - just little things.

A part of him felt that Essek would have been better suited for this job, especially with the versatility of his _prestidigitation_ , but Caleb preferred not leaving Essek alone with Artagan. Not only was he extremely unpredictable, but… if Caleb wasn’t being honest with himself Caleb also hadn’t liked how Artagan had looked at Essek. He understood why he’d reacted like that to Essek, but that didn’t mean Caleb had to like it.

Moreover, Caleb was also a glad he’d gotten a moment alone with the archfey - seeing him in his _disguise_ had made Caleb instantly want to have a word with him.

“So, ah,” Caleb started, as soon as they got far enough out of earshot of any of his friends. “I, ah, take it that was you in Shady Creek?”

Artagan dropped his hand from where he’d been about to cast a charm on a passerby. He gave Caleb a long look before he dropped his gaze. “That was me,” he confirmed.

“You even used the same name,” Caleb pointed out. “Keelyn. I’m surprised Veth and Beau didn’t recognize you.”

“I’m not,” Artagan replied. He sighed. “I purposefully made myself seem as unassuming and forgettable as possible.” He gestured to himself. “Clearly not the best work I’ve done given how I keep my eyes and hair color.” He looked over at Caleb again. “That memory of yours sure never fails you.”

Caleb felt himself flinch unintentionally. “I wouldn’t, ah, exactly call it infallible.” It had failed him before. It had failed him terribly, before.

They lapse into heavy silence, watching a couple of kids run by, giggling and teasing each other with whatever game they’ve come up with, obviously enjoying the chance to spread their legs properly after having been out at sea for so long.

“You know, that was the first time I really feared I would lose Jester,” Artagan admitted quietly. Caleb looks at him as Artagan meets his gaze. “But I was already starting to get bound by...” he trails off with another sigh, rolling his eyes this time as he air quotes, “‘god rules’.” He crosses his arms, looking - looking upset, Caleb realized.

“Showing up at the Landlocked Lady had been the most you could do,” Caleb said. It wasn’t a question.

Artagan nodded once before he uncrossed his arms. “So - so thank you, for helping your friends get her and the rest of your friends out of there. I know there was - well, let’s not kid ourselves, I know you were very hesitant about how deeply to go in, how deeply to let yourself get attached. But you did it, despite how easily you could have walked away.” He holds Caleb’s gaze, and for the first time Caleb can see exactly how ancient a being he is. “I don’t know what I would have done in your place. That took bravery - and compassion. So thank you.”

“They are my - my family,” Caleb answered. He looks down at his hands, swallows down the memory of what destruction his hands had brought to his family before. He clasped them together, moving his gaze to the sky instead. “And while back then, I did hesitate - I think I would do anything for them now,” Caleb told him, looking over at Artagan. “They matter more than anything to me.”

“I think I know the feeling,” Artagan nodded solemnly. He reached out for Caleb hesitantly, putting a hand on his arm. “I am truly sorry about Mollymauk.”

Caleb looked away, acutely aware of the lump in his throat. “I -” He rubs his hands together, taking a deep breath and willing his voice to be steady. “ _Ja_ , so am I,” he manages to get out.

Artagan pats his arm once, letting the small gesture of comfort hang between them, an attempt at friendship that Caleb genuinely appreciates. They stay like that, side by side for a while, the fey with too much time on his hands to sow chaos and the man with not enough time to atone for his sins, just watching as the festivities slowly come to life around them.

* * *

Essek emerges from his hut to dying sunlight, day turning to dusk and bringing them all closer to what Jester called the “opening ceremony”. She wanted everyone there for it, and so Essek had gotten away to his hut as soon as he could to get his trance in - and now he was refreshed and ready for whatever was next on Jester’s itinerary.

Or, well, at least he hoped he was.

“Ah, there you are,” Caduceus greets as soon as he spots Essek who was no more than a handful of feet from his hut. He waves him over, handing him a plate with a pair of hard boiled eggs and a side of salad. “Caleb and I have been stalling for time to let you get a good rest in - Jester’s certainly excited for Traveler Miracle Hour.”

“Traveler - Traveler what?” Essek asked, taking the plate from Caduceus and accepting the fork he handed him next. He’d caught the first part - but truth be told he’d gotten a little warm and fuzzy at hearing Caleb trying to let Essek rest, and so what Caduceus had said next hadn’t quite been processed. “Is that - will that be the opening ceremony?”

“That’s what it seems like,” Caduceus nodded. He held a hand up to stop Essek from asking the questions that were already crowding his mind. “I don’t exactly know what that means, so I think we should just go along with whatever Jester says.”

Essek nodded, spearing a piece of lettuce with his fork. “‘Go along with whatever Jester says’,” Essek repeats. “That should be TravelerCon’s tagline.”

Caduceus laughs. “I think that should just be the Traveler’s tagline, period.”

He smiles at Caduceus’ addition before finally digging into his food, glad that it was something light after having just woken up. Caduceus keeps him company, and it puts him at ease amongst the unfamiliar atmosphere, having gotten used to just the Mighty Nein and the _Balleater’s_ crew. There were so many voices, some close, and some further away, and the sound of crackling fires and laughter - all new, all unfamiliar, and all something Essek would have to learn how to navigate, especially as a “priest of the Traveler”. A part of him had a strong suspicion that his position as Shadowhand had prepared him very poorly for this.

After probably only ten or so minutes, right as Essek is finishing his meal, Jester runs to them, flashing Essek a giant grin. Caleb is hot on her heels, jogging behind her to keep up.

“Jester, he should be up soon, just give him a bit more -” Caleb calls out after her, fumbling in his response as he sees Essek sitting beside Caduceus.

She turns and waves her hand towards Essek excitedly. “He’s up! He’s up! That means we can get started!”

Caleb nodded once, slowly, before nodding again with more conviction. “ _Ja,_ okay, we can start getting ready.”

“Ooooh, I’ll go tell Artie!” Jester exclaims, already turning to run off before she stopped, correcting herself, “I mean, _Keelyn_.” She gave them a conspiratorial wink, then disappeared between a pair of huts towards where more voices could be heard.

Caduceus pulled himself to his feet. “Well, this was a mission accomplished.”

“Barely,” Caleb sighed, tucking a flyaway strand of fiery hair behind his ear. He glanced over at Essek, giving him a tired smile. “I hope you slept through all of Jester’s attempts to come see you?”

“I wouldn’t have known about it if I hadn’t been told Jester had been trying,” Essek admitted. He’d tranced quite comfortably, actually. “So, as Caduceus said, your mission was accomplished.”

Caleb’s smile widened. “Good, good, I am, ah, glad we could help.” He nodded towards the way he had come from. “Should we get going? We wouldn’t want Jester to come looking for you again.”

“Looking for _us_ ,” Essek corrected. He raised a brow at Caleb, glancing between him and Caduceus. “I am not the only one not at this ceremony yet.”

“Oh, getting technical now, are we?” Caduceus asked, amusement in his voice. He reached over, picking up a cloak from the space beside where he’d been sitting. “Also, you should put this on - we’re probably going to need to be dressed up for this, and Caleb’s spell faded a while ago.”

Essek took the cloak from Caduceus, mentally berating himself _again_ that it had slipped his mind once more. “Thank you - I probably would have forgotten to ask Jester for one.”

“Don’t thank me,” Caduceus said, waving Essek’s words aside as he began to move in the direction Caleb and Jester had originally run from. “It was Caleb who remembered, he deserves the thanks.”

“Oh,” Essek got out, gaze easily sliding to Caleb - looking towards Caleb like it was something as natural to him as breathing. “Thank you,” Essek told him, averting his gaze slightly as he began to put on the cloak.

“Of course,” he heard Caleb reply.

There was a beat of silence before Caleb stepped closer, his hands coming towards Essek’s face - and Essek felt himself freeze, his mind going blank at the sudden proximity. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed - or both - when he realized that Caleb was only fixing the hood of his cloak, his hands having reached behind Essek and smoothing it into place.

“All fixed,” Caleb said, eyes flicking up from the spot on Essek’s shoulder to meet Essek’s eyes as he began to pull back. But he didn’t pull back. “ _Hallo_.”

“Hello,” Essek responded automatically, voice soft between them. He felt Caleb’s hands settle on his shoulders, his thumbs gently brushing against Essek’s neck. It sent a thrill of goosebumps down his skin, sparks of electricity making him feel like a piece of clockwork machinery that had been overcharged.

“Essek, can -” Caleb began to whisper, and Essek had leaned forward, to listen to him over the now distant sounds of their camp, when suddenly a loud boom exploded overhead, sending a shower of sparks down above the lagoon.

Caleb whipped around, stepping quickly in front of Essek before Jester’s amplified voice rang out, “ _Come one, come all! Gather round my children of the Traveler - gather round and bear witness to The Traveler Miracle Hour!_ ”

A series of murmurs and excited cheers began to spread along the camp as Caleb gave Essek a sheepish smile. “I suppose that’s our cue,” he said.

“She sure knows how to make an entrance,” Essek nodded, willing his heartbeat to slow, to steady itself. It had happened so fast, Essek was still reeling at whatever _that_ could have turned into, feeling hope blossom in his chest despite how badly he wanted to keep it in check.

Then Caleb held his hand out to him, held his hand out to him like had started to become so common between them, but something that he still cherished so, so much nonetheless. “We should, ah, try to beat the crowd to the stage if we want to get up there with everyone.”

“That would probably be for the best,” Essek replied. As Essek took Caleb’s hand, feeling the warmth that spread through his chest at the touch, he got an idea. He glanced over at Caleb. “How would you feel about making an entrance ourselves?”

Caleb looked at him curiously before he smiled. “If you’re offering, why not?”

Essek’s hold on Caleb tightened as he whispered the incantation, pulling Caleb closer as he stepped back, feeling his magic wrap around them, feeling the ground shift beneath them as the hard packed earth beside their cooking fire turned to stone, his eyes never leaving Caleb’s smile as his magic whisked them away.

* * *

They _dimension doored_ to the stage, appearing beside Veth and Jester and Artagan, to the sound of loud cheers from the quickly gathering crowd. Dozens of sets of _dancing lights_ twinkled overhead, lighting up the stage - Artagan’s work, something they had discussed since Jester had wanted to start things once it got a little dark out.

“Ooh, maybe we should all use some kind of magic to get up here next time,” Veth whispered to Jester, who responded with an enthusiastic nod.

From the crowd, the rest of the Mighty Nein slowly drew closer to the stage, with Caduceus and Fjord coming up from Caleb and Essek’s side, while Beau and Yasha, who had Kiri on her shoulders, climbed onstage from the opposite side. Orly, Marius, Gallan, and Shelda were standing at ground level right in front of the stage, working as a sort of crowd control.

Once everyone had lined up, Jester clapped her hands, drawing attention to her as she greeted, “ _Welcome, welcome, chaotic children of the Traveler - welcome to TravelerCon!”_

Claps and cheers punctuated her statement, and Jester gave them a winning smile, before she asked, “ _How are we all doing tonight?”_

The cheers from before got louder in response to the question, sounding absolutely ecstatic.

_“That’s what we like to hear!”_ Jester’s grin grew as she gave an airy bow. _“I am Jester, High Priestess of the Traveler, and this is my counterpart -”_

“ _Keelyn,_ ” Artagan introduced, waving a hand at the crowd. “ _High Priest of the Traveler_.”

“ _And these are the other chosen priests and priestesses of his excellence_ ,” Jester said, straightening herself and motioning to the people around them.

Essek gave Caleb a worried look, one that Caleb mirrored as he didn’t know if Jester would be making them all introduce themselves. They then both glanced over at Caduceus, who gave them a shrug before Jester’s voice boomed again.

“ _So, let us start by introducing them to all of you!_ ” She pointed at Fjord, and all the lights except the ones over him dimmed. His eyes widened, and he glanced over to Jester due to the sudden attention that was on him. “ _This is our priest, Fjord, formidable sea captain of the_ Balleater!”

Fjord paled, but swallowed hard and mustered up a wave as the crowd began to chant, “ _Balleater Priest! Balleater Priest! Balleater Priest!”_

“ _Next up is -_ ” The lights shifted to Caduceus, and as they did so Essek took a half step closer to Caleb, away from the light, squeezing Caleb’s hand that was still in his hold.

“ _Our nicest priest, Caduceus! A cleric - like me - who brews dead people tea!”_ Jester announced.

Despite being the center of attention, Caduceus didn’t seem all that bothered. He raised a hand in greeting. “Hey, there.”

The crowd waved and greeted him enthusiastically in turn, with someone from the crowd shouting, “That’s the cook!”

“ _Now, let me introduce you to my favorite hot boi -”_ The lights shifted, dimming before brightening right above Essek.

Essek dropped Caleb’s hand instantly, wringing his hands together in front of him as all eyes were on him.

“ _This is Essek, our next priest and the Sh-”_ At the quick look that Essek shot her, Jester instantly changed tracks, “ _Shuuuuuper cool drow that knows awesome magic!”_

Some of the tension eased the tiniest bit from Essek’s shoulders, and he did as Fjord and Caduceus had done, waving shyly at the crowd. He did seem completely mortified as the crowd took up the chant of “Hot boi!” before they broke into cheers and whoops as the lights shifted once more.

“ _And here we have Caleb,”_ Jester announced as the lights were suddenly on him, feeling blinding and now completely nervous as he stood in the spotlight. “ _Zemnian and cool and the hottest wizard priest I know if you know what I mean,_ ” Jester finished, giving Caleb a wink over the top of Veth’s head.

Caleb knew what Jester meant - and so he decided to show his proclivity for flame as he waved, summoning fire into the palm of his hand with the motion.

The crowd went wild, eating up even that small display of his magic, which - although Caleb would never admit out loud - did send a nice boost to his self esteem. He extinguished the flame as the lights shifted to Veth, who introduced herself instead, proclaiming her station as a part of the Chaos Crew, the innermost circle of the Traveler’s followers, before showing off her tattoo to show her position as such. And if the crowd had gotten loud for Caleb, they didn’t get any quieter after that as they went down the line, with both Jester and Beau _and_ Artagan showing their matching tattoos as well, and Kiri shouting “ _Welcome to TravelerCon!_ ” in a perfect imitation of Jester. Yasha being introduced as a rock star also helped keep the crowd animated and engaged.

With the attention off them, Caleb let himself lean closer to Essek, and felt his heart flutter when he felt Essek seek out his hand, holding hands again and trying to be as discreet as possible. But it made Caleb’s heart ache to find that Essek was shaking.

“Are you alright?” Caleb whispered, giving him a worried look.

“I - yes, I’m okay,” Essek assured. He shuffled backwards slightly, as if trying to hide from the crowd. “I am just not used to this much attention.”

Caleb raised a curious brow at him. “I, ah, would have imagined that as the Shadowhand you would be used to some level of attention on you at all times.”

“Well, um,” Essek started, looking down before looking back up at Caleb then glancing at the crowd. “Some level of attention I am used to - this _enthusiastic_ a crowd is certainly new.”

“Ah,” Caleb nodded. “I can’t imagine the Bright Queen’s throne room gets this rowdy.”

“It doesn’t - aside from when you all first appeared,” Essek told him. He held Caleb’s gaze, and there it was again, that tension pulling at them, drawing Caleb closer. Then Essek looked down at their hands. “So it shouldn’t really surprise me that you know how to work a crowd so well.”

Caleb shook his head with a smile. “That was just me, ah, ‘catching Jester’s drift’.”

“And the crowd certainly ate that up,” Essek noted, looking around as Caduceus tapped them on the shoulder as he walked past, apparently having missed some sort of stage directions that asked them to sit in the chairs Jester had arranged behind herself and Artagan.

“This is, ah, definitely more comfortable for me,” Essek added as he sat beside Caleb.

“You’re telling me,” Beau agreed from Veth’s other side. She narrowed her eyes at Artagan. “Still can’t believe that asshole faked that he had a Chaos Crew tattoo.”

“I suppose it makes sense that he would be a part of the inner circle since he is a high priest,” Veth pointed out.

“That doesn’t mean I have to like it,” Beau huffed.

“ _Why are we calling this event the Traveler Miracle Hour you may be asking - well, let me tell you why!_ ” Jester began to explain, drawing their attention to her. “ _Every night we’ll be hosting one of these - with less talking from yours truly, since we won’t have to go through all the introductions again. But, every night, one or two of these lovely priests and priestesses -_ ” She motioned behind herself. “ _Will talk about Traveler Miracles that have happened in their lives - about how finding the Traveler has changed them or taught them something important to them._ ”

“By the Light,” Essek breathed out at the same time Caleb mumbled “ _Scheisse_.”

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Beau deadpanned.

“ _And then we’ll open up the stage to a few of you to share your experiences as well_ ,” Artagan continued _. “Tonight, we’ll start first, to get you all comfortable with the idea before picking a few volunteers to join us up here and sing the Traveler’s praises.”_

“At least we have - we have _some_ time to come up with a response,” Yasha whispered to Beau. “That’s good, right?”

“It’s, ah - it’s something,” Fjord agreed.

Caleb could feel his friends starting to wrack their brain for Traveler anecdotes, or some kind of lesson they’d learned - anything they could find to say within the coming days when it was their turn to step forward.

They listened to Jester recount her tales of the Traveler, emphasizing on the freedom he’d shown her, on the comfort he’d brought her when she was alone. All very personal, very touching moments that, despite having heard and even witnessed some of the stories in bits and pieces before, still made Caleb appreciate the archfey in a new light.

Artagan seemed a little similarly stricken by what Jester shared, losing some of his boisterousness as he recounted a few stories himself, taking on an uncharacteristically reflective tone as he said that the Traveler had taught him about the importance of friendship and how that kind of relationship taught him to view his connection to others not as a burden but as a gift.

Jester reached out and held Artagan’s hand, giving him a soft smile as they called out for volunteers, welcoming an elderly knoll to the stage to begin to tell his own tales as Caleb slowly began to piece together what he might have to say after the examples both Jester and Artagan had set.

* * *

Once the night’s event finally winds to a close, everyone begins to slowly disperse with the promise of a variety of fun events that would be taking place throughout the week. What those fun events were, exactly, was still a mystery to Essek - and probably still a mystery to most of the rest of them, although at this point they all knew better than to ask. Essek would just be following the Traveler’s tagline: Go along with whatever Jester says. Following that had led to a smooth Traveler Miracle Hour, even if he had been insanely nervous with the added anxiousness of knowing he’d have to come up with something to say whenever it was his turn to speak to the crowd.

But, for now, things had been a success, and with the Mighty Nein helming this endeavour he was sure that things would end up well regardless.

“Ooof, guys, I am pooped,” Jester admitted, stifling a yawn as she stretched. They were all making their way back to their huts, leaving the guests to mingle amongst themselves or go to bed too - the night theirs for the taking. “Being a high priestess really takes a lot out of you.”

“Then off to bed for you, my weary little follower,” the Traveler teased, knocking his shoulder to Jester’s. “We’ve got a whole week ahead of us, and I need you on your A-game.”

“I know, I know,” Jester nodded. She turned to all of them. “Thank you guys so much, for helping and just for being here with me.”

Beauregard gave her a halfhearted glare before she caved, throwing an arm around Jester’s shoulders. “While I should be annoyed that you’ve roped us into Traveler show and tell, I wouldn’t back out of this. What are friends for if not to throw giant cult parties with you?”

“Uuugh, don’t remind me that we’re a cult,” Jester whined, leaning against Beauregard. “Let’s just go to bed before I have to think about that more.”

“Being a cult isn’t so bad,” the Traveler shrugged.

“ _We’re a cult_ ,” Kiri sleepily chirped, mimicking Jester from where Yasha was carrying the drowsy child in her arms.

“I guess it doesn’t sound so bad when she says it,” Fjord admits, before letting out a yawn. “This is my stop though, so,” he announced, giving everyone a wave before ducking into his hut. “Good night,” he called out from inside.

“Sleep well,” Caduceus said, giving them a wave as well before he followed Fjord inside.

A smattering of “good nights” and “sleep wells” rang out as they all began to head their separate ways, with everyone going to their huts except for the Traveler, who disappeared towards the sound of voices and laughter, leaving only Caleb and Essek on their own in front of Essek’s hut.

“I, ah, will be keeping watch during the nights,” Essek reminded Caleb, not knowing what else to say. Too keenly aware of how a few of their friends had paired off to sleep together leaving some huts vacant. “Keep an eye on things.”

“Having you rest during the day has, ah, given us the added benefit of having someone responsible holding down the fort at night,” Caleb joked, nudging Essek’s side lightly.

“You give me too much credit,” Essek smiled, feeling himself relax. “Who knows and I might give into the Traveler inspired revelry.”

Caleb’s eyebrows pinched together in slightly. “Will you?”

“I really don’t think so,” Essek assured. He nodded towards their now cold fire pit. “I think I’ll probably, ah, just reignite the fire and read through the night. Perhaps even draft up what I might say during one of these Miracle Hours.”

“You’ll certainly be getting a head start over the rest of us if you work on that through the night,” Caleb laughed. He snapped his fingers, and suddenly Frumpkin the cat was winding itself between Essek’s ankles. “To keep you company,” Caleb explained. A light blush began to dust his cheeks as he sheepishly scratched at the back of his head. “I, ah, turned him back into a cat when you first went in to rest, so that he would be ready for tonight.”

“Oh,” Essek got out, touched once again by Caleb’s thoughtfulness. “Thank you, Caleb,” he said, genuine and heartfelt. He was about to reach down to pet Frumpkin when Caleb held a hand out to Essek.

“Could you hold out your hand?” Caleb asked.

He wordlessly did what Caleb asked, holding his hand palm up towards him. Looking down at Essek’s outstretched hand, Caleb twirled his own hand once, summoning a small mote of flame.

“So that lighting the fire,” Caleb started, putting his free hand beneath Essek’s and coaxing the flame from his palm into Essek’s waiting hand.

Essek watched with bated breath, watched as the flame slowly slid into his palm, it's warmth comfortable and bright, and as Essek looked up at Caleb he could see the way the flickering firelight danced across his face, bathing it in warmth, softening his features.

“Is easier,” Caleb finished, meeting Essek’s eyes. They stayed like that for a few seconds, the flame swaying softly between them as Caleb brushed his fingers against Essek’s hand before he pulled back a step. “I hope you enjoy your book.”

“I - rest well,” Essek said in turn. He held the flame closer to himself carefully. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

Caleb’s expression softened, no firelight needed. “Anytime, Essek.” He began to turn around, giving one last, “Good night,” before he crossed over to his hut and disappeared inside.

Essek stood there for a beat, watching where he’d gone before he heard Frumpkin purr loudly where he was still rubbing himself against Essek’s leg.

“Yes, that’s right,” Essek mumbled, turning and making his way to the fire pit, doing as Caleb had done before and coaxing the flame from his hand and into the few intact pieces of tinder that remained. It caught fire easily, slowly spreading along the twigs and branches that Essek added to the fire. Frumpkin rubbed himself against Essek’s thigh where he was kneeling beside the fire pit, demanding attention that Essek readily gave as he began to pet him.

“That wizard of yours,” Essek told him, sitting back to lean against one of the tree trunks that sat around the fire. He continued to pet Frumpkin as he climbed into his lap, nestling in comfortably as Essek summoned _Zemnian Nights_ from his pocket dimension. He scratched the top of Frumpkin’s head. “Caleb,” he said quietly, looking up at the stars, new and different and so full of promise.

_Yours,_ Essek thought to himself. _If I could ever hope you’ll have me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here it is! all 21 pages of the first day at TRAVLERCON 3000!!! and I brought Kiri back too because i loooooove her T.T
> 
> it was honestly hard as hell to write all of this after having taken such a long (and unexpected) break - i actually had to reread what i'd written to get back in the rhythm and to make sure i touched on themes/moods I wanted to get across
> 
> this chapter was also a liiiiittle harder to write with the addition of Kiri, so i went through some of the episodes she was in and transcribed a buuuunch of dialogue she had heard that she might mimic, so i've got that tucked into my notes now too, as well as navigating the bits of explaining Veth's transformation and introducing Essek and Caduceus to her - and breaking the news to Kiri was so fucking hard man :((( that scene gave me so much trouble and I really really hope I did it justice
> 
> and while this chapter wasn't super Shadowgast centric (but ah does it feel good to have spells as flirting again), and I do apologize for that, it touched on points that i really needed for this TravelerCon arc, which should be maybe 7 chapters (minimum) to go through the whole week!!! the Traveler Miracle Hour bit was actually inspired by one of the "show" titles on the CR Guide video so it was fun to reference that in the fic :)))
> 
> thank you all so very very much for reading this after such a long time away, and thank you to everyone who's left comments - know that i love and appreciate and read every single one, and i promise i'll get through to answering all of them
> 
> i can't exactly say when i'll be back, but i hope its soon!! I love you all so much and I hope you've all been taking care of yourselves and your loved ones and spending the holidays safe and well!! We're going through a rough winter but with the vaccines slowly starting to be administered, lets hope things start to look brighter for our future
> 
> I love you all so so so much, I hope you liked the chapter!! I can't wait to be back with the next one!! Take care of yourselves and each other, wear a mask, don't forget to wash your hands, tell someone you love that you love them, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy Winter's Crest!


	17. The Traveler's Survival Guide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its day two of TravelerCon - and there's plenty to do as Jester ropes in Caduces, Fjord, and the crew to lead them through the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year's guys!!!! I tried to bust this chapter out as soon as I could to greet the new year, and I managed to get it all nice and ready in time!!!!! 
> 
> I'm so proud of us, guys! Despite it all, we made it, and that in itself is more than enough to celebrate! Let's hope 2021 is a kinder year to all of us. I love you all so very very much, and I hope you guys were safe and well in your celebrations!! I hope to continue to see you all as the year goes by <3
> 
> and, without further ado, here we are, heading into TravelerCon Day 2: Electric Boogaloo!!! I hope you guys like the chapter!!

Essek doesn’t realize the sun has slowly begun to crawl over the horizon until Caduceus greets him, joining him around the warmth of the now smoldering fire.

“You’re gonna catch a chill being out here with the fire looking like that,” Caduceus lightly scolded, dropping a light shawl he had been wearing over Essek’s shoulders as he walked past, going to their wood pile and grabbing an armful before depositing them into the fire pit. Flames eagerly lick up the sides of the logs, welcoming the fuel into it's consuming embrace.

“I, ah, may have lost track of time,” Essek admits, shutting his book slowly so as to not wake Frumpkin who is comfortably curled into his lap before tightening the shawl around himself, finally noticing the nip of the early morning sea breeze and lamenting the fact that he’d allowed their fire to get so low. He could have sworn he’d added more logs to the fire before he’d started the last chapter...but that could have been a couple of chapters ago, if he was being completely honest.

Caduceus glanced over at him with a raised brow, his gaze turning to the book in his lap. “Good read?”

“Ah - yeah, yes,” Essek nods in response, vanishing the book into his pocket dimension at the same time. No need to keep it out anymore now that he’s finished reading it for the time being. He would have plenty of time to read about the protagonists’... _ reunion activities _ later.

With an amused hum that sounds just a little  _ too _ knowing for Essek’s comfort, Caduceus returns his attention to the fire, poking at it with a branch that ends up catching flame at the tip. Caduceus slowly pulls it out, turning towards the clay oven that Caleb had helped him make and adding it to the lowest compartment, getting a small fire to start burning there.

“Breakfast this early?” Essek asks, watching as Caduceus begins to pull out spices and herbs from his pack before he pauses to whisper a short incantation to go with the runes he traces into the ground.

Small seedlings sprout from the ground, growing rapidly and changing color as they go, settling on a golden hue as they begin to sway with the breeze. Beside the golden stems - which Essek vaguely recognized as wheat from the few times he’d seen it in artwork of golden fields under sunny skies - are a medley of root veggies and mushrooms and wildberries, all ready to be put to use in whatever recipe Caduceus could think of.

“Well, I was planning on getting a head start, but given that I’ve gotten some  _ very _ raw ingredients,” Caduceus explained, tapping at his chin. He shrugged. “I think I’ve got just the right amount of time to make some breakfast tarts.”

Essek nods, watching as Caduceus begins to cut the golden stems and set them aside, as well as picking some berries and yams and mushrooms and adding them into a large bowl. He fished out a pestle and mortar from the crate of cookware they had, getting ready to start grounding the wheat as he picked up stems and in one swift motion swept all of the small grains from their ends to fall into the mortar.

“I - I think I could help with that?” Essek volunteered, although even he seemed unsure. This was an even more fundamental, a more  _ foundational _ aspect of cooking than what he’d ever encountered with Nathrae in the kitchen.

Caduceus glanced over at him, as if sizing him up, before he smiled. “That’d be a great help, thanks,” he said, handing over the mortar and pestle to Essek.

He took it with a nod, mumbling an apology to Frumpkin as the cat gave a disgruntled  _ mrrp _ before hopping off Essek’s lap and curling up on the ground, closer to the fire. Essek held the mortar in his lap, staring down at it, feeling the pestle in his hand. He knew he had to crush it into a powder to get it to be some kind of flour - he’d gathered that much. But he didn’t necessarily have the practice, nor physical strength, to do it right. Why he had volunteered…

Essek kept staring at it, remembering some of his experiments in his lab. Rendering pebbles and other small precious stones to dust with a highly concentrated casting of  _ magnify gravity _ -

Focusing on the grains in the mortar, he took a deep breath, carving two sets of sigils above the mortar - one around it's rim, a containment charm to keep the magic within the small space, and the next sigils being for the spell itself as he murmured the incantation on the exhale.

There was a slight pull at a point right below Essek’s index finger, right below the space where Essek’s finger still hovered after he’d finished casting the spell. The grains rose slowly before suddenly crowding into that space, crashing against each other and grinding each other down until nothing but dust remained, falling into the mortar with an airy  _ foomf  _ as the spell ended.

“That was quick,” Caduceus noted, clearly impressed after having watched Essek.

“I, ah, am just glad the mortar stayed in one piece,” Essek answered, holding out the mortar and pestle to Caduceus. “There was a, ah, risk that it might shatter beneath the spell as well.”

Caduceus nodded as he took the mortar back. “I guess that’s just how magic is - unpredictable in even the most experienced hands.”

“It certainly keeps things exciting,” Essek smiled, unable to hide how happy he was that the spell had gone off perfectly - even if it had been to ground some grains into flour. He nodded towards the yams in the bowl Caduceus had off to the side. “I could peel those? If those need peeling, that is.”

“Thanks,” Caduceus grinned, handing over a paring knife and moving the bowl between them, letting Essek get to work on the yams while Caduceus prepared the flour for use, the oven and the fire keeping them warm against the early morning chill as TravelerCon’s attendees slowly started to rouse themselves for the day as well.

* * *

It was 8:12 in the morning, Nicodranas time, when there came a quiet knock on the wood of his doorframe.

“Caleb,” a faint whisper called out. “Caaaaleb.”

He slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “ _ Ja, _ Jester?”

“Are you decent?” she asked.

Looking down at his plain shirt and trousers, he decided he was decent enough. “ _ Ja _ ,” he answered, swinging his legs over the edge of his bed.

She poked her head in. “Can I ask you something really quick?”

“Of course, come in,” Caleb nodded, getting up and stretching lightly. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine,” she assured, taking a step inside. She looked back, not getting in completely. “Well, like, can I ask you and Essek something? Is it okay if I call him over, too?”

Caleb glanced down at himself again. At his ratty shirt and wrinkled trousers. “Ah, actually, could you give me a moment to change?”

Jester gave him a mischievous grin. “Ooooh, now you’re gonna change, huh? Gonna change into something super hot?”

A warm blush began to crawl up Caleb’s neck, but before he could respond Jester was already bowing out.

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you finish changing before I call Essek over,” she promised, giving him a wink before stepping out.

And even though Caleb knew he hadn’t been  _ that _ subtle about how he felt for Essek, he had still hoped it had been easy to overlook - although he found himself not all that surprised that Jester seemed to have figured it out. If anyone would figure it out, it made sense that it was her, what with all the smutty romance novels she read.

Still, he thought, hunting down a clean pair of pants and a less wrinkled shirt. He didn’t have to  _ encourage _ her suspicions. All he had to do was feign ignorance to what she was implying and that would be the end of that.

He pulled his shirt over his head, combing through his hair with his fingers to get rid of all of the bedhead tangles before he tied it back again, feeling much more presentable.

Taking a deep breath to steel himself, he followed after Jester, pushing his shirtsleeves up a bit.

Jester takes him in, looking him up and down and nodding before narrowing her eyes when she looks up at his face again. She licks her thumb, then wipes at the corner of Caleb’s mouth.

“You just had a bit of drool, but I got it,” Jester tells him, pulling back to admire Caleb’s look before nodding again. “You look great.”

“ _ Danke _ ,” Caleb mumbled, ducking his head, feeling himself now growing scarlet in embarrassment.

“No problem,” Jester smiled, nudging him lightly before she turned. “Hey, Essek! Could you come over here, please?”

Caleb turns to see Essek glance over at them, giving a small wave before he stands, bundling something in his arms as he goes. He says something to Caduceus that Caleb can’t make out, but Caduceus only nods before waving him off.

“You, ah, called for me?” Essek asks as he draws closer, pulling a pink and green shawl better onto his shoulders from where it had been slipping off. Caleb has seen Caduceus wear it before, and felt a twinge of guilt at not realizing that maybe just leaving Essek with the fire might not have been enough to keep him warm in the coastal climate.

“Mhmmm,” Jester hummed, clasping her hands behind her back as she looked between the two of them. “I was just - well, I was wondering if you both were free today.”

Essek and Caleb shared a suspicious look before Essek tentatively answered, “I suppose we are…?”

Jester nodded. “Good, good - that’s good, I didn’t want to, like, interrupt any plans you might have or something,” she went on. She rocked back and forth on her feet. “I mean - so, like, since the plan is still to get people to stop relying on the Traveler, it's not like I can, you know, show them magic and stuff the way the Traveler taught me.” She wrinkled her nose, waving the thought away. “That would mean they were like me and stuff, and we don’t want that - so remember how I asked you guys if you could, like, teach people a few spells? So they could also have some magic but not get it from the Traveler?”

Caleb gave a hesitant nod, having a feeling he knew where this was going.

“And since you guys are free today, does that technically mean you guys would be free to, like, teach spells today?” she asked, looking between the pair.

There was a beat of silence as they digested Jester’s words, before Caleb let out a simple, “Oh,” at the same time Essek uneasily began, “Well, I mean - technically -”

They shared a look, Essek looking a little nervous and flighty to match some of Caleb’s own misgivings about being asked about doing something so suddenly. Jester had mentioned it to them before, so Caleb had been at least a little ready to hear about it - but actually,  _ really _ getting asked to do it was a whole different story. Caleb needed a bit of time to prepare, to figure out what he’d be teaching and to gather the necessary supplies, and from the pleading look that Essek gave him, Caleb could hazard that Essek might be feeling much of the same.

“Ah, Jester,” Caleb slowly started, taking the initiative for the both of them. “Is it, ah, possible to postpone this lesson? At least a day - to get ready, and all that.”

“I mean,” Jester sighed, tapping at her chin as she nodded. “Beau  _ had _ told me not to, like, spring ideas on anyone like this…” She looked away, clearly in thought. “And I don’t want the lessons to go bad or anything, I actually do want people to learn something.”

“And they will,” Essek assured. He shifted where he stood. “But, ah, more time would be ideal.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Jester admitted. “I just wish Beau hadn’t asked for her stuff to be later in the week, too,” she groaned. She ran a hand across her face, eyes narrowing as she looked at their cooking fire. “I guess we’ll have to resort to Plan C,” she mused.

“My apologies for not, ah, being ready,” Essek said, averting his gaze.

Jester instantly looked over to him, patting him on the arm reassuringly. “Oh, Essek, it’s okay - we’re all figuring things out as we go, you don’t have to apologize.” She smiled brightly at him. “And this way the magic lesson is sure to go super duper good - maybe even as good as when you’re teaching Caleb, huh,” she finished, nudging him with her elbow and giving him a wink before she stepped away. “But now, to work on that Plan C - Caduceus!” she called out, heading for the fire pit, already going on about what they would be doing that day now that her plans had changed.

They watched her go, watched as Caduceus nodded and motioned to Fjord’s hut, watched as Jester accepted whatever Caduceus handed her before she went over to Fjord’s hut and ducked inside after a brief knock.

“I don’t think the lessons will be that good,” Essek quietly got out.

Caleb glanced over at him. “You’re an excellent teacher, Essek - I’m sure they’ll go perfectly.”

Essek shook his head slightly, peeking over at Caleb before dropping his gaze to the ground. “They won’t be as good as when I’m teaching you, though. Those are, ah, made ‘super duper good’ as Jester put it because of the student I have.”

Warmth spread through Caleb’s chest as he felt heat rising up his cheeks, flattered by Essek’s words and finding himself fondly looking at his friend and watching as a similar flush tinted his cheeks, too. “I’ll still be there,” Caleb said softly, bumping his shoulder lightly to Essek. “And even if the, ah, public lesson isn’t what we’ve grown used to with one another, I promise the private lesson we have will be just as good, if not better.”

“We’ll have time for that?” Essek asked hesitantly.

“I’m sure we will,” Caleb nodded. He held Essek’s gaze. “I’ll make sure we have the time - I’ll make the time, for us.”

The remaining tension in Essek’s shoulders evaporated at Caleb’s words, his expression softening as he turned to face him more fully, about to say something when a grumpy little huff could be heard from his arms.

Glancing down, they both saw Frumpkin peeking out of Essek’s arms, his small golden eyes pinched in an unmistakable scowl.

“Did we wake you, you sleepy cat?” Caleb smiled, reaching over and giving Frumpkin a little scritch at the top of his head.

Frumpkin gave a begrudging  _ mrrrpt _ , preening under the touch before letting out a yawn and settling more firmly in Essek’s arms.

“I hope he was good company,” Caleb added, glancing up at Essek.

Essek nodded. “He was great company - if anything, I feel like I was less-than-ideal company, just reading by the fire and then helping Caduceus with breakfast.”

Caleb let out a small laugh. “I’m sure he is used to that kind of company, what with the wizard he’s with.” He nodded towards the fire pit, where now Orly and Marius had joined Caduceus, as well as a very sleepy looking Fjord and a still energetic Jester. “I would certainly love to try whatever you and Caduceus made for breakfast, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Of course, yes - come,” Essek quickly invited, leading the way back to their friends, just a half step ahead of Caleb, but never far enough that Caleb couldn’t feel the warmth from having him so close.

* * *

After Caleb had very kindly asked Jester to postpone their magic lessons, Jester had quickly recruited the help of Fjord and Caduceus and the rest of the crew to host what she dubbed “The Traveler’s Survival Guide” - which she explained was to be a host of small lessons about living off the land and how to make the most of the world around you. In other words, a way to make the followers more self reliant, and less reliant on the Traveler.

Essek, frankly, had no idea what The Traveler’s Survival Guide would entail. He’d always lived at what could be considered the height of luxury, having been born into the golden cradle of Den Thelyss, to the Den’s Umavi of all souls. He’d never had to fend for himself or figure things out that would require that of himself, so he was as good as useless for the day. Again - just like he’d been for most of the time on the  _ Balleater _ until he started to help with little things that he found he could do. Today though, there was just  _ so much _ .

Fjord had a station at the lagoon where he was teaching people how to swim and stay afloat, while closer to the mouth of the river that spilled into the lagoon Orly taught people how to fish while Shelda showed them how to clean what they caught so it would be ready to be properly cooked.

Caduceus and Marius had disappeared into the jungle greenery along with Caleb and a handful of people, showing them how to find fruits and edible roots and herbs to cook with. He’d heard Caduceus admit that it was also a learning experience for him as he wasn’t as familiar with jungle environments, but Marius had been quick to assure him that he knew enough to surely teach their small group a thing or two.

Gallan and Jester, along with Kiri, had begun to guide a group through rudimentary woodworking skills, showing them how to fashion crude tools from the materials at hand as well as how to find good wood to work with before their group started working on their day project of constructing a small hut to learn how to build a makeshift shelter.

They’re all extremely useful skills that Essek knows would make or break a person if they were left completely on their own, yet still too much for Essek to fully get a grasp of by just observing each group for a few minutes at a time - which is why Essek decides to sit by Shelda. He’d spotted a couple of baskets now filled with fish that needed to be cleaned for dinner when he walked past them, and found that he could best be helpful with her.

“Where’s the other navigator?” she asked, raising a brow at him.

He tried to jam his parasol into the ground, hoping to block out some of the sun. “I think he, ah, joined Caduceus and Marius in the jungle,” he answered. He’d certainly considered joining them as well, but found that that might be a little  _ too _ taxing on him. He was just getting used to walking full-time again - he didn’t need to add difficult terrain to the mix just yet.

She nodded, going back to carving into the fish in her hands and scooping out the entrails. “This is how it should look, once you get all the guts out,” she said, showing her cleaned fish to the half dozen people sitting with her.

A large goliath examined her work quietly, nodding to himself before going back to his own fish, doing his best to follow Shelda’s example.

Essek did the same, reaching for one of the few remaining knives that weren’t in use as he tried to stay in the shade of his parasol, before Shelda tossed her fish into a basket with all the other clean fish, taking her knife and throwing it with uncanny strength and accuracy at a nearby palm tree. It stuck into the wood, quivering from the force of the throw as Shelda stood.

“We’re moving over there,” she said, brushing her dark hair back. “The fish’ll spoil quicker if we keep on working in the sun.”

With awed nods and amazed looks shared between everyone, their group gathered their things as well as the fish baskets they had, moving to the shade of the palm tree.

“Thank you,” Essek told her as he vanished his parasol into his pocket dimension, shielding his eyes from the sun only briefly before they moved beneath the palm fronds.

Shelda gave him a half-hearted scowl. “You weren’t gonna learn anything dealing with the sun, too,” she mumbled, pulling her knife from the palm tree’s trunk. She sat down beside him. “Moving was the best choice anyway. All the fish guts we left over there are sure to attract some crabs - we catch some of those, you’ll be in for a treat, newbie.”

_ Newbie _ \- he’d always been treated like a “newbie” his whole life in the Dynasty, but hearing it from Shelda as she showed him that he could also scrape off the fish scales or keep them depending on how he wanted the fish to taste, he found that he didn’t mind hearing it at all.

* * *

By the time Caleb guides Caduceus and Marius’ group back out of the jungle, it's 12:41, the sun tipping in the sky and moving morning towards afternoon. Their tour through the jungle hadn’t taken them very far, at maybe an hour’s journey past the treeline proper, heading north. They’d gone all the way to where the jungle met the cliffs before starting to turn back, but not before Caleb had had a change to walk along the cliffs for a bit, spotting a smaller set of rocks much closer to the ocean spray and closer to TravelerCon’s beach, a place where Caleb had a feeling there would be a beautiful view of the sunset every day. He’d had to just stick with the feeling though since they were out early and thus were nowhere near the time for sunset to test his theory.

In addition to the nice view, their trek had been successful in their endeavor - Marius had quickly found a copse of guama trees, their green pods having easily been mistaken for leaves as they passed by until Marius pointed them out and had begun picking them from the tree. The pods were big green things almost as long as Caleb’s arm, and their group had quickly filled one of the sacks they had brought with them with the unfamiliar fruit. They didn’t look like much, reminding Caleb of oversized pea pods, but Marius was certain they’d all like them once they tried them. After that though, Marius led them to fruits that Caleb had actually seen before - mangoes and guavas and bananas, and even something that Marius had called a plantain. Those had looked like bananas, just much larger when they picked them. Still, Marius assured them they’d be delicious, and for once, Caleb trusted him without question.

Once they got back to camp, they all followed Caduceus to where they would be leaving the bulk of the fruits they’d found, so that people could come grab them and snack at their leisure.

Marius filled a smaller sack with guama pods and plantains, explaining, “I just want to make sure everyone gets to try these.” He raised one of the pod fruits up. “Jester’s gonna love these, and I know the plantains are going to go quick too.”

Caleb nodded, watching Marius head over to their huts, leaving the sack beside the now cold fire pit.

“Might take another group back out there, this time heading south - care to join us again after lunch?” Caduceus asked him as the rest of their group dispersed to observe and join whatever other station caught their attention.

“Ah - I, ah,” Caleb glanced around, finally catching sight of Essek sitting beneath a palm shade along with Shelda and a handful of others. They were working along with Orly’s group from the looks of it as someone from Orly’s group approached them and left a large basket full of fish beside Shelda. “I might join another group,” Caleb told him, giving a nonchalant shrug. “Just to see what, ah, other things I can learn.”

Caduceus followed where Caleb’s gaze had gone, smiling before he gave Caleb a nod. “Of course, that makes sense.”

“But I’ll help with lunch,” Caleb quickly supplied, if only to dodge whatever Caduceus might have to say about what he had clearly noticed.

“That’ll be wonderful,” Caduceus smiled. “I’m thinking we follow Marius’ lead and make something with what we’ve got?”

“ _ Ja _ , that sounds good,” Caleb agreed, starting to fall into step beside Caduceus as they began to make their way to their firepit before he heard someone shouting his name.

“Caleb! Caleb!”

Turning, he caught sight of Veth running towards him, her clothes completely soaked through. “Caleb, you’ll never guess what I did today!”

“Did you, ah, shower with your clothes on?” Caleb asked hesitantly.

“No, no, not that - I swam!” she announced excitedly.

“You swam?” Caleb said, unable to fight the smile that spread across his face. “You actually, really swam?”

“She’s learning how to float,” Beau corrected, looking just as soaked through as she followed along behind Veth. “She joined Fjord’s group to try and learn and I went with her.”

“And I’m learning,” Veth assured. “It's still terrible and awful but not as bad as it has been, before.”

Caleb crouched down to get closer to eye level with his friend. “I’m proud of you, of what you’re pushing yourself to do. It is very brave.”

“Thank you,” Veth grinned. “I don’t know if I’ll ever actually  _ like _ it, but I think this might help, a bit.”

“Don’t short change yourself - this is huge for you, Veth,” Caleb told her.

Veth’s smile softened, looking a little sheepish as she shuffled from foot to foot. “You could join us, if you want, later?” Her eyes widened as she clasped her hands together in front of her. “Oh - and I heard Jester ask you and Essek if you guys could teach some of the people here magic? Maybe I could help with that too? You’ve taught me spells and I -”

“Ah, I think we’ll be fine,” Caleb cut her off, standing abruptly, being painfully reminded of the things he’d been feeling for the past few days. He could see the way Beau narrowed her eyes at him from behind Veth, so he tacked on a quick, “Thank you though,” to at least seem a little polite.

“Oh,” Veth got out, blinking once, then twice at Caleb’s abrupt change. “That makes sense, Jester did ask you guys…” She looked up at him. “But would you like to join us with Fjord’s group later?”

“I’ll actually be heading back out with Caduceus,” Caleb mechanically answered. “Help keep them all from getting lost.”

“Right, yeah, that makes sense,” Veth nodded. She took an uncertain step back. “I guess, I’ll, ah, see you around?”

“Lunch will be in a bit,” Caleb told them. “I’ll see you then.” He began to turn away, meaning to end the conversation, before he reached out, patting Veth lightly on the shoulder. “I am proud of you, about working on your swimming despite…” he trailed off, pulling his hand back and resolutely walking away.

* * *

“I can’t believe you’ve never tried these before,” Gallan commented, taking another bite of fried plantains that Marius had cooked, their dessert after a refreshing salad that Caduceus and Caleb had put together.

Jester shook her head. “Never,” she responded, helping herself to another plantain serving. “These are so, so good and  _ so _ sweet.”

“They’re a pretty popular tavern dish in the Coast,” Marius added, sitting down to eat as well. “I had imagined at least you and Fjord had had them before aside from us,” he said, motioning to the crew.

“You’re right that I’ve had them before,” Fjord confirmed, setting his now empty plate to the side. He shot Jester an apologetic look. “But, I mean, maybe they’re not as popular in Nicodranas as they are in the other ports.”

“I never really frequented any taverns back home, because of the whole ‘daughter of the Ruby of the Sea’ thing,” Jester admitted. “That’s probably why I haven’t had them before.”

“Let's go to all the taverns in Nicodranas next time - make up for you not going to them before,” Yasha suggested.

Jester smiled at her, leaning her head on her shoulder. “That’ll be lots of fun.”

“Well, I’m sure this is something that even that taverns don’t have,” Marius grinned, pulling out extremely large pea pods from the burlap sack he’d had at his side.

“Is this how big peas get out here?” Veth frowned. “Because that’s huge.”

“These aren’t peas,” Marius explained, handing out the large pods. There were only six pods, enough for one to every two people. Essek was one of the ones that ended up with a pod in his hands.

“This is a fruit, and to get to the good stuff you have to -” Marius took the pod he was holding and snapped it in half, revealing a fluffy, white interior. He then began to peel back the green shell, showing more white, fuzzy innards.

Jester furrowed her brow, mimicking Marius as Fjord, Yasha, and Shelda did the same with the pods they’d been handed. Essek tested the pod in his hands, finding barely any give in it's flexibility.

Before he could embarrass himself by failing to break the pod in his hands, he held it out to Caleb. “Would you mind doing the honors?”

Caleb raised a brow, taking the pod from him. “Not at all.” He tested the pod in his grip just like Essek had done before bracing it against his knee and snapping it, starting to peel it as well.

“Now what?” Jester asked, looking over at Marius.

Marius plucked one of the fuzzy lumps from the shell. “Now, you eat this stuff, but not the bean inside it.” He demonstrated by peeling the fuzzy flesh from a dark bean within, popping the white fuzz in his mouth and dropping the bean into an empty bowl.

Jester didn’t seem all too convinced, but Yasha was all game as she tasted it, giving an enthusiastic nod afterwards as she said, “It - it tastes sweet, almost like vanilla.” 

“That’s why it's called the ice cream bean,” Orly added, plucking a fuzz ball from Marius’ pod. “They’re not all too common, but they’re a nice treat.”

“Mmmm - Yasha’s right, it does taste like vanilla!” Jester exclaimed, digging in now as she shared her pod with Kiri and the Traveler.

“Hmm, I didn’t even know they had these here - I haven’t had them since the Feywild,” the Traveler commented.

“They have these in the  _ Feywild _ ?” Jester asked, falling into easy conversation with the Traveler as he described some of the differences between the fey variant and the fruit they were eating.

“Just from looking at the texture doesn’t make it look all too appetizing, but it tastes pretty good,” Caleb admitted, drawing Essek’s attention to him. He held out a fuzz ball to Essek. “If you’ve ever had, ah, cotton candy, the texture is vaguely similar to it, just with more substance.”

“I, ah,” Essek started, taking the fruit from Caleb. “I don’t think I’ve ever - I’ve never had cotton candy, or this.”

“You’re killing me, Essek,” Jester sighed, having caught Essek’s admission. “We’re going to have to treat you to cotton candy next time you’re in Nicodranas with us, after we visit all the taverns.”

Essek couldn’t fight off the swell of warmth that he felt spread through his chest. Plans of the future with the Mighty Nein, even if it was just try out whatever treat this was after a tavern tour - it made him so much happier for the future than he’d ever been. “I’d like that,” he smiled, peeling the fuzzy meat from the bean and taking a bite.

It felt the way it looked, fuzzy and fluffy, but tougher where it had been on the bean, and definitely sweet, with a hint of vanilla that made it rather tasty.

“This is nice,” Essek said, catching the way Caleb smiled brightly at him and held out their shared pod so he could grab more.

“Maybe you’re not so useless to have around, after all,” Beauregard mused, raising a brow at Marius, and despite the insult in that compliment Marius preened at her words, their lunch ending on a deliciously sweet note not long after.

Then, once again, everyone dispersed to their groups, retaking their teaching positions or tagging along as students. The sun was still high in the sky, the heat prickly and uncomfortable when Essek was caught in the sunlight, but Jester helped save him from that by inviting her to the small shack Gallan, Kiri, and her had made to show their group what could be done with a bit of woodworking and elbow grease. It was going to turn into the designated storage space for whatever food material they had, since it seemed like perhaps Caduceus, Marius, and Caleb’s group might find more fruit and Orly’s group was doing an amazing job with fishing. The people under Shelda’s tutelage were also now catching crabs, collecting baskets of them to turn into a very promising crab stew - or steamed crab, since Orly, Shelda, and Gallan were tossing around all sorts of ideas for how to cook them.

Which had left the fish-cleaning duties on the wayside, until Jester stepped up to the plate and asked Essek to help her since he’d been learning how to clean fish all morning. It wasn’t exciting work by any means, but it was something Essek now felt confident and comfortable enough to do, and Jester was great company, filling in the silences when Essek found himself unable to think of anything to talk about and drawing easy conversation out of Essek too, asking him about the book or about TravelerCon, about things he might be doing if he was in the Dynasty instead of with them.

“So I think tomorrow Kiri’s going to help me lead a little ‘Traveler shrine making’ day, y’know, to get the followers more ‘connected’ with the Traveler,” Jester explained, tossing another clean fish into the corresponding basket. “It doesn’t mean he’ll really be there, but like, it’ll feel like it, y’know?”

Essek nodded. Sometimes all that people needed was a feeling to have their faith mean something. He glanced over at Jester. “So Kiri’s going to help you lead? You, ah, you have told her that, right?” If Caleb and himself had been so thrown by Jester’s request of them teaching the TravelerCon guests magic, he couldn’t imagine how a child might feel getting that kind of responsibility dumped onto her so abruptly.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Jester nodded. “She actually gave me the idea - when Gallan and I were making,” she waved her hand, gesturing to the shack they were sitting in. “This, there were some things Kiri was too small to help us with, so she would sit off to the side a while. And when we were halfway done, she gave me this little thing -” She pulled a small, carved Traveler statue from her pocket. “She made! All by herself with her dagger and a little piece of wood!” Jester exclaimed, clearly proud of Kiri. “And after that I was like, ‘Oh gosh, Kiri, you’re like, a natural!’ and even Gallan was like ‘that looks really cool’, and then the idea hit me and I asked her and she seemed super excited.” Jester scraped out the fish guts from the fish she was working on. “It's going to be, like, really fun.”

“It sounds like it,” Essek agreed, cleaning his knife on a rag before starting to work on the next fish. “So would you like Caleb and I to hold our magic lesson the day after tomorrow?”

“If that’s okay with you guys, yes, please,” Jester told him. She shot him a knowing smile. “Ooooooh, you and Caleb and magic, huh?”

“Yes, like you asked,” Essek answered, knowing exactly what Jester was implying but not rising to the bait.

And failing.

“Were you serious about what you told me?” Essek hesitantly started, looking over at her.

Jester met his gaze curiously. “Serious about what?”

“About what you told me about Caleb - in Nicodranas,” Essek finished, dropping his gaze.

There was a quiet shuffling beside him before he saw her hand patt his knee. “Essek, I wouldn’t lie about that,” she assured him when he looked at her again. She pulled her hand back, wrinkling her nose. “Sorry, my hand’s all gross.” She gave him a reassuring smile. “But yeah, I would never lie about something like that, especially knowing how you feel.”

He knew there would be no use trying to refute Jester’s words - besides, Jester had said what he wanted to hear. But despite that being what Essek  _ wanted _ to hear, he still felt at a loss. “But - but after -” He shook his head. “Well, after what I’ve done, his feelings have probably changed.”

Jester shook her head, wagging a finger at Essek. “I don’t know about that, buddy. I think Caleb probably does feel the same - he just feels bad, you know, about finding out about what you did.”

Essek let out a long sigh, his shoulders hanging in defeat. “Yeah. I know.” He glanced over at her again. “I’m really sorry about that. I - I know just apologizing isn’t enough, but, I am sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me, Essek,” Jester told him. “I forgive you - and I’m sure you’ll be able to show that you mean it eventually,” she added, her words sending a sudden chill down Essek’s spine. Not because her words were a threat of any kind, but they were just - there. An observation of an inevitability that would eventually cross his path.

She shook her head again, squaring her shoulders. “But that’s why I’m going to help you?”

“Help me?” Essek repeated, suddenly a little lost.

“Yeah, help you win over Caleb,” Jester explained easily.

And suddenly that was the very  _ last _ thing Essek wanted. At least for now. “Oh, no, no, no, no, no -” he rushed out. “There’s no, ah - no need for that.”

“I know there’s no need, but I want to help,” Jester said.

“That’s,” Essek began, trying to figure out how best to phrase it. “That’s very kind of you, but, ah - I don’t think - now’s not the right time,” he settled on. “I think - I think we should, ah, let the negotiations settle for a bit, and wait to see how everything stands - then we could - I could, ah, see about -”

“A relationship, with Caleb,” Jester finished for him, nodding at his words. “Yeah, I get it, that makes a lot of sense.” She shrugged. “I don’t know how you’re gonna manage to wait for so long, but maybe I’m just bad at waiting.”

Essek managed to crack a smile at that. “Waiting is something I’m very good at.”

Jester sighed dramatically. “But don’t you get tired of that? Don’t you just want to like, let loose? Go nuts?”

“N-not particularly, no,” Essek got out. Especially since the last time he had been overly proactive he had inadvertently started a war. No need to say that out loud though.

“I don’t know, I think you should give it a try - but it's your relationship,” Jester said. She nudged him lightly with her elbow. “You’re going to be good to him, right?”

“Of course,” Essek answered without any hesitation. “I - if I ever get the privilege, I would do my best.”

“‘If I ever get the privilege,’” Jester repeated. She threw her head back, feigning as if she were fainting. “Oh my gosh, Essek, that’s  _ so _ romantic.”

Essek felt himself start to blush, immediately starting to resolutely focus on the fish he was cleaning to ignore her words.

“You like him a lot, huh?” Jester said after letting Essek keep quiet for a few minutes.

There was no need to lie. Jester already knew, anyway, and Essek hadn’t ever really had a chance to talk about his feelings like this before. “Yeah, I do,” Essek nodded, not looking at Jester.

He could definitely feel Jester’s eyes on him when she asked a simple, “Why?”

“Why not?” Essek shot back. And just like that, he felt like he couldn’t stop himself. “He’s the smartest person I know, and he’s brave, and welcoming, and charming -”

“Don’t forget devastatingly handsome,” Jester added.

“Yes, he’s -” He had a disarming smile, and beautiful eyes, and cute freckles, and - “He’s very handsome,” Essek agreed. “But he’s kind, Jester.” He looked over at her. “He’s kind.” He brings a hand to his chest, feeling the ghost of a gentle touch. “Despite everything, he is a kind man.”

Jester gives him a soft smile. “He really is, isn’t he?” She seems like she wants to say more, but she gets interrupted by a cheery trill from the door of the shack. She turns to the sound, eyes widening for a second before she schools her features. “Aww, have you been waiting for long, Kiri?”

Kiri tilts her head to the side, shaking it once. “ _ Could you tell Jester that Fjord is looking for her, please?” _ Kiri says, imitating Fjord.

“Oh, I’ll be right there,” Jester nods, finishing up her fish quickly before she stands. “Will you be okay with all of this, Essek? I mean, obviously you don’t have to finish everything, I know you still have to go rest and stuff.”

“I should be fine,” Essek assures her. “I’ll probably keep at it for another hour or so, then get cleaned up before I trance.”

“Good, good, good, that sounds good,” Jester grins. She steps out after Kiri, pausing at the door. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?”

“Thanks, Jester,” Essek said. “I’ll - I’ll try.”

She gave him one last smile before ducking out, leaving Essek alone with the task at hand.

He mulled over her words - about Caleb’s feelings, about not being so hard on himself. He held onto her assurance that Caleb probably felt the same - he thought of their magic lessons, and their shared dance in Nicodranas, thought of Caleb wiping frosting off his face, and, deep in his heart, he hopes Jester is right.

But just as quickly as that hope comes he thinks of Caleb’s “ _ Yes, friend, what are you doing? _ ”, he thinks of that look of hurt disbelief when Essek had confessed that he’d stolen the beacons - and that hope disappears like smoke in the wind.

* * *

“Hey, ah, Caleb - do you think we could take a walk?” Veth hesitantly asked as they finished up dinner.

“I was going to go do our dishes,” he starts, motioning to the small crate that’s now piled with their dirty cups and plates.

“Don’t worry about those, I can do them later,” she rushes out. She shifts from foot to foot. “But, just - could we talk?”

And even though he wants to say no, even though he wants to just pick up the crate and remain firm in what he’d said, he nods.

She gives a quiet sigh of relief before she straightens herself, motioning away from the group and starting to lead the way. He falls into step beside her, and they both walk in silence for 6 minutes and 2 seconds before she finally starts talking.

“Beau, ah, Beau talked to me,” Veth says, wringing her hands in front of her. “After earlier.”

Caleb winces. He knew he’d been rude, and being reminded of it doesn’t feel any better.

“And, well…” she trails off, tugging on one of her braids before she resolutely looks up at him. “And I would like to apologize, Caleb.”

He stares at her, unsure how to respond, not having thought about how he would handle an apology if it ever happened. Not realizing that he had been hoping for one, since that night.

“Okay, but, I feel like I should be clear, since not being clear the first time around was what made me fuck things up,” she continues. She rubs at one of her wrists. “I don’t think you’re a bad person - the things I said, about Essek, none of that is how I feel about you, and I’m so sorry if I made you feel like I was looping you into that, too.”

Despite the apology, he feels himself shut off again. “Thank you for the apology,” he forces himself to say. “If that is all this is about, then -”

“No, no, Caleb,” she gets out, stopping him quickly. “This is coming out all wrong still - I mean, what I just said is what I feel, but I-I should also just, explain what I meant about Essek, too.”

Caleb keeps still, watching her carefully. Cautiously. Veth takes it as a chance to keep talking.

“Look, I-I know I said I want Essek to be punished - and I do, but not at all in the way I want the Assembly to be punished,” she explained. “I - my husband was kidnapped, Caleb. He could’ve been killed, Luc, my boy, could have been killed, and it's because of this war the Assembly started, with Essek’s help.”

“But he didn’t want -” Caleb blurted out.

“I know he didn’t want this war,” Veth nodded, not stopping in her words. “I believe him when he says he didn’t mean for things to get out of hand, but they did, Caleb. And there need to be some sort of consequences for that and - and a start is just, I just need Essek to actually  _ feel _ bad about it. Not because he knows  _ we _ got hurt and  _ we _ feel bad about it, but because it comes from him to feel bad.” She sighs, reaching out for Caleb slowly, giving Caleb a chance to pull back if he wants to. When he doesn’t she takes his hand gently. “I care about Essek, I do - he’s my friend and he’s a part of this little group we have, but I need him to care. Because my family was one of the lucky ones - but what about all the other ones that didn’t get so lucky? What - what about them? I just, I need him to care about them.” She gives a self deprecating laugh, pulling back from Caleb to rub at the back of her neck sheepishly. “But who am I to talk, I almost reignited the war just to break my curse.”

“That’s completely different,” Caleb told her - trying to reassure her, he realized.

She smiled at him, a sad, tired smile. “But it would have had the same result, wouldn’t it? Putting ourselves before everyone else - shitty people.” She takes a steadying breath. “Before you guys, all I really had was Luc and Yeza, but then after meeting you, after meeting the Mighty Nein, I realized how much good we could do, how we could touch the lives of people for  _ good _ \- and how just as easily we could do bad too. I want Essek to feel the consequences of his actions, to  _ see _ the consequences - Rosohna is so, so far away from the front lines, Essek has no idea what it's like to see war, he doesn’t know what it does to people. I want him to feel bad, and, and  _ repent, _ and work on remedying things in his own way.” She shrugged, waving a hand. “Whether he does it by, like, fighting for better care for Dynasty war veterans or he pushes for more alliances and peaceful solutions to conflicts, I just want him to choose to do good, to choose to care and help people.”

Hearing all of that, hearing it all laid out like that, and hearing how genuine and honest Veth was in her words made Caleb feel relieved, it made him feel at ease with her. He understood what she meant - hells, he hoped that this was what would happen with Essek, that he would choose to do good because he wants it, not because he sees everyone around him doing it too.

“And the punishment?” he still found himself asking.

“He’ll get punished,” Veth nodded, rushing on when she saw the way Caleb immediately began to protest, “if he doesn’t change. That’s why he’s at the end of the list, so he sees what happens to people that don’t care, so that he sees that as long as there’s people that do care, that the fuckers that ruin everything for everyone else will get what they deserve.” She looks away from him. “Essek needs to work on changing the path he’s gone down, so that he doesn’t turn into a monster like those fuckers in the Assembly.”

“That,” Caleb starts shakily, “that sounds good.” He nods. “I don’t want him to turn into a monster - like my people have.”

Now it's Veth’s turn to wince. She reaches out for him hesitantly again. “I don’t think you’re a monster, Caleb,” she tells him quietly. “I’m really, really sorry about what I said, back in Felderwin. Those people aren’t your people - you didn’t fit in because of that.” She smiles at him. “We’re your people, and I’m sorry I pushed you away like that. I’m really sorry.”

A weight Caleb didn’t realize he’d been carrying since that day in Felderwin finally lifted from Caleb’s shoulders. He dropped to his knees in front of Veth, pulling her into a tight hug. “I’m sorry, too, Veth, for being so rude this morning. I’m sorry for avoiding you and I’m sorry for being such a coward and not talking to you about this sooner.”

He felt Veth wrap her arms around him, holding him tight. “I forgive you, Caleb. Of course I forgive you.” She pulled back, giving him a kiss on the temple before patting him on the cheek, wiping a few stray tears away. “Don’t ever forget I love you, okay? Any time some shit like this happens, remember that, and know that we’ll talk it out.”

“I love you, too,” he told her. “Thank you for - for taking the initiative. I don’t think I would have, at least not anytime soon.”

Veth grinned broadly. “I’m sure you would have worked up the courage.”

“Maybe, but I’m clearly no match for the bravery that you’ve got,” Caleb continued. He gave her a light squeeze. “I mean, you  _ swam _ today! I wasn’t kidding when I said I was proud of you.”

A smattering of fireworks overhead drew their attention to the now darkened sky, the sun having set while they talked.

“Guess it’s time for the Miracle Hour,” Veth noted, but her wide smile was still there, relieved and happy and easy between them again.

“Is this how Jester will signal it?” Caleb asked, hearing a rising murmur around them as people began to move towards the stage.

“That’s what she told me,” Veth shrugged. She stepped away, tugging on his hand. “Let’s go, it’ll look bad if we show up late.”

“I’m sure priests of the Traveler can show up fashionably late,” Caleb mused, rising to his feet and letting her tug him in the direction the fireworks were coming from.

“Yeah, but we should leave that to the high priestess,” Veth told him, giving him a smile. “Now, c’mon, I want to see who’ll be talking in front of the crowd today.”

He let her lead the way, comforted in being able to fall so easily into this, into being with his best friend, and realizing just how much he had missed her now that things felt so much better between them.

* * *

Traveler Miracle Hour was a less involved affair for the majority of them now that introductions were out of the way. After Jester and the Traveler worked the crowd for a bit, Jester called Veth up to share with everyone - and she did exceptionally well, talking about the comfort of chaos, how accepting and embracing things that were out of control had helped her cope with personal issues and how it had taught her to be quick on her feet and come up with plans and ideas on the fly.

“You did really good up there,” Caleb quietly told her once she rejoined the rest of them in their seats behind Jester and the Traveler as a dwarvish follower was introduced and began to recount his Traveler experiences.

Veth beamed at him brightly, getting an easy smile back from Caleb. Caleb looked happier tonight, less burdened, more open to the infectious good cheer, and despite not having spent much time together today, Essek felt his own spirits raise at seeing Caleb smiling more.

And he certainly felt his heartbeat quicken when Caleb leaned over to him, whispering, “We’ll plan out our lesson tomorrow?”

Essek nodded quickly, taking in the way Caleb almost seemed to glow beneath the  _ dancing lights _ the Traveler had spread across the stage. “Yes,” he finally got out, finally finding his voice.

Caleb’s eyes were so, so bright. “Even though I’m a little nervous, I’m, ah - I’m really looking forward to teaching with you.”

“I am, too - looking forward to teaching with you, I mean,” Essek answered, feeling himself lean into Caleb, with the excuse to be heard over the cheering and laughter from the crowd.

He saw Caleb’s eyes dart down before he met Essek’s gaze again, giving him a quiet, “We’ll work well together, I am sure.”

“Yeah,” Essek answered, swallowing hard, looking away and feeling himself start to get a warm flush, having had to fight the urge to close the distance between the two.

And wondering if maybe - if maybe believing Jester wouldn’t be so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jester voice: Essek, don’t you just want to go ape shit?
> 
> and there you have it!!! day two of TravelerCon!!! I honestly really liked how the character interactions fell into place this chapter, with more of Shelda and Marius, and the small bits with Shelda and Essek and showing him how to clean the fish
> 
> ooooohhhh and Jester and Essek T.T i didn't know i'd get in my feelings there but I certainly did, and I only got even more in my feelings following it up with Veth and Caleb's talk, which was so so so SO hard to write, but i was able to say what i wanted to say, able to create that dialogue between them that i really wish we could have really seen in canon (and which i still hope with fingers crossed that we can eventually see in canon still)
> 
> and omfg, while writing this chapter i had to really dig into my memories and also pick apart my parents and my sister's brain, my dad's in particular to remember the guama since the only time i've ever had them was in Honduras, and so yeah a bit of my own personal experiences that i felt added a bit of life to the fic!!!
> 
> anyway, i really hope you guys liked the chapter!! Thank you so much for reading and sticking with this fic despite my impromptu hiatus!!! I hope you guys had a Happy New Year and have a lovely 2021!! I love you all so much, and i can't wait to share more of this story with you guys !!! But, despite the new year, we have to stick to our precautions until things are settled and under control, so please, don't forget to wear your masks and wash your hands!!! Continue to physically distance but don't isolate socially!! Reach out and remind each other that you love one another, and take care of yourselves!! I love you all so much, and i can't wait to see you all in the next chapter :)))


	18. Crafting with Kiri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Kiri helps Jester and Gallan lead an arts and crafts lesson, Essek, Caleb, and Veth plan for the events of the following day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back y'all!!!! super super quick short opening note because ooof gang i've kept you guys waiting!!
> 
> firstly, SPOILER ALERT FOR LATEST FEW EPISODES!!! Shadowgast gang how we FUCKING FEELING because fuck yeah, fucking thank the LIGHT that Essek is back like holy shit thank GOD and also THANK YOU MATTHEW MERCER I FEEL SO VALID IN MY INTERPRETATION OF ESSEK i literally sobbed and then immediately hauled ass to finish this chapter asap and so here i am literally posting like 5 minutes before the episode airs whoooop
> 
> secondly, this chapter was briefly postponed due to uncertainty of the state of my nation after the insurrection in the capital, and like, it was kinda stressful and worrying as fuck, but thankfully nothing else happened afterwards and now Mr Biden and Mrs Harris are in the white house, which is actually pretty relieving. Obviously there's still a fuck ton of work to do to make this country a better place for everyone, but it is a small victory that we can feel happy about
> 
> i love you all so much, thank you guys for your patience, and i really hope you guys like all 18 pages of this chapter!!!

Breakfast the following morning was filled with excited chatter and discussions of half-finished plans. Jester naturally helmed the conversation, listing out the things that were needed for the day as she, Kiri, Artagan, and Gallan were going to be leading the attendees in a Crafting with Kiri activity, an event that would walk everyone through creating their own TravelerCon shrines, fashioned after the TravelerCon party favors that Jester was going to be passing out so that the followers would have an example to work off of.

The day’s event wouldn’t really demand much from any of the rest of the priests outside of a quick set up of a few work stations tables, and even for that Jester had only asked Beau, Yasha, Caduceus, and Fjord to help her.

“You two,” Jester finished, pointing at Caleb and Essek. “You’ve gotta figure out what we’re gonna be doing tomorrow, so, like, you’ve got the whole day to plan your lesson.”

“That seems like enough time,” Essek nodded, glancing over at Caleb.

“More than enough,” Caleb agreed. “We’ll have everything ready, Jester, don’t you worry.”

“Oh, I’m not worried,” Jester shrugged. “You both are, like, super powerful wizards, I know you guys will figure it out.” She gave them a brilliant smile, sidling up to Essek and giving him a playful nudge. “Have fun you two,” she told them before she began to head towards the stage, all the while announcing, “ _ Today’s event will be revealed shortly! Be ready for some arts and crafts!” _

Kiri went off after her, mimicking her announcement and calling people to follow them.

“We better start setting up those tables,” Fjord said, depositing his dirty breakfast dishes into the designated dish crate before he stood up.

“I’ll be helping with that, too,” Artagan volunteered, standing as well and running a hand through his hair. “I can’t just leave everything to Jester and company, that would make me an unbecoming godling.”

Beau snorted as she rolled her eyes. “Because that’s what we’re worried about - you being an ‘unbecoming godling.’”

Caduceus got to his feet, moving to follow Fjord but glancing at the dirty dishes. Marius quickly read his mind, waving a hand to brush Caduceus’ thoughts away. “I can handle the dishes, they’ll be perfectly clean before lunch.”

“Thanks,” Caduceus smiled, giving him a grateful nod before he, along with Fjord, Beau, Yasha, Gallan, and Artagan joined the throng of people trickling their way towards the stage where Jester was enthusiastically greeting everyone and asking about how they were enjoying their time so far. Given the cheerful responses she was receiving, it seemed like they were having a great time.

Caleb felt a light tapping on his knee.

“Shall we, ah, start with our lesson plans?” Essek asked, pulling his hand back after having gotten Caleb’s attention. An adorable flush clung to Essek’s skin, coloring his cheeks a little darker than usual - the day’s heat already getting to him, it seemed.

“Yes, of course,” Caleb nodded. He forced himself to look away and looked around briefly before standing. “There’s a nice shady patch of palm trees down closer by the beach - would you, ah, like to make our plans there? It'll also be a little quieter, and maybe even a little cooler because of the ocean breeze.”

A soft smile spread across Essek’s face. “That sounds nice.” He stood, brushing off nonexistent wrinkles from his clothes. Caleb found himself impressed all over again at how Essek seemed to always be absolutely immaculate in the mornings as opposed to everyone else as they stumbled out of bed. He self consciously adjusted the cuff of his shirt as he watched Essek glance towards the beach before meeting his eyes again. “Lead the way.”

Caleb smiled, about to start to head in the direction of the beach when he saw Veth still sitting at the cooking fire. He’d expected her to join Jester and Kiri for the lesson, especially since Veth had proven to be such a valuable planning asset to this whole endeavor, so seeing her still sitting around with Shelda and Orly and Marius seemed a little off.

“Will you not be helping with today’s activities, Veth?” Caleb asked her.

Veth turned to him, giving a sheepish shrug. “I mean, Jester invited me to, but like, I don’t know - I’m not much of an ‘arts and crafts’ person. I’m more of a fluffernutter and crafts kind of person if you know what I mean.”

“ _ Ja _ , I know what you mean,” Caleb agreed. He wouldn’t be forgetting fluffernutter anytime soon. “Well, ah -” Caleb began, meaning to wave a ‘see you later’ before leaving with Essek before he changed tracks. “Would you like to join us for our lesson tomorrow? You’re very good with that  _ mage hand _ of yours.”

“I - you want me to teach with you?” Veth asked, looking a little taken aback as she glanced between Caleb and Essek.

Caleb nodded, glancing over at Essek to see Essek nodding as well. “The more people who can teach, the better,” Essek added.

“Then yes, of course, I - that would be, wow, yeah, I’ll do it,” Veth quickly answered.

The three of them lapsed into a beat of silence before Caleb waved her over. “C’mon then, we’ve, ah, got a lesson to plan.”

“Yes, that’s right,” Veth said, jumping to her feet and joining them as Caleb began to lead the way to the beach, hearing Essek and Veth start to explain how they had learned some of their magic and feeling his heart swell as he was reminded of their time in Essek’s tower, talking spell theory and crafting new magic together, sharing his magical passions with his two favorite people in the world.

* * *

“Ah, well, the spell I plan on teaching tomorrow is by no means a difficult one,” Essek began. He waved his hand in the air, summoning his spellbook.

Veth’s eyes widened. “Whoa, you’re going to teach people how to do that?”

Essek smiled, but shook his head. “This is - this is, ah, a little more complicated than the spell I’ll be sharing, and it’s, ah, also dunamancy, so -”

She nodded in understanding. “We get it, gotta keep your magic under wraps.”

“Precisely,” Essek agreed. He flipped open his book, getting only two pages into it before quickly finding the right spell. He held his book out to them, showing them the simple rune and the small incantation written beneath it. “ _ Prestidigitation _ feels like a good spell to start on, and it's very useful.”

Caleb and Veth both looked over the spell, leaning closer to Essek and nodding to themselves. Essek resolutely looked down at his spellbook as well, trying not to think of how close Caleb was sitting to him. He wished he could blame the warmth that he could feel spreading across his face on the sun, but the spot Caleb had picked out for them was quite cool, the shade of the palm tree keeping the sting of direct sunlight at bay.

“And, ah, this spell also seems pretty safe,” Caleb added, leaning back as he spoke. “Anyone who learns it wouldn’t be able to get into  _ too _ much trouble.”

“That was also part of the appeal,” Essek admitted. He began to pull his spellbook back into his lap. “I’m not sure what would be appropriate to teach to complete magical novices, but at least this one wouldn’t cause harm.”

“They could still certainly get creative,” Caleb offhandedly remarked, tapping at his chin. He looked up at Essek. “Jester will love to see people learn this one.”

Just then, they could hear Jester finish giving her introductory announcement. “ _ Now, off you all go to find a perfect piece of wood! We’ll meet back in an hour to get started with the carving! _ ”

_ “Meet back in an hour!”  _ Kiri parroted.

The TravelerCon guests began to file out, with some heading for the treeline while others moved towards the beach, everyone intent on finding that “perfect piece of wood” to continue with the day’s activities.

“Oh, I know that one!” Veth exclaimed, drawing their attention back to their work as she pointed at the spell beside  _ prestidigitation _ . “That’s  _ mage hand _ !”

“It is,” Essek nodded. “I don’t, ah, use it all too often, but it does make things easier to know that I always have an extra hand at my disposal.”

“Yeah, it makes things so much easier - like stealing,” Veth gushed. “You can just walk around with your arms crossed and stuff while your  _ mage hand _ just -” She mimics pinching something between her fingers. “Picks a pocket or, or unlocks a door so you can break in somewhere, or, you know,” she shrugs. “Grabs something off a high shelf for you.” She looks at Caleb. “Fjord’s gonna have to think up new places to hide my crossbow if he doesn’t want me to use him as target practice.”

“You - what?” Essek asked, eyebrows drawn in mild worry.

“They’re blunt tipped bolts,” Caleb assures quickly. “Caduceus and I talked her into that much.”

Veth rolled her eyes. “Because no live ammunition in the house, I know, I know.” She shook her head, turning back to Essek as she pointed at the spell. “Would you mind, ah, letting me copy that spell down? I’ve only got it memorized, and I think it would make tomorrow go easier if I had a written reference.”

Essek instinctually pulled his spellbook back slightly, a twitch of movement to shield some of his spellwork and annotations from view. He glanced down at it, thinking of the spells he’d shared with Caleb, his own private creations that he’d never shared with anyone before. He thought of tomorrow’s lesson, how he was willing to teach a group of people one of the spells in his repertoire.

“Of course,” Essek answered, holding the spellbook out to her. Veth was his friend. “Just, ah, please be careful.”

“I will be so, so careful,” Veth promised, taking off her TravelerCon cloak and spreading it on the ground between them before setting Essek’s spellbook on it.

“Do you need some paper, or, ah, some ink?” Caleb asked. “I could go get some from my hut -”

Veth waved his offers aside. “It’s okay, Caleb. I know how hard it is for you to get those things for your own spells.” She pulled out a small piece of paper, and a pencil, glancing up at them. “I know that writing it down like this won’t make this like a  _ spell _ , spell, but I never wrote it down to begin with, I just kinda copied what I had seen and heard before. I just want it as a reference just in case I, you know, blank or something.”

Essek nods in understanding. “Having that is sure to keep our lesson tomorrow going smoothly.” He turns to Caleb, curiosity getting the better of his patience. “What will you be, ah, teaching tomorrow?”

“It's a spell you’ve seen me use before,” Caleb told him, reaching into a small pouch he has at his side and pulling out a pinch of phosphorus. He mumbled the incantation, tracing out the quick runes and summoning his  _ dancing lights _ .

They gently circled around their heads, their light a soft amber glow in the shade of the palm tree.

“These are not hard to make, and are not dangerous either,” Caleb finished, swirling his finger around and causing the lights to follow the path he was tracing. “And it allows for a bit of magical self discovery as they play with it and figure out they can change the colors,” Caleb added with a smile.

“Oh, like how you did it at our hot tub?” Veth asked.

The memory of the multicolored  _ lights _ quickly surfaced in Essek’s mind, along with the dinner with his friends, and the walk back to his tower. He remembered how Caleb had looked, his hair pulled back, his eyes soft as he told Essek he understood how he felt.

That felt like a lifetime ago - before Essek’s betrayal had ruined everything.

“Mhm,” Caleb hummed, bringing Essek back from his thoughts. He glanced over at Essek, holding his gaze for a beat, and his hair was pulled back now, too, and his eyes are still as soft as before.

Essek feels the unexpected urge to cry, can feel a lump grow in his throat as tears prick his eyes because he does not deserve this, this second chance they’ve given him. This second chance Caleb has given him.

“But do you have enough of that stuff you just used to cast the spell? Like isn’t that a necessary component for it?” Veth points out, speaking up and drawing Caleb’s attention to her, giving Essek a second to collect himself and swallow down his unexpected emotions as he looks away, glancing towards the jungle to blink his eyes dry before turning back.

Caleb frowns. “ _ Scheisse _ , that had, ah - that had slipped my mind,” Caleb admitted, letting the spell fade. He pats at his pouch. “I have never actually run out of phosphorus since I use it for so many other spells and restock often. But I, ah, don’t think I actually have enough to share with everyone.”

“Is there anything else you can use to cast the spell?” Veth asked.

“There are a few things I’ve used before,” Caleb muses, pulling out his own spell book from it's holster. He opens it up, scanning some of the notes he has in the first few pages and pointing at a small annotation at the side. “I’ve been able to use wychwood, and even glowworm, but I don’t have any of those on hand at the moment…” He trailed off, running his finger absentmindedly along the edge of his spell book. “I’m sure I’ve got another spell I could, ah, teach people.”

Essek’s brows furrow as he turns back to the jungle. He’d seen a handful of fireflies flitting about in the treeline, keeping far from the lights and sounds of camp. And since there were fireflies, that means -

“We can get glowworms,” Essek tells them, turning to the pair.

Veth sits back, tapping her pencil on her thigh. “Are there any, like, shops that sell glowworms back home?”

“N - I mean, yes, I’m sure there are,” Essek answers before shaking his head. “But that’s not what I was referring to.” The thought to go buy the materials back in Rosohna hadn’t even crossed his mind - and even if it had, he didn’t exactly have that spell prepared at the moment. Now that he was with the Mighty Nein, he didn’t feel the need to always be at the ready to  _ teleport _ at a moment’s notice, a minor realization that made him fight a fond blush.

Continuing his train of thought, he pointed towards the jungle. “I’ve seen fireflies at night, among the trees. I’m sure that their, ah, larvae are also amongst the trees.” He turns to Caleb. “That would work, right?”

“Those are glowworms, yes,” Caleb nods, a smile spreading across his face. “And getting at least a couple would mean I could teach the lesson - even if it means taking turns and such and sharing components.”

“We could go looking for them once night falls? That way they would be much easier to find?” Essek offered, suddenly feeling a little nervous and self conscious once the words were out of his mouth. He fought off the urge to shake his head. He was just volunteering to help Caleb find components - he wasn’t asking or offering anything more.

So why did he feel a twinge of hope spark in his chest?

Caleb’s smile warmed. “I guess we’re going glowworm hunting then,” Caleb said, and that spark in Essek’s chest brightened, coloring his skin as a blush crawled up his neck.

“Sounds good,” Essek got out, averting his gaze. He looked over at his spellbook, tugging it back to himself now that he saw that Veth had finished with her copying. He flipped to a clean page, setting it in his lap and picked up Veth’s discarded pencil. “So we will, ah, be teaching  _ mage hand, dancing lights,  _ and _ prestidigitation _ ,” he reviewed, writing the three names down. “Will all three lessons be happening simultaneously, or, ah, will we dedicate certain parts of the day to a different spell or?”

“I think we should have all three lessons going on at the same time,” Veth answered. She looked between the pair, waving a hand towards all the huts. “That way we can have smaller groups to teach, and we wouldn’t be stretching ourselves too thin trying to teach everyone one lesson at a time.”

“That would certainly mean that we can really focus the lesson to help in the areas that might be troublesome for them,” Caleb added. “Most of the classes where many of the students excelled back at the Academy were those that had smaller groups.”

Veth nodded. “I didn’t go to, like, magic school or anything, but in regular school the classes with less students let the teacher get more one-on-one time with kids and stuff.”

“We don’t really have a ‘magic school’ in Rosohna either, but the few proper magical lessons I had in the Marble Tomes were always with very small groups to maximize teaching efficiency,” Essek agreed. “The proper term for it would probably be private tutoring, given the small number of arcane students.” He glanced over at Caleb curiously again - ever curious about the wizard that had commanded his attention all those months ago when they’d first waltzed into the Bright Queen’s throne room. “What was the smallest class you were ever a part of?”

Caleb’s smile dropped as he froze, his jaw clenching for the briefest of seconds while one of his hands drifted to his arm, the fingers tracing the scarred skin.

“But I-I mean, that doesn’t, ah, matter since you’re mostly self - self-taught, correct?” Essek stumbled out, trying to backtrack immediately after he saw how Caleb had reacted to the question, seeing the scars and remembering the ones on the  _ Vollstrecker _ , remembering how affected Caleb had been after that entire exchange.

“It was th-three students,” Caleb murmured quietly, giving his arm a half hearted scratch. “And it was like, like you said - it was more like p-private tutoring.”

There was a beat of heavy silence, the sea breeze blowing cold around them as it picked up briefly. Essek wanted to reach out, to gently get Caleb to stop scratching, but it didn’t feel right to make any sudden moves when Caleb was closing off. Essek mentally berated himself for his carelessness, never having intended to cause Caleb this with his words.

“Ah - I was, ah, thinking about casting a  _ silent image _ of myself performing the spell, and placing the illusion in a spot where everyone could see it so that they would be able to properly copy the hand movements,” Veth cautiously continued, breaking the silence. “That would also, y’know, free me up to go around during the lesson to help whoever needed some extra attention.”

“I-I was thinking about casting, ah,  _ major image _ and doing the same,” Caleb added. He swallowed hard, running his fingers over his arm one last time before moving his hands to grip his spellbook again. “Great minds think alike,  _ ja _ ?” Caleb finished, giving her a tired smile, an attempt at skirting past the heaviness that had settled over them.

Veth tapped her temple, raising a brow at Caleb teasingly. “High compliment coming from you with your fancy magic and crazy good memory.”

That pulled an easier smile from him. “My magic isn’t that fancy.” He turned to Essek. “I, ah, don’t know if you have that spell at your disposal, too, or maybe - maybe Fjord could cast it and you could, ah, walk him through what you want it to show?” Caleb suggested.

“The spell should be in here,” Essek said, tapping at his spellbook. “Somewhere - I don’t use it often, but I do remember, ah, copying it down at one point.”

“Then am I gonna be the only one with just a  _ silent image _ ?” Veth asked, ending on a long sigh. “ _ I _ might have to ask Fjord to cast  _ major image _ for me now.”

“You better start buttering him up before you ask,” Caleb told her.

“And, ah, given what I’ve seen amongst this group, be ready for some light teasing?” Essek added, raising a brow at Caleb.

“Oh, certainly,” Caleb nodded. “It's Veth and Fjord - making fun of each other is the, ah, foundation of their friendship.”

Veth sighed even louder, letting herself fall back against the sand as Caleb and Essek laughed, the heaviness from just minutes ago forgotten, for now, as they finished up planning their lesson.

* * *

After working out some of the finer points of their lesson, they began gathering all the necessary supplies they could collect at the time - both Caleb and Essek donated paper for the next day’s endeavor since they both had enough to share and it isn’t too expensive to part with.

Ink, on the other hand -

“I could make a trip to Rosohna to buy enough ink for tomorrow?” Essek offered, turning to Caleb. “I might end up buying out their stock, but that should only make the shopkeeper happy to make so much gold at once.”

Caleb shook his head, turning towards the lesson Jester and Kiri were now teaching since the TravelerCon attendees had returned from their wood gathering and had taken a seat at the handful of tables that Gallan and Caduceus and the rest of the priests and priestesses had put up while they were away.

“The ink for spell scribing is already too expensive for dedicated spellcasters - asking you to provide that would be too much, Essek,” Caleb told him. He nodded towards the woodcarving lesson, motioning in particular to the archfey in disguise. “I think it's only fair that the, ah, Traveler would finance that cost as part of his miracles.”

“Oh, he should definitely pay for some of this stuff himself,” Veth agreed. “We’re all doing this for Jester, obviously, but he’s doing this for Jester too and it shouldn’t make much of a difference to a god guy like him if he spends some gold on supplies.”

“I - well, I’m still completely out of my depth when it comes to, um,” Essek glanced over at the lesson giving an unsure shrug. “ _ Godly _ interactions, it does seem like a rather minor favor to ask of him.”

They sat for a few more minutes, watching as Jester and Kiri and Gallan walked between tables, making comments and pointing things out to the followers that were well out of earshot for the trio. Artagan stood at the front, a brilliant smile on his face as he watched Jester skip back to the front of the tables, joining him once more. That was when Caleb finally stood up.

“Well, no better time to ask him than the present,” Caleb said, dusting the sand off his pants. He bent over, picking up his spellbook and tucking it into it's holster as he straightened himself. “We might as well tell him now so as to ensure we get the ink tomorrow.”

“Right, of course,” Essek nodded, vanishing his own spellbook with a flick of his wrist before he stood as well, summoning his parasol this time. “But won’t we be interrupting the lesson?”

“Jester, Kiri, and Gallan are the ones leading everything, Artagan - I mean,  _ Keelyn _ \- is just, y’know,” Veth started, waving a hand. “Moral support, I think.”

“We can steal him away for a quick conversation,” Caleb finished, holding out a hand to Veth and pulling her to her feet. “Let’s go send an archfey on an errand?”

“Ohh, do you think we could get him to bring a little extra so you could keep what isn’t used?” Veth asked, snatching up her priestess cloak and shaking the sand off it.

“I wouldn’t want to push our luck,” Essek frowned, falling into step beside them as they made their way over to the woodcarving stations.

They drew close enough as to not draw attention away from the lesson, in part to keep everyone focused on the directions that Kiri and Jester were giving, and also just out of curiosity. Caleb wanted to see how a lesson with so many students was going to fare.

“Alrighty, everyone!” Jester grinned, clapping her hands and getting the smatterings of conversation to die down. “Now that you’ve all got your wood ready -” she gave a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. “Kiri’s going to teach you all how to make a small Traveler statue to pray to! I left a bunch of clay Traveler figures at each table to inspire you and, like, give you a point of reference.”

“ _ Woodcarvin’s not hard, just takes a bit of patience an’ elbow grease _ ,” Kiri continued, in a voice Caleb had never heard before. Probably the voice of whoever had taught her how to work with wood in Hupperdook.

“But, before you all start making the Traveler doorway in it's very, ah,” she raised her eyebrows again. “ _ Distinct _ , shape, I have a question to ask - who’s from Wildemount, like, the Dwendalian Empire and stuff?”

A good amount of people tentatively raised their hands, Kiri included.

Jester tapped at her chin. “Actually, who’s from a place where, like, worshipping certain gods is forbidden and you could get in trouble for that?”

More people raised their hands, even more hesitantly than before.

“Okay, okay,” Jester nodded. “Well, since having a little Traveler altar could get a few of you in trouble, I’ve got a suggestion for you! When carving out your statue, you could always make it more -” Jester cut herself off, glancing over at Kiri and then at Artagan before looking back at the crowd. “If you’ve got any little ones with you, I would, um, recommend you maybe, like,” she put her hands over her ears briefly. “Just cover up those ears for a second.”

Artagan quickly got the message, moving over to Kiri and hesitating in confusion for a second as he took in her feathers before he settled on placing his hands on opposite sides of her head, where most humanoid ears would usually be.

A few other people did the same, making sure the children were at least partially shielded from whatever Jester was going to say next.

Giving a satisfied nod, Jester continued. “To disguise your statue, you could always make it a little more -” she put a hand up beside her mouth, stage whispering, “ _ phallic _ , more dick shaped.” She shrugged as a huge grin spread across her face. “You know, make it seem like it's for pleasure, rather than for worship, and that way you won’t get in trouble!”

“If you’re fuckin’ right, then pleasing someone can definitely feel like a form of worship,” Veth said before she gave an uncomfortable shiver. “But holy fuck, a wooden sex toy sounds like an absolutely terrible idea. Just thinking about the splinters -”

“I don’t want to think about it,” Essek agreed, frowning in disgust. Caleb mirrored his reaction, hoping that none of the followers would ever put their woodcarving skills to the test in that way.

“Or, you could make it seem more decorative and add more flowers and such, making it seem like just a funky little decoration,” Jester suggested once everyone had uncovered the children’s ears. “The possibilities are only as limited as you make them!”

“But first you’ve gotta shape your wood,” Gallan instructed, giving a tired sigh as he saw Jester once again wiggle her eyebrows suggestively. He shook his head, lifting a small knife. “This is one of the many tools you have in front of you. With this you’ll be carefully shearing off the bigger parts that you don’t need until you get a very vague shape and then we’ll work on the details.”

“ _ This ain’t a sprint, it's a marathon, _ ” Kiri followed up. “ _ Take your time and be careful - you wouldn’t want to clip a feather, kid _ .”

“Or lose a finger,” Jester nodded. She clapped her hands together again, motioning between herself, Kiri, and Gallan. “We’ll be walking around and helping and stuff, so don’t be shy and call us over if you have any questions. Now, may the Traveler guide you in your woodworking,” she said with a wink, waving a hand and giving everyone the go ahead to start.

“I’m sure we can have a word with Keelyn now,” Caleb mused, starting to move again as Jester, Kiri, and Gallan dispersed amongst the tables once more. Essek and Veth followed behind him as he made his way to Artagan, waving a hand at him in greeting.

“Why, hello there,” Artagan smiled. He motioned to the group in front of him. “Are you all planning on making me little shrines, too?” He lowered his voice slightly, wiggling his eyebrows in a way identical to Jester as he glanced at Essek. “Or would you like something that’s for pleasure instead?”

Caleb fought the urge to roll his eyes, leaning imperceptibly towards Essek and making the archfey look at him instead. “Ah, not today, no,” Caleb answered, unable to help how sharp he sounded. He cleared his throat. “I was actually, ah -  _ we _ were wondering if you’d be able to provide us with some ink that we’ll be needing for tomorrow’s spell lesson.”

Artagan raised a brow. “Ink? Is that it?”

“It has to be a special kind of ink,” Essek clarified, speaking up. “It, ah, has to be able to capture some of the magical properties of the spell itself as it's being transcribed.”

“I see,” Artagan hummed, tapping at his chin - and, gods, there were so many gestures that were so similar to Jester’s that really drove home how influential this archfey had been in Jester’s upbringing. “I don’t see why that would be a problem - about how much do you need?”

“Ah -” Caleb faltered, not having expected Artagan to agree to their request so soon.

“An inkwell for every 5 people should be enough?” Essek suggested, glancing at Caleb.

“ _ Ja _ , that should be enough for everyone,” Caleb nodded.

Artagan glanced over at the group now heavily invested in their woodcarving, tapping his fingers together and obviously doing the math. “Yes, yes, I’ll have it here by tomorrow morning,” he promised.

“Well, that was easier than I expected,” Veth commented. “I was getting ready to point out that you clearly bought those woodworking tools for today’s lesson since we definitely did not have that many random ass tools lying around.”

“I didn’t buy them,” Artagan corrected. He gave a mischievous smile, “I just made sure that they were here when we needed them.”

“Wait, did you  _ steal _ them?” Veth asked, awed and impressed and slightly worried all at once.

Before Artagan could respond, a loud cawing could be heard from behind them. They all turned, catching sight of a large black bird perched on the roof of the nearest hut. It cawed again, almost insistently so.

Artagan gave a loud sigh. “I didn’t steal them,” he admitted. “I just  _ borrowed _ them - and I’ll be putting them back,” he said, his words directed at the bird.

It responded with a flap of it's wings and a squawk, followed by more cawing.

“Yes, yes, I’ll keep them safe,” Artagan assured. “And yes, I know it's a volcano - but it's not an  _ active _ volcano.”

Veth shot Caleb and Essek a confused look, before turning to Artagan, now only looking worried. “Ah, Artagan, a-are you talking to that crow?”

The bird gave an indignant squawk as Artagan sighed again. “He’s a raven, actually, a bird that is  _ not _ indigenous to this island,” he said pointedly. Then he smiled, a fondly annoyed look on his face. “It's just an old friend’s way of sending me messages.”

“Mmm, of course,” Veth nodded, looking at Caleb and Essek again and mouthing the words  _ archfey _ .

“And, yes, I’m helping them, I know they’re doing this for me,” Artagan continued, still talking to the raven. He gave them an apologetic look. “I guess I should have a word with him.”

“By all means,” Caleb told him, giving him a nod as Artagan broke away from them, heading towards the hut.

“I don’t even know why you’re here - how did you even recognize me!” Artagan shouted, throwing his hands up as he continued to argue with the bird.

“Does Frumpkin ever get like this?” Essek asked as they all watched Artagan.

“While my cat is a, ah, fey creature, he is not an archfey. Archfey are a completely different breed,” Caleb answered.

“But you do argue with him sometimes,” Veth pointed out.

“Ah, but that is because he is a cat, not because he is from the Feywild,” Caleb told them - but he couldn’t help but feel like maybe this was how insane he looked at times whenever he talked to his cat, but given the amused looks Artagan was drawing from his friends, Caleb felt like he didn’t really mind if it made them smile like this too.

* * *

It was sometime after helping clean up the lunchtime dishes that Essek finally excused himself to trance. It was an easy routine to fall into, to go to the showers in the early afternoon and then trance afterwards, letting the shower help fight off the humid heat long enough for him to start his rest. He always found himself much more exhausted than his everyday schedule back in Rosohna left him - probably because here in their rustic living arrangements he was more exposed to the elements than back home, and probably also because the things he was doing here were so new. Physical activities and festival event planning, coming up with lesson plans for a group rather than just for his one student - all of it, so, so different.

Still, he couldn’t help but feel a slight smile tug at his lips as he went over their plans for the next day, excited to know how it would feel to teach at Caleb’s side.

His trance felt like it went by in a blur because before he knew it he was rousing himself awake, exiting his hut and having a late dinner that Caduceus had set aside for him. He was just finishing the crab ceviche that Marius and Shelda had prepared when Jester set off her round of fireworks, lighting up the now darkened sky and calling everyone to gather for Traveler Miracle Hour.

“We’ll see who’s on the chopping block tonight,” Caduceus commented as he and Essek made their way to the stage. Essek hoped it wasn’t him - he still wasn’t sure he knew what he’d like to say.

They joined the flow of followers heading for the stage briefly before breaking away and climbing the steps that would bring them onto the stage, moving to their chairs and joining everyone else.

“I thought I might have to sneak away to go get you,” Caleb whispered to him as soon as Essek had sat down beside him.

Essek gave a quiet laugh, trying to hide the warmth that Caleb’s words brought him. “I’m sure Jester would have beat you to it.”

Caleb smiled. “That is true, she probably would have -”

“ _ Good evening, my children! _ ” The Traveler as High Priest Keelyn greeted, waving enthusiastically at everyone as they all responded in whoops and cheers.

“ _ I hope you all enjoyed today’s event - and I know that many of you did not finish your little wooden Travelers the way you would have liked, but you can continue to work on them whenever you want! Today was just to show you the ropes, and, like, everything from here is up to your creativity and drive to see your vision through! _ ” Jester told them, waving at everyone and working the crowd like the Traveler was doing.

“‘Dedication and drive to see your vision through’? Is Jester, like, reading motivational speech pamphlets or something?” Beauregard asked aloud, not loud enough to be heard over Jester, but loud enough that the people sitting near her heard her.

“She’s just embracing her role as the High Priestess,” Veth answered.

“Oh, I know, and she’s absolutely killing it,” Beauregard said, and when Essek glanced over at her, he could see she was watching Jester with an impressed look in her eyes. She was clearly proud of Jester, despite whatever feelings Beauregard had about the Traveler.

“ _ Tomorrow’s event will prove to be similar to today’s - it will lay down the foundation for a truly  _ magical _ experience _ ,” Jester finished with a wink. “ _ But, before we get ahead of ourselves, let us call up the first Traveler Miracle Hour speaker! _ ” She turned, waving a hand behind her as the  _ dancing lights _ that lit up the stage all focused on Beauregard. “ _ Beau! Would you do me the honors? _ ”

“I was wrong, she’s killing  _ me _ ,” Beauregard got out through a smile of clenched teeth - the same smile that she had given Essek when Fjord had been trying to coach her to be more hospitable and hostess-like.

“You got this Beau!” Yasha whisper-yelled at her, pumping her fist in the air encouragingly when Beauregard glanced back at her.

“Yeah, that’s my first mate!” Fjord called out next.

“C’mon Chaos Crew!” Veth shouted.

Caduceus shouted something out as well, following up Fjord and Yasha and Veth’s other encouraging additions. Even Essek found himself cupping his hands around his mouth and saying, “You’ll do great!”

“You’ve got this, High Expositor!” Caleb called out.

Beauregard’s smile eased as she made her way to Jester and the Traveler, giving an offhand wave to the crowd that they absolutely loved as they cheered her name.

“ _ Good evening, TravelerCon _ ,” Beauregard started, pausing and putting a hand to her throat as she heard how loud her voice projected. Keelyn gave her a thumbs up, and despite giving him a quick glare she continued. “ _ As you may remember, I’m a part of the Chaos Crew inner circle…” _

* * *

“My gosh, you were so, sooooo good up there, Beau!” Jester grinned, happily bumping her shoulder with Beau’s as they all started heading back to their huts, Traveler Miracle Hour now wrapped up and finished for the night - and while some people were heading off the bed, from the snippets of conversation Caleb had caught as he walked it seemed like there were going to be some people that would continue to work on their woodcarving by firelight.

“Thanks,” Beau smiled, a light blush tinting her cheeks. “A little heads up would have definitely been appreciated though.”

Jester wrinkled her nose, giving her an apologetic look that seemed more mischievous than anything. “I know, but I don’t know, I also feel like having things kinda random makes it more genuine, y’know?”

“So you’re still not gonna tell us beforehand, are you?” Fjord noted.

“Probably not - but, like, okay, maybe I’ll tell you, like, right before I send the fireworks up so you can start, like, getting your thoughts in order,” Jester amended.

Everyone shared a few looks before they shrugged. “Yeah, that seems good,” Caduceus nodded.

“That’s only a few minutes head start though - so, y’know,” Artagan shrugged. “The mounting suspense will sure be fun company before you finally go up.”

Jester smacked his arm lightly. “Artie! Don’t make them get all worried like that.”

“It's not that bad,” Veth said, shaking her head. “It just  _ seems _ kinda, y’know, like - well, it's talking in front of a crowd, so.”

“Everything just keeps getting better with every word,” Fjord deadpanned.

“You’ll be fine,” Jester assured him with a wave.

Kiri gave a tired trill from where Yasha was carrying her on her shoulders.

“Feeling sleepy, Kiri?” Yasha asked, glancing up at the girl.

“ _ Sleepy _ ,” Kiri repeated, fluffing up her feathers and rubbing at one of her eyes.

“After everything she did today, she definitely deserves a good sleep,” Gallan commented as Yasha carefully pulled Kiri down, handing her off to Jester.

“Yeah, you did great,” Jester told her, giving her a small kiss on her forehead.

Kiri gave a happy chirp, nuzzling her head against Jester’s shoulder.

“I guess it's time for bed, huh,” Jester smiled, patting Kiri’s back soothingly. She looked over at Caleb and Essek. “Unless you need any help with some last minute things for tomorrow?”

They glanced between themselves, with Essek giving Caleb a small shrug and a shake of his head.

“Ah, I, ah, I think we’re good,” Caleb answered with a nod, looking back at Jester. “We’ve got almost everything ready for tomorrow.”

“We’re actually going to go and collect some glowworms - a component we need for one of the spells,” Essek added.

“Glowworms - those sound pretty good,” Yasha mused, giving an appreciative nod.

“And that, along with the ink your, ah,” Essek gestured towards Artagan, who gave a charismatic bow, “Your deity will be supplying will make sure we’re all set for tomorrow.”

“Perfect, perfect,” Jester smiled. “I’m sure everyone will love learning from you guys.”

“I sure hope so,” Essek said, returning the smile albeit with a hint of nervousness that Caleb could see in his eyes.

“Oh, you have nothing to worry about,” Jester told him, beating Caleb to the reassurances. “I’ve seen how you teach, and you’re really good at it - and your student has definitely loved his lessons, right, Caleb?”

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb answered instantly. “She, ah, she actually took the words out of my mouth. And, ah, being your student has actually given me a -” He tried to ignore the sudden itch that pricked at his arms, opting to instead just rub the back of his hand a little. “A good example of how to teach students.”

“Hey, you taught me, and you did great,” Veth said, raising a knowing brow at Caleb. “I know that most of our ‘lessons’ were kind of slapdash and in between little moments that we had, but I learned a lot from you - enough to, to even help finish Halas’ spell to bring my body back.” She reached out and gave him a quick pat on the hand. “If anyone’s going to be copying both of your teaching methods, it's me.”

“Th-thank you, Veth,” Caleb got out, feeling knot form in his throat. He swallowed it down, giving her what he hoped was a grateful smile. He shuffled where he stood for 4 and a half seconds before he took a step towards the treeline. “Anyway, we’ll be collecting those glowworms now, just to make sure we get enough for tomorrow and we aren’t out looking too late.”

“Right, of course,” Jester nodded, as Essek started following Caleb.

“So we gotta dig them up or something, right? That shouldn’t be too hard,” Veth mused, also falling into step with the pair.

“I-I could help too, I’m curious to try the glowworms,” Yasha offered, taking a step after them.

“Wait!” Jester said loudly, immediately making comforting shushing noises when Kiri stirred in her arms. “Wait,” she continued in a whisper. “Veth, I was, ah - you need to keep helping me plan this TravelerCon stuff, man, and - and, Yasha, I, y’know, I need your help, too.”

“To plan for TravelerCon?” Yasha asked, raising a brow at her.

“You know, to help with Kiri and with, ah, moving some stuff -” Jester started.

“We could keep planning stuff tomorrow, after the lesson?” Veth suggested. “Caleb just really needs these -”

“But  _ I  _ need you both more, right now - like, right this second, in fact. So let's leave Caleb and Essek to go worm hunting -  _ alone _ ,” Jester insisted.

Veth’s eyebrows shot up as understanding seemed to dawn on her. “Oh, that’s right - yeah, totally, I forgot how urgent the, ah, the planning was.” She looked over at Yasha. “Yasha, we should go help Jester and let the boys get on with  _ their _ night.”

“Oh, okay,” Yasha agreed, turning to wave at Caleb and Essek before her eyes widened. “OH, THAT’S - yeah, you two have fun,” she finished, schooling her features. “Bring me back, some, ah, some worms. Have fun collecting worms together.”

Caleb felt an embarrassed blush flare up his face as he saw how  _ painfully obvious _ his friends were about giving himself and Essek some time alone together. He knew that he wasn’t being good at hiding his feelings at all, but between the three of them they might as well be starting a signal fire on the beach that said CALEB LIKES ESSEK.

“Ah,  _ ja, _ we’ll - we’ll bring back worms,” Caleb got out, giving a stiff nod and completely ignoring the knowing wink Jester shot his way. He did catch Yasha’s eye, however, and she shot him a thumbs up as Veth gave him an encouraging smile.

“Well, we should get going now, the glowworms are this way,” Essek suddenly announced, reaching out to grab Caleb’s hand and starting to drag him away. “Goodnight to you all, I’ll see you in the morning,” he called out over his shoulder, the answering “goodnight” responses fading away as he brought them right to the treeline. “I, ah, I don’t know what got into them,” Essek said offhandedly, glancing over at Caleb.

“I - yeah, me neither,” Caleb shrugged. Essek was giving him an out and Caleb was sure as Hells going to take it. “The - the glowworms are just past the treeline?”

“Yes, they are - you can start to see the fireflies deeper in the trees, so, ah, I assume their worms should be near there too,” Essek told him, still holding onto Caleb’s hand, the grip not as tight as when he’d been pulling him away. But still holding his hand.

The blush that had warmed Caleb’s skin felt hotter now, feeling Essek’s hand in his - and he knew that sooner or later he would have to tell Essek how he felt, but, for now, he would just keep holding his hand as long as Essek would let him as the two of them stepped into the jungle and towards the fireflies.

* * *

Essek’s assumption that there would be glowworms near the fireflies ended up proving right, thank the Light. They had even managed to gather more than he would have thought, collecting a little over 30 worms which, due to how Essek had quickly fled from their friends and as such had forgotten to pick up some kind of basket or container, Caleb was now holding in his Traveler priest cloak that he’d repurposed for occasion. A simple fix to a minor inconvenience, an inconvenience that Essek would have probably put Caleb through again if it meant getting away from that conversation with Jester any quicker.

He was absolutely mortified to think of how achingly  _ obvious _ Jester was being - and while he did want to thank her for allowing him some time alone with Caleb, he didn’t think his heart could handle any more help from Jester’s end. That kind of help was making Essek’s feelings feel much more on display than he felt even remotely comfortable with, with every wink Jester shot his way feeling like another nail in his proverbial coffin.

But, when he’d taken Caleb’s hand to pull him away from that, Caleb hadn’t reacted negatively to the touch - so, maybe Jester hadn’t been as obvious as he thought. Maybe it only seemed worse because he knew what she was doing. Yeah, that had to be it.

Luxon above, Essek hoped that’s what it was.

“People will have to share tomorrow, but that’s not a problem,” Caleb said once they got back to their camp. He knelt by their cooking fire, pulling a large bowl closer to him and putting the worms inside, their soft glow shifting as they writhed and crawled over each other. He dumped a few leaves and twigs and loose soil that he’d also picked up into the bowl, spreading it around. “This should make things a little more comfortable for them, and during the lesson I’ll also, you know, mention basic component care? Glowworm management?” He shook his head. “This is why I prefer using things and not, ah, living components.”

“But you can still cast the spell even if the worm isn’t alive, right? I’m sure there are dried bugs at component shops for that reason,” Essek pointed out.

“ _ Ja _ , but, I don’t know,” Caleb shrugged. “It's one thing to go out and buy already dead things than to just squish a bunch and use them as components.” He wrinkled his nose, shaking his head again as he stood up. “I don’t know how to explain it properly, I feel like I’m not making any sense.”

“No, I think I -” Essek frowned, taking in his words. “It's different to see the process than just have it done for you, I think is what you mean.”

Caleb nodded. “The degree of separation just,” he shrugged again. “Makes it easier to work, I guess. And, if I can keep these,” he nodded towards the worms, their glow now muddled by the leaves and dirt. “These little things alive and still get the job done, then I might as well, right? And we can also just put them back afterwards, if there are people who’d prefer to get phosphorus or wychwood once they go back home.”

“That’s true,” Essek agreed. He glanced around, finding the few motes of light deeper in the trees. “We wouldn’t want to steal some of Rumblecusp’s charm.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of that,” Caleb smiled. He bent down, picking up the bowl of worms. “Although even if no one wanted to keep any of these, not all of them would be making it back to the jungle.”

Essek knew what Caleb meant. “Yasha did ask us to bring some worms back for her.”

“They might have an interesting taste from the chemicals that cause them to glow,” Caleb mused. He tapped his finger against the bowl. “And maybe  _ because _ they seem interesting we should probably keep them away from our fire. We’ll let Yasha snack on them after the lesson, so we’ll still have enough for a good amount of people.”

“Will you be keeping them in your hut?” Essek asked.

“I was actually thinking about putting them behind the stage, and just leaving them there until tomorrow,” he answered. He shook his Traveler cloak loosely. “I can just throw this over them so no birds get to them either.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Essek nodded. They stood there for a few seconds just looking at each other before Essek took a step towards the stage. “If you want, I could just take it?”

“We can go together,” Caleb answered. “Unless -”

“No, no, together’s fine,” Essek rushed out. He cleared his throat. “I mean, so I know where exactly they’re at in case I go grab them while we prepare for the lessons tomorrow and all.”

That soft smile was back on Caleb’s face. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Essek repeated, giving him a shy smile back as they both began to head over to the stage, the silence that fell over them calm and comfortable as they took in the night sounds of the island and the murmurs of the night owls that still sat around some of the cooking fires.

It was a short walk to get to the stage, taking a handful of minutes at most as they rounded to the back of it and left the bowl covered in Caleb’s cloak tucked up against the stone platform of the stage.

“Now all we have to wait for is the ink in the morning, and we’ll have everything,” Essek said, dusting some of the dried dirt off his hands from the small amount of digging they’d done when collecting the worms. He wasn’t used to anything like this by any means, wasn’t used to having his hands dirty like this.

At least, in the literal sense. Essek knew his hands were dirty with so much worse than just loose jungle soil.

He shook his head, trying to get away from those thoughts, and was just about to cast  _ prestidigitation _ on himself when Caleb motioned him forward.

“C’mere,” he told him quietly.

Essek, without any hesitation, stepped closer.

Caleb reached out, taking one of Essek’s hands in his, and pulled up his small waterskin from where it hung at his hip. He popped open the top with his thumb, pouring out a rather generous amount on Essek’s hands as he began to slowly rub the dirt away with the hand holding Essek’s.

“I could have - I could have just cleaned us up with my spell,” Essek got out, barely finding his voice.

_ “Ja _ ,” Caleb agreed, looking away from Essek’s hands and meeting his gaze. “But I don’t know that spell.”

Essek didn’t say anything else - didn’t point out that they could have washed off in the water of the lagoon that was only about a few dozen feet away, didn’t point out that Caleb’s waterskin was going to be empty. He just let Caleb clean the dirt from his hands gently, softly, and once they were clean, Essek held his hand out to Caleb.

Understanding Essek’s intention, Caleb gave him his waterskin, now letting Essek clean his hands. He poured the water out, using his free hand to brush the dirt off Caleb’s hands, reminded of how their hands brushed while they worked with the clay in his tower so long ago.

The thought of mentioning that spell to Caleb, of asking when he might be able to learn it, surfaces for a second - but he lets it go, not wanting to touch on that right now.

His fingers brush against Caleb’s right palm, and he feels the ridges of raised skin there. A scar.

He tips up the waterskin, stopping the flow of water. He runs his thumb softly along Caleb’s skin, feels his scar, thinks of fire.

_ “Just, let him tell you about it,” Fjord finishes. “Ask him, and let him tell you at his own pace.” _

“Caleb,” Essek starts carefully, meeting his gaze.

_ “Is this the same thing that happened to you?” Caduceus had asked, pointing at the scars on the scourger’s arms. _

_ “Yes, all of his…” Caleb had begun, trailing off, before in a whisper he finished, “students.” _

“Did your old teacher do this to you?”

Essek’s heart falls when he feels Caleb stiffen in front of him, when he feels him almost take a half step back. Essek loosens his hold on his hand, letting him go when he pulls away.

But Caleb doesn’t pull away.

He looks up at Essek, holds his gaze for a beat before he looks down at their hands instead. He gives Essek’s hand a squeeze.

“Ah, the one - the one on my palm is actually,” Caleb gives a halfhearted laugh, the humor barely there at all. “It's actually from a matched set with Fjord.”

That response throws Essek off completely. “A matched set...with Fjord?”

Caleb gives a noncommittal shrug. “We, ah, found a dark artefact at the bottom of the sea once, and, ah -” He gives Essek a sheepish look. “Curiosity got the best of us and we almost activated it with our blood.”

Essek gives a slow nod, knowing how that felt to an extent - to have curiosity blind you like that.

But Essek also knew Caleb was deflecting, just a bit, but if he hadn’t pulled away with the first question…

“And the rest of them?” Essek quietly reiterates, letting his fingers trace higher up Caleb’s palm, briefly touching Caleb’s wrist.

The small bit of humor in Caleb’s eyes vanishes as he drops his gaze once more. But this time, instead of almost pulling away, he holds Essek’s hand tighter.

“They - they are from, from my old teacher,” he answers, the words coming in fits and starts.

Essek’s heart squeezes painfully in his chest. He sets the waterskin down, on the lip of the stage, and carefully takes both of Caleb’s hands in his. “Do they hurt?”

Caleb shakes his head. “Not anymore,” Caleb tells him.

“I’ve seen the way you scratch at them, you know,” Essek says. When Caleb meets his gaze he continues. “As if they do still hurt.”

He sees the way Caleb flinches, looking back down at his hands to avoid Essek’s eyes. “Sometimes - sometimes I feel like they, like they ache.” He shakes his head, letting out a shaky sigh. “But I know that it's all in my head. They’re old - l-long healed over.”

“Maybe the ones on your skin have healed,” Essek quietly tries. He doesn’t need to put the rest of his thought into words.

Caleb swallows hard, tightening his grip on Essek’s hands again before he lets go, pulling his hands to himself and holding his arms. “Those are - they, they’re healing, still.”

Essek gives an understanding nod, keeping his face blank of the slight hurt from Caleb pulling away. Right now wasn’t about Essek’s feelings - right now was about Caleb.

“Were these scars - were they, were they a punishment from -” Essek begins, deciding at the last second not to speak his name. “Him?”

“They were actually a, ah,” Caleb starts, looking down at his hands, turning them palm up and showing all the scars that crisscross from his wrist to the crook of his elbow. “They were a reward, actually. For being such good students.”

The memory of being on the ship during the storm, of the attack and Fjord’s death and the people turned into monsters by their patron rushes through Essek’s mind.

_ “I can’t imagine that’s a reward,” Fjord had gotten out, looking away from the body of the man that had been a monster just seconds before. “But it might be.” _

Mutilation inflicted as a twisted reward. Essek felt his insides burn.

“That’s,” Essek shook his head, feeling his lips curl angrily as magic unintentionally sparks at his fingertips. “Torture - that’s -” He stops himself, reigning his emotions in as he takes a calming breath, letting his magic fade. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that - you or any of his other students.”

Caleb watches Essek carefully before slowly reaching out and taking one of Essek’s hands. “It was a long time ago,” Caleb tells him. Essek isn’t sure if it's supposed to sound like an assurance or a lament.

“And it won’t ever happen again,” Essek promises. “I -  _ we _ , all of us, we won’t ever let that happen again.”

Some of the darkness clouding Caleb’s gaze dissipates, leaving only exhaustion as he leaned against the stage. He gives Essek the tired ghost of a smile. “I know. Thank you.”

For a second Essek thinks about asking Caleb about fire, his proclivity for it and his vulnerability to it, but he stomps that thought out. Caleb had talked about enough. Essek didn’t want to push him.

Essek follows his lead, leaning against the stage as well. “So,” he starts, unsure about how exactly to move past their heavy conversation. “Blood magic, huh?”

That startles a light laugh out of Caleb. “ _ Ja _ , and our blood hunter wasn’t even with us anymore, or who knows how that would have been.”

“A blood hunter? I can’t say I’m too familiar with that,” Essek muses, letting his shoulders relax a breath, relieved that Caleb was still willing to talk. “You’ve got a lot of stories to tell me, Widogast.”

“Would you like to hear a few tonight?” Caleb asks, holding his gaze.

And while Essek sees the exhaustion there, he can see that Caleb doesn’t want to go to bed. Not yet.

“Only if you’re willing to tell me a few,” Essek answers.

Caleb smiles, easier this time, and he starts talking about a carnival and zombies and a devil toad, talks about how loud and colorful everyone made his life as soon as he met them. Essek knew exactly what that was like.

He wasn’t sure exactly how long they’d been talking before Caleb gave a sleepy yawn, having apparently relaxed enough to give into his need for rest.

“S-so, Jester was just, ah, making sure we kept cutting off the gnoll’s ears, so that we would get paid once we got back to t- _ ow _ -n,” Caleb finished on a yawn.

“That sounds like her,” Essek smiled, pushing off from where he’d still been leaning on the stage. “But, I think it's time for you to go to bed.”

Caleb gave a half shake of his head before he yawned again. “I -  _ ja _ , I think you’re right.” He straightened himself as well, sleepily swaying where he stood.

Essek took a step closer to him, putting a hand to his elbow to steady him. “I know I am,” Essek added. “And, to get you back to bed sooner,” Essek said, moving his hand from Caleb’s elbow to hold him around his waist as he murmured the incantation, letting his  _ dimension door _ transport them to the front of Caleb’s hut.

He let go of Caleb, motioning towards the hut. “Now, go on,” Essek told him. “Off to bed.” A thought occurred to him as he added, “I’ll grab your waterskin and give it to you in the morning.”

“Right, okay,” Caleb nodded, taking a slow step away from Essek, his hand finding Essek’s again and giving it a squeeze. “Goodnight, Essek.”

“Goodnight,” Essek answered, and was about to let him go when he instead gave Caleb’s hand a squeeze. “And, Caleb, ah -” Essek started, remembering Caleb’s words from earlier. “You were wrong, about, ah, about the smallest class that you were a part of being three students.” He gave Caleb a shy smile. “The smallest class you were in was, ah - they’re our dunamancy lessons.”

“Ah,” Caleb gets out, a soft smile touching his lips. “ _ Ja _ , that’s - that’s right.” He stared at Essek for a beat before pulling him in for a tight hug. “Thank you, Essek,” he whispered.

Essek returned the hug, holding him close, letting one of his hands cradle the back of his head gently. “Of course, Caleb,” he told him, pulling back when he felt Caleb pull away slightly. “Anything for you.”

Caleb closed his eyes, letting out a ragged breath before he nodded once, opening his eyes again, the startling blue of his eyes welling with unshed tears. “Goodnight, Essek.”

“Sleep well, Caleb,” Essek said, letting his fingers ghost over the side of Caleb’s face softly before Caleb finally stepped away, stepped into his hut, and left Essek alone for his watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, the chapter title and the days event are once again inspired by the CR Guide because like they had some baller ass fucking show titles and i was like yeaaaah these are DEFINITELY Rumblecusp events
> 
> anyways :)))) how we feeling about that convo at the end :))) i personally loved writing it, and i hope it translated onto the page, the hesitation and care and trust because FUCK THESE TWO RUIN ME LIKE AHHHHH S P O I L E R A L E R T O N C E M O R E like i was already planning this conversation like the in canon events that have happened since 99 have only very minorly affected small details of this fic, but like writing it now after the Forearm Grab really made it just hit a little different y'know
> 
> omfg and Jester, Veth, AND Yasha being obvious as fuck as they're trying to get the two to go off together that was so much fun to write and Essek and Caleb being like fuck they're @'ing me but not realizing they were also @'ing the other was just....i enjoyed it
> 
> and next chapter we're gonna see transmogrification trio teach at TravelerCon (try saying that 5 times fast omfg) and i'm so thrilled to write that and reach the halfway mark of TravelerCon 3000!!!
> 
> oooohh ooohhh minor campaign one spoiler - and how was that for a little Vax cameo ;))
> 
> thank you guys so so much for reading and commenting and sticking with this fic. It means so so so much to me that you guys are joining me on this journey, you guys are the absolute best people to share my writing with :))) I love you guys so much, take care of yourself and of each other, don't forget to wear a mask and please, PLEASE keep following health official recommendations because we are still in this pandemic, wash your hands, wear your seatbelts, and, ITS THURSDAY Y'ALL!!!


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